- Member Since 27th Jan, 2019
- offline last seen Last Thursday
OrganicMachine
The nature of daylight is fleeting and always succumbs to night as all things are temporary.
OrganicMachine
Joined 27th Jan, 2019 ·
Offline
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Put on the Anon tag...
Pretty decent. But all's the same its like a skeleton frame of a story. Perception is skewered a bit and extended details and the like would help making it sound like a story, right now its kind of like a 'report'.
9431154
The main character has a skewered perception and only sees life as a "report". Things like fun and joy simply don't serve a purpose in his life. He skips all things he deems as unimportant and doesn't acknowledge them. I am working on a prequel for the first week of his time in Equestria so readers can better understand the character.
Teenager
9438210
What is the point in writing down 1 word if I can't understand why you wrote it?
9438276
Most authors on this site despise my comments so I minimize them as much as possible.
9438309
Why?
9438445
Why minimize? Cause there’s no point in elaborating if my comments will be deleted. Might as well save my time and make one word comments.
9438540
No, why do most authors hate you?
9438552
Because I call out bad writing.
9438590
Then you've had some bad luck, because most authors i have seen that have been called out on bad writing have been thankful, but half of those authors either don't write anymore, or have completely vanished, and the other half are mostly some of the older authors.
9438637
I wouldn’t know. This site doesn’t inform you when your comments are deleted so I only find out about this stuff when I start looking at a writer’s “stories” page to see if I’ve read something else the author has written before. At which point: ‘vote down + deleted comment(s) = lol don’t waste your time’
9438210
I'm fine with your comments, just explain when you find something Inadaquate.
Correction: i'll should be I'll
Correction: Merry.
9454878
Fixed and done, thank you for the comments.
9438663
Perhaps its in "How" you comment. If you do so respectfully and in a reasonable way, then in my experiance most Authors are ok with it. But if you are rude or just shit post, its a different story. No one here has time for that nonsense. I post occasional negative comments, as a matter of fact, I just posted one. I commented that the stories main character lost IQ points as the story progressed. It got to the point that he became too stupid to breath, in my opinion. Seriously in the latest chapter the character was so dense, I doubt he could bang two rocks together.
The Author had no problem with my comment. I wasn't a jerk about it.
The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller
Statement: It is... Sufficient.
9456385
Response: Adequate. But unfilling.
9456642
01010010 01100101 01110011 01110000 01101111 01101110 01110011 01100101 00111010 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100010 01110010 01101111 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00101110
AHAHAHAAA what have the ponies done xD harmony? more like what harmony suits them.
9456680
Translation: Response: Thank you brother.
In order
Golden Touch
Dirty Bit
Silver Sword
I can only think of a guard name.
Dowsing Rod. Proficient in minor divination, maybe?
I have to qonder where this is going, because it doesn't seem to have any real direction.
9591897
What he said. It's kinda rushed too. Not really like.. descriptive.
Both chapters feel kinda rushed, especially the second one with Celestia being ok with everything and just moving on with things.
9604398
-Begin Comment-
I figured that Celestia saw Anon as more of a problem than a citizen, he kept secrets, wanted to use 'evil magics', now this other half wants to have peace and friendship. If one was truly evil, wouldn't they not try to re compensate for their crimes and instead go to war? All known villains of Equestria are obvious with their evil intent, in other words Celestia probably hasn't encountered a villain who apologies for their crimes and will re compensate with peace and money. Villains are always greedy, arrogant and are never in the wrong. Lathran explained his 'mistakes' in front of Celestia.
-End Comment-
9604510
And that's why she had Anon purified and turned into a friendly person which Lathran murdered and stole a dangerous magical artefact and Celestia just let it all go.
Yup that makes sense, just letting some immense powerful being that committed murder and is in possession of very powerful artefacts go makes totally sense, on the other hand we had Anon a being with no magical abilities and an average physic, yup he totally was a bigger threat he'd probably MacGyver himself a nuke or two using all the advance tech that ponies totally have.
9604521
-Begin Comment-
I think some revision is in order, your argument is compelling. Also thank you for making a good argument for your reasoning, the world needs more people like you who can point out stupidity when others can't see their own.
-End Comment-
9604521
-Begin Comment-
I figured Anon could easily replicate chemicals used in chemical warfare, nukes are over his pay grade. Sulfur, oxygen, water and salt mixed together properly would result in hydrogen chloride, turning this into a gas form can be very dangerous to the health of those who breath it in. Resulting in ponies dying from strange gasses they know nothing about. It would be fairly obvious when it makes a yellow cloud, but it spreads quickly. This devastating chemical mist is relative easier to make than nukes and could be mass produced with proper glass lab equipment and proper heating. A few errors may arise with storage but after succeeding griffons could drop this gas in glass containers randomly and innocently, playing it off as a mistake. Or failed shipment in pony lands, resulting in many deaths before they realize the gas is killing them and that the griffons lied.
Phosgene is also a harder option but gives off no color and smells of hay, in pony society they would have a much harder time seeing this gas and finding out how it killed them. At higher concentrations it would merely look like a fog going through a town, but my the next morning almost everypony would be dead and no one would know why.
-End Comment-
9605439
Fair enough, thou I would question how Anon would know this as this is not something that an average person knows, unless he's a chemist or studied such things, but regardless Celestia obviously doesn't know this, from her perspective Lathran is a far greater threat given his magical powers, a small army of golems, magical artefact and willingness to admit to murder.
Anon as you mentioned in Celestia mind was a nuisance at best, which she dealt with via purification.
One other good point is why would Celestia trust Lathran at all, again a being of immense power and who casually admitted to murder, even if supposedly for a good reason.
9605490
-Begin Comment-
Anon is anything but a normal person, he knows everything he would need to serve humanity, how to kill, basic manipulation, how to work long and painful hours and not to mention the willingness to sacrifice anything for humanity. He killed his other half because it was necessary for his own protection and to further the goals toward humanities goals, evil or good. In his timeline humans are self slaves, they work hard long hours and learn what they need to learn to be a good citizen or they are disposed of only the smartest survive. They have very little self worth.
The murder was done to alien in her lands, that only existed for about a week. Celestia is usually seen as a overzealous god of virtue by the likes of many bronies but not everyone says this but a lot portray this in their work. This Celestia sees only some wrong in the murder of an inter-dimensional alien. This Celestia believes peace is more important than the death of 1 alien. Editing of the story made it so the amulet was taken out of Lathan's hands for the time being, she does not fully trust him but believes peace will rule over all.
I mean if he did betray her she could easily kill him herself without losing her ponies right?
Basically saying I don't think Celestia would see a magical entity with 20+ golems a threat that she herself couldn't kill if it came to that. Two wrongs don't make a right, killing the other half of an alien because it killed half of himself does not make it right. At least he's now 'trying' to do some good instead of doing more 'wrong' things.
This conversation makes me want to change the description for the 'prequel' a bit.
-End Comment-
Uh-huh, yeah, keep these golems that are totally 100% loyal to you in your land. They probably won't act as sleeper agents and wreak havoc on your cities or anything. Nope. You should trust the guy one hundred percent, especially after he robbed and killed your people.
9605739
-Begin Comment-
Yes trust the strange being who is in no way a threat to the ponies, Celestia would protect them if he was evil right? Ignorance is bliss.
-End Comment-
Cool.
9605739
it was more of a half suicide than killing a native
Peas ser, ve vant annozzer.
9983580
-Begin Comment-
I will consider continuing this story but, I'd also like to take time to enjoy other works.
-End Comment-
9984269
Cool.
Killing the nonsense haft, is a smart and much satisfied move!
Gender swapping story? I'm out!
The worse part is that the other half could be as dangerous as he believe it was but also not.
Though keeping in mind that he told them about his wprld of origin I can't really say Jared would be able to keep the more dangerous parts seacrest.
9454878
Pippin!
"Should have sold it when you had the chance"
9591897
Not supposed to have one.
We know the objective: Amass knowkedge and return to Earth, for the good of all of us except the ones who are dead.
What happened so far fits that and what else could happen will depend on circunstance but equestria is too peaceful most of the time.
Shouldn't they have talked about what "evil" and "crimes" mean?
It just looks like something that can be abused by both sides too easily.
9604521
It makes sense when said being just told you that thry can destroy the planet.
A truce while not knowing how they would do it is better than start a fight you will win but make the other side desperate enough to use whatever they said coukd destroy the planet.
You could colour the letters,
example
example