• Member Since 18th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen 54 minutes ago

Player6006


Someone who has no idea what they're doing, and loving every second. (Now in the overworked edition!)

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A human has started something he plans to finish, for soon the tyrant shall fall and all she has created shall burn. He will rip everything and everyone the tyrant cares about away. Even if he has to sacrifice everything to do it, even if he has to give up his humanity.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 10 )

The sounds of metal striking metal could be faintly heard, and two figures are briefly seen within the flames, clashing and separating repeatedly. One figure holding a long blade, forged with the highest quickly metal, crafted masterfully with intricate patterns flowing through an around the blade. Some holding meaning, others holding power. The second figure held a long and sturdy halberd, old and battle ridden was this weapon. Having seen many battles and survived, this weapon held experience and great power within.

Quickly should be quality, at least, I think.

Yet even still, the wielders of these weapons danced through their battlefield. One of ponies, the other of humans. Each holding their weapons with great skill and ferocity, each having everything to gain from this class, and everything to lose if they fail. So, the two continued their unrelenting clash, unburdened by the destruction around them. Undaunted by the pain in their bodies. Aiming for the kill with every thrust, every stab, and every slash, these two worries battle. They parried, they defended, and they attacked.

I think worries should be warriors, I think.

You should provide a link to the art maker, I’m pretty sure they would like to be credited.

The city had been damaged beyond anything that had hit it before, and the death count was higher than any battle that had been fought under the sun princesses rein. Though there were very few battles in that time in the first place, that didn't change the facts here.

Rien should be reign.

As the battle continued, the leaders out for the kill, six special ponies screaming and arguing with each other, purple captain against a dark knight, princess of love against queens, and finally revolution against the state. This battle had long since been in the making since the very first moment the human graced the land. Since the first blood was spilled so to speak.

Comma after spilled.

Still here? Good, then it's time to weave a tale as old time, but perhaps different from others? Who's to tell. Now, let's begin, four years ago. When the revolution began.

As old as time, i think you meant. Also, I would recommend capitalizing Revolution. Like how we call the Civil War with caps and you know which one it is.

"Now what could have possessed you to scar me like that, old friend?" The posh voice of Fancy pants spoke out to the figure sitting in the chair. Causing them to chuckle as they rested their head on their hand, elbow on the armrest of the chair.

Pants should be capitalized, scar should be scare.

The human nodded a few times, his expression stern behind the mask as he stares at his friend, in an almost accepting way. He knew his friend had never wanted this task, and he knew it was wrong of him to force it on Fancy, but he had no choice. He needed to finish it, even if he had to break his friendships to do it. "Yes, it's almost time for the long-awaited moon princess to return, for the Sun and mood to be one again. The empire shall return as well, and with it, a new crystal princess shall rise. That's not to mention the pupil She has obviously been breeding to take the role of a princess as well." He says, spitting out the sun and she parts as he seems to glare into the fire before him.

Mood should be moon.

Fancy sighs a little at this and nods in understanding, his withered look growing more as he realizes the number of crimes he's about to commit with this one act. "Are you sure you want to do this, my old friend? It's not too late to mak-"" It is too late. " The human growls angrily as he glares at his old friend, his voice holding a very old and strong rage in him.

Two people shouldn’t talk in the same paragraph.

"...When will it end?" Fancy asked just as his friend reached the door, his voice quiet but still heard by the masked man, causing him to freeze with his hand on the door. He stood there for several moments, his hand resting on the door. Finally, he tilted his head back to Fancy, his masked held to the side by a hand for the moment, his piercing blue eyes staring at Fancy. "When I watch her burn " He says with such hate in his voice it almost made Fancy feel like he was the one who was going to be killed. Then his friend was gone and the door had closed, leaving his best friend behind. Once again making his way through the mansion till he once again reached the exit.

Same thing.

Overall, seems interesting. I will definitely add it to tracking and upvote. Grammar isn’t terrible, so props for that!

Oh, and capitalize the title.

9454962
*BlinkBlink* Takes several moments to actually realize someone comented Oh.
Well, I gotta thank you for pointing out the little flaws I made, it helps a lot, and I'll make sure to correct these when I have the chance. Also, thanks a lot for the upvote and tracking, I do hope I can meet your expectations.
Evil cackling insures.

*Edit* Fixed.

*Editedit* Also, for anyone interested, the next chapter should be out tomorrow or the next day, and it's a long one.

This is a bit interesting, wonder how it will end up.

9455924
Thanks! I have biiiiiig plans with this.

I admit, when I saw the title I thought it was going to be a Resident Evil crossover.

9456212
Ya know until you just mentioned it. I did not notice that. Cool, but ya no. Never played Resident Evil so I don't think I could properly write a story on it. Hope you like the story though!

Well now, things are starting to gain traction! Also the song was a great touch! Found a new song I'll be listening to for a long time!

9463405
Ah why thank you. Trust me, sh## about to get real.

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