The Woman Who Lived Nextdoor

by Hazel Mee

13 - Porridge

"I can't believe you're finally doing this", Chill Breeze grunted through clenched teeth.

Sweat trickled from the base of his brightly glowing horn as he strained to force every bit of magic he had through it. I held my tongue as the last thing I wanted was to do was distract him!

Keeping a close eye on my precious sloop, I chewed nervously on my lower lip. She'd been with me for years, through thick and thin like a faithful pet, and now it was time to pay her back. Her faded blue hull floated slowly through the air like a graceful… Like a beached whale. A dense crust of barnacles and slime coated her up to the waterline and sea wrack hung from her rudder, drizzling water on the stony beach.

Chill Wave's horn pulsed in time with his brothers. He snickered and gasped out, "Mainstay's a made colt, bro. Got himself a rich shugar filly to pick up the bill."

That I had to say something about!

"I've been saving for this-", you putrid sack of rotten cupcakes, "-eating nothing but porridge and seaweed for blintzing years-", you perverted strudel who'd buck his own dam, "-so be careful-", or I'll rip off your baguette and cram it down your windpipe, "-please."

He cackled like a gull but I had to admit that he and his brother were gentle as a mother putting her foal to bed.

A low groan from the stout beams of the boat frame sent a jolt of fear up my spine, but they held fast as my sloop settled into her new berth for the next few weeks. I breathed a long sigh of relief and walked beneath her to gently pat her damp, crusty keel. There were days and days and days of hard, filthy work to do, scraping and patching and painting.

I whinnied and pranced in a gleeful circle! This was going to be so much fun!

Let the twins snicker and roll their eyes, I didn't care! I could kiss my cutie marks for filling me with such warm happiness, but that would have looked even queerer.

Kicking up my hooves, I trotted up the switchback path and blew into the town store, whistling a cheerful air. Since it was such a special day, I would cook an equally special supper to celebrate! The store was bustling, with a whole three ponies wandering the aisles. They threw me strange looks as I hummed a shanty and nodded to them while chucking ingredients wily-nilly into a basket.

I skipped to the counter to pay and kept right on humming as Abalone slowly tallied up my purchases and slipped each item into my saddlebags.

"Hmm… That'll be fo'teen bits, young feller."

I smiled at her kindly wrinkled face and said, "And a pint of crystal berries, please."

Thick glasses slid off her muzzle to dangle on their chain.

"Come agin'?"

I pointed at the display case behind her. "A pint of crystal berries."

She cast a glance over her shoulder at the glimmering berries. A fruit so rare and precious in Smile Harbour that the lone square basket came with a blue ribbon tied around it in a bow, like a present. I'd never tried one before, but if they tasted half a good as they looked it'd be worth the eye-watering price tag.

With a frown she caught up her glasses, polished them on her apron, wedged them back on, and squinted at me. "Ye ain't skunked agin' is ye?" she whispered as her nose snuffled suspiciously.

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, it's just a fabulous day, and I'd like a pint of crystal berries. Please."

"Well, a'right then. If'n ye sure…"

An intense flurry of whispers broke out behind me as Abalone unlocked the case. There'd no doubt be rumours that I'd gone insane; robbed a bank; was proposing to Mayree; had found Captain Fetlock's treasure; and a half a thousand other crazy stories. It was like a pony couldn't celebrate just because they were happy to be alive!

The Hump got a very enthusiastic patting and a nuzzle — I even smiled and waved at those nosey fillies as they scampered away from the back of Mayree's house. I reined myself in and put on a frown-y face before I cracked open the front door.

"I'm home", I muttered in a depressed tone as I plodded inside with my head hung low.

Mayree wasn't in the living room or kitchen so it was a wasted effort. Faint music filled the house; electric guitar, drums, piano and a deep, rough male voice crooning a rock-ballad.

I stopped by the refrigerator to shuck off my saddlebags and quietly tip-hoofed down the hall in search of a human mare to prank. She wasn't in her bedroom, and the bathroom was wide open, so that just left my room. I peered around the edge of the door and found her curled up on her chair with a large book resting on her hinds. She hadn't noticed me yet, so I lowered my head and ears, smothered a grin that would have given me away, and slumped in with my hooves dragging. The music soared, and it sounded like the singer was pleading with someone as a violin sobbed. I didn't understand a single word, but it set the right mood!

"I'm home."

She jerked and her elbow knocked another thick book off of the chair's padded fore rest. It fell to the floor with a loud thump and Mayree slapped closed the big book she was reading; A Complete History of Equestria, Vol III.

"Mainstay! Jεsμs, don't surprise me like that!"

She jammed the history book onto the shelf near her chair and tapped a button on her pony-made music player, all dark polished wood and gold trim, cutting off the mournful tune.

She frowned at me, and asked, "What's wrong?"

She must have mistaken the tightening of my lips for a grimace when really I was struggling to hold back a laugh. She looked so worried! This was going to be great!

"It's… not gone well", I muttered. True — it went perfectly!

"sнιτ! What happened? How bad is it?!"

I gazed up at her with sad-puppy eyes and trembled my lower lip.

"Oh, no! Your poor little boat!"

She leaned down, wrapped her long fores around me, and hugged me halfway onto the chair. I didn't have to fake relaxing since it felt so nice cuddling up with her and, luckily, she couldn't see my face or my smile as I nuzzled her sweet-scented mane.

"There there", she murmured comfortingly and patted my back. "It'll be okay."

Mayree was swallowing it hook, line, and sinker!

"I know a great lawyer in Canterlot who'll sue the pants off of those blintzing twins!"

What?

I pushed away from her and stammered, "S-sue?!"

"You bet!" She gripped my shoulder and stared me right in the eyes with a fanged grin. "We'll take them for everything they have!"

Predators.

I almost laughed, but it was flattering that she'd go on the attack for me. Still, the twins didn't deserve that.

"But I don't want to sue them."

"No? Well, maybe you're right, they probably don't have much anyway… I know! I'll write to Luna and have them banished! Yes! I never liked that Wave pony — he's always leering at me and licking his lips. Ugh. Creepy! I'll get a dragonfire scroll and-"

A chill ran up my spine. She was taking this far too seriously! I'd hoped for a little sympathy and a hug before reeling her in and getting an outraged laugh or two. At this rate she might be furious enough to ask Princess Luna to banish me!

I butted my head against her as she tried to stand up.

"I don't want to banish them either! Besides, uh, you shouldn't go bugging the princesses with a little backwater problem like this! They've got better things to do." Maybe I could get her calmed down and then admit it was just a joke?

She patted my shoulder. "Lulu won't mind. She can probably just give you a new boat… нεℓℓ, maybe a whole ship! I'll write her a quick note and-"

"No!" I yelped and pushed her back into the chair again. "My sloop's fine! I'm just yanking your tail."

I flinched as Mayree's confused expression darkened into a stony frown. "Mainstay!" she shouted, "How could you joke about something like this?"

"I thought it would be funny!"

"Funny?! Making me think your sweet little boat was wrecked is funny?! I almost got some innocent ponies banished! What the нεℓℓ were you thinking, Mainstay?!"

"I'm sorry!"

She growled and I cringed under the weight of her angry glare.

"Gotcha!" she whispered with a muffin-eating grin.

"What?"

Her feelers dug into my ticklish fore pits and she crowed, "I knew you'd try something, you little sнιτ!"

Flailing my hooves and laughing I stumbled back a few steps. It wasn't fair how easily she was able to tickle with those wiggly hands of hers. She snickered as I huffed and casually ran a hoof over my head to push tangled locks out of my eyes.

"So the Chill twins didn't screw up?" she asked.

"No", I grumbled, but a smile crept over my lips. "It went smooth as silk."

"And you were sooo worried." She mocked in a pouty voice as she reached out to muss up my mane again.

I swatted her hand away. "Hey, she's precious to me and I'd be bit-less if something happened to her."

"There is that." She tugged one of my ears and joked, "You'd better not fall behind on the rent, stud, or it's back to the storage shack with you."

She was just joking… right?

I wasn't even paying rent.

I forced a smiled and said, "No worries. We'll launch her in a couple of weeks if you and Squall lend a hoof… or a hand."

"I still don't know what you expect me to do. I've never worked on a boat before."

"To start with, we'll be scraping off the barnacles and-", I held my hoof up and stretched as high as I could go, "-you can reach places I can't."

She barked a laugh and said, "Great, you only like me because you're into tall fillies."

"No!", I blurted, "I love you becaaaaa…" I choked as my ears caught up with what was pouring out of my stupid, honest mouth. A hot tide of blood made my skin prickle and burn and I just wanted to crawl away and hide beneath a rock.

Awkward silence stretched like a taut fishing line.

"Okay, that got kind of mushy…" I could hear an unspoken question in her tone as she cocked an eyebrow at me.

My forced laugh cracked as I jumped to my hooves. "H-hey! Speaking of mush, I have more good news: I'm cooking supper tonight! I'll call you when it's ready!"

I fled from her confused frown, clattered across the kitchen tile, and skidded to a stop by my saddlebags. Wheezing like a steam engine I yanked out precious ingredients and scattered them around the floor while trying not to think about what a complete foal I'd made of myself. Going up on my hinds, I stretched across the human-height counter to bite the handle of a pot and slide it into the sink. My hinds shook as I strained to work the water pump.

I struggled to get the heavy pot onto the stove and was filling a second one when I heard the soft sound of Mayree's bare paws on the hallway carpet. She pulled out a tall stool and sat behind me at the counter between the kitchen and dining room.

"So… What are we having?" she asked casually.

I glanced over my shoulder at her and then back into the sink.

"Porridge", I told the pot.

"Porridge?! For supper?"

I laughed. A strained, breathy noise. "You've never had my porridge before. Trust me, you'll love it." That blintzing word again! I winced and ground my teeth.

She coughed and asked, "And for dessert?"

"Porridge."

"Porridge?"

"Yes."

"More porridge?"

I tried the unconvincing laugh again. "Yes, different porridge."

"Okaaay. You're paying for dinner at the pub tonight."

I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself. It worked, a little. I shoved the pan onto the stove and dropped down to the floor. Looking up at Mayree's grumpy but amused expression I said, "I will… if you hate my cooking. But you won't, for I am a zebra alchemist when it comes to porridges! Get ready to have your taste buds singing my praises."

Mayree laughed and shook her head in disbelief. She'd learn, oh yes, she'd learn.

"Do you want a hand?"

I glanced around at the scattered ingredients on the floor and then back up at her predatory smile. "Yes, please."

It went quickly with Mayree's help. I prepared each pot with a mix of three grinds of oat, carefully selected from across Equestria for their texture and flavour. A different blend for supper and dessert. She helped chop the fruit, nuts, and vegetables to my exacting specifications, but I alone handled the all-important herbs and spices. Some secrets shouldn't be casually given to a novice. We talked about inconsequential things while we worked: the weather; what Smile Harbour did to celebrate Hearth's Warming; her plans for visiting Princess Luna in Canterlot; how expensive mainland potatoes were. We talked about Sun Squall. She'd sent us a postcard to let us know how her extended family in Cloudsdale were doing , and that she was bored out of her mind and missed us.

"I don't think I'd ever get bored with Cloudsdale", she said.

Her laugh sounded a little brittle to me. I stirred bruised violet petals into dessert and asked, "Why did you move here then?"

"Cloud-walking spells don't last very long." She sighed and shrugged. "It was too close to Canterlot, anyway. Too many tourists… humans, I mean."

I grunted. "You don't like the company of your own kind?"

"It's not that. I didn't want to settle down in a place that'll be overrun if they start letting anypony from Earth visit. It'd be like living in διsηελℓαηδ, with herds of tourists and their foals sticking their cameras and noses into everything. Besides-", she waved a hand at the window, "-it's a big world with lots to see and I won't miss out on any of it!"

"We should sail to Marelorca in the spring, after Winter Wrap Up."

She chuckled. "At least you call that by the same name. And, yeah, I'd like that."

I smiled and blew on a spoonful of dessert porridge. "Good."

It felt almost normal again.

I nodded my approval after a taste and said, "It's ready."

She helped me set the table and settled onto her seating pillow. I brought over the main course and ladled a generous portion of grey lumpy porridge into her bowl before serving myself, taking my seat, and confidently waiting for her praise. Mayree looked warily at the puddle of glutenous glop like it was something I'd scraped off my sloop. Maybe I should have bought parsley and put a sprig on top, the way they do in fancy restaurants.

She leaned over the bowl and sniffed with her cute little nose. "It smells… really good, actually. Is that paprika?"

"Ah ah ah… That's a trade secret. Try some."

She snorted and picked up her spoon. "'Trade secret'? You're a fisherpony not a chef."

"And what do you think keeps a fisherpony going on a cold foggy morning? My ancestors have been making delicious and medicinal porridges since before Nightmare Moon threw a tantrum." I waved an encouraging hoof. "Just try it."

She huffed and scooped up a small spoonful.

"Hmm… Hmm? Hmm! Mmmmmm…" She chewed and rolled the porridge around in her blunt muzzle like a fine wine, sampling everything it had to offer. After swallowing her mouth opened with a cute little gasp.

"How? What?" She stared at her bowl with an almost angry expression. "It's crunchy? I watched you boil the нεℓℓ out of it for an hour!" She experimentally smacked her spoon on the puddle of grey porridge. "Look, its glop! How is it crunchy? And spicy? And sour and sweet and… It tastes meaty! How does it taste like steak, Mainstay?"

"Ancient earth pony secret", I winked and picked up my spoon.

She pouted at my non-answer, but finished before me and demanded seconds.

I garnished the dessert porridge with crystal berries and they sparkled beautifully atop the slimy pale grey paste. After sampling a spoonful, Mayree had to get up and walk around for a few minutes, cursing quietly in her growling language.

She made coffee and we both whimpered at the contrast in flavours.

It was perfect.

We washed up and chatted about Marelorca and other places we could sail once my sloop was relaunched. She'd be so much faster after shedding her coat of barnacles! There were only a few weeks of decent weather left but we might have time to make another trip out to the Reefs. It all felt so warm and casual and normal. Mayree built a fire, flopped down with her hinds stretched out, and wiggled her pink little toes at the flames.

I sat upright at the far end of the couch, closed my eyes, and basked in the warmth. I was relaxed and happy with a full belly, and thoughts of the fun we'd have working on my sloop danced in my head. Once the barnacles were shed, we'd strip the fading blue paint, patch a few leaks with fresh oakum and tar, sand and vanish the deck, then repaint her hull. The cans of marine paint I'd ordered, mixed special to match the red boat on my flank, should arrive by train any day now!

Mayree patted her thigh in her nightly invitation, so I stretched out to lay my head in her lap and shut my eyes. She was treating me like a pet, but I didn't mind, as dozing while she groomed behind my ears was pure heaven. My tail flopped lazily and I vaguely wished I knew how to purr — the closest I could manage was a contented chuff.

When I was completely vulnerable and at her mercy, she quietly said, "It sounded like you really meant it."

Her voice was soft and curious but something about it made me wary and brought my ears up. Like hearing a faint rustle and growl from the bushes.

Of course I meant it.

There were few ponies I'd trust to help me scrape barnacles, and while it was tempting to hog the fun all to myself, it would be even better sharing it with friends. I opened my mouth to reply but hesitated as what she was really asking flashed through my mind.

My answer was the same though.

"Yes."

Her hinds tensed under me but the scritching didn't falter.

She sighed and asked, "Why me? I mean, why not Squall? I've been trying to get you two together for ages."

That wasn't the response I'd hoped for and it hurt.

"Mainstay?"

"Mainstay, say something."

I licked my dry lips and said, "I don't know. I do like Squall; she's cute, exciting, and pushy, but in a fun way. It would be easy to fall in love with her."

She made a small hmf noise and asked, "Well, why don't you then? I think you'd be perfect together! If you want, you could both live here and have lots of adorable little foals for me to spoil."

I could see myself being happy living that life.

If Mayree hadn't come along, I might have proposed to Sun Squall eventually though it was more likely she'd ask me. She joked about it often enough and didn't hang around with the town loser for no reason. I was a muffin stud! Hah.

But Mayree had come into our lives and changed everything.

"Did you know that Squall's been trying to get us together since the day you arrived?"

A sharp intake of breath. "βμℓℓsнιτ!"

I didn't understand that curse word, but her nose wrinkled as if she'd smelled something awful and I could tell she didn't believe me.

"What about that stunt with the rain cloud, out on the Reefs?"

She swallowed and said, "No, she wanted to get closer to you and I was just playing along."

"Hmm…"

Something about her tone sounded off… as if maybe she hadn't just been playing along with it for Sun Squall's sake. She did enjoy snuggling with ponies after all, and her hands hadn't stopped petting me for a moment while we talked.

"Well, that may be true too. She's pretty much thrown herself at me a few times, but she's also been dropping hints that you like me and going all giddy-eyes whenever we're together. Maybe she saw something spark between us when we first met?"

Mayree snorted. "As if. You hated me."

"I didn't hate you! Mild dislike maybe."

She lightly swatted my nose and said, "No, you hated me. I was the one with mild dislike and…"

I wiggled my rudely assaulted muzzle and asked, "And what?"

"Curiosity. You were just so… So…"

"Ugly? Smelly? Rude?"

"No!" She dared to swat my sensitive nose again. "So different from all the other ponies. Yeah, you were rude and smelly-"

"But not ugly?"

Swat! "Will you let me finish?!"

I waved a hoof in surrender and rubbed my tender nose.

She sighed and said, "Most of the ponies I've met are like Squall. Cheerful as ƒμςκ, wide-eyed and naïve, instant friends who burst into song just because it's a lovely day."

I opened my muzzle to defend Sun Squall but shut it again as the striking hand threatened.

"Don't misunderstand me, Mainstay. I don't think it's a bad thing that most ponies are so happy and friendly — I wish humans had more of that in us. But it gets annoying being mobbed by friendly ponies everywhere you go. Humans don't work that way!

"It takes time to get that close with us and instant pony friendship feels like it has nothing real behind it. Just happy smiles, friendly hooves, free cupcakes, and maybe a sappy song, but all without really getting to know one another first. You understand?"

"I think so. Maybe you should have moved to Griffinstone? Those feather-heads would give you a friendship challenge."

She gently tugged a tangle out of my mane and rested her cool hand on my withers. "You're kidding, but I thought about it. They have some great ocean-side views over there too, but they're not as cute as you guys.

"Anyway, I had you pegged as the other kind; ponies who hate humans. Who fear us. Who don't want anything to do with the messed up world next door, and I don't blame them. So, I assumed that was you, my new neighbour, a grumpy mule with a stick up his plot hole.

"Then you started helping me, showing an interest in what I was doing here and who I am. You cared, but you didn't jump down my throat trying to be my most bestest friend forever! You seemed almost…"

"Human?"

"Yeah."

At least I knew how she felt about me now — the closest thing to a real friend that she'd made since leaving Earth. But she didn't feel the way I did.

Muffin tops.

I wish I could take it back! Blurting it out was something a lovelorn colt would do, not caring about the consequences. But I couldn't change what had happened or how I felt about her, and now that she knew, and didn't love me, where did that leave us? Back to being friends? Could that rosy picture of marrying Sun Squall and living under her roof still work? Or would seeing her break my heart every day?

The hollow ache in my gut was answer enough. I sniffled as my eyes watered and pins prickled inside my nose.

Her hand squeezed my shoulder. "Mainstay, nooo. Don't cry or I'm going start crying too and… And…" She fell quiet for a few moments while the fire fluttered and crackled. She grunted and half-shouted, "How you can you even feel that way about me?! ƒοя ƒμςκ's sακε, I'm not a pony!"

I sat up so I could gaze into her pretty sea-green eyes, sucked in a deep breath to calm myself, and said, "Because you're beautiful, exciting, and kind of pushy but we still have a lot of fun together. Don't we?"

"Hah!" She quickly wiped her cheeks and gave me a trembling smile. "You said the same thing about a sweet little mare I know."

I gingerly cupped her cheek with my hoof and murmured, "Almost. But you're the one I fell in love with", and I leaned in.

A quick brush of my lips on hers. I felt her shiver and a sharp intake of breath where her small nose pressed against my thin muzzle fur.

I sat back and she just stared at me, shocked.

My ears folded flat and I slowly caressed her soft cheek as I withdrew my hoof. I'd gone too far but I couldn't help wanting to touch her for as long as possible. It might be for the last time.

She touched a hand to her lips, blinked at me, stood up, walked to her bedroom, and shut the door.

It would have been easier if she'd yelled at me. Cursed me. Hit me. Thrown me out of her home.

The fire popped and I watched the flames dance for a while, but I didn't cry. It felt wrong, like the emotions roiling inside of me weren't real if I couldn't get any tears to fall. With my sloop in dry-dock I couldn't sneak away to sleep aboard and maybe sail off to the horizon, never to return, once dawn broke.

I couldn't leave Mayree, anyway.

I glanced at her door as I walked to my room but there was nothing left to say.

My bed was cold and lonely as I pulled my old wool blanket over my head.

I hoped tomorrow would never come.

Author's Note:

In case you're wondering what Mayree was listening to...

This tune almost always brings me to the edge of tears.

Please PM me if you spot a typo.

Comments

[NecromanCREEEEEE]

Oof, the not ready couple syndrome, NRCS. A bad case of it too. But hey, this is a believable conclusion for a generally xenophobic species such as humans(Who don't know any other intelligent life) falling in love with a generally xenophile species such as ponies(Who have been around other intelligent species for centuries). It's nurture that has occurred for so long it's basically nature.

[Venerable Ro]

Hey look, a romantic couple that doesn't fall into bed with each other three weeks after meeting! Who would have thought it, in this day and age? I look forward to this!

[nemryn]

Nooooo

[Hazel Mee]

9525935
Oh, but we humans do easily find love outside of our own species... just usually not 'romantic' love.

I'm not sure it would be any easier for ponies to accept non-standard relationships. Look at how many taboos there are in our cultures regarding inter-racial relationships -- we can be utter bastards about it and we're the same species! That said, Equestria seems like a very egalitarian and open-minded kind of place, and I imagine that inter-species sapient couples would feel safe and welcomed by everypony.

(Though there are always exceptions. )

[Hazel Mee]

9525966
I hope I won't disappoint you.

At this point in the story, it's been about 5 months since they met; roughly from July to November in North-of-the-Equator seasons. I've been hinting at it with the Fall Run and changing weather... should I hint harder?

[Venerable Ro]

9526381

Oh I was aware of the passage of time, I was just ripping on those go-down-on-the-second-date kind of romances. Is it to much to ask for a depiction of a conservative relationship these days?

You're doing a grand job though, I'm enjoying this.

[Hazel Mee]

9526389
Awsome!

[Exuno]

Aww, it's okay, Squall will be back soon and will get them all in bed and making out in no time once she hears what happened~

Thank you so much for writing, this really is wonderful ans something I needed. I dunno how I'm going to survive when it's over. D:

[Morphy]

9525935

It's stuff like this chapter that makes it feel all too real. I've gone through NRCS myself, having been on Mayree's side of the equation.

[Goodluckfox]

Human music on a pony music player? Mainstay didn’t say phonograph... what was she listening on, exactly?

[harts fire]

a grate chapter that is leading up to either hart brake or the beginning of a love story.
cant weight.

[ClosetBrony]

I was like at Mainstay's slip but I'm left more like by the end. Good stuff. I love the slow burn here but I'm guessing Mary isn't on the same page as Mainstay. Not yet at least. I have my hopes up though. I think Squall wants to herd up with both of them which I'm perfectly fine with BTW. Thanks for the update. I look forward to reading the next one.

[Hazel Mee]

9526884
I'd like to have used a record player, but the effort of having a custom-mix of human music cut and pressed seemed kind of crazy to me. So, I figure it probably uses magnetic tape. Or perhaps some kind of music crystal from the Crystal Empire Recording Studios.

[Hazel Mee]

9526681
Me too.

[Hazel Mee]

9526631
*hee* I'm so happy that you, and everyone else who's been kind enough to leave appreciative comments, are enjoying it so far.

[Orrm]

GOOD BOY!

I love it!