Round 3
With the friends' new cups of hot cocoa refilled, everyone began to gather once again to their circle. Fluttershy and Applejack were already seated, waiting patiently for their friends to return. Twilight was the first to return to her seat, holding her cup in her magic while she planted her rump on the cushion below. Soon after, Spike, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash came to sit, barely managing to avoid spilling their respective drinks.
"Is Rarity still in the washroom?" Rainbow asked, growing impatient.
"Now just hang on there, Rainbow." Applejack began. "There's no need to rush. I'm sure you can occupy yourself with your cocoa while we wait for Rarity."
"But it's still too hot to drink!" Rainbow complained.
"Well then, do as my granny would say. 'You should put that mouth 'o yours to work and quit yappin' and get to blowin'!'" Applejack suggested, though, quickly realizing the context of what she just said. "... Er... wait! What I meant to say was-"
Rainbow's expression turned from a frown to barely being able to contain her laughter as her cheeks inflated. As Applejack stuttered, the friends joined Rainbow as they laughed uncontrollably at the farm pony's embarrassment.
"Y-you know that's not what I meant!" Applejack argued.
"Oh, sure, Applejack!" Pinkie joined in. "Are you sure you're sure that you're sure?"
"Maybe Granny Smith found her own way to make some bits outside the farm!" Rainbow laughed.
"And maybe she realized not wearing dentures is not so bad!" Pinkie added, leaning in towards Applejack's direction with lidded eyes.
Applejack blushed hard and cursed under her breath as her humiliation eased from laughter to giggles from her friends. Before Applejack and Rainbow could begin the next Equestrian war with each other, familiar rhythmic hoof steps were heard from down the hall, indicating the Rarity had finally returned from her trip to the washroom.
"Apologies for the wait, everypony." Rarity beamed, seemingly to have been looking extra pretty after her break. Spike was especially impressed once again by her pretentious nature. "Okay! Shall we dare continue this horrid, torturous experience?"
Nodding in unison, the friends picked up their cards to prepare themselves for the third round of the game. Clearing her vocals with a couple incomprehensible noises, Pinkie Pie picked up a black card for herself and read aloud.
"Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was blank!" Pinkie shouted dramatically. "Oh no! What happened to the poor breezy?! Hurry, everypony! Bring in your answers!"
Mostly ignoring Pinkie's uncontrollable shouting, the friends searched their decks for such answers. Fluttershy was the first to submit her's, obviously feeling more confident to participate in the game. Applejack followed after her and soon, all of the friend's submissions were in Pinkie's hooves.
"I know that saying this probably won't make a difference but how about we refrain from thinking of this princess as me, okay?" Twilight suggested, careful with her words. "Or Princess Celestia, or Princess Luna, or Princess Cadence?"
Twilight's gaze was focused specifically on Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash as she finished her sentence. However, the only response she got from the three stooges were a few knowing giggles and fits of laughter.
"Ugh. Whatever." Twilight exasperated, allowing Pinkie to continue with the turn.
"Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was Sugarcube Corner's cream pie special!" Pinkie read the first card. The friends reacted quickly as laughter resounded throughout. Applejack even snorted uncouthly and aloud, trying to silence her reactions to the gross humour.
"I don't know whether to be hungry, disgusted, or aroused!" Rainbow laughed.
"I've had a lot of cream pies in my time, but none of them were a breezy cream pie!" The group's laughter halted at Pinkie's comment, triggering a few flushed faces and awkward coughs."You can take that however you want!" Pinkie said, confidently. "Let's move to the next card: Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was who really bucking cares!"
The group was amused by Pinkie's reading once again while everyone laughed at statement.
"The grammar is a little off but I suppose it works!" Twilight mentioned as Rainbow rolled her eyes at the egghead.
"Now I really wish I had that who really bucking cares card." The multicoloured pegasus stated. The friends responded to her indirect insult to Twilight with playful laughter.
"It's okay, Twilight. We all know your priorities, even if they are the most boring and meaningless priorities in all of Equestria." Pinkie Pie attempted to compliment.
"Gee. Thanks, Pinkie."
"Anytime, your majesty!" Pinkie responded, bowing her head in familiar fashion. "Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was an incurable homosexual!"
The friends laughed once again at the combination of cards.
"One could assume that with all those colours, they would be a bit fruity, don't you think?" Rarity asked towards Fluttershy.
"Um. I suppose so." Fluttershy said, unsure how to respond.
"Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was reaching an age where hay with hash browns is better than sex!" Pinkie resumed, laughing at the words she had read.
"Ain't that somethin'?" Applejack joined.
"Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was participating!"
A few weaker giggles were heard from Pinkie's enthusiastic statement.
"Well. That one was a bust." Rainbow said, harshly. unbeknownst to the pony, Twilight scowled in denial towards the collective disapproval.
"Finally, to finish this off..." Pinkie began. "Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was exploring each other's buttholes!"
Thankfully, much more laughter was heard from the group from the vulgar statement of the final card of the turn.
"Well that's disgusting." Rarity said as she failed to resist commenting on the uncouth card, her friends cringing along indicating their obvious agreement. Furthermore, Pinkie's current mouth full of cocoa was particularly difficult to swallow, having to force to down her gullet with an audible resistance.
"Bleh!" Pinkie joined. "There goes my appetite."
Now it was Spike's turn to unleash a defeated sigh of his own. "I don't suppose that one is gonna win, is it?"
"I'm all for ass play, but not when I'm trying to drown my taste buds in delicious chocolaty goodness!" Pinkie replied, then taking a few moments to think aloud while stroking her imaginary beard. "I think reaching an age where sex is bested by the delights of a greasy, scrumptious breakfast in bed wins!"
Rainbow suddenly spread her wings and leaped up in the air to celebrate. "Yeah! As much as I loved my years as a senior in flight school, nopony can go wrong with a hearty breakfast!"
After Rainbow snatched her rightful black card from Pinkie, the pegasus also took one from the draw decks to begin her turn as the Card Queen while the group quickly went to refilling their decks.
"He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and blank." Rainbow read out the black card. "This one better be good!"
"This sounds an awful lot like a description of me." Spike commented while the group began searching their decks.
"Now, don't go diggin' yourself into a hole, Spike." Applejack warned the drake. The friends took a few more moments to choose their playing cards, Applejack being the last of the group. "Alright, Rainbow. Go ahead and tell us about Spike." Before the dragon could retort, Rainbow began.
"He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and the dick of a 40 year-old stallion!" Rainbow started, already laughing with her head to the ceiling.
"Who's to say that a stallion of age is out of order?" Rarity protested, not showing it in her expression, but her voice spoke of confidence. "For all we know, one could be of your tastes, Rainbow!"
Rainbow Dash audibly gagged at Rarity's comment. "Ew! Gross! I don't know about you, Rares, but I don't think I'm into guys twice my age." Rarity playfully rolled her eyes while Rainbow continued with the game. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and being sexually attracted to children."
Contrasting many other moments of the game, no one had any witty remarks to say about the sentence that was just read aloud.
"Okay then." Rainbow exhaled through her teeth. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and a big brain full of knowledge and depression."
After a few moments of laughter from the group, Spike knowingly spoke up. "I think we know who that one is talking about!"
Twilight glared at the drake, grinning while trying to think of a verbal comeback. "I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not, Spike."
"After all, everyone knows you're the biggest egghead." Rainbow interjected. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and the safe word."
"Very true!" Rarity said, joining the fits of laughter.
"What's your guys' safe word?" Pinkie asked her friends. "I always prefer something that starts with a vowel!" Pinkie's friends looked confused and thought for a moment.
"I know I'm gonna regret askin' this, but why is that?" Applejack asked, trying to engage in conversation.
"Safe words with vowels are always easier to say when you're in the moment of intense, steaming hot pleasure!"
"Okay, Pinkie! We did not need to know about your preferred safe word!" Rarity shouted.
"Maybe we have a new egghead." Rainbow added. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and thinking about how bits are a universal currency."
As the group sat confused, Twilight raised her hoof to her chin and thought out loud. "Now that I think about it, it is kind of fascinating how-"
"Don't. Even. Start, Twilight." Rainbow asserted. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and a face full of an Ursa Major's cum!"
Instantly, through the sudden fits of Rainbow's, Applejack's, and Pinkie Pie's laughter, Spike was so caught off of guard from the nasty card that he accidentally lost control of himself and spewed a cloud of greens flames from his mouth onto the deck of cards he held in his claws.
"Oh, Celestia! Spike! What did you do?!" Twilight exclaimed, trying to tend to the cards currently engulfed in flames and threatening to spread its dangerous embers to any other vulnerable objects in the its radius. Panicking and unsure of what to do, Spike thought quickly and decided to stuff the fiery paper into his mug of cocoa. Luckily, the fire was quickly quenched by the leftover liquid contained in the mug, creating a audible sizzle in response.
After letting his claw rest in the mug for a few moments, Spike sighed in relief, thankful that a potential disaster was avoided. "It's alright, everypony! I've got it."
Everyone in the group joined in Spike's comfort, clutching their chests and taking breaths to ease themselves. Rarity had held her hooves out to protect her carefully prepared mane and tail while Fluttershy had come out from hiding behind Pinkie Pie.
"Are you okay, Spike?" Fluttershy asked carefully, Spike nodded in response.
"Is Spike okay?!" Pinkie asked, rhetorically. "What about my cards?!"
Everyone turned their attention towards Pinkie with questioning expressions, mouths open and eyebrows raised. Spike then reached back into the mug of cocoa and took hold of the rather worn laminated paper. "What do you mean, Pinkie? Your cards are just fine. They're just a lit-"
What Spike held in his claw wasn't the cards, however. Grasped in his claw were wet, black, squishy clumps of paper dripping with liquid, void of any remnant of their previous existence. Pinkie Pie stared at Spike anxiously, eyes darting back and forth between his face and his claw.
"Well. Looks like I'm not gonna be allowed to borrow from the Pies ever again." Pinkie said, sighing in defeat.
“It’s not so bad, Pinkie. Just think abo-“ Spike began, but quickly realized what Pinkie just said. “H-hang on. Did you just say the Pies?!”
The ponies and the drake looked confused, glancing left and right between each other to see if anyone had answers.
“Oh! I didn’t tell you guys, did I?” Pinkie asked the collective, her sullen mood now gone to the wind. “Didn’t I tell you that I borrowed this game from the rock farm?”
The ponies joined Spike in his surprise, their jaws hanging virtually to the floor and their eyes kept wide and unflinching, as if a ghost just saw a ghost.
“Woah woah woah!” Rainbow Dash commanded. “You’re telling us that you got this game from your farm?!” After Rainbow repeated what her friend had just said, Pinkie Pie nodded repeatedly in approval.
“Well, technically, it’s my family’s farm, but yeah!” Pinkie confirmed.
“But...” Twilight began. “B-but it’s so...”
“Fantastically horritorturous?!”
“Controversial and inappropriate?”
“An awesome game unmatched by any others?!”
“Questionably entertaining and makes you question your moral integrity?”
“Funnier than any issue of Power Ponies that I can recall?”
“I-it’s not really my cup of tea.”
After she listened attentively to what her friends had to offer, Twilight sighed in submission towards the argument. “Okay. You win. I don’t think I’ll ever understand this, but you win.”
"It's okay, Twilight! It still seems like you're having fun and that's all that matters!" Pinkie replied in kind.
After some unifying agreement to Pinkie's optimism, Fluttershy came to a terrifying final thought. "So... why was this game at your farm anyway?" She asked carefully.
"Isn't it obvious?" Pinkie asked. After not receiving an answer, she continued. "It's a family tradition!"
"Say what, now?" Applejack asked.
"A family tradition! We do it on every holiday so we can have the best laughs ever!"
Various ohs and huhs followed Pinkie's answers to her friends' questions. "It just seems so... such an oxymoron!" Twilight blurted.
"How do you think Maud got such a love for comedy?" Pinkie raised the question. After a few moments, the question went without response as the group thought in silence. "It's okay, you guys! How about we get back to the game to get our minds off of this nonsense?"
Glancing back to the submissions, Rainbow Dash didn't have to think much on who won the card. "Based on Spike's over-the-top reaction, I'm definitely going with the Ursa Major!"
"That'll be me." Applejack answered with attitude. "Looks like I might be catchin' up, Rainbow."
"In your dreams." Rainbow replied. tossing the card lazily over to the pony while everyone restocked on white cards.
The friends focused their attention back onto their decks while Fluttershy grabbed a black card from one of the two decks, knowing it was her turn. "Oh, boy. Here we go again."
Unfortunately, Spike seemed to still be without a deck of white cards, as the corpse of the previous one lay on the carpet beside the drake. "Uhh... Pinkie?" Spike asked the pink pony. To assist him, Twilight levitated ten more white cards from the decks available towards Spike, giving him a new deck to work with. "Thanks, Twilight."
Now ready to continue, Fluttershy was gestured to begin reading. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: blank."
The group was off quickly, exploring the confines of their decks for the win. Characteristically, Rainbow Dash was the first to submit this time, giggling to herself all the while. "This one is the winner without a doubt!"
Once the rest of the submissions were given to Fluttershy, she began her turn. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A lifetime of sadness."
Little reaction came from the friends from the first answer as the group sat in relative silence. Fluttershy then flipped to the next answer. "Okay. Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A mare on the brink of orgasm."
Much laughter followed the second answer for the current turn, contradictory to the first.
"Now we're talkin'!" Rainbow cheered, enthused that the cards began to pick up.
"Oh my goodness." Twilight mumbled, hoof held to her face. "That is horrible!"
In a haste to get her turn over with, Fluttershy began to read out the next card. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: B-bitches." Even more laughter followed Fluttershy's unexpectedly foul mouth. Taking a deep breath and shaking off her blush, she continued, "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret door in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A pukwudgie in sunglasses f-fucking your wife!"
The circle of friends howled, both in horror and in laughter, at Fluttershy's reading. Rainbow and Pinkie clutched each other with their hooves as they fell over with smiles plastered onto their faces. Applejack attempted to hide her obvious grin by holding her stetson over her face and Rarity mistakenly let loose an audible snort through her nose. Twilight's pursuit to preserve any remnants of Spike's innocence was made fruitless when Spike joined his friends in their laughter, shielding his face with his claws even though his laughter was obvious.
"That is the best card!" Rainbow wheezed, struggling to stand. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, but you have to choose that one!"
Fluttershy attention was erected when Rainbow called her name, her eyes widening through the feathers of her wings that hid her face from the world. "Um... let's just see what-um... other answers there are first." The pegasus mumbled, barely loud enough for anyone to hear.
"I'll be honest. I'm not sure that I'll be able to top that." Applejack commented.
"Then, I guess we'll just have to wait and see." Fluttershy replied, regaining her confidence. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A massive collection of foal pornography."
The group's response to the submission was quite silent, apart from Rarity’s, “eugh!”
"Okay. Last and possibly least..." Fluttershy humoured, earning a few giggles from her friends through her embarrassment. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A passionate Saddle Arabian lover."
Some laughs resounded from the final answer, though, Rainbow and Pinkie remained quite unflinching, as it was more tame than the others.
"Meh. It was alright. But I'm still for that pukwudgie card, though!" Rainbow enthused.
"Let's allow Fluttershy to decide, Rainbow." Twilight retorted against the excited pegasus.
After a few moments of thinking, Fluttershy came to her conclusion. "I think I'm going to go with the Saddle Arabian lover."
"What?!" Rainbow shouted in outrage. "How could you not pick the pukwudgie?!"
"Personally, I'm not overly fond of reading out descriptions of profanity involving the intercourse of innocent creatures and cheating lovers. Maybe next time, you could submit an answers that most likely suits me if you want a point?"
Rainbow sighed in acceptance. "Okay, Flutters. I'll choose more carefully next time."
"Thank you."
"It was a pretty funny card, in my opinion." Rarity admitted, breaking the silence with a few shared laughs.
With the point of the turn still not given, Applejack raised her hoof. "By the way, that card was mine."
"What?!" Rainbow exclaimed yet again as Fluttershy gave Applejack the black card.
"Looks like we're tied, Rainbow!" The farm pony bragged. With Fluttershy's turn done, the group then refilled their decks once again to prepare for Applejack's turn as the Card Queen. Picking up a black card, the farm pony began.
"It's a family recipe. Creme of blank!" Applejack announced with caution. The friends were already off deciding which one of their cards to play seconds after Applejack presented the card. "Ain't that just a coincidence."
"It's like this game knows which card to play before we even pick it!" Rainbow Dash commented.
"I wouldn't jinx something like that, Rainbow." Twilight warned. "If Pinkie says that this game comes from a tradition of her family's, I wouldn't be too surprised.
After a few moments, everyone's cards were into Applejack's hooves, now prepared to begin the debauchery once again. "Alright, y'all. It's a family recipe. Creme of period poops!" The group's reactions were instantaneous as Applejack snorted obnoxiously. "You've gotta be kiddin' me!"
"I'll admit. That is pretty disgusting!" Pinkie whimpered, bringing her cotton candy-mane over her eyes.
"It's a family recipe. Creme of a ball of earwax, semen, and old pubes!" Applejack continued, barely holding herself together. "What in tarnation?!"
Twilight was seen visibly shaken by the gross description that Applejack had to read out. The rest of the friends' conditions dulled in comparison to how Rarity was holding up, or rather, lack there of. The unicorn gagged, trying her best to keep her mouth shut as her eyes widened in horror to her current predicament. Luckily, Rainbow Dash acted quickly, flying over to the nearest trash can and back, bringing the cylindrical tin with her.
While Rarity relieved herself over the garbage can, Rainbow patted her on the back, flapping her wings all the while. Applejack then attempted to draw attention away from the situation.
"Uh... I'm gonna try to get through these last ones quickly." Applejack interjected, scrambling. "Let's see-uhh... it's a family recipe. Creme of the morbidly obese!"
Little reaction came from the card at hoof. "It's a family recipe. Creme of necrophilia!" Contradictory to the last one, this card actually got a reaction from Pinkie and Rainbow. "It's a family recipe. Creme of tiny, rancid farts!" The friends' enthusiasm began to pick up with the recent card, everyone joining in to have a quick giggle. With the awkward silence finally destroyed, Applejack continued without resistance. "And finally: it's a family recipe. Creme of horse cocks with the circumference of a horse hoof!"
The final card of the turn had finally broken everyone into laughter, slight blushes ever present due to the current subject matter. Even Rarity had been somewhat revived from her small minute of shock-sickness as she willingly blended in with the breeze of laughs.
"See?" Pinkie began. "There's nothing that a little laughter can't fix!"
The group then turned their attention to Rarity with new eyes, obviously checking to see if she was feeling better. Rainbow flew over to the garbage can that lay in front of Rarity, moving it out of the way. "You good, Rares?"
Rarity took a few moments to flourish her mane using her magic. "I suppose I'm as good as one could be, with the activity we're so willingly indulging in..." The unicorn cleared her throat, swallowing down her previous sickness. "Just take it like a lady and shake it off, as they say."
Pinkie's ears perked up at Rarity's words. "Huh? I've never heard anypony say that before."
Without responding to Pinkie's bizarre comment, Applejack shifted through the small stack of submissions, looking for the winner. "Who had the 'period poops'?"
Shamelessly, Pinkie Pie raised her voice again. "I did! I had the period poops!" Quickly, Pinkie snagged the point card from Applejack's hooves using her mane. "And I'm not going to tell you which one...!"
The rest of the friends shifted uncomfortably in their seats while eyeing each other, already knowing what may come next if anyone said anything else that would enable their pink friend's mouth. The group collectively plucked white cards from the decks provided to restock their own. After that, Twilight knowingly levitated a black card of her own from the one of the decks, beginning her turn once again.
"With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from blank." Twilight projected. "Oh no. This one's going to be bad."
"What makes you say that?" Pinkie asked naively. A moment later, next to the pink pony, Rainbow Dash began laughing hysterically, clearly due to her cards.
"Oh yeah! This one's gotta be it!" Rainbow enthused, slapping her submission down in front of Twilight. The alicorn received the rest of her friends' submission soon after began reading aloud.
"With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from a world without magic." Twilight started.
Spike scoffed loudly after Twilight finished, turning heads towards him. "I'm guessing that 'foal' doesn't apply to Cozy Glow?" The group groaned and shook heads in agreement to Spike's call out.
"Don't remind me." Twilight rolled her eyes. "With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from s-some of that good dick!" Twilight covered her gaping mouth with her hooves. Her eyes widened the same, though, still victim to the sight of the sentence she just read out. She cursed under her breath, punishing herself for even reading such a heinous sentence. Across from her, Rainbow was having the time of her life, laughing until her lungs could take no more while she pointed teasingly at the alicorn's picture-perfect face.
"You like that, Twilight?" Rainbow shouted.
"No, I don't! Oh, Celestia, Rainbow! That is horrible!" Twilight couldn't help but retort against both the cards and her friend's non-stop laughter.
"It is pretty sick." Applejack said, holding back a few snickers of her own.
"With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from gay thoughts." Twilight continued, sighing in mental exhaustion as she finished the card. The submission got a few hearty giggles from the group, Rainbow still snickering while Twilight sucked in a breath. "With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from what Lord Tirek would do!" For the first time, Twilight actually triumphed after reading the recent submission. "Now that is a donation worth giving!"
Everyone in the group partook in a few moments of laughter from Twilight's comment, easing emotions in the room.
"Wow, Twilight!" Rarity exclaimed. "It almost sounded like this game humoured you."
"I'm just acknowledging the only logical answer I've seen tonight." Twilight retorted with a hint of spice in her voice. "With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from a salty surprise." With this card, tensions in the room were revived upon the friends' recently destroyed innocence.
"Now that is a surprise I'd be willing to partake in!" Pinkie blurted, happily. "No matter if I'm on the giving or the receiving end!"
"Pinkie...!" Twilight cried, sighing in failure. "Alright. Let's get this last one over with: with a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from an alicorn prince with enormous wings and a tiny dick!" The group erupted with laughter in an instant at the final submission of Twilight's turn.
"Hey, Twilight! You know who I'm thin-"
"'What Lord Tirek would do' wins!" Twilight interrupted before Rainbow could strike at her morality. Rarity then casually levitated the black card into her collection, claiming it as her own.
"Thank you, darling. I'll be taking that." The unicorn said. While Twilight straightened her posture, her friends then refilled their decks again, allowing Spike to lean over and take a black card into his claws.
"Okay. Here we go!" Spike enunciated more confidently. "But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you blank!" The group stirred in equal interest with Spike as they begun shuffling through their decks.
"Hey, Spike. You should read this in Caballeron's voice!" Rainbow teased. Spike was suddenly placed at the centre of unwanted attention once again, his friends eyeing him eagerly. Luckily, Twilight unexpectedly came to his rescue.
"Just because I sang during my other turn doesn't mean you have to do the same, Spike." Twilight reassured, kindly. However, reminded of his best friend's sacrifice, Spike found it inside his loyalty to return the favour.
"I've got this, Twilight." Spike replied. Clearing his throat, he put on his best accent to imitate the exotic antagonist's voice. "But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you making the penises kiss." The first card kicked off with a healthy amount of laughter from the group as Spike rolled his Rs to the best of his ability. Across from the dragon, Rainbow was having the time her life with his impressions.
"Not bad, Caballeron the dragon!" Rainbow complemented.
"I never knew you could roll your Rs!" Twilight enthused, allowing Spike to continue reading.
"But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you soup that is too hot." Fewer giggles were the friends' response to the second submission. "But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you... euthanizing old dogs?"
Fluttershy audibly gasped at the dark card, not expecting the sudden depression in mood. The rest of the group wasn't very excited about the insensitivity of the matter either, with Applejack flexing another eyebrow at attention.
"What in zap apple seeds did I jus' hear?!" The farm pony exclaimed.
"Well that's a bummer of a card." Pinkie added while Rainbow patted Fluttershy on the shoulder.
After a few moments to gather himself, Spike felt comfortable to continue. "Let's hope this one isn't as depressing: But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you a penis-shaped planet." Luckily, a good few moments of laughter followed Spike's reading, reviving the mood in the group.
"Wouldn't that be a sight t' see!" Applejack chuckled as laughter dispersed among the friends.
"But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you ooey gooey changeling goo." Spike voiced, shuddering at the weird sounds the card described. "That sounds gross."
The group agreed unanimously through various nods and mmhms. Pinkie, however, felt it within her to object. "I dunno! It sounds like a pretty good cupcake recipe!" Those gestues of agreement from the friends were quickly returned and replaced with ones of rejection and disgust.
"Please do not think of distributing whatever cupcakes you're thinking of, Pinkie!" Rarity cried.
"Just a suggestion!" Sang the party pony.
"But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you AIDS transmitted by eye contact." Continued Spike while groaning in displeasure. "First the changeling card and now this?" It didn't take Spike terribly long to decide on a winner for the turn, due to the amount of gross cards described in explicit detail that he had to read. "Who had the 'penis shaped planet'?"
Scoffing in disapproval of Spike's phrasing, yet still managing to put on a smile, Rarity raised her foreleg. "I did, darling."
Wow, Rarity! You're killing it!" Pinkie complemented while the unicorn claimed her point.
"'Expect the unexpected' is what I tell myself." While Rarity added her point to her stash, she snatched another black card from its previous home, preparing for her turn and the finale of the round while the others prepared themselves. "Blank: kid tested, mother approved."
The group's reaction to the new black card was immediate: mouths obstructed with hooves, eyes wide, and a few odd grins populated the circle. The collective knew that this was going to be violent once a kid card came into play yet again.
"Alright, y'all. Last turn of the round, let's not potentially get banished to tartarus for verbal molestation." Applejack warned.
Once another few moments of time were given to let everyone choose their submissions, Rarity began the onslaught. "Shaft: kid tested, mother approval." The first submission sounded results as the friends exchanged a mix of giggles and depressed sighs once again.
"Now what did I jus' say?!" Applejack protested, holding back giggles of her own.
"Oh, come on, AJ!" Rainbow countered. "Suddenly you're some saint?"
"Maybe when it comes to fillies and colts, yeah!"
"Onions: kid tested, mother approved." Rarity interrupted quickly. Predictably, the card didn't get much of a response from the unicorn's audience. "That one seems to have silenced you two." Rarity gestured towards Rainbow and Applejack. "Onto the next! Chopping off a bit of the horn: kid tested, mother approved."
Both Twilight and Rarity were really the only ones who reacted to the card, cringing in disgust.
"Do I have permission to complain about that one?" Twilight asked Rarity.
"Yes, I suppose so." Rarity agreed. "A timberwolf made out of penises rather than wood: kid tested, mother approved!" Finally, the cards seemed to have picked up as the friends released their collective laughter.
"Okay, now that wanna see!" Rainbow cried.
"No doubt you've seen it in your dreams!" Pinkie added.
"As much as I can't stand them..." Fluttershy squeaked. "That's just cruel." Fluttershy earned a few curious stares from her friends after her comment, making her swipe her gaze back and forth in question. "What's wrong?"
"For a sec', I thought you were gonna agree with Rainbow on that one." Applejack spoke, gaining a nod from her ponies supplementary to her.
"What?!" Fluttershy exclaimed, blushing profusely.
"Moving on!" Rarity stole the conversation. "A religion that's just sex: kid tested, mother approved." Instantly, Rarity brought her hoof onto her muzzle. Hard. "Oh, Celestia, forgive me..."
“Imagine the diseases!” Twilight judged, swatting her hoof as if a smell had invaded her nostrils.
"Finally, let's get this done with." Rarity sighed, flipping to the last card. "Slowly easing down onto an eclair: kid tested, mother approved." The friends erupted into cacophony as the cards yet again assaulted the innocence of fillies and colts around Equestria.
"I bet they've gotta be Donut Joe's eclairs!" Rainbow added, laughing.
"Hey! My eclairs are pretty good too!" Pinkie complained, somewhat offended by Rainbow's choice of preference. "Just you wait. I'll make a batch of 'em for the new year and you'll be easing down on 'em all you want!"
Clearly perturbed by Pinkie's vocal lap dance she was giving to her friends, Rarity was quick to steal the conversation once again. "I think I'll give the point to the penis-festooned timberwolves."
Hollering in victory, Applejack stood on her hind legs while steering her forelegs in familiar fashion. "Another one for the Apples! You're gonna eat my dust, Rainbow Dash!" Enthused, the farm pony added the card to her collection. In response, Rainbow Dash huffed in disregard towards her friend.
Apart from Applejack's and Rainbow teasing, the rest of the group gave collective, bone-popping stretches to wake their bodies up from the long session of sitting on the marble floor. Pinkie Pie yawned loudly with her legs extended into the air.
"What a round!" Pinkie exclaimed to the ceiling. "Good job, you guys!"
Rarity took a moment to tend her mane and tail after the rather mentally exhausting round. "It almost sounds like you're saying we're making Equestria a better place."
"You're definitely making it a funner place!"
"For you maybe." Fluttershy added.
"C'mon! If we can make it through just two more rounds, we can call it a night." Pinkie replied to the protests kindly. The group looked to the left and right of each other, gesturing in concurrence with one another.
"Alright, Pinkie. Two more rounds it is." Twilight finished.
In response Pinkie gleefully exploded with excitement, fortunate that her friends had the will to stick around. "Yes! Thank you all! And I promise, if you didn't have that great of a time," Pinkie glanced over to Fluttershy's direction, "then I'll totally make it up to you if you want to do something for the new year!"
Cheering collectively, the friends hugged it out in the centre of their little circle, glad to have talked out what's to come later in the night. Twilight was especially glad to have had Pinkie give the okay for two more rounds, more than ready to have the ever-present musk of embarrassment lingering in the air to finally dissociate. "That sounds great, Pinkie Pie."
Suddenly, the alicorn felt a particular build-up in her gut. Standing up from her seated position, Twilight began trotting in the direction of the washroom. "I'll be in the restroom if anyone needs me." As she turned perpendicular to the rest of the foyer, a knock sounded from the large, front door. Turning the other direction to tend the door, Twilight furrowed her brow, curious as to who may be about at this day and hour. Quickly glancing back at her friends, she saw them looking her way, also at attention from the knocking. Shrugging her shoulders, Twilight turned the knob and pulled in her direction, revealing the mysterious guest.
Standing in the cold, surrounded by a now early sunset, wrapped up cozily in a scarf, a toque, seasonal hoof-wear and other garments alike, was none other than Princess Celestia herself. Her mane and tail disobeyed the flow of the strong wind, contrary to her scarf. The snow came to rest on her coat, instantly being encompassed by the ocean of pristine white. Her hooves, still accompanied by rather royal-looking fashion, though a bit larger than her usual golden slippers, seemed to shimmer under the glow of the starlight.
Twilight was already so startled by her mentor's presence, she almost failed to realize that the princess was staring directly at her own gaze. "P-Princess Celestia! O-oh my gosh! I-I-I didn't know you were g-going to be here! I-I would've prepared the whole town for a greeting a-and Spike and I would've made more food and-"
Before Twilight could have a heart attack, Princess Celestia respectfully interrupted her panicked rambling. Holding up her hoof in a gesture to pause, she spoke regally, with a soft smile to finish. "Greetings, Twilight."
Taking a deep, deep breath, Twilight gave herself a moment to calm her senses, all the while hearing her friends giggling behind her. Though, still unable to find the words for a proper greeting, Twilight fended better than her previous attempt and settled on one single word of greeting. "Hi!" Giggling awkwardly, Twilight moved to the side, gesturing to let Celestia inside.
After giving her thanks, the princess of the sun trotted into the castle, the door frame just large enough to fit her stature. Patiently, she began removing her scarf, toque, and even her hoof-wear. Noticing this, Twilight questioned. "I assume you'll be here for a while?"
"I assume you're all wondering why I make my presence here, especially on a night like tonight." Princess Celestia began, taking off her last shoe and placing it adjacent to all the other clothing that lay on the the floor and coat hangers alike.
"That's definitely what I was wonderin'." Applejack spoke up.
"Me too, princess."
"Me threesies!"
"As was I."
"Um... me too."
Observing the friends' unified confusion, the princess finally gave light to an explanation. "I was brought here because of a message that I received earlier today."
Gasping audibly in shock, Twilight rushed towards her mentor, anxiety once again plastered onto her face. "Was it something bad?! Oh my goodness. Was it about Tartarus?! Did Cozy Glow escape?! Was it something from one of the kingdoms because of what happened with the students?! Oh, I just knew someth-"
"TWILIGHT!"
The alicorn turned her attention to the sudden outburst calling her name. Her head reared to her friends, all six of them standing up, clearly a bit irritated with the return of her brain's expedition of nonsense.
"Sorry." Twilight apologized, both to her friends and to the princess. After taking yet another deep breath, Twilight returned to her normal state. "So, uh. What was the message, princess?"
Bowing her head down in respect, Princess Celestia began for a second time. "The message that I received was actually from Spike! He told me about the lovely night you all are having with a new, and rather, debaucherous card game. To put it frankly, he invited me to join in and I thought that it was a lovely idea!"
Oh.
Oh no.
Twilight's calmed state didn't last long at all. The hyperventilation, the eye-twitching, rapid glancing from left and right, it all came back in a matter of seconds. Once she managed to at least get control of her legs, Twilight turned towards Spike, who was currently hiding behind Applejack.
"What?! Are you crazy?!"
Now Twilight was in her heaving, heavy breathing stage. Staring at her own reflection on the reflective floor, Twilight wheezed for air. Taking a couple moments, she marginally caught her breath, turned her head to Celestia, and squeaked. "How much did he tell you?"
Before the princess could answer, Pinkie Pie raised her serious voice. "Umm... Twilight?"
Hearing her friend's voice bring her back to her senses, Twilight noticed a strange wetness at her hooves. Reluctantly looking downward, she nearly fainted.
Twilight had wet herself.
OOF! Urmagurd this is crazy! Looks like Sparkle's in a bit of a pickle.
I'm not even sure what's gonna happen next. Just expect Celestia to join in and cause some destruction of relationships and a return of old habits, I guess. 
Pinkie's Hit List: (Score)
Ponky Plot: 4
It's Raining it's Dashing the old mare is fapping: 4
Flutter-Margarine: 1
Apples: 5
Twilight Sprinkle: 2
My cousin: 1
Darling: 4
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Suspenseful!
I got bored after I ran out of fic. Feel free to ignore me :)
"__________ & ___________. A love story"
(Discord), (excessively fluffy kittens that are ugly as Sin)
(Queen Chrysalis), (a giant spider that can tap-dance only on tuesdays)
(A literal shitstorm), (The Smooze)
(The heat-death of the universe), (Nerds that literally live in libraries)
9622390
Thanks so much for the read and the ideas. I’ve already got the last two rounds planned out but I think I’ll defintely consider adding these somewhere! Thanks again! 
This can only get worse and chopping of a bit of the horn didn't know they had Judaism in Equestria.
9648000
That’s not what I had in mind but I works!
There's not any R's in that sentence?
9758318
“befoRe” and “DaRing”
9760435
Ah, my bad, don't know how I missed those.
Is it Anne Frank?
Why is Granddad Freeman here?
10035071
I don’t see Anne Frank this time, unfortunately
I WILL DO IT FOR THE COLTS!!!!!
Ha ha! Twilight pissed herself!