Octavia has been left alone for an entire month, and, during her routine shopping run, she comes across a young stallion setting up an art kiosk in the town square market. Approaching, the young stallion, by the name of Colour Palette, offers her a painting that was left to him from his uncle, and after reluctantly accepting the painting, Octavia notices strange things happening around her house.
She begins to experience nightmares and paranormal activity that she can't begin to explain, and she has no clue what's happening. Terrified, Octavia is determined to figure out what is haunting her home and terrorizing her with sinister intent. Digging deeper, she uncovers some shocking secrets and history relating to the mysterious painting.
Chapters (6)
No offense, but didn't this used to be longer
? What happened?
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Check my most recent blog, all of the answers are there.
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Oh! Now I see. I suppose that makes sense.
This is interesting. Is the painting based on real world painting?
Why is this labeled as complete if you are still updating it?
Because it is complete. I wrote a blog on my reasons, so look it up.
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Yes. The Anguished Man. It's said to be one of the world's most haunted / possessed paintings.
I don't think the ending is so bad. What was it that you originally had in mind?
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Something that didn't seem like a cliché. I didn't want it to be like every other horror film out there or to sound unrealistic and robotic. Another thing that bothers me is that I can't stand the idea of doing something that's already been done. I tried to be original as possible with this one, sticking to the only guideline of the facts that gave birth to this idea, The Anguished Man.
I did the best that I could, wrote it as well as I could, checked it over and over, but I still had nagging doubt in my mind telling me not to publish it. Sometimes, I worry the actions and dialogue between Colour Palette and Octavia are almost animated and lacking depth that gives them that relatability to the reader, if that makes sense. I wanted actions in the story to be powerful and moving, enough to satisfy me that I did well with this story.
I just didn't want another fairy tale ending that was as clichéd as it was ridiculously predictable. That's what I do with everything - be as original and as realistic as possible so that it's believable and not clunky and bores the reader into stopping halfway through a paragraph, able to tell where it's going.
It would ease me if I was convinced my doubts are unfounded and that the story actually worked out well in the end. I suppose only the readers can clarify that one for me, can't they?
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Hmmmm. My standards for writing on Fimfiction aren't as high as they would be for a published work, but I can't think of a better way to do the ending, at least without changing the outcome and tone completely. If you wanted a happy ending, I'd say you did pretty well with it.
I did kind of wonder why Octavia never thought to get one of the Princesses involved, but not having the usual suspects show up made the story more interesting. It also gave you time to develop Colour Pallete, who I thought was done well. Considering that Octavia was portrayed as a dignified, more formal character, she and Colour played off each other well.
I'm sure others would be able to offer a better critique, but for how your own comments made it sound, I was happy with the story overall.
Is it me or the cover style is pretty similar to Lil’ miss jay?
I think the paragraph starting with "tubing, flasks, bottles, beakers and test tubes and alchemy tools." is in the wrong place.