“Their fine Spike, but when you first disappeared in to the portal, everyone was so worried, so much so Celestia ordered the entirety of the royal forces to search for you, Luna spent days looking for you in the dream realm, Cadence and Shining Armor spent weeks searching the frozen north, dragon lord Ember, and king Thorax sent large numbers of their troops to search the rest of the world, where ponies could not go, but after two months of searching we started to lose hope of finding you but Celestia and Luna, and us seven continued to search for you. Sadly, after another month it was decided to end the search and you were legally considered dead. Us seven, Celestia and Luna, Thorax, Ember, and everyone in the crystal empire were devastated, but not as much as Celestia, when you first disappeared the sun seemed less bright, but as time went on it only seemed to get darker, until that day when you where declared dead, that day the sun did not rise at all, Celestia was so grief-stricken that she was unable to move the sun. Luna had to explain to everyone that this was because she was under the weather to keep up her façade of royalty, but we knew what was the real problem, The next day was your funeral, and everyone traveled to the Empire for the service, that day even if the sun was up, it could not be seen as it was ordered that their was to be a heavy down pour till the servis was over, as we were about to say our last goodbyes to you we all decided to put something that reminded us of you in your coffin as we not have your body. I place your last power ponies comic you ever bought in, Rarity put in the first dress you helped her design, Applejack placed that Dragons code card you made when you owed her a life debt, Rainbow place her favorite daring do book in, as for Fluttershy she put in her the tea set you two always used when you would go visit her, Pinky made a bakers dozen of the sapphire cupcakes you loved after I added a spell so they would not spoil, Starlight added a photo of when she was first reformed and you became her first friend, Disocrd and Big Mac added their Ogres and Oubliettes charater sheets along with yours, Cadence and Shining ordered a new statue in your honor, but Flurry Heart added in her wammy when no one was looking, Princess Luna added a gem version of your dream door crest, Ember placed a large ruby cut in the shape of the Bloodstone septer to rember her first friend, Thorax had the young changelings make a small clay statue of you for him and his hive, and lastly Princess Celestia added two very impotant thing, the first was the very first scroll you sent her and lastly was a album of your baby photos. Everyone was wondering where she had gotten the album but after everyone was ready for leave Celestia made a speech.”

Break this up. It’s a wall of text. Try every five or six sentences to change. Or if you are changing topic, of one person reacting to Spike’s ‘death’ to another.

Good so far minor spelling errors overall great

How often do you plan on updating this story?

9477469
I plan to update at least one every week maybe twice

9477504
second chapter is now up sorry for the delay I wanted to fix the large text wall and add some detail for each character.

It's no problem but good story btw

I’m asking anyone who knows the story of Stangers wrath, where should I go with the flash back chapters?

I have changed one small detail I just found out about the Oddworld series, the main location for the game is called Mudos, so im changing all mention of Oddworld to Mudos.

So almost immediately why did you think it was necessary to take away from the emotional reunion. I think the dry humor was out of place and you could have just let the moment percolate for a while, perhaps you could have I don't know you could have had like a time to them like forward in time back in the library and they could be cuddling with him or sitting in a Circle or just something where they don't like.......... it was a huge negative to subtract from the moment. THAT moment was what u were advertising the whole novel and the dry humor was just out of place and just took away from that I think. perhaps just less humor in general if your next stories or maybe just try to or.... for future emotional momentary to visualize and insist like your there and describe the how the moment plays out and if you think to your self "hey he is a battle hardened dragon he might not even feel pinkie around his neck and it's odd that this much larger dragon isn't worried about how fragile they are and how broken he is to finally see them again" or along the lines like your there and to few
Freeze the scene in your mind andsay. "thats not what my character would do or he/she/they would say." U will improve for sure u can do it and u will 😁 just keep this in mind

9718686
A few thing

1 thanks for the advice trust me i tone down the dry humor to when it’s appropriate.

2 I thought was appropriate because even though he just returned Spike had lived in a world where he was attacked on a near daily basis and he did fall to the ground, then tackled the then tied up so his body wasn’t at its best.

3 it was my second chapter ever and I was running without an editor at the time.

English.