...Halo! Halos in Space!
It was a cool evening at Sweet Apple Acres. As was typical for a day such as today, three girls could be seen speeding across the apple orchards, past the shed which held the locomotives of their small railway, and into the house itself.
Apple Bloom smiled, and wiped her brow. “Well,” she said to her friends, “Ah think today’s been a mighty fine day.”
“Yep!” Scootaloo added. “I’d agree with you on that!” The three girls had been out trying out rock climbing at the local park, which had been a lot of fun for the three of them.
Well, except Sweetie Belle. “I hope Rarity will be accommodating,” she said, indicating the smudges on her jacket. “You know what she’s like when things are dirty.”
“Well that’s rich!” Scootaloo replied. “Didn’t you have to wash her clothes one time because she wouldn’t come out of her room because she was crying over a failed dress she’d made?”
The other two girls simply stared at her. “What?”
Apple Bloom siged. “Scoots, ya need ta use WAY more commas when ya speak.”
Scootaloo just looked utterly confused. “Why would I need to use commas when I speak?”
“It makes your sentences easier to understand,” Sweetie Belle replied. “And yes, I did have to wash her clothes. The amount of ice cream stains in them was ridiculous!”
“Ya also run live steam on yer layout, don’t ya?” Apple Bloom asked her white skinned friend.
Sweetie Belle nodded. “That can get a little smoky at times, but we use methylated spirit to run them, combined with radio control.”
Scootaloo grinned. “Sweetie Belle, you are great with technology. It’s no wonder you and Button Mash get along so well!”
Sweetie Belle simply blushed. “Thank you,” she replied.
“Shall we head up ta mah room?” Apple Bloom said. “We’ve got stuff ta do, remember?”
“Oh!” Scootaloo said. “Right.”
“Onwards to Adventure!” Sweetie Belle called, and away they went, up the stairs.
“Not so loud!” called the voice of Bright Mac.
The three girls reached Apple Bloom’s bedroom, where a camera had been set up just above her computer so it could record whatever was looking at the monitor.
In addition to their usual hobbies, the Crusaders also ran a YouTube channel, where they uploaded a mixture of music videos, reaction videos, recording of railway related things, and many other recordings. They took turns to record at each other’s houses, and tonight Apple Bloom was doing the honours.
“So, what are we reacting to today?” Scootaloo asked, taking off her trainers and sitting on Apple Bloom’s bed.
“Is it another wheelslip fails video?” Sweetie Belle added her enquiry to the pile.
Apple Bloom looked back over her shoulder. “Well, actually, Ah was thinkin’ we could try somethin’ a little different,” she said.
“Namely?” Sweetie Belle asked.
There was a pause, as Apple Bloom held her friends in suspense. “Fanfiction!” she said at last.
Sweetie Belle clapped her hands, but Scootaloo just looked at her, dumbfounded. “You mean stuff like 50 Shades of Grey?”
“I think we’re too young to have read that,” Sweetie Belle added.
“Not ta mention it’s just bad,” Apple Bloom said. “From what Ah’ve heard!” she quickly added.
Scootaloo shrugged. “That book started life as a Twilight fanfiction, according to Wikipedia.”
Apple Bloom turned back to her PC, and typed in her password. There was a momentary pause as the machine logged in, and then the main screen appeared. Apple Bloom clicked on the Firefox icon, and opened a bookmarked page. “Nah, bad fanfiction!”
Scootaloo looked at the opened page. “Halo: Halos in Space?”
“I’ve never played that game,” Sweetie Belle said. “I bet Button has though.”
“Aw, c’mon!” Apple Bloom said to her friends. “It’ll be a hoot! What ya say, y’all?”
There was another pause. “I’m in!” Scootaloo said finally.
“Me too!” Sweetie Belle called.
Apple Bloom reached up to the camera, and set it running.
“Hi! I’m Sweetie Belle!”
“Scootaloo, at your service!”
“And Ah’m Apple Bloom. We are the Crusaders!”
There was a pause, before Apple Bloom began speaking again. “Tonight, we are gonna do somethin’ a little bit different. Tonight, and every now and then, we will be reactin’ ta bad fanfiction. Today’s entry is Halo: Halos in Space!”
Scootaloo leaned in. “Sheesh, needs an apostrophe.”
Sweetie Belle peered at the publish bar. “Published June 6th, 2006? Wow, this one is old.”
Apple Bloom spoke up. “Aliens are comin’ ta Joe Cheifs ship and he has ta leave and go ta Halo army base quick?” She shook her head. “What? That don’t make sense!”
Scootaloo looked over. “Hey, do you wanna read Sweetie Belle? You’ve got the best public speaking voice.”
Sweetie Belle cleared her throat, and began to read.
“Joe Chief was in Space and had wepons and was a army guy but he wasn’t a robot liek Master Chief so he didnt fly.”
“An army guy?” Apple Bloom ventured cautiously.
“OK, I can see this guy has serious issues with spelling, punctuation and grammar.” Scootaloo’s comment rang especially true.
“Joe Chief was one day in a place and shooting wepon at targits and then got a call on the space tv in the ship that said to him "JOE CHIEF ALIENS ARE SHOTING AT SHIP COME HERE QUICK" so he went.” Sweetie Belle shook her head. “Talk about breakneck pace.”
“And why are the aliens...shoting? Showting? I have no idea how to pronounce that word!” Scootaloo exclaimed.
“Joe Chief ran fast there to where bullets were from aliens and took out his wepons and shot at space to hit ships.”
“What?” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “That don’t make sense at all!”
“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle added. “I get the impression this guy doesn’t do logic.” She then resumed.
“Aliens started flying from space into Joe Chiefs ship so he had to do somthing quick. Joe Chief punched a alien and ran fast to get big wepon from the lock room so he went there and got it and shot alien again in teh legs and they fell and Joe Chief shot again and killd them. Joe Chief lookd at dead aliens and said to them "Aliens we are human people and you are aliens but we dont need to kill things like us" and then pushed them into space.”
“Well, that speech made no sense,” Scootaloo added. “How did this even pass moderation?”
“There is no moderation on Fanfiction.net,” Apple Bloom explained. “It goes straight through.”
“Explains why the quality is so crap,” Scootaloo added. “This is terrible.”
“Ya think this is bad?” Apple Bloom asked. “Just wait till ya read the next bit!”
“After teh normil aliens the flood came and every thing got wet and messy and lightningy becaus water hit teh space tv and all the things and made sparks. After teh aliens sent the flood other aliens with big heads came and Joe Chief had to runaway becaues there was to many of those and they were killing other human people on teh ship.”
At the point when they reached ‘wet and messy’, Scootaloo cracked up. “Oh my God this is hilarious!” she cried as she laughed.
“Is that even a word?” Sweetie Belle asked. “Ya know, becaues?”
“Ah think the author meant, ‘because’,” Apple Bloom admitted. “Besides, ‘and all the things and made sparks’ makes no sense. If we may continue?”
"Human people army guys hurry and come in ship!" Joe Chief said to the human people there becaus aliens were killing them and he was in a escape ship and ready to go. 3 other human people came just in time becaus the big ship blew up n they were flying fast in space and going to the Halo to meet the army base and get ready fo tight.”
“Ready fo tight?” Sweetie Belle asked. “That sounds like the time when Rarity made some clothes that were a tiny bit too small for me.”
“I never knew you could spell ‘because’ so many different ways,” Scootaloo added.
“You’ve got a bit of an interestin’ history in that regard,” Apple Bloom said in response.
“That was only because somebody asked me to spell ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “You try spelling ‘rhombus’!”
“Rohmbus?” Apple Bloom ventured.
“If we may get on,” Sweetie Belle said. “And it’s rhombus.”
“Joe Chief had to fly fast and go a round tings liek alien ships and things. Then out of no where BOOM happend and the back of the espcape ship fell open n one of the army guys fell out and explodd in space then another one closed it and said "NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept.”
“Is it normal to describe and explosion using onomatopeia?” Sweetie Belle asked, confused.
“Are you some kind of walking dictionary today?” Scootaloo retorted.
“Besides, Ah’m pretty certain that is not how ya spell ‘escape’, or how ya spell exploded.”
“Besides, do you explode if you fall out into space?” Scootaloo asked.
“Actually, you would,” Sweetie Belle continued. “Your skin would inflate as the water evaporated, causing you to-”
“Too much information!” Apple Bloom called. “C’mon, we’ve only got three more paragraphs ta read.”
“Joe Chief lookd a front of him and seen alien shooting at him so he did a barral roll and teh lasers went around him and went away. Joe Chief sawd the Halo in Space so he put the ship faster and went there quick becaus a lot of aliens were there. Joe Chief shot like "bang bang bang" from teh ship and made aliens blow up and then landed ship on Halo.”
“Is this guy just bad at English, or is he a troll?” Scootaloo said. “Because something doesn’t feel right.”
“I don’t know,” Sweetie Belle countered. “This somehow feels genuine.”
“Joe Chief said to teh other 2 army guys "Were here now get wepon n kill aliens fast" so they did but when they left a ship landed and skwashed them. Human people army guys were all dying fast and Joe Chief had to save them but he didnt know how but then he saw something and went to it and piced it up and said "no we win" to himself.”
Scootaloo cracked up again. “I think I’m gonna piss myself from laughing!” she hooted.
Apple Bloom shook her head. “Well, he did do that thin’ with the somethin’.”
“The pacing is terrible,” Sweetie Belle added. “He didn’t know what to do, then knew what to do?”
Apple Bloom looked into the camera. “Well, that’s all fer tonight. See ya next week!” She then stopped the camera. “What did ya think?” she asked.
“Can we do more of these?” Scootaloo asked. “That was hilarious!”
Apple Bloom smiled. “Sure. Another one, this time next week?”
“It’s my house next!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
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What's this? Inspired by Full-Life Consequences? Instantly bookmarked.
Oh? What kind of fanfic stories?
Whatever it is, this looks interesting.
Hey pick one of mine, some of them suck!
9439321
This is a reaction series to such awful fiction.
9439361
Reading ones that are really, REALLY bad.
9439401
Are you sure?
9439728
Choices is my least liked, Capricorn born in January is a dumpster fire, you are basically giving out criticisms in a mildly snarky way. Something I do constantly, and I have always believed that if you can't take it don't dish it out. So by all means have at any of my fics, either here or elsewhere. I value whatever you come up with and I look forward to it. Just link to my story and my page when you do and we'll be good.
9439727
Oh, God.
9439768
I'll take a look.
9439776
This should be a laugh.
9439856
Indeed.
9439859
A laugh that updates every single week.
9439863
Ok then.
You can use some of mine, though good luck finding something truly terrible.
I've already said this today, but I think that this might actually be the best story I've read in the last week! I can show you some other stories like the ones the CMC read. Some on purpose, some because the author is clueless.
9439879
Indeed.
9439935
Ok.
9440144
Thanks! Fire them my way.
I thought having them read some of the worst fanfics ever would work well.
How about My Imm-
No, that's too easy. I give you: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5822132/1/Becoming-Female
9440352
I was seriously considering that, but it doesn't fit the age rating of the story.
9440353
That's the problem, not many of them do.
Welp, that was an excellent start, though without the GMod shenanigans as a cherry on top. Can't wait to see what you'll dig up next.
9440424
I suppose I could have them read the bowdlerised version.
9441022
Oh, you'll enjoy it.
9440243
Okay. Here's one that was written bad on purpose. Just click the link here.
And here's one that was made by a completely clueless joe right here.
And for good measure, one that I'm not so sure about right here.
BTW I watched the video in your link. I almost peed myself laughing! Then I showed it to my boyfriend, and he could barely breathe after watching it! Best video ever!
9444353
I think it's partly the Gmod shenanigans happening on screen, coupled with the OTT narrator and other myriad silliness, that makes it so funny.
This is an actual story?
9644771
Yes. See the link in the achtohor's nose.