The ‘Ship’ in ‘Shipping’

by Elkia Deerling

Chapter four: the ship in danger, a.k.a. the crisis ship

‘So we were thinking, Sonic Boom if it’s a colt, and Cloud Twister if it’s a filly.’

‘Those are… eh… very nice names, Rainbow Dash,’ Rarity said, forcing a smile. Rainbow Dash looked at her friends’ reactions, so they all had to force a smile. Except Pinkie, of course, her smile was never forced. They were walking through the narrow hallway towards their cabins, ready to hit the hay after a whole day of fun. Only Fluttershy, Starlight, and Twilight were missing. About Fluttershy they had no clue, but they had overheard Twilight asking Starlight if they could do something special tonight. Nopony doubted that there was going to be romance again.

It was late, and there was nopony around. That made the shock even bigger when they encountered some very familiar acquaintances.

‘Oh no!’ Rarity stopped. Everypony bumped into her.

‘What is it?’ Applejack asked.

‘Well hello there, my friends,’ an unmistakable, suave voice called. ‘What a coincidence to meet you all here, isn’t it, brother?’

‘You could very well say that, brother,’ another voice, slick and smooth and equally unmistakable, added. ‘A nice surprise, I’d say.’

Everypony gasped, then frowned immediately afterwards. ‘Flim and Flam?!’ Applejack called. ‘What are you two doing here?’

Flim chuckled as he neared with his brother. ‘Whoa, what a reaction! No need to be so flabbergasted.’

‘Yes, ponies like us sometimes need a vacation too from all the hard work we have done,’ Flam said.

A disdainful snort from Applejack. ‘Yeah, sure. Counting all your money I reckon.’

‘Amongst other things,’ Flim said.

‘But don’t be mistaken, because counting money can be hard work. A million Bits are together much heavier than just one,’ Flam added.

Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at the two unicorns. ‘There is always trouble and scamming wherever you two go, so you better confess right now!’

Flim and Flam both reached for their hearts at the same time, giving the ponies the puppy-eye look. ‘We have done nothing wrong,’ Flam said. ‘At least not onboard this ship.’

‘Unless you could call winning all the money in the casinos a crime. And if you do, then we will be guilty of that soon, hehe,’ Flim said, smiling a naughty smile.

‘Oh really? Well, we still don’t believe you,’ Rarity said, the memory of The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 resurfacing in her mind.

‘Cross my hooves, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,’ Flim and Flam said simultaneously, performing the exact ritual movements in perfect synchronization.

‘Hey, that’s my line!’ Pinkie called. ‘That’s copyrighted!’

‘But we mean it. Here, look.’ Flim reached up and lifted the top hat Flam was wearing. ‘My poor brother busted his horn working days and nights. We really do need that vacation.’

The ponies’ frowns changed to gazes of wonder and surprise. Especially Rarity looked shocked at the jagged stump on Flam’s forehead. A tiny little bit of sympathy found its way into her heart. She had a horn too, after all.

Flam slapped away his brother’s hoof and positioned the top hat carefully upon his head again. His cool had disappeared. Rubbing his moustache with his other hoof, he said, ‘Eh… but the actual reason is of course to… eh… grab a mare along the way.’

Applejack rolled her eyes. ‘As if mares would be interested in you two.’

‘Salesponies get lonely too you know?’ Flam said. ‘And besides, we can be quite charming when we want to be. You would come to realize that if you would get to know us a little better.’

’I think we know you two well enough,’ Applejack said.

A short silence followed, a silence full of judgement. Eventually, Flim cleared his throat. ‘Well, this is getting awkward. Let’s be off gambling, so these good little ponies can go to bed.’

After adjusting his top hat one last time, Flam said, ‘You said it, brother.’ Together, they disappeared.

* *

Despite utilizing the most state-of-the-art navigational technology, combined, more often than not, with a lot of magic, the S.S. Ocean’s Embrace also had eyes in the sky. In a crow’s nest, actually a steel bathtub on a very long pole, two ponies, a mare and a stallion, watched the Celestial Sea together, armed with a bell, a telephone, binoculars, and a large searchlight. It was almost the end of their shift, and they were getting really tired. Taking turns with the binoculars, they scanned the sea for trouble, but couldn’t prevent their eyes from falling shut once in a while. I couldn’t blame them, for an empty sea, however romantic and beautiful, is not that interesting to watch.

That’s why the stallion averted his eyes from the endless ocean and looked down at the main deck instead.

‘Hey, keep your eyes in front of you.’ the mare said. ‘We get paid for spying the sea, not our passengers.’

But the stallion ignored her. Very romantic. ‘Do you know who that is?’ He handed her the binoculars, then pointed down, guiding her view.

She looked through it for a few seconds. ‘That’s Twilight Sparkle. She’s stargazing.’

‘Yes, yes, I know, but who’s the pony next to her?’

The mare thought for a bit. ‘I think her name is Starshine Sprinkle or something.’

‘Such a strange name, that can’t be right.’

Shrugging, the mare said, ‘It’s not as if she’s my neighbor. Don’t know much about her. Only heard rumors, actually. I believe she came from a village somewhere in the high north, ruled by a terrible tyrant who stole ponies’ cutie marks and ate them. But she defeated the tyrant all by herself and everypony got his or her cutie mark back. She’s a real hero.’

‘How could they have gotten their cutie marks back if the tyrant ate them all?’ the stallion said with a raised eyebrow.

‘How would I know? I wasn’t there,’ the mare snapped.

‘Ok, ok…’ Suddenly he ripped the binoculars from her hooves and peered through it. After a long while, he said, ‘She’s kinda hot, don’t you think?’

‘It’s the tail,’ the mare replied.

‘Yeah… I would love to stroke that tail in my hooves, maybe give her a massage…’

The mare chuckled. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Nothing. I think I…’ He hesitated, bit his lip. ‘Yes! I’m going for it!’ And with that, the stallion finished his quick decision and put his hooves upon the first rung of the ladder.

‘Wait, what do you think you’re doing?!’ the mare called, strict like a schoolteacher.

But the stallion kept climbing down, so the mare had to follow him. ‘I saw her first.’

‘Yes, through MY binoculars,’ the mare countered.

‘She doesn’t even like mares, I reckon,’ the stallion said.

‘Of course she does, she’s with Twilight, so she likes mares.’

‘That’s not how it works.’

‘Yes it is.’

‘No it’s not.’

And so they kept bickering all the way down the ladder, abandoning their post. They shouldn’t have done that. A mile ahead, something could be seen in the water, a vague silhouette jutting out of the sea, shrouded in nightly mist. But as the ship neared, it became painfully clear what it was: a colony of rock doves.

These animals are exactly what their name suggests: enormous doves with a skin of hard stone, as heavy as Bulk Bicep’s dumbbells but still able to fly. When they get tired they have the utterly romantic habit of huddling together and hugging each other tightly. Clumped together like that, they looked like an island in the sea, impossible to see on any map and too small to notice with the radar. You can guess what was going to happen.

They didn’t even move, probably didn’t even notice, as the ship collided with them. An ear-splitting screech any opera singer would be proud of could be heard over the entire ship. Wine glasses trembled on tables, pencils rolled off desks, even the steering wheel shook in the captain’s hooves. The ponies standing on the main deck let out a cry of surprise. The mare and the stallion screamed the loudest, stopped mid-stride, and looked each other in the eyes. They had never made a bigger mistake.

* *

‘Sweet Celestia, what was that?!’ Applejack called, rudely awakened by the collision. She stepped out of bed but immediately retracted her hooves, as they splashed in the icy cold seawater. ‘The ship is sinking?! But how? It seemed so sturdy on the outside.’ Reaching for her pack, she got out some boots and slipped them on. There was no time to wonder. Everypony on board was in danger, and her friends could be too.

Her cabin was all the way at the end of the hallway. As she moved, the water kept rising at an alarming rate. Very soon her boots were useless, as the water came to her knees, stinging them with cold. SLOSH, SLOSH, SLOSH!

There were no ponies around. Probably already evacuated, she reckoned. At the other end of the hallway she could spot the door leading to the staircase. Taking the elevator was probably a bad idea. She quickened her wading.

Suddenly, a cry echoed through the hallway, making Applejack jump. ‘Can anypony help me!’ The voice was filled with panic, on the edge of desperate tears. Applejack was too alarmed to recognize it. ‘I’m coming!’ she yelled. ‘Keep yelling!’ Swiveling her ears around, she took a turn, leaving the door for what it was. The cry was coming from room 777. With a hard buck she kicked it open, revealing the damsel in distress.

‘You?!’

‘No time for prejudices,’ Flam said. ‘Please help me, I’m stuck!’

Applejack needed only a split second to understand what had happened here. Flam was pressed against the wall, an enormous oak wardrobe stacked on top of his leg. ‘Where’s your brother?’

‘Probably still up there, enjoying the nightlife.’ Flam looked from the wardrobe to Applejack, wincing painfully. ‘I can’t move it, my magic hasn’t recovered yet.’ And to illustrate, a couple of flimsy green sparkles dripped out of the stump on his forehead. ‘Help me, please…?’

Yes, Flim and Flam were bad, but they didn’t feed on love or enslave ponies or steal all the magic in Equestria in a mad desire for power. Not helping him was out of the question. The water had risen again, and she watched it for a bit.

‘Are you… hesitating?’ Flam asked softly.

Applejack shook her head, a determined frown on her face. ‘No, I’m not. I’m going to help you.’ Without further ado, she positioned herself between the wardrobe and the wall, acting like a living jack. Front hooves against the wardrobe, hind hooves against the wall, she gritted her teeth and pressed as hard as she could. Her groans filled up the room. Despite the cold of the water in her coat, beads of sweat pearled off her freckled face. After a minute or two, her legs began to tremble. She let herself slide back into the water with a sigh of defeat. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t do it.’

An expression of shock flashed over Flam’s face. ‘What?! But you’re Applejack, the strongest, sturdiest pony there is. If anypony can do this, it has to be you.’

Applejack shook her head sadly. ‘Thanks for the compliments, but sometimes a gal has to accept her limits. Learned that the hard way.’

‘What now? What now, what now, what now?’

‘Easy, Flam,’ Applejack shushed. ‘We just have to figure something out.’ Tapping her hoof to her chin much like Twilight always did, she gave the wardrobe a kick. ‘This thing weighs a ton. What’s in it anyway? Solid rock?’

‘It’s more like solid gold, actually,’ Flam said.

Applejack gave him a glance. ‘Bits?’

Flam nodded, instant regret in his eyes.

‘Hm…’ Applejack kicked the wardrobe again, looking at the heavy oak wood. ‘If only we could empty it, chop it up like a tree. But where can we find a saw onboard a ship? There are no trees here.’

Suddenly, Flam perked up, but gritted his teeth against the pain. ‘There is an axe, a fire axe hanging near the emergency exit!’

‘What, really?’

‘Would I lie while in pain and grave danger?’

Applejack nodded. ‘Good thinking.’ She ran out of the cabin and stepped back into the hallway. Somewhere far away she heard water gurgling, streaming into the ship. But she ignored it, and followed the yellow emergency exit signs. An electric lamp popped, sending a shower of sparks flying into her mane. Quickly Applejack dipped her head in the water, as to extinguish them. When she raised it again she simply had to gasp. It was so cold!

There was a door, and there was an axe. She returned quickly. ‘Got it!’

‘Great! You go, Applejack!’

She moved into position, axe firmly gripped between her teeth. But before she could make the first strike, Flam squeaked, ‘Please don’t hit my leg.’

‘I won’t,’ Applejack mumbled around the axe grip, ‘not unless you scam me again.’ She got to work. Splinters flew everywhere as she made a jigsaw puzzle from the wardrobe with powerful blows. Flam couldn’t stop gazing in awe at Applejack’s strength and vigor, wondering how many trees she had felled in her life. A newfound appreciation made his eyes sparkle. With a tingling sound, golden Bits started streaming out of the holes. Flam tried to scoop some up but couldn’t reach them. ‘Applejack, can we take some with us?’

‘Nope.’

‘But… are you sure?’

‘Eeyup.’

When Applejack was satisfied, she grabbed the chunks of wood in her mouth and tossed them away, until finally Flam’s leg emerged from the pile of wood and gold. Applejack grimaced at the bruises and the blue skin. ‘Ow, that’s gotta hurt.’

‘It does.’

‘Can you stand?’

‘I… think so.’ Flam tried to get up but grunted and bent through his trembling knees. Before he could fall down, Applejack grabbed his hoof and threw it around her shoulder, offering some support. ‘I’ve got you. Come on, let’s move.’

Together they sloshed through the hallway. The water tickled their bellies with icy needles. It seemed to have risen even faster. But the door to the stairs was in sight. They neared painfully slow.

The ponies’ ears twitched, as they heard hoofsteps coming from that direction. A voice confirmed their guesses. ‘Yes, everypony’s up here. Close the door, for Celestia’s sake! The water’s still rising.’

‘No! Wait! We’re still here!’ Applejack shouted, but her yell got overruled by the piercing ring of a bell. A red emergency light flashed on. With a low, grinding sound, a steel hermetic door crept downwards, closing like the lid of a sleepy eye.

‘Horseapples!’ Applejack cursed. ‘We gotta hurry, Flam!’

‘Yes… I… see what you… mean,’ Flam muttered. The color had drained from his face. Whether it was the pain in his leg or the effects of hyperthermia that were making him talk like that, Applejack wasn’t sure.

Applejack kicked it up a notch, but she felt Flam’s step weakening, and almost had to drag the unicorn along. They pushed aside random debris in the water. Mostly clothes floating around like colored jellyfish. Both ponies’ eyes were fixed on the closing door. How big were their chances?

Suddenly, something snagged Applejack’s hooves. It felt like an eel. She stumbled and fell down. Flam went with her. As quick as she could, she scrambled up and reached underwater. ‘My lasso!’ she called, as a piece of rope broke through surface.

‘We… don’t have time,’ Flam said. Applejack agreed, supported him again, and moved, leaving the lasso dangling at her legs.

The door was already halfway down.

In the moment of crisis, Flam reflected. This felt so unreal. Applejack helping him after everything he had done to make her and her friends’ lives miserable. And not to forget all the ponies he and his brother had robbed of their money with their countless scams. He didn’t deserve to be saved, especially not by Applejack, the most honest pony of them all. Flam closed his eyes and had trouble opening them again. The bell kept ringing. It centered his mind.

‘Flam!’ Applejack yelled.

‘Hm?’

‘I think… We’re not gonna make it.’

Flam closed his eyes and nodded, making a solemn decision, one he would never regret. ‘Maybe I’m not, but you are.’

‘What’s that?’

Out of nowhere, Flam turned his head and kissed Applejack right on the muzzle. Applejack actually stopped and stared at him. ‘What in the hay was—’

‘Remember me like this,’ Flam whispered in her ear. He let go of Applejack, wobbled on his hooves, but kept standing. The kiss had awakened a strange power inside of him. It was something he had only rarely felt but could name very clearly right now. A tear escaped through the corner of his eye, as the emotion mingled with the power. He focused it into what remained of his horn, and added his own magical energy to it. It gave him enough strength to make his ultimate sacrifice.

Before Applejack could guess what was going on, she felt herself rocket forwards, zipping through the hallway in a field of green magic. She reached the door, ducked under it, looked back. ‘FLAM!’

He was still standing there, eyes closed, screaming in pain and concentration. A fountain of green sparkles flowed from his horn, crackling like a dozen popping lightbulbs, overloaded and broken. He managed to open one eye, saw Applejack standing on the other side of the door, and smiled. He fainted, and fell with a splash in the water.

Applejack gasped in shock. A thousand decisions rushed through her head. If she went back in they would both perish. If she stayed out Flam would perish. ‘Hey, hello! Anypony! Help us!’ she screamed in a cracked voice. But of course the crew was long gone, coordinating the evacuation. Growling, she punched the solid steel door with her hoof. It was almost closed now. She sniffed, realizing her defeat, and let her head hang.

That’s when she noticed the lasso floating beside her.

Her last chance, and Flam’s last chance.

Reaching down, she untangled it as best as her trembling hooves allowed. Then she slipped underneath the door. Her lasso swung in the air in the shape of a shaky ring. But she had to ignore the cold, the adrenaline rushing through her body. Narrowing her eyes, she took aim, jerked her neck, and let the rope fly.

It sailed through the air, then caught around the remains of Flam’s horn. AJ hoped that wouldn’t hurt. Drowning would hurt a lot more. Using both her hooves and her teeth, she reeled Flam in like a sharply-dressed fish. She had to submerge and swim underneath the door now. On the other side, she kept pulling. Flam’s horn appeared, followed by his head, his neck, his body, his hooves, his tail.

SLAM!

The red emergency light went out, the bell stopped ringing. Total silence.

Applejack was still not sure if they were safe. After quickly checking his breath and heartbeat, she hoisted Flam upon her back and climbed the steps. All the while, she kept thinking about what had just happened. Had Flam just sacrificed himself? For her? As in, he had actually done something without a scheme, hidden agenda, or expecting anything in return at all? But why? And what was that random kiss supposed to mean? Her head spun, and she was sure that was not because of the exertion, worry, or the cold. She didn’t know what to think of this, and the more she mused about it, the more confused she got.

So instead she focused on surviving and resumed her mission: finding her friends. The stairs and the rest of the hallways were all dry. They took her eventually to the upper levels. A little later, she emerged upon the main deck.

Groups of terrified passengers stood all around, most of them gathered at the sides of the ship. The deckhands were already busy with the lifeboats. Ponies were shouting, calling, running around, trying to find their friends and family. Huddled to the side, a string quartet played cheerful classical music for some reason. Probably to provide the soundtrack for the movie that would undoubtedly be made about the disaster.

But one shout overruled them all. Of course only Pinkie’s squeaky voice could do that. ‘APPLEJACK!’

Applejack spotted her friends, ignoring the life boats, standing right in the middle of the main deck. She galloped towards them and fell into Pinkie’s embrace. The others soon joined. ‘We were so worried!’ Twilight said in the middle of the hug. ‘First Fluttershy was missing and then you! We thought you were already here, but couldn’t find you anywhere.’

‘We should have booked cabins next to each other,’ Rarity said.

‘It’s okay, girls.’ Applejack let go of the rest, then laid Flam’s limp body down on the deck.

Starlight Glimmer threw a glance at the disheveled unicorn. ‘Wait a minute, that’s Flam!’

‘Yeah, I kind of saved his life, and he tried to save mine,’ Applejack said.

Everypony looked at Flam, thinking about what Applejack said. It did sound strange and implausible, almost like a lie. But Applejack never lied.

‘BROTHER!’ The sound of galloping hooves accompanied that shout. Flim appeared, standing out in a sharp suit as if this disaster affected everypony but him. As soon as he reached Flam, he dragged him some distance away from the pony friends. Then he hoisted him up by his shoulders, let his horn glow, and touched down on Flam’s stump. Brotherly magic was strong. A second later, Flam opened his eyes, coughing loudly.

‘Where were you?! I was waiting for you,’ Flim said, almost shouting with worry.

Flam shook his head. ‘Ugh… I was… stuck.’

‘Stuck?! What do you—oh, never mind. Look at your leg! We need to get you to a lifeboat quickly. Come on! We’re first-class passengers so they will let us go first. Or else we’ll think of some way to skip the line.’ Flim supported his brother and got him to his hooves.

But Flam hesitated. ‘No.’

‘No? What do you mean? Don’t be ridiculous,’ Flim said, continuing to drag.

‘I want to go with Applejack.’

Both Applejack and Flim perked up in surprise. ‘Why would you want to go with her?’ Flim said, finally stopping now.

Flam let go of Flim and did his best to stand upon his own hooves. ‘Because she saved my life down there.’

‘Okay, great, but now we’re reunited and it’s us against Equestria again,’ Flim said.

Shaking his head, Flam said, ‘Not anymore. I think I am… No, I know I am in love with Applejack. I want to share my life with her now, if she will have me.’

A shocking gasp went through Twilight and her friends, almost as big as when they had spotted Applejack. Flim’s reaction was different. He frowned. ‘WHAT?! You can’t be serious.’

‘I am,’ Flam said. ‘You knew I was still sleeping down in our cabin, but you didn’t come to find me. Applejack did. She’s a true hero.’

‘But she and her friends have thwarted our schemes and plans so many times! First the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, then the tonic, and of course the Hearth’s Warming dolls. Remember that one? We ended up fleeing for our lives from an angry mob, all our hard work—and money—gone!’

But Flam was undaunted. ‘And I’m glad she did, because she has made me see the error of our ways. I don’t want to be a conpony anymore. I want to become an example to others and to Equestria. I want to help ponies instead of robbing them. You should see it the same way.’

‘I don’t,’ Flim snapped. ‘We’re conponies, brother, that’s what we’re good at. The fact that Applejack did a little rescue mission doesn’t mean you should marry her. You’re obviously delusional because of your injury.’

‘No, brother. In fact, my head has never been clearer,’ Flam said.

Suddenly, Flim turned around, crossed his hooves. ‘If that’s true, then I think I’m going to have to search for a new partner. A new brother.’

Flam ignored him. He stumbled towards Applejack, and fell to his knee. ‘Applejack, tonight has changed me. All my life I have been selling things and scamming ponies. But now I think I just sold my heart, to you. And that is not a scam, my dear Applejack.’

Strangely enough, Applejack reached out with her hoof. She stroked Flam’s mane, until it was a little bit less frazzled. She too, felt changed somehow. Of course she was always happy to help, but after helping Flam like that, she felt even more than just happy. Her heart beat faster as she bent down, until their eyes were level.

‘I believe you,’ she said, and then sealed her new love with a kiss.

Flim said no more, but simply gagged and walked away, a heavy frown on his face. That was the last anypony saw of him during the entire cruise.

‘Great kiss, AJ,’ Rainbow Dash said, nodding approvingly. ‘Almost as good as mine.’

The rest of the ponies were still a little bit unsure as to what scene had just unfolded in front of their eyes. Had it been a love scene, more of a drama scene, or a bit of both? They looked around awkwardly, as if they didn’t know what to do when a ship was sinking with them on it. Their own thoughts were interrupted by a voice sounding through the intercom.

‘Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. It seemed we sailed into a little bit of trouble, so to speak.’ A nervous chuckle, filled with awkwardness. ‘I understand that you are afraid, but there is no reason to be. The leak in the hull has been contained, and the ship will not sink. I repeat: the ship will NOT sink.’ He let out a clearly audible sigh, probably because now he didn’t have to go down with his own boat. ‘Soon we will begin mending the ship and pumping the water out of the flooded compartments. Until that time, the main dining hall and sport facilities will function as temporary sleeping quarters. I, together with the entire crew of the S.S. Ocean’s Embrace, deeply apologize for this little disaster. And we wish you a pleasant remainder of your cruise.’

With a crackle, the intercom went quiet, and so did the ponies onboard.

* *

Phew, that was a close one, wasn’t it? But it did work. AppleFlam—or FlamJack—is now officially a thing! Sometimes it takes a little effort to make ponies fall in love. Before we move on to the next over-the-top ship, let me ease your mind by telling you that nopony got hurt or perished in the would-be tragedy. That is, except for Flam, and maybe his brother, if you count emotional damage as well.

Comments

[Diamond Sparkle]

Flamjack sounds tasty.