The Woman Who Lived Nextdoor

by Hazel Mee

9 - The Experiment

"You're sure about this?" I asked Mayree for the umpteenth time.

She rolled her eyes and patted my back. "Yes, so stop asking. This room was empty anyway! I was going to use it as a library or study or something but this is better, right?" She sounded almost as unsure as I was.

Ceiling-high shelves with glass doors ran along one wall, filled with books, magazines, and scrolls. Most of the glossy spines bore unreadable titles printed in colours that were impossibly brilliant for Equestria's publishers. We'd pushed her human-sized over-stuffed lounging chair into a corner and moved a writing desk, wood chair, and a few other things to the living room. A vast oil painting of Canterlot at night with a spectacular spread of stars above it hung on another wall — probably a gift from Princess Luna. A few framed photos beside it showed gatherings of smiling humans, some old, some young, and Mayree was in most of them. One was taken on a sunny tropical beach, with a few other human mares, all wearing scraps of colourful fabric and happy grins. The right edge was ripped off, removing the human who had their fore around Mayree's back. All that was left of them was a large hairy hand gripping her shoulder.

My family photo, my only photo, was safely tucked away in a beat up old keepsake trunk made of heavy oak with wrought iron straps. The trunk and my bed, with its patched sheets and ratty wool blanket, were the only things we'd moved over from my shack. Two pieces of hobo-chic to contrast with her sleek modern furniture.

The rest of my stuff could just stay out in the shack, turning it back into a storage shed. It was very generous of Mayree to offer me a room in her comfortable home but I didn't trust that I'd be bunking here for very long.

I doubt she would let me bring over the fish to hang from her polished rafters, anyway.

"Come on, I'll show you the bathroom."

I followed her along the hall to an open door that used to lead to our pantry.

"There's no lock, so if it's closed you better blintzing-well knock first. No walking in on me squatting on the potty. Got it?"

My nose wrinkled in disgust, and I pointed at a huge gleaming white ceramic bowl and asked, "That's the potty?"

"Yeah."

I sneered and said, "I'll stick to using the outhouse."

Doing that indoors? Gross!

Mayree chuckled. "Suit yourself. I won't have to show you how to work the βιδετ then. This… is the shower." She showed me how to turn knobs on the wall to make hot and cold water to shoot out of the ceiling.

Bizarre, but muffin clever.

She nudged me towards it as steam fogged the vast mirror over the bathroom sink.

"You should have a shower."

I snorted and leaned back into her hand. "But I'm not dirty."

"Well, you smell dirty. Get in there and start scrubbing." She shoved harder, a futile battle against a stubborn earth pony stallion.

"I smell fine! It's the studly musk of a day's hard labour."

"You stink like something a whale barfed up!"

My hooves squeaked on the slippery tile floor as I tried to scoot back and she struggled to push me in. "Better than whatever mare-y glop is in those bottles!"

"Squall!" she yelled.

"What?!"

"Come help me get this ƒιℓτнλ βμм into the shower!"

Sun Squall cackled and sang, "I'll be right there!"

I whinnied and scrambled into the shower stall. Willing surrender was less embarrassing than shameful defeat!

"Ah ha! Now I know what your button is, mister." Mayree clapped her hands and bared her fangs at me. "Scrub hard because if you come out of here stinking we're going to throw you right back in again."

She closed the door as wet mane drooped over my moping face. Oh, I'd come out of here stinking alright.

Stinking like a princess.

The obscenely floral shampoo didn't foam very well the first time I used it. Or the second. A third round of scrubbing myself from ears to hoof sent wads of suds all over the shower floor, and by then the water had turned cold. Shivering, I dried myself with the wonderfully fluffy towels and sniffed my fore pits. Nothing but bouquet. Fabulous. I reached for the combs and swore my way through an entire bakery with all the tangles and knots I had to work out. The sea does terrible things to a pony's mane and tail, and mine were mostly split ends before Mayree's fancy Zebrican mane manager worked its magic. At least half a pound of long black hair ended up in the waste bin.

I posed before the mirror and had to admit that I looked much better — more like a pop star on a bender than a hobo without two bits to rub together. Smile Harbour had a public baths and a grooming salon but I hadn't seen the inside of them in far too many months. It cost a lot of bits getting fancy and it only lasted until the next day of hauling food from the briny deep.

Hardly seemed worth it.

My damp hide shivered in the hall's cool air. A rhythmic ticking came from the living room, sounding like a bird rapping its beak on one of the windows — tick, clack, tick, tick. A sharp bell rang and my ears flicked back at a loud ratcheting noise.

Sun Squall sat the dining table reading a glossy human magazine. Only her ears turned to me as I walked from the hall carpet and clip clopped over the living room's polished hickory boards.

Mayree sat on a tall chair in front of a porch window. The racket came from a black machine sitting on the human-height desk as she caressed and prodded it with her hands. She glanced at me as I settled on my haunches next to her. Her feelers stabbed the keys and little insect-like legs inside the machine flicked up and down. A bright ting and she grabbed a mirror-surfaced leg and slammed the roller on top to the other side, making the scroll wrapped around it shake. I'd heard of typewriters but hadn't seen one before.

I was surprised and kind of pleased to see her writing since she'd seemed so down in the mouth about it before. Was she inspired to write another foal's tale? I craned my head to look, but it wasn't in the Equestrian alphabet.

I asked, "What are you-"

CLACK!

"Muffins!" Mayree squinted at the typewriter and reached inside to wiggle a couple the letter-legs that were locked together. She sighed and looked out the corner of her eye at me while frowning. "Do you mind? It's hard enough having to type slowly so this clunky thing doesn't jam all the time."

That was slow? I was amazed she could think of words to bang out at that rate!

"Sorry."

She sat back and rubbed at her eyes. "Okay, well, never mind. I should take a break, anyway." She reached down to run her feelers through my damp mane and scratched behind my ears. "Hey, get those ears up, I'm not really mad at you. What were you going to ask?"

My ears did perk up at the caress of her blunt claws. It felt like being nuzzled and nibbled by two or three pretty mares — no wonder Sun Squall enjoyed being groomed by her. I pressed my head against her hand, making a happy chuff as warmth spread through me.

Distracted and a little embarrassed, I waved a vague hoof at the typewriter and asked, "I was wondering what you're writing."

"A bio for Twiggles."

I blinked. That almost sounded like an Equestrian word. "What's a byofurtweegles?"

She snickered and said, "A short piece about my life for Twilight Sparkles."

"Ohhh." That made a lot more sense.

"Yeah, she's asked everypony involved in the show for an autobiography and an essay about our experience working on it. She's researching a new experiment because her first one failed."

"What experiment?"

She shrugged. "I don't know the details but-"

My drying mane ruffled in a gust just before Sun Squall ploughed into me. "Hi, Mainstay!" She stuffed her muzzle in my mane, inhaled deeply, and cooed, "Mmm… You smell great!"

I blushed as she snuffled at my neck fur while Mayree scratched behind my ears.

There was some compensation for all the scrubbing after all.

"So we don't have to throw him back?" asked Mayree. She sat back, laced her feelers together, and stretched her fores. Her hand joints popped like a string of fireworks going off.

"Nope! Mare approved."

I laughed and struggled to push Sun Squall away. "I'm not surprised you like me this way. I reek like a filly on her wedding day!"

So much for grabbing an ale in the pub tonight — the other stallions would laugh their tails off. Nothing a roll in the grass and a morning of catching nasty sea critters wouldn't fix.

"Mmmmm…", Squall hummed while nibbling my ear. "Mare and stud in one package? Who could resist?!"

Mayree laughed and said, "You two are too cute. I'm getting cavities here!"

"Marry me you hot hunk of filly-stud!"

"Pfft!" I shoved Sun Squall away and swatted her flank with my tail.

Mayree held up a hand and made a spinning motion. She said, "Turn around a few times so we can get a good look at you, now that your stinky crust is gone."

I grumbled, "I wasn't dirty." Greasy is not dirty.

"Sure, sure. Spin please."

I rolled my eyes and slowly walked in a circle while Mayree and Sun Squall watched as if I were a fashion pony on parade. Had to admit, my spotty-grey hide did have a nice shimmer to it and my ragged mane flowed like ebony silk. I picked up my hooves, hiked my tail, and puffed out my chest.

Sun Squall whistled and called, "Woo woo! Shake that bit maker."

I jolted to a halt. My ears snapped back, and I dropped my head to snort at her. "Oh, come on! Cut that strudel out!"

Mayree leaned forward in her chair and stared at my hooves.

I glared at her. "What?!"

She moaned, "Unshorn fetlocks. Ffff…"

My face burned as they howled with laughter. I stalked past Sun Squall, angrily flicking my tail, and with great dignity I said, "If anypony needs me I'll be in my room."

A Canterlot noble would envy my restraint and bearing.

Mayree laughed and called, "Get back here you drama prince. How can I tell you about the experiment if you go sulk in your room?"

"Ohhh, they ran a story about it in the Los Pegasus Sun a couple of days ago!" chirped Sun Squall.

Mayree said, "You probably know more than me then."

"Okay, well, apparently Princess Sparkle had already planned this experiment when she and her friends got in touch with the αмεяιςαη government for the first time. Before Equestria and the Gate became news, they secretly hired a bunch of humans who'd worked on the show and hid them in some super-remote place to keep them from finding out about us."

"Huh", Mayree grunted. "My parents and brother were visited by government spooks while I was in τнαιℓαηδ. Guess I wasn't important enough to track down."

"Sorry, Mayree." Sun Squall pouted and nuzzled her hind.

She shrugged and petted her mane. "Eh, doesn't matter. I only wrote a couple of comics and those Lulu episodes. Go on."

"Okay. Well, they made a new episode while Twilight secretly cast a bunch of spells to try to figure out how your stories were connected to us. But nothing happened and the new story didn't come true over here. So, she figures that whatever linked Earth to Equestria was probably broken when the Gate opened."

Mayree sucked in a sharp breath.

I asked, "Are you okay?"

She nodded and bared her fangs in a smile. "Yes! Yes, that's great news! It means no one can mess with you by making new episodes."

Sun Squall chirped, "I'd love it if you wrote me one. You could have me go on an adventure and save Equestria!"

"But if I wrote about you saving Equestria it'd have to need saving, right?" Mayree cast a guilty look my way and said, "I'm never writing something like that again. It was bad enough when we were just making a foal's show, but now that we know it was happening…" She shuddered and turned back to her typewriter. "Anyway, I should finish this before Twi sends me another-"

A scroll appeared over her desk in a burst of green dragonfire and made a hollow rattle as it landed.

Mayree picked it up, sighed, and asked, "You guys want to go into town later and hit the pub for supper?"

Squall nodded. "Okay."

"The pub?" I asked, trying not to sound nervous. "Right, well, I'm just going to step out for a bit. I'll be back!"

I scampered outside before either of them could object and galloped into the hills to work up a studly sweat.

If I was lucky, I might find some mud to roll in.

Author's Note:

Whew! Half-way there... nine more chapters to go.

Please PM me if you spot a typo.

Comments

[Miles Skywalker]

I scampered outside before either of them could object and galloped into the hills to work up a studly sweat.

If I was lucky, I might find some mud to roll in.

Why is he even bothering? They'll more than likely just throw him in the bath and scrub him down themselves.

[Hazel Mee]

9499899
Hope springs eternal!

[destinedjagold]

nine more chapters to go.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[Hazel Mee]

9500866
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?!

[Morphy]

So the gate was like the observation of a quantum dot? You can't tell what it is until you observe it, but then it's probability collapses.

[ClosetBrony]

But did the "new" episodes written in secret actually air? Maybe it took getting the story into the collected conscious of the viewers/fans to manifest it in Equestria? I'm glad Mary took Mainstay in. Sure he's "salty" but he's good ponies.

[harts fire]

i can say this story is a vary good read and a hole barrow of fun.

[Hazel Mee]

9501818
Maybe. I didn't invest much thought into how the link between Equestria and Earth worked or how the Gate opening altered that relationship.

[Hazel Mee]

9502076
Oh, I'm sure they tried airing it. But only after at least a few humans learned about Equestria, so that may have influenced the outcome... heck, just the pones learning about Earth would have had some effect.

[Hazel Mee]

9504426
I'm happy that you're enjoying it!