• Published 27th Feb 2019
  • 10,347 Views, 265 Comments

the gods known as "humans"? - A lost anonymous



a creature (human) returns to the world his supposed "predecessors" created

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Ch 5: a magical lesson, with a dash of an explosive temper

1st POV: Vann

Hello there.

You may be wondering, why am I lying on a wooden floor, on my back, left arm up and being mauld (at least trying to) by a midnight blue talking she-pony, a sword on my right hand, a smaller purple horse desperately pulling the former's tail with its magic, and a couple of pairs of eyes looking at us from the front door.

Well, why don't we rewind to a few hours ago shall we?:


..........................................................................


"HOly shit of Jesus Christ!!! What was that???" I exclaimed after getting my finger off this tall hybrid horse's horn.

Before i could even digest what happened the dog-ponies suddenly spoke..

In a language i actually understood..

"YOUR MAJESTY!!!"

"TAKE DOWN THAT HUMAN!!!"

"HOW??"

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM THERSTAL"

"PROTECT THE LORD AT ALL COST!!!!"

"DESTROY THOSE HERETICS!!!!"

"ENOUGH!!!!!!!!"

with a blast of a green shockwave, all of a sudden the chaos on my surroundings suddenly stopped. I looked back and saw the purple unicorn panting with her horn glowing green along with her eyes.

"You lot!! Get back in your homes. We'll listen to your issues tomorrow. Guards! Take princess Luna inside the chapel. And YOU human... Follow me.." The purple pony ordered as the mob dispersed and the leather winged horses picked up the fainted hybrid and carried her to the building near us

"Ermmmm... Can I first ask, what's going on here?" I nervously asked the purple horse. Which she replied with a glare..

"You either follow me inside, or get mobbed by the townsfolk. Take a pick.." She said as I noticed that her eyes glow at the same color as the ponies who welcomed me after the shockwave a few seconds ago...

Yeah..... Not gonna try and piss this one off...

"Hold on a sec. Let me park first" I replied and rushed back to my baby and started her up.

With a quick flick and kick, I put her in gear and rode up to the front door of the huge building overlooking the town plaza.

I pulled up the sidewalk, set up the side stand, and dismounted just in time for the horned purple horsy to catch up to me.

With a last glance at my trusty steed, i walked up beside the pony and followed her up the stairs. With the doors left ajar by the first party, we quickly entered the place..

And from there, I finally understood why I got such an overly warm welcome from these ponies......

While on the outside, this building looks like a normal Catholic church but on the inside, the whole place is lavishly designed
With stained glass windows each showing a human with old fantasy-world type clothing and armor adorning each..

At the altar, is a pretty life size statue of a beautiful woman with long brown hair, wearing a roman tunic with a matching veil, at the center of a large diameter pool. on her arms is a bowl overflowing with water and at its center, is what seems to be an island complete with special effects like rolling clouds, ocean waves, and other things that would put even the best 3D special effects Disney and Marvel could offer to shame.

"Is lady Faust communicating you o great one?"

As I gaze upon the beautiful work of art, an elegant posh voice brought me back to reality. When I faced the owner of said voice, I faced a peanut butter coloured, gentle looking horned male mini-horse, with yellow hair and tail, light green eyes, and a clerical collar adorning his neck......

Thinking about it now, I may have just met the pony version of baron Humbert Von Gikkingen.....

"Who?" I asked the stallion as he approach me.

"Faust: the goddess of life, patron of knowledge, giver of souls, mother of Adam and Eve, and the all-maker of Equis.... Or does she envision herself in a different light perhaps?" The old stallion replied as he bowed to me...

"Errrrrmmmmm...... No i don't know this Faust lady. And i can't communicate like a psychic" I replied to him which gave me a quirked eyebrow from the stallion.

"Sigil! Good that we got here before they reached you" the purple pony said as she approaches us from the side.

"How's Luna?" The old pony asked the newcomer.

"Good, A bit winded out though. No thanks to our 'gracious human' practically overcharging her with mana..." The mare answered with a irritated glance my way...

Okay... I'm starting to hate this tiny horse....

"Listen here you pathetic excuse for an equine. First of all: I have no idea how I got here in.... Whatever this place is. Second: what the flying fuck are you on about? I'll be honest here, you guys made the first shot by flashbanging me the moment you guys saw me. Third: how on earth did I did a 'mana overcharge' on your leader? Do I look like a magician to you? For your information: I'm an engineer. Fourth: I may already have clue of what is going on but I'll ask anyway: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE????????" I yelled my last sentence at the purple tiny horse.

Strange... Why did the moon turned slightly red all of a sudden?

With a look at each other, the two little ponies gave me a solid eye contact before the priest pony spoke.

"Starlight, go cast a sound barrier spell on the church. And would you kindly come with me milord? We'll answer your questions in a more private area"

"*sigh* if it'll clear up this mess, alright. And can I please get something to drink?" I requested as I wear my gloves and began following the pony priest to the back of the altar.

"It shall be done"

After a few minutes of walking around the chapel's labyrinthian maze of corridors, we arrived at what seems to be the main office. With tons of scrolls and books neatly arranged on the left and right bookshelves. The office's decor was simple yet elegant: with a wooden cieling fan with stylish bulbs adoring it, and below is a pair of couches facing a small table at the center of the room, just adjacent is an office table with a matching swivel chair, and behind is a window showing the beautiful night sky..

Shame. None of these things could fit my size (my head is already reaching the ceiling)

"Milk on your tea or lemon?" The priest asked me as he prep some cups from a nearby cupboard.

"Milk please" I said

"Lemon" the purple pony responded as she got in.

"Good choice" the priest said.

"That is my own personal blend of tea. It is a little different from each time so, I can't guarantee the taste." The pony said to us as he levitated the beverages to us while I sat cross legged on the floor near the couch and the purple pony on it.

As I took my first sip, it is settled: this stallion makes the BEST tea in the world. I bet the British folks are gonna go nuts with his blends.

"Whoa... That's best tea I ever tasted!" I blurted out without thinking as is bottomed up my beverage.

"Then you are lucky. Then shall we tackle the questions at hoof?" the priest replied as he took a seat opposite of us.

"Oh! Of course" I replied as I put my cup and saucer down on the table

"Can we start with our own questions first? First of all: who are you?" The purple mare near me suddenly butted in.

"Just call me Vann if you don't mind" I quickly answered the mini-horse. Not wanting to mingle with her too much

"Alright then lord Vann, I am Father Sigil Tome. Reverend of this house of worship. Beside you is Starlight Glimmer. An old friend of mine. tell us, When you first entered the chapel, what is the first thing you noticed?" Father Sigil asked me with a smile.

"Errrrrmmmm.... There are human pictures all over the walls? deeeespite I never saw another living human around besides me? Aaand ooorr you guys worship my kind of some sort? Thaaaat a human is a kind of mythical creature in your culture?.... I'm not on earth anymore aren't I?" My last sentence filled with dawning realization (took my brain a whole day to realize this).

With a deep breath, he gave me a sad look

"I am afraid you are not in the world you belong to anymore sir Vann. This is Equis: the world inhabited by a vast plethora of creatures both sentient and non-sentient alike, and a land that your kind made eons ago... A world where your kind are considered gods" he explained to me with a serious tone

"Pffffffffttttttt.........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! WHUUUUT!!!!???????" I all but laughed at him as he said those final words like it's truth (like flat earthers and anti vaccination groups.)

"What's next? I am the chosen one who will bring enlightenment to the believers of humans? Wow great! Let me get my phone. It will be my bible huh? HAHAHAHAH!!!!" I laugh and rolled on the wooden floor while trying to ignore Father Sigil's confusion and Starlight's bemused glare towards me.

"You don't believe anything he said now did you?" The purple pony said as I catch my breath...

" the god thing? No!! Lady.... Where I'm from, magic doesn't exist period. And since I'm from a such a world, how on earth could I be a some sort of of cheat character like in a game or something?"

"You are one." the two ponies said to me seriously in unison.

The room was so silent, one could hear the soft billowing of the winds outside.

"Hang on a second.... Let me wrap my head around this..." I said as I stood up and walked up in front of the large window overlooking the village.

"he's not what we think he was isn't?" I heard Starlight whispering to the priest.

"we can't say that for sure. He did overcharged princess Luna's mana reserves and an alicorn's mana reserves never overflowed nor emptied.. This is the first time in history that such a thing happened" the priest replied

"do you have anything here we can use to test him?"

"I'm afraid not. This facility was never built to accommodate anything like this......" the priest and the Mare droned on as i do my own brainstorming session over my current predicament.

If what they said is true, that humans are basically, a GOD TIER race here in their world, and that I can use magic (or something) here, means that what happened to the green pony and the big blue one was my doing, (Starlight said it was mana overcharging) then maybe I could be the Bruce Almighty of this world??

Thinking that way, I looked up at the night sky: a clear dark one with countless stars, and a silver hued moon giving a picturesque view of the town below us.

I braced my legs, and cupped the moon with my two hands.

'Here goes nothing' I thought to myself and stretched my hands in an attempt to enlarge the moon with it...

It grew more than 50 times its original size..

Okay...... That was a bit overboard......

"PUT. THE. MOON. DOWN!!!!!!" Starlight yelled behind me

I looked back and I saw a plethora or knives floating behind the purple unicorn and aimed at me while the priest pony looked at me with bewilderment

"I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i- didn't know it'll go big like that!!!!!" i stammered as i held up my hands trying to cool down the hotseat i'm in.

"Calm down Starlight!! put those knives down!!" Father Sigil said as he stood between me and the angry Mare

"calm down? CALM DOWN???? he just dragged the moon closer to the planet!!! do you even know what would happen if he-" Starlight attempted to push my defender aside till an empty teacup held by a yellow aura was shoved on to her muzzle effectively shutting her up.

"even if he did, will threatening him will do us any good? you just saw what he can do Starlight Glimmer. even before you entered my church... now calm down at let's try to be reasonable alright?" the stallion said as he hold down the mare's muzzle with the cup.

with a nod from the mare, the cup on her muzzle was removed, and the knives behind her slowly returned to the cupboard. but her glare towards me is still there

"sir Vann, did you or did you not do this?" Sigil asked as he faced me.

"Welllllll yeah... I think."

"You think?"

"Look.... When you said that I'm a god, I couldn't believe you.. But since you were that serious, I decided to test it.. And that's the result.... I'm sorry I'll try to fix this." I said to Sigil as I looked back at the moon and tried to push it back with my hands and nonexistent Jedi training..

Which actually worked.... Too much...

"Pull back sir Vann pull back" Sigil said as the moon zoomed out to a dot

"Okokokokokokokok here goes here goes here goes"

"Calm down sir.... Keep calm... That's it!! Now slowly, slooowly.... Aaaand stop" my newfound instructor orders as I held an imaginary rope still and slowly let go of it...

Letting out a breath I didn't know I'm holding.....

"Just to be sure here sir Vann...... You don't know how to use magic do you?" Father Sigil commented as he looked at me with worry...

"I'm sorry Father but like I said... I'm not from a world with magic." I replied with a newfound respect towards the tiny brown horse.

"Oh great!! He has magic that is stronger than the elements of harmony and he don't know how to use it..." Starlight replied behind Sigil.

"You can't blame sir Vann about that Starlight. And he already explained why." My ever loving saviour shot back at the bratty pony. And her only reply is to sip her cup gave me a sidelong glance.

"Please forgive my friend sir. She's a bit serious in regards to her position" Sigil explained.

"Nah don't worry about it. She may be a bit crossed over what happened at the plaza. Assuming that she's close to the hybrid horse I got glued onto." I replied to him with a smile

"Her name is Luna.... 'Princess'. 'Luna'. Sovereign of the moon, ruler of the night, and one of the diarchs of this country. And you just knocked her out. And that could translate to assault on Royalty. Which would land you straight into the gallows." The ever-so-caring purple smartass commented while sitting on the sofa drinki-.....

Royalty..... Ruler of a country.... Princess.....

My face might've paled since father sigil began shaking my leg while looking up at me worriedly.

A fast growing rumble and the office door blowing up knocked me out of my shocked stupor (shattering my teacup with a door handle. dousing the purple pony's face with the contents.)

"Giveth mé backeth mine own moon human!!!!" The big, glowy-eyed, navy blue pony yelled with a power of a stadium speaker at us...

"Geez lady!!!! Volume!!!!"

"Luna!? How did you recover so quickly??"

"Now, now... Let us all calm down... I'm sure we can come up with a solution for our problems he-" Sigil tried to calm down the snarling horse to no avail.

Before any of us could react, the big pony (Luna. That's what Starlight said) shot a light blue laser out of her horn aimed straight at me.

I could only cover my face with my arms and closed my eyes as I braced for any sort of impact....

5 seconds.........

10 seconds...........

Oooooookaaaaayyyy......

I opened one eye and look forward and saw a dozen laser beams hitting me in all directions.

And as it made contact to me, it instantly dissipates into a glowing, bright blue glitter dust. Scattering across the floor.

"Uhhhhh.... Whut?" I said as I peeked out of my arms and looked at the 3 ponies: one with a shocked expression, another with slightly widened eyes, the last with an eyeroll....

"HOW???" Luna said. Still with the loudspeaker switched on.

"Magic doesn't work on him Luna!! Calm down!! This won't solve anything!!" Starlight said taking a position beside Sigil while trying to match the angry hybrid horse's amplified voice.

"I thought you're on her side?"

"I am!!"

"So why are you here?"

"Just shut it will you?"

As me and the Starlight bicker, we didn't notice Luna conjuring a sword out of nowhere and charged at me with a roar. And just like before, my two protectors couldn't react in time and were shoved off by the blue big pony with her sword held by her aura and tip pointed at my chest.

But by luck, skill, and grace of a monkey on weed, I was able to grab the sword's tip mere inches from my chest

Luna, with eyes of determination, kept trying to push the blade through with her magic but somehow, I feel no force being exerted into it.
Heck it couldn't even cut my gloves..

"Your majesty please.. I know you're mad about what happened a few hours ago but I swear!! I mean no harm!!" I try to reason to the blue horse.

"SILENCE!!!" she roared still on loudspeaker.

Mere feet away from my face......

As I hear the ringing of the bells in my brain, I stepped on a conveniently placed ball doorknob and tripped. Sending me on my ass and throwing off the sword I'm holding.

Luna, not wasting a moment, attempts to recover the sword with her magic as it flew above my head

Not wanting to be the first human kebab made by aliens, I quickly made a beeline for the blade and miraculously, I was able to grab it by the handle with my right hand first in mid-air. NFL style

But before I could relish my victory, I looked down and saw the blue she-pony barreling down on me as I fell to the floor.

With a thud, I landed on my back with the psychotic mare on top of me and without a pause, conjured a knife, bit the handle, and went for my exposed throat.

Not when I gave her a shambly left hook on her snout....
Which missed but knocked off the dagger she's biting..

But despite being disarmed, she still went for the attack and began to furiously gnaw on my raised arm...


.........................................................


Which brings us to my current predicament.

"Luna!!! Get a hold of your yourself!!!!" Starlight yelled as she desperately tries to pry the very angry princess/bronco as the latter's drool from her tasty human rubber sleeve began to soak my face as I lie below her.

But she's not making any progress over it which is nice...

Not wanting to make any aggressive actions in fear of further conflict, I stayed in my position and wait for my cute little predator to get tired (or full) from eating rubber.

CLANG!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaannnnd someone decided to hit her head with a frying pan....

As the now unconscious mare with two horns fell on top of me, i saw a panting Sigil with a collection of yellow eyes looking at us from the hole which the door originally belongs.

"i'm sorry Luna. This is the only way" Sigil wheezed as he looked down on me and the big (but pretty light) pony....

"uhhhhhhh..... Help?" i meeped at the onlookers

Author's Note:

*whoooooooo boy*

Late night work can do a lot on time if you're not paying attention

Anyway, sorry for the delay (i asked you guys in the poll before) since i only squeezed in as much time as i could allocate on this fic while trying to hide it from my ever-loving lazy ass boss at work.
So yeah hope you enjoyed the chapter.
Gonna blog another random chapter in a few days
Thank you