Chapter 1: Crisis of Faith
So, it turns out that when you start expressing one of your vulnerabilities as a Christian in story form, you start wanting to write about the rest of them. 
Yeah. In particular, this chapter was inspired by what I'd like to call my two biggest faith-weakeners, my fear of loneliness and my fear of looking foolish. I'll leave it to you guys to figure out who represents what.
Also, I am very well aware that plenty of you are going to be up in arms with what I am about to do to this ship. Just calm down and read the next chapter when you're done.
Also, I'm addressing this next part to Foxhelm specifically because he was the only one who commented on it back when I wrote "Good Enough." So, I did my research on the Methodist church, and other than some differences in organization and traditions and a few theological nitpicks, I don't see why I shouldn't make Twilight and her family Methodists. I mean, okay, the Methodist church is kind of divided over current social issues, but you can honestly say that about most Christian denominations nowadays. It's not right, but it's how it is, and that's all I'm going to say about the matter in this particular medium. 
Besides, the Methodist church has made significant contributions to American and Christian history, and I don't see anything wrong with wanting to honor that.
Late one Friday afternoon, Flash Sentry’s doorbell rang.
“I’m coming,” Flash’s grandmother got up from the living room and opened the door. She broke out into a wide smile when she saw who was at the other side.
“Twilight, Cadance,” Grandma Birdie greeted, pulling them each into a hug. “Come in, come in. It’s always great to see you.”
Flash was upstairs, having just gotten dressed after a shower, when he heard someone call his girlfriend’s name. His heart leapt as he rushed out of the bathroom and down the stairs. He found Twilight seated at the dining room table with her future sister-in-law while his grandmother brought out drinking glasses and a pitcher of iced tea from the kitchen.
“Hey, Flashy, look who’s here,” said Grandma.
“Yeah, I saw,” he replied, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “Umm, hi.”
“Hi,” Twilight said to him before looking away from him as a light blush bloomed on her face.
“Well, don’t be a stranger. Get over here,” Cadance motioned to him. “Have a seat.”
Flash chuckled nervously as he pulled out a chair and seated himself next to Twilight. “So, what brings the two of you here?”
“What? Do friends need a reason to visit their friends?” Cadance’s remark got a laugh out of Grandma Birdie while Twilight just rolled her eyes.
“That being said,” Twilight added, giving Cadance a pointed look, “we actually do have a reason for coming here.”
Cadance shook her head in amusement as she pulled out a crisp, white envelope from her bag and presented it to Grandma Birdie.
“I’M HOME!” a young male voice called out as the front door slammed open. A 13-year-old boy who looked a lot like a younger Flash came into the kitchen.
“Hi, Grandma. Hey, Bro,” the boy said before taking notice of who else was in the room. “And other people who don’t normally live here.”
“Hun, do you have to come in so dramatically?” Grandma scolded her youngest grandson.
“How was I supposed to know we had guests over today?” First Base meekly replied as he pulled up a chair and took a seat.
Grandma just shook her head and continued, “Well, never mind that. Cadance just handed me this envelope, and I was just about to open it.”
“Well, what are we waiting for? Open it.”
With that, Grandma began to carefully tear open the envelope. Once the top fold was cleanly torn through, she pulled out what looked like a pale pink card.
Grandma read it silently to herself before exclaiming, “Oh! It’s a wedding invitation for yours and Shining Armor’s wedding.”
Cadance nodded and smiled as Grandma Birdie passed the invitation to her grandsons. “We had already sent out invites to friends and co-workers after we got engaged. With Twilight and Flash dating and the two of us hitting it off over Christmas, I thought we’d extend an invitation to you guys.”
“That’s very sweet of you, and we’d love to attend,” Grandma said. “We just have to check if we’re all free on that day. Thank you very much.”
“You guys go to the baby-drowning church?” Base remarked as he read where the wedding ceremony was to take place, causing his older brother to choke on his iced tea and everyone else at the table to glare at him with a mix of sternness and confusion. “What? Ms. Larkspur said it first.”
Twilight looked to Flash for an explanation.
“Gossipy old church lady,” her boyfriend said to her before turning to his brother with a deep frown, “who we aren’t supposed to be repeating stuff from.”
Cadance laughed in response. “We have one of those at our church, too. Her name’s Ms. Pickets. She says all sorts of terrible things about the other churches in town too. By the way, Birdie, which church do you guys attend?”
“Canterlot Baptist,” Grandma replied, “but honestly, we don’t really force ourselves into any single denomination. As far as we’re concerned, we’re just Christians plain and simple.”
“So, you don’t have any qualms about your grandson dating a Methodist?”
“Oh, none at all. As long as my grandbabies end up with good, God-fearing Christian girls who treat them well, I’ll be happy.”
“Oh, that’s good. Ms. Pickets might have some disagreements with you on that issue, but let’s not talk about her.”
With that, the two women let out a laugh and continued to enjoy the refreshments and each other’s company. However, Twilight began to fidget uncomfortably in her seat and nervously bite her lip.
“Um, Grandma Birdie, i-it’s not going to be a problem if, hypothetically speaking, Flash or Base end up dating a girl who isn’t a Christian, is it?” Twilight asked, twiddling her fingers.
“Of course, it’s going to be,” First Base interrupted. “She, Grandpa, and Mom have been pushing us to bring home good, God-fearing Christian girls ever since our parents split.”
Twilight cringed involuntarily.
“Now, hun, I can speak for myself. Thank you very much,” Grandma once again scolded First Base before answering Twilight. “Right now, I don’t think First Base is ready to be thinking about dating just yet. As for Flash, well, he’s at an age where I can’t exactly make him do what I say anymore, but if he wants my advice and opinion on the matter, I’d say he shouldn’t settle for anything less than a God-fearing Christian girl. If there’s anything my late husband and I have learned from our parents that we’ve tried to pass on to our kids and grandkids, it’s that God is the only thing that holds us together through the good and the bad and that your faith in Him is the one thing that you never compromise on.”
Twilight once again bit her lip as she felt her heart sinking inside her.
“Besides,” Grandma Birdie continued, oblivious to Twilight’s discomfort, “being with a good Christian girl would certainly make working out a relationship a lot easier on the boys, especially after what happened to their parents’ marriage.”
“I guess it’s a good thing that Flash got together with Twilight then,” said Cadance, making Twilight internally cringe even more.
“Umm, Flash, do you know where the bathroom is?” Twilight asked Flash.
“Sure,” Flash answered, getting up from his seat. “I’ll take you there.”
Twilight silently sighed in relief as she got up and followed Flash to the downstairs bathroom. However, when they reached the bathroom, Twilight pushed Flash against the wall and put her hand over his mouth.
“I didn’t really need to go to the bathroom, okay?” she whispered sharply to him. “Is there anywhere private where we can talk?”
Flash, his eyes wide with surprise, nodded slowly. Satisfied, Twilight released him and followed him to the garage.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Flash asked as he shut the door to the garage behind them.
“Well,” Twilight looked away from him as she fidgeted where she stood, “this isn’t really easy for me to say, but I didn’t feel right not telling you about it, and look, you can’t tell anyone about this, alright? Especially not Cadance or my family.”
Flash raised an eyebrow at her as the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He didn’t know where this conversation was going to go, but he had a feeling that he wasn’t going to like it. Twilight took a deep breath and turned back to face him.
“I’m not a Christian,” she blurted out with her eyes squeezed shut.
“WHA—?” Before Flash could finish that word, Twilight clamped her hand over his mouth and shushed him.
“Just calm down and hear me out, okay?” Once Twilight felt Flash relax under her grip, she slowly released him. “Thank you. Anyway, let me clarify. I might have been a Christian once, but that was years ago. Now, I’m just in a weird place where I’m not entirely sure what I believe, so I just write my faith or lack of faith or whatever as unimportant and irrelevant and try to ignore it.”
“I’m not sure I’m following you.”
Twilight covered her face with her hands as she groaned in frustration. “Okay, let’s try it this way. How old were you when you first became a Christian?”
Flash pressed his lips together in thought before answering, “Four or five, I guess. What about you?”
“Eight, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, in all the time, did anything ever happen to make you question your faith?”
“Yes.” Twilight’s eyes widened at Flash’s answer. She didn’t know what she expected Flash to say, but she definitely wasn’t expecting that answer. Flash continued, “It happened when Grandpa got the Alzheimer’s. My brother and I begged, prayed, and bargained with God that Grandpa would get better, but he just kept getting worse. One day, I just got so mad that I said, ‘God, if you don’t make my Grandpa better right now, You and I are done, and I’m not going to believe in You anymore. That’s it.’”
Flash snickered, “I learned two things that day. One, it’s very hard, if not impossible, to the deny the existence of the person you were just talking to. Two, it’s impossible to win an argument against God. He doesn’t even have to give an answer, and He’s already won.”
“Wow,” Twilight blinked a few times as she listened to Flash’s story. “Just wow.”
“So, what about you?”
“Me? Well,” Twilight once again looked away from him. She didn’t want to tell him how she lost her faith. Her story seemed completely laughable compared to what he just told her.
“Go on,” Flash said to her. Dang! Why did his voice have to be so soothing?
“Shining Armor failed a class,” she blurted out. “It was eight years ago, and it was his and Cadance’s senior year at Crystal Prep. It was also Cinch’s first year as principal, and she had brought in this big-shot professor to teach a dual-credit physics class. Apparently, she had brought in the best of the best or at least the best of all the ones who had time to teach a bunch of high school seniors. What she didn’t tell anyone was that the professor was a jerk atheist who required his students to renounce any and all beliefs contrary to his in writing or else he would fail them.”
“Aren’t there laws against teachers using threats to force their beliefs on students?”
“Yeah, well, from what I heard from Shining Armor and Cadance, as far as Cinch was concerned, a laundry list of publications and prestigious awards covered a multitude of legal breaches. Anyway, everyone else in that physics class was okay with going along with the professor’s one requirement, even Cadance didn’t want to risk failing the class.”
“But not your brother?”
“No, according to what I heard from Cadance, Shining apparently slammed his pen onto his desk, stood up, and said, ‘Sir, with all due respect, I’m a Christian, and I will not sign this.’ Shining Armor doesn’t quite remember it that way, but he doesn’t deny doing it either. Anyway, the professor gave him an ultimatum. If he wanted to pass the class without signing the paper, he had to make a presentation to the entire class using all the available evidence and arguments to convince them that God existed, and if he got the entire class on to believe him, then he passes. Okay, back then, debating and public speaking were not part of Shining Armor’s skill set, and they still aren’t. Despite that, he gave everything he had into researching and presenting his arguments. Cadance and his friends even helped him with the presentation because they felt guilty about signing the paper. Shining Armor gave his presentation and,” Twilight paused dramatically, “only a little over half the class was convinced. Shining had to drop the class, and it went on his academic record as a zero. Cadance and his friends tried to stand up for him, but the professor wouldn’t listen. Cinch wasn’t any help whatsoever, and my mom would have staged a protest if my dad hadn’t gotten her to calm down and think things through before she did anything crazy.”
Twilight studied Flash’s face for any change in his expression, but his expression remained blank, prompting her to continue. “Back when I first believed, I only believed because everyone else in my family did, and I never had a reason to question what we believed until that day. That day, I also realized that even if what we believed about God was true, I didn’t have any way of proving it or getting other people to believe it, and because of that, other people can and probably will treat me like an idiot for believing in something that I can’t prove, so maybe I was better off not believing.”
Flash blinked at what she had just said. He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He tried a second time and still no words. Just what was he supposed to say to that? What did Twilight need him to say to that?
After what felt like a rather long five seconds, he finally asked, “But you didn’t completely stop believing, did you?”
“Kind of hard to when your parents take your family to church every Sunday and you don’t have the heart to tell them that you want to throw your faith out the window,” Twilight replied with a bitter edge in her voice. “That’s kind of where I’m at right now faith-wise. If I can even still call myself a Christian, then I’m only one on Sundays and on random occasions when I feel like being one.”
For a while, neither of them said a word. Flash could tell that Twilight was scared, probably scared of what he thought of her. Twilight probably couldn’t tell, but he was scared too, scared that she was going to ask him the question that he hoped against all reasonable hope that she wouldn’t ask.
“Flash,” Twilight finally said, “I know your grandmother isn’t going to make you break up with me if you don’t want to, but would you actually break up with me over this?”
“DANG IT!” Flash internally screamed as he looked away from her. Why does this always happen to him? Why can’t a relationship just once, just once go right for him? However, despite the turmoil going on in his head, Flash’s heart already knew what his answer was going to be.
He turned to face her again and took her hands into his. As usual, her hands were cold. Man, was he going to miss the way they warmed up the longer he held them!
“Twilight,” he began, trying to keep his voice from breaking. “You know that hurting you is the last thing that I ever want to do, but faith isn’t an issue that’s up for compromise.”
Twilight abruptly pulled her hands out of his. “This isn’t just because your grandmother is against it, is it?”
Flash grabbed onto her hands again. “No! No, this isn’t just about me complying with my Grandma’s wishes. Well, granted, the last time that I went against her wishes about a girl, the relationship turned out badly, but no, this isn’t just because of Grandma’s advice.”
Flash let go of her and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Twilight, I know my grandmother is only human, but she is right about one thing. God has been the only thing that has held me and my family together through our best and worst times, and that’s something that I can’t just turn my back on, even for you.”
Twilight looked away from him and nodded. “I understand.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m not going to break up with you just yet. I know you’re in a pretty weird place faith-wise, so I’m going to give you a week to work through it. Just call and let me know what your decision is going to be.”
Twilight once again nodded, her expression unreadable. “Thanks for listening, Flash.”
With that she turned away from him and began briskly walking back to the dining room. Flash slowly followed her.
“Cadance, we need to go,” Twilight said.
“Go?” Cadance repeated. “Go where? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you in the car. Let’s just head back home.”
Cadance and Grandma Birdie shared a look. Then, Grandma nodded, “Well, it was nice having you two over. Feel free to stop by again.”
“Oh, it was our pleasure. I hope to see you all at the wedding,” Cadance got up and hugged Grandma goodbye before leaving the house with Twilight.
Flash watched them leave from the hallway with a pained expression on his face. As soon as they had left, he stormed up the stairs, ran into his room, and slammed the door behind him.
“AM I GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER?!” Grandma Birdie and First Base heard him scream from upstairs. Grandma let out a long sigh as she put a hand over her face.
Base rolled his eyes and said, “If this is what falling in love does to a guy, then I’m never falling in love.”
“Base, your aunt will be home in a few minutes. You mind helping her with dinner while I check on your brother?” Grandma asked as she began walking towards the stairs.
“Sure.”
Grandma Birdie knocked on the door of Flash’s room and let herself in. The first thing that she noticed was that Flash had flopped himself onto his bed with his back towards the door. The second thing she noticed was that Flash’s plush lion wasn’t in its usual place on the shelf. That bad, huh?
“Hey, hun, you mind telling me what happened with you and Twilight?”
“I don’t know if I should,” Flash muttered in reply.
“Because Twilight told you not to tell anyone that she wasn’t a Christian?”
“How did you know?” Flash jerked upright and turned to face his grandmother. As she had deduced, the plush lion was tightly clutched in Flash’s arms.
“I had a feeling that something was off when you didn’t get back as quickly as you should have. I went to check on you two and overheard the first part of your conversation. That being said, I’d still like to know the whole story.”
Flash took a deep breath and put a hand over his face. Then, he told his grandmother about his and Twilight’s entire conversation from the beginning.
“So, I’m giving her a week to figure things out before I actually break it off,” Flash concluded.
“I see,” Grandma nodded. “So, how are you feeling?”
“Fine,” Flash spat, flopping himself back onto his bed with his back towards his grandmother.
“You sure about that?”
“Yes.”
“Hun, it’s alright to admit that you’re hurting.”
“Even if I’m hurting because I did the right thing?” Flash replied.
“Yes, even then.”
Flash, still lying down, turned to face his grandmother. “Grandma, I know I did the right thing regardless of how I feel at the moment or what other people might have to say about it, but why did the right thing have to cost me the best girl I’ve ever been in a relationship with?”
“Okay, firstly, you haven’t lost Twilight yet; the week hasn’t even begun. Secondly, you’ve only been in a relationship with one other girl. Why are you in such a rush to have a relationship work out anyway? You haven’t even turned 18 yet. You’ve still got plenty of time to find your forever girl.”
With a groan, Flash once again changed positions. This time he was flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Well, for starters, a part of me is afraid that when I’m older, I’m going to end up alone and raising someone else’s kids.”
“You mean, like your aunt?”
Flash paused, a thoughtful look crossing his face, “Well, when you put it that way, I guess being a single adoptive parent isn’t a bad way to end up spending my life, but that definitely wouldn’t be my plan A for the future.” Flash let out a sigh as he ran his hands through his hair, “More importantly, I guess I thought that if I could somehow make a relationship last, I can finally prove to myself that I am a better man than my dad.”
“Oh, hun.” With a sad face, Grandma Birdie sat herself at the foot of Flash’s bed and sighed. “You don’t have to prove to anyone, not even yourself, that you’re a better man than your dad. You already are one.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m your grandmother, that’s how,” Grandma Birdie declared with so much authority that not even the obvious gap in logic could dissuade Flash from believing her words as true. Despite his current mood, Flash found himself smiling at his grandmother’s words. He wasn’t completely over himself yet, but he was over himself enough to get up into sitting position.
The first thing that caught Flash’s eye as he sat up was his acoustic guitar. His grandfather had given it to him when he decided that Flash was ready for a big boy’s guitar. Flash hadn’t completely grown into it yet at the time, but he had been too happy to care. The sight of that old guitar drew out a memory from the recesses of his mind.
“Grandma, you remember that song Grandpa always used to sing to you on your wedding anniversary?” Flash asked.
“Oh, how can I forget?” Grandma replied with a big, nostalgic smile. “Why do you ask?”
“I just thought of a line from that song. ‘If we try to leave/May God send angels/To guard the door,’” Flash answered, once again frowning. “Where were the angels that were supposed to be guarding my parents’ marriage?”
Grandma Birdie’s face fell as she looked to the ground and sighed. “That’s exactly what your mom asked me when her marriage fell apart. Poor dear! That split almost destroyed her. She nearly threw her faith out the window over it.”
“Really?” Flash’s eyes widened. “How come I don’t remember this?”
“Because you were seven and your mom was good at hiding it, that’s why.”
“So, how did she get her faith back?”
“A whole lot of time, patience, love, and prayer on mine and your grandfather’s part,” Grandma answered. “You can go ahead and do the same for Twilight, but I can’t make you any promises about your relationship with her working out.”
Flash recoiled, sputtering, “B-b-but I wasn’t going to—”
“Right, sure, you weren’t,” Grandma quipped sarcastically. “Now, get up and stop moping around before I worry myself to death over you.”
Meanwhile, Twilight was in the front passenger seat of Cadance’s car, recapping her conversation with Flash.
“So, now, I’ve got a week to decide if I’m a Christian or not. If I decide that I’m not, Flash will break up with me. Oh, but I can’t become a Christian just for Flash. That would be disingenuous, and Flash deserves better than that. Also, assuming that everything we’ve been taught about God is true, God deserves better than that too,” Twilight ranted, ending with a growl. “I don’t know what to do or believe, and oh gosh! I just don’t know.” How she hated those four words!
Throughout Twilight’s entire tirade, Cadance was just wordlessly driving and listening, her eyes wide and mouth agape.
“That,” Cadance finally uttered, “is a lot to process.”
“I’m sorry, Cadance. I know I’ve been lying to you and my family and our church for the last eight years, but I didn’t know what else to do, and now, I’m just stuck.”
“And this all began because Shining Armor failed Dual-Credit Physics?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“And you’re blaming God for Shining Armor failing?”
“My brother risked looking like a fool for Him!” Twilight raged. “Why didn’t He show up and validate Shining’s faith? Just why?”
Cadance sighed. “You know, I asked myself the same thing when that professor failed your brother. The only answer that I got to that question was that God will do whatever He thinks is best and that He doesn’t answer to me.”
“That’s not an answer,” Twilight muttered bitterly before sighing, “but it’s the best answer I’m going to get, isn’t it?”
“You know, Twilight, I’m curious. How would you have felt about Flash if he had chosen you over God?”
Twilight just sat there with her mouth hanging open like one struck dumb. How would she have felt if Flash had made that compromise?
“I,” Twilight began before biting her lip. The only words that wanted to come out of her mouth were her three most hated words in the English language. “I don’t know. I don’t know. A part of me wishes that Flash had chosen me, but at the same time, I think, I think I would have lost a lot of respect for him if he had done that, and the relationship would have been in trouble anyway.”
“You did want a guy with principles this time around.”
“And now, I can end up losing him because of those principles. Great,” Twilight groaned sarcastically.
“Twi, if I’m remembering what you just said to me correctly, you told Flash that you thought that you’d be better off not believing, correct?” Cadance asked.
“Yes.”
“Do you still think that?”
Once again, silence fell on the two young ladies as Twilight nervously played with her hair, searching her mind for an
answer.
“No,” she finally answered. “No, I don’t think that anymore.”
“What made you change your mind?”
Twilight smiled as she answered, “Flash’s family, especially after we hung out with them last Christmas. They had gone through such a horrible loss, and they were hurting, but they still kept their hearts open to love. They had a hope and a joy that I just couldn’t understand but still wanted. If all that was only possible because of God, then maybe I should believe in Him.”
“Well, someone did write once that the best argument for Christianity was Christians.”
Twilight turned and frowned skeptically at Cadance. “You know that same writer also wrote that the best argument AGAINST Christianity was also Christians, right? Within the same paragraph too.”
“Since you’re obviously familiar with that book, then you already know how he ended that paragraph.”
Twilight sighed before quoting, “‘Indeed, there are impressive indications that the positive quality of joy is in Christianity—and possibly nowhere else. If that were certain, it would be proof of a very high order.’”
Cadance chuckled to herself, impressed by Twilight’s ability to memorize texts. “You know, Twilight, if you’re still feeling salty about what happened to your brother, why don’t you talk to him about it? I know he probably didn’t show it, but he was probably just as shaken as you were. You might not get the answers that you wanted to find, but maybe you’ll find the ones that you need.”
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to look into a bit more,” Twilight shrugged. The two of them spent the rest of that car ride without saying another word until Cadance pulled up in front of Twilight’s house.
Later that night after Twilight and her family had dinner together, she knocked on the door of her brother’s room. “Hey, BBBFF. Can I come in?”
“Sure, Twily. Come on in,” her brother replied.
Twilight entered the room to find her brother busily putting many of his belongings into boxes.
“Getting ready to move out for after the wedding?” Twilight asked with a small smile.
“Yeah,” Shining replied. “I’ll be honest with you. As excited as I am about starting a new life with Cadance, I’m also nervous. I mean, so much is going to end up changing.”
Twilight nodded before her smile slowly faded. Her brother seemed so happy looking forward to the future. Did she really want to ruin that by bringing up the past? How was she even supposed to ask what she wanted to ask?
“So, Twily, what’s eating ya?” Shining Armor asked her.
“Oh, yeah,” Twilight muttered as she hugged herself, “umm, it’s just that, well, uh…” Oh, come on! Just get it out! “Look, it’s really hard for me to talk about this, but…” Twilight turned away from her brother as she covered her face with her hands.
Seeing his sister’s distress, Shining Armor stopped what he was doing and sat down on his bed. “Come over here,” he motioned for Twilight to sit next to him. Twilight did what she was told, and Shining Armor turned her to face him. “Just tell me what you need to tell me.”
Twilight took a deep breath and asked, “Shining, do you remember that class you failed in high school?”
“Dual-Credit Physics, yeah. Why?”
“Well,” Twilight began, “was not signing that paper worth risking looking like an idiot and then failing anyway?”
Shining Armor was taken aback by his sister’s question. What exactly was going on here? “Yeah, I would say it was worth it. That being said, I was still pretty mad about failing.”
“Mad at who?”
Okay, something was definitely going on. “A lot of people. I was mad at the professor for being a pushy jerk. I was mad at Cinch for being totally unhelpful. I was even mad at myself for not making a better argument.”
“Were you also mad at God?”
Shining Armor raised an eyebrow at that question before realization slowly set in. So, that’s what was going on. “I’ve never told anyone besides Cadance and the pastor, but yeah. Yeah, I was mad at God, mad that I risked everything for Him and He didn’t show up like I wanted.”
“Are you still mad at Him?”
Shining Armor pressed his lips together sternly. “Twily, before I answer that, I want to know. What is all this really about?”
Twilight turned away from her brother. “Please don’t tell Mom and Dad.”
“No promises.”
One recap of two separate conversations later, Shining Armor was staring at Twilight with the same dumbfounded expression that Cadance had earlier. “That is a lot to process. Why didn’t you tell anyone sooner, like eight years sooner?”
“I, I, I, I don’t know,” Twilight admitted. “I guess I was worried that you and our parents would get mad if I told you guys about it.”
“Twily, remember back when you were six and the Sunday school teacher got upset with you because you kept asking her questions that she didn’t have answers to?”
“How can I forget?” Twilight scoffed. “She told me if I didn’t stop asking questions God was going to send me to Hell.”
“And Mom got so mad that if Dad hadn’t gotten the pastor involved, she would have given that lady a beatdown,” Shining Armor added. “Afterwards, she and Dad sat down and worked through your questions with you.”
“I still remember what they said whenever I asked a question that we didn’t have answers to,” Twilight smiled. “‘Twily, some questions don’t really have answers, and when that happens, we need to be okay with not knowing things.’ I remember that I had a lot of trouble accepting that last part, and I still do, but I really appreciated that they took the time to help me understand.”
“And knowing them, they’ll want to help you understand what you’re going through now.”
“Well, I answered your questions,” Twilight said plainly. “Now, you answer mine. Are you still mad at God?”
“No,” Shining answered. “That’s the short answer. I’m guessing you want the long one.”
Twilight shot her brother a look that said, “Brother, have you not met me?”
“When I failed that class, I bowed out as graciously as I could, but as soon as I was alone, I drove myself to Stardust Point and screamed, ‘What gives?! I needed You to show up in that presentation! Where the heck were You?!’”
“That,” Twilight hesitantly uttered, “doesn’t sound like you.” What exactly was it about Stardust Point that made it the perfect place to scream in anger from?
“That’s because I’ve never let you see me get that mad.”
“So, did you get an answer, or did you just scream all your anger out?”
“Oh, I got an answer alright. I heard it as clear as day,” Shining chuckled. “‘I’m still here, aren’t I?’”
Twilight’s mouth dropped open, and her eyes widened. “Okay, what is it with you and Cadance getting your prayers answered with non-answers?”
“Do you have a better answer?”
Twilight quickly shut her mouth and shrugged. “Good point.”
“Twily, listen to me,” Shining wrapped an arm across his sister’s shoulders. “As painful as that experience was, I don’t regret refusing to sign that paper. I know that I did the right thing regardless of how I felt afterwards or what other people had to say about it. The right thing might have cost me a perfect academic record, but it was worth it.”
Twilight didn’t say anything but instead merely wrapped her arms around her brother and pressed her face against his chest. “Shiny, I still don’t know what to do. I want to believe again, but I’m scared.”
“Of?”
“What if, what if I have to make the same risk that you did? What if I end up looking stupid in the eyes of the world?”
Shining Armor bit his lower lip. His sister was not going to like his answer to those questions. “So, what if you do?”
“Shining!” Twilight cried, pulling away.
“Twily, I know you hate looking like an idiot almost as much as you hate not knowing things. I know, I know. But,” Shining Armor sighed, “do you really mean to tell me that your intellectual pride is worth turning your back on the God who suffered, died, and conquered Death for you?”
Now, it was Twilight’s turn to start biting her lip. “Well, when you put it that way, no.”
“Then, what’s stopping you?”
For a while, neither of them said anything. Then, Twilight threw her arms around her brother and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Thanks for listening, BBBFF.”
Later that night, Twilight stood next to her bed, staring at it apprehensively. All she had to do was kneel down next to it and pray. Simple. Her parents and brother had shown her how to do it plenty of times as a child, and she’s done it plenty of times on her own since then. The fact that she hasn’t done it in eight years shouldn’t be stopping her from doing it, so why was it?
Twilight could remember the child-like innocence that she once offered her prayers with. Her prayers were simple back then, mostly consisting of “Please give me an A on my math test” or “Thank you that I got to play with Cadance today” or “Please let kids like Mommy’s new book” or “Thank you that we didn’t have quesadillas for dinner tonight.” Sometimes whenever she finished praying, she’d get this strange feeling that someone was in the room with her. Looking back on those moments, she couldn’t decide if those sensations were God making His presence known or merely the product of the overactive imagination of a naïve child. Well, only one way to find out.
Twilight took a deep breath and willed herself to her knees. She folded her hands and took another deep breath.
“Um, hi, God. It’s me,” Twilight hesitantly began. “I know it’s been a while, but I’m here now.”
“Don’t know if You are though,” she muttered under her breath. This is stupid; you’re making a fool out of yourself; get up. However, before she could even begin to stand up, a memory from earlier came to the forefront of her mind.
“It’s very hard, if not impossible, to the deny the existence of the person you were just talking to,” Flash had said to her that afternoon. Okay, where did that memory even come from? She wasn’t even thinking about Flash right at this very moment. Maybe she should at least finish praying before she jumped to conclusions.
“Anyway,” Twilight continued, “You probably already know why I’m here. I think, I think I want to believe in You again, but I’m afraid to. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I can go back to before I started caring about what other ‘smart’ people thought about You and getting their approval. I know I can’t go back to being that trusting little girl, but I want to believe the way she used to.”
Twilight started when she felt something wet fall on top of her hand. She reached up and felt a trail of wetness going down her face. She hadn’t even realized she was crying.
Twilight inhaled and exhaled again, refolding her hands and continuing, “Also, I know You probably already know this, but there’s a boy involved, so my motives for coming here probably aren’t completely pure. Just thought You need to hear it come out of me.” Twilight smiled. “His name is Flash Sentry, and he’s the best guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with. He kind of reminds me of my brother but with better hair, and as far as I know, my brother has never had life as hard as he has.”
Twilight’s face became serious. “God, I don’t know if I’m allowed to ask for this, but if what I’ve got with Flash doesn’t end up working out, please send him someone better than me. He deserves it.”
As soon as she finished that last sentence, Twilight felt a few more tears spill out of her eyes. “Thanks for listening. Amen.”
As she got up from her knees, Twilight’s eyes widened as she became aware of a feeling growing from somewhere inside of her. It was faint but present. Her mind, for all its knowledge and learning, couldn’t find any words to adequately describe that feeling. It felt completely unnatural yet comforting and familiar at the same time. Okay, there was no way that she could have imagined something like this.
Later that night, Twilight awoke. She wasn’t startled awake or anything like that. Her heartbeat and breathing were normal, and as far as she can tell, she didn’t have a nightmare. She just woke up.
Twilight blinked a few times as she slowly sat up in bed. She carefully surveyed her surroundings. Other than the significant reduction in light, her room looked the way it did when she fell asleep. Spike was curled up in his puppy bed, and none of her belongings had been disturbed. The only disconcerting detail that she was able to perceive was the “2:00” in highlighter yellow numbers on her alarm clock.
She was about to flop back onto her pillows when a thought entered her mind. “Maybe I should call Flash.” Why in the world would she want to do that? When the thought refused to go away, she picked up her phone and unlocked it.
“I better have a good reason for wanting to do this,” Twilight thought to herself as she scrolled through her contacts. When she found Flash’s number, her thumb hovered a bit over the call button before coming down on it.
Meanwhile, Flash was sleeping soundly in his room. Talking with his grandmother had given him a little more peace about his conversation with Twilight, but he was still mildly distressed about it. You can tell because his plush lion Simba was on the nightstand next to the bed instead of his usual place on the shelf.
Right now, Flash was in the middle a dream where he was parkouring through the rooftops of Paris dressed in a domino mask and a catsuit. It wasn’t his favorite dream—no, that title would have to go to the one where he was Spiderman—but he quite enjoyed it, nonetheless. In his dream, Flash was about to leap onto the next rooftop when the sound of his ringtone jolted him out of his dream mid-leap.
He got up with a groan and turned to his alarm clock. Who could be calling him at 2 in the morning?
Flash rubbed his eyes and answered his phone without checking the caller ID. “Hello?”
“Um, hi, Flash.”
“Twilight?” Well, that woke him up.
“Yeah, sorry for waking you. I just felt like I needed to talk to you about something for some reason.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. Uh, what’s up?”
“Flash, I,” Twilight began before pausing, “I’ve decided to believe again. I mean, coming to that decision wasn’t easy, but that’s the decision that I’m going with.”
Flash’s jaw hit the floor as his heart hit the ceiling. “Wait, what?”
“I’ve decided that I want to be a Christian, and I want to stay that way.”
“Whoa, Twilight. That’s great. Umm, so, how are you feeling?”
“Like a just jumped out of a plane. Don’t laugh, but that’s got to be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. If I’m going to be honest, a part of me is still feeling a little scared.”
“Well, at least you landed where you need to be if you catch my drift.”
Twilight giggled in response before going silent.
“Umm, Twi, you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here.” More silence. “Umm, Flash, even though I’m a believer now, I still have a lot of issues from the last eight years that I still need to sort through, and,” Twilight trailed off before letting out a sigh, “and I think I need to sort them out without you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Flash, I,” another sigh, “I think we need to put our relationship on hold.”
Flash’s eyes widened as he realized, “Are you breaking up with me?”
A long and pregnant pause followed. “Flash, I don’t want to hurt you. Believe me, but I really need to sort out my baggage without getting distracted if you understand what I mean.”
Flash sighed, “Yeah, I understand. So, are we done with each other, or is this just temporary?”
“Just give me a week. That’s all I ask. If we still want to keep the relationship going by then, I’ll call you, okay?”
“I,” Flash began. “I am oddly okay with this. I mean, it’s not the direction I thought our relationship was going to go, but I’m okay with this.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in a week then,” Twilight paused. “Hey Flash?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks. Thanks for being honest and patient with me, especially for being patient with me.”
“Oh, no problem. See you in a week.”
“Bye.” With that the two of them hung up.
Flash lay back and sighed, waiting for sleep to return to him. Sleep seemed to be taking its sweet time.
After spending a good five minutes staring at the painted stars on his ceiling, Flash turned to the plush lion on his nightstand and asked, “We’ll be back together again by next week, right, Simba?”
Simba just sat there, staring at nothing with his plastic plush toy eyes.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought you’d say.”
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I'm...not sure how to feel about this. Weird.
Not sure how I feel about Flash forcing Twilight to decide that she was Christian or not within a week or the not even one night decision on Twilight's decision to be a Christian. I get it, but I think a little more time to pass before Twilight decided, with Flash electing to try to work through the idea of contining the relationship first for a day or two before... well presenting the choices. I only express these because I care.
(to quote Benjen Stark "Nothing someone said before the word but really counts,")
BUT, I do enjoy the rest of it, I especially love how Shining tells how he reacted to the class.
9448340
Twilight's side of the story is sort of based on my own worst doubts and fears as an intellectual, just taken to a bit of a greater extreme.
9448269
Yeah. I understand it has it's flaws, but I wrote this from a VERY vulnerable place in my heart, so please go easy on me.
This is a really great story. You always do a good job with this continuity.
I understand that reference and love it!
Its situations like this that have always made me distrust and have a bad opinion of organized religion. Cause it fundamentally is unfair, and creates a prejudicial biase with people. I'm not saying God isn't real, and all Christians are evil. So please, for all reading this, don't jump to that conclusion on me. But let's change this scenario a bit. Say Twilight and her family were Jewish, or Muslim. With Grandma Birdy insisting on the god fearing Christian girl thing, and how quick Flash questioned their relationship. What would happen if Twilight was like, "Sorry I'm not Christian. I am God fearing but I have a different faith"? That's not something Twi could fix in a week of reflection. And a beautiful and loving relationship is ruined because of a strict standard of arbitrary rules, set down by humans that claimed to have been given the rules by a higher power. Its just stuff like that, that's always just sat really uncomfortably with me. Denying happiness and love for an ideology is just willfully ignorant.
9690225
I was going through a mini faith crisis when I wrote this. At the end of the day, my faith won out, and that's the whole story.
Wow.... What a story of faith! I know those feelings, and I love how honest you are. In hindsight, your user name says it all. BTW, I got the reference!
"God's not dead;
He's surely alive-
He's livin' on the inside
Roaring like a lion
God's not dead;
He's surely alive!
Let Heaven roar...
And fire fall;
come shake the ground
with the sound of revival....."
Haha! Love that song! Onward my noble steeds, to the next chapter!
Pretty interesting story. An interesting direction to explore the Flashlight ship. A great read still. I also like how Christianity is used in this story.Really interesting
10265088
Uh, thank you. I'm glad you liked it. This was a DEEPLY personal story.
Did the events from the Friendship Games onward affect Twilight's views on God, because she saw with her own eyes that the supernatural is real.
10371715
I'm not sure if that applies because Equestrian magic is technically completely natural in its universe of origin.