Pony Blues
It’s kind of ironic really. A pegasi such as myself loving the color blue. Not just because it’s my coat color, not just because it’s the color of the sky I love to dominate and control. Not even because Twilight says it has been proven to re-energize ponies.
Well, that last one might be a bit true.
Though my lifelong dream is to become a Wonderbolt... no scratch that, Captain of the Wonderbolts! Gotta dream big, don’t I? But even though that’s my dream to hang out with those incredible flyers, the irony wasn’t lost on me that their uniforms were also blue.
But none of those things are the reason blue is my favorite color. Oddly enough, the real reason is actually pretty pink.
*****
Rainbow Dash gave a heavy sigh as she rolled over on the cloud above Ponyville square. She had positioned them in a way that anypony looking up would see a floating patio complete with an umbrella to block the sunlight. If Dash was going to sleep there all day, she might as well make it worth the stay.
She tossed and turned on the cloud, finding it difficult to get comfortable as brief flashes of sapphire pools continued to bounce through her mind like the pony they belonged to. Why she couldn’t get Pinkie Pie out of her head, she couldn’t understand.
Hanging out with her had been a blast, despite all the property damage incurred once again. She swore that Pinkie was going to land them both in Ponyville jail or get them in some sort of trouble. But as long as Pinkie remained by her side, she wouldn’t mind at all. It was actually rather nice to have a pony as loyal as herself to be around. Not that the others weren’t, but Pinkie had a special way of showing hers.
Dash sometimes wondered where Pinkie got her boundless energy. Probably from the mass quantities of sugar she consumed. Too bad too much sugar gave Dash a headache. But she also noticed that Pinkie never seemed to gain any weight. She made note to ask Pinkie how that was possible, because Dash wanted to be in top shape for the Wonderbolts. Fat pegasi can’t fly. Well, except for that muscle bound one, but Dash didn’t try to figure that out.
She also thought it awesome how Pinkie could seem to bend reality at her will. Hiding in places most ponies couldn’t fit, her Pinkie Sense. Dash thought of when she tackled Pinkie and unmasked her as one of the Mare Do Wells. Pinkie had to have known she was coming, and let herself get caught. There was no other explanation. And the way she got lost in Pinkie’s blue eyes when she pulled the mask off, was a memory that currently plagued her.
Despite her love for Pinkie, she still couldn’t get over the fact that she was somehow faster than her. Dash smirked at the thoughts of Pinkie having some elaborate network of tunnels and shortcuts dug under Ponyville. But popping up trees and inside bell towers was something that made even Twilight Sparkle’s head hurt. If an academic pony like her couldn’t wrap her brain around such an event, then Dash knew she didn’t have a chance.
“There you are, Dashie!” Dash’s eyes popped open, only to stare into those blue eyes that haunted her dreams. It would’ve almost been another dream if it wasn’t for the very real kiss on her nose. “Come on!” Pinkie began to drag Dash off the cloud by her hind leg. Fortunately for Pinkie, Dash was too tired to question how she even got up there to begin with.
Dash followed lazily as Pinkie leapt down to the ground and landed elegantly, striking a pose that cause a few passing ponies to stop and stare.
“Ugh... what’s up, Pinks?” Dash yawned, rubbing her eyes. “You know it’s my naptime.”
“Yep!” Pinkie bounced and turned in the air to face Dash. “But I saw that you couldn’t sleep! So I thought to myself; ‘Self, what can you do to help Dashie get to sleep?’.”
Dash scratched her head as she tried to decipher what she was hearing. “So you thought you’d help me sleep by dragging me out of bed?”
Pinkie leapt up onto Dash’s back, using her outstretched wings as hoof holds to launch off of and landed behind her. “Follow me!”
Dash flexed her wings, scowling at Pinkie but not saying anything. “Where are we going?”
“We’re going to...” Pinkie paused for effect, “CLOUDSDALE!” She smiled at Dash’s expression, playfully batting at her hanging jaw. “I managed to get some tickets to the Wonderbolts tryouts there, and I thought you’d like to join!”
“You did? But... what... how?” Dash sputtered, forgetting about the pain in her wings as she hovered off the ground.
“I won them in a contest and knew you’d love to come with me!” Pinkie’s smile faded. “But I didn’t want to ask you to carry me there because then you’d be all tired and we wouldn’t have fun. But since my flying machine broke...” she trailed off, breaking eye contact with Dash. “I have to be there to get them.” She brought her gaze back up. “I’m sorry, Dashie...”
“Hey!” Dash snapped. She landed and grabbed Pinkie’s head with her hooves, jerking it forward to look into those blue eyes she so loved. “You have nothing to be sorry for! You entered that contest just so I could compete and you did everything you could to make sure I could go. That more than makes up for having to carry you.” She released Pinkie and gave a smile. “Besides, that would just make me even more impressive when I wipe the floor with the others after carrying you from Ponyville!”
Dash knew that Pinkie was a very unstable pony, and that she needed all the positive reinforcement she could get. In a way, Pinkie was a lot like her. She also forgot that whenever she cheered Pinkie up, that the air would be squeezed out of her.
“Thank you...” Pinkie whispered into Dash’s ear.
*****
“Number 27! You’re up!” A stallion barked at Rainbow Dash. “Get out there and show us what yer made of!”
Dash flexed her wings and took off without a second thought. A rainbow helix followed her as she twisted into the sky, looping and diving like no tomorrow. She was in her element, in her prime and in the zone. Clouds were destroyed in her path as she dodged the obstacle course she had memorized so many times before. But the one rule for any seasoned flyer was not to look down. Rainbow Dash made that mistake, locking eyes with certain blue ones down below. Pinkie stood out from the crowd in more ways than one, her smile a spotlight on the pony that made her proud.
Dash looked back up in time to see a wall rushing towards her, then the world went black.
...shie? Dashie!”
Dash opened her eyes, which felt like they were going to spin from their sockets, and groaned. The world was spinning around her as the mummers of the crowd were drowned by the ringing in her ears. The last thing she saw before drifting off into blackness, was those blue eyes.
*****
“Sorry you didn’t win, Dashie,” Pinkie muttered as she struggled to support Dash’s weight slumped against her. “But I’m sure you’ll knock ‘em dead next time!”
“Ugh... don’t say that...” Dash rubbed her bandaged head, hoping to stabilize the still spinning world. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m in no condition to fly you home now...”
“Who said anything about having to go home?” Pinkie whispered into Dash’s ear, both of them letting smiles stretch across their faces. Dash turned and looked into those blue eyes once again. The windows to a soul that was more complex than she ever realized. Before any more words could be said, Dash leaned forward and kissed her. Pinkie moaned and smiled into it, closing her eyes in bliss.
Yep... blue is definitely my favorite color.
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I told you it was Pegasus, not pegasi
Other than that, love it. you should write more shorts.
Great story! Perfectly sweet and short
This was such a sweet treat to start my day with; I loved all the reasoning behind Rainbow Dash's favorite color as it progressed to the end.
1044916 I like shorts! They are comfortable and easy to wear!
1046776
And you can write them aswell! imagine that!
Well, that was cute.
The dialogue was really good. Pinkie Pie was totally in character, as was Rainbow Dash. So, it's kind of strange that your first-person segment is so out-of-character. I doubt that Rainbow Dash would use phrases like "such as myself," "oddly enough," or "dominate and control." It's like you're mixing your own narrative voice into Rainbow Dash's perspective.
Also, the pacing is really off. For example, why do you need to go over all the things Pinkie Pie can do? Everyone already knows that she can warp reality and run really fast and eat lots of sugar without gaining weight, and reading all that stuff is just an exercise in tedium. Write about interesting things! Like the contest Pinkie Pie had to win in order to get the tickets! Or the wanton property damage! Or the Wonderbolts try-out itself! That last one is an especially large missed-opportunity. I mean, just think about all the details you could've put in. How many different trials were there? Was Rainbow Dash feeling nervous? Were any of the actual Wonderbolts watching? Was Rainbow Dash competing against returning Wonderbolts? Was Pinkie Pie cheering for Rainbow Dash? If she was, did she succeed in boosting RD's confidence, or was it a distracting hindrance? There's a whole world of exciting stuff that you could've thrown into this story.
Another pacing-related issue is the way your dialogue is broken up. It seems like every sentence the characters say is split apart by unnecessary actions and exposition. I found myself skimming entire paragraphs just so I could keep track of who says what, and why they're talking.
But the biggest problem has nothing to do with pacing. No, the biggest problem is that this fic suffers from a lot of the same errors as Daring Do & the Power of the Goddess. You remembered to completely outline this fic before you started writing, right? Because this doesn't really feel like a true story. The conflict takes a back-seat to boring, out-of-nowhere exposition, and the climax is practically nonexistent.
But, on the whole, you're improving. Next time you want to write something, make sure you plan the story out completely, and it should be worlds better.
1047728 *as well
Yeah, that's true! *Goes to write a terrible one-shot* How did I do?
Awww, much much love for this one. Sweet and suggestive and genuine!
1046776
Get your pokemon out of my ponies!
1047803
Speaking of Daring Do, when are you going to give it a once over again?
1051042
I just did. Check it out.
Well, I'm going to assume that your favorite pairing is Pinkie Dash. Honestly, not a bad pairing when played off well, and this story was, indeed, played off well.
The dialogue was very strong, in character, and encouraging to see from a writer. Your use of descriptive language was well done as well. One thing I would have liked to see to expand the story, perhaps, is what exactly Pinkie did for a contest. Remember, Earth ponies can't float on clouds, so how exactly did Pinkie watch the competition? One line I might use, which you may take or leave, is that Pinkie may or may not have intentionally destroyed her flying machine just so she could spend that quality time with Dash.
I'm not exactly sure what this relationship is supposed to be. I got the sense from the kiss on the nose that perhaps it was just a deep friendship, but later in the story, the deeper kiss tells me "OH SHIT BITCH THEY DATING!!!" But was this supposed to be their first kiss? I think it would have been nice to put a little more description behind the kiss, supposing it was their first. I did like the recurring theme of blue, and the opening paragraph to set that up was very nice.
All in all, another great short story with a great premise. I recommend making a collection of these cute short stories and releasing each individual story as chapters. You might have more success that way. Multi-chapter works will usually be a little more successful than one shots, but having multiple one shots in one story is a great idea.
I'd like to see you experiment with the internal dialogue a bit more. WHat are these characters thinking throughout the story, other than she loves blue? It seems to be hinted at, which, if that's not what you were going for, needs to be tremendously brought out in order to enhance the overall effect of this story.
Overall rating: 8.5/10
Not as strong as "Fly me to the moon", but still cute, fluffy, and awesome.
Trey
Great Story!
Rainbow Pie (Or) Pinkie Dash