This story is a sequel to A New Friend
Ten thousand years have passed since the golden age of ponykind collapsed and the horror of Old Night fell across the galaxy. Equus itself is now but a shadow of the shining beacon it once was.
The rulers of that golden age are long vanished, and few believe them to be anything more than myth and legend if they existed at all.
But one mare means to change that. None know her name, but none can deny her prowess or ability to lead. All will one day call her by a simple title. The Empress.
In her heart though, the Empress, the mare once known as Twilight Sparkle, will carry that title even though she feels she does not deserve it.
Chapters (8)
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
9417487
Whatever you want them too. I don't make them sound a certain way when I write them.
9417573
Well Equus has been throughly fucked up at this point. So has the rest of the galaxy for that matter. But that won't come into play for a long time yet.
Interesting. Will be keeping an eye on this.
Hmm well at the very least I guess Twilight Sparkle certainly started out nicer and more compassionate than the emperor of mankind...maybe she can manage to not make some of the same mistakes he did even if she makes different ones.
9417614
Oh she will make mistakes. No ruler can't. Luckily after 30 millennia of life Twilight's learned to make them small and not a major disaster.
Plus Midnight is usually the one to knock sense back into her, literally if she needs to.
I'm curious how you plan to pull off Warhammer crossover with an E rating. Not saying it can't be done, and it's not a bad thing, just seems weird to me is all. Guess I'll find out.
9417677
It's a placeholder for the moment. The real grim stuff won't be shown for awhile. Talked about yes. But not shown.
9417687
Ah, I see. Well, the stories good so far, so I'll give it a like and track. Keep up the good work.
A link to the artist for the cover art please
9417773
There should be a link on the cover art itself.
This looks interesting! I look forward for more.
Sentance structure needs some work.
"And it was true. This place gave her the creeps in a bad way. Even being with her friend could only help so much. And Midnight had known for as long as she could remember. Her very first memory in fact was looking up into the mare's face. A face that radiated love, warmth, and compassion."
Was a particularly egregious example. Periods are full stops, and reading it that way makes it sound weird, halting, and stilted.
Here is a slight reworking of the sentance.
"And it was all true, the place gave her the creeps in bad way and even being so close to her freind could not shake this feeling. Which was strange, as Midnight had known the alicorn for as long as she can remember, with her face being her very first memory. A face that even still, radiated love, warmth and compassion, even in such a dour place.
Why does everyone have twilight change or abandon her name in these stories I feel like it's a trope at this point. Besides that this looks interesting and I look forward to it.
Probably because its filler. The Unification Wars was nothing more than the emperor of man “conquering” Fallout-style survivors. Cue WH40k proper and the Imperium proceeds to gets the shit kicked out of them when they’re fighting actual armies.
As for the story itself, you can see how things are going to go a mile away.
9417963
For those who don't know, 40k existed way before Fallout was ever a thing. So Fallout is taking off 40k, not the other way around. And as for where this is going.
I'm going o enjoy what people have to say when I start giving it the big middle finger.
9417938
Yeah. This has always been a problem for me in writing. First time someone's said it, but I know it's there.
Thanks for pointing this one out and better way to say the same.
9418256
question thou? in what technological level are they? Because if you are going to do some sort of unification war and then great crusade how you explain then things like gene weavers of luna hoo helped emperor to make thunder warriors or that time he made prophesy about himself to the mecanicum switch led to cult of the machine. All this needed over ten thousand year of foresight to create. Or are you gonna skip thous kinda things all together?
9418309
Magic and technology have evolved in the 30 millennia since the show ended in this universe, So yes the Luna Selenar Gene Cults will be there when the time comes.
As for the Thunder Warriors, I might skip them and go straight to the Space Mareine Legions and their Primare leaders. And no those aren't typos. Why will make sense later.
9418253
And Mad Max existed before 40k was ever a thing and the post-nuclear war setting existed before Mad Max was ever a thing.
9418332
Exactly. People seem fused to the idea that Fallout was the first for a lot of this stuff. Mad Max did the post-nuclear world thing way better anyway.
9418342
Because Fallout (among others) introduced elements like technological vaults, government conspiracies and post-apocalyptic cults. Mad Max didn’t. So is it not fair to call this story closer to Fallout than Mad Max?
9418353
No. It's more Mad Max here than Fallout. The cults are real, but the vaults and government stuff isn't. But since this is a Warhammer crossover, it's going to be mostly based on Age of Strife Terra.
9418361
Your prologue involves “don’t call me Twilight” uncovering the Crystal Empire’s underground library in a magically irradiated area in an era where books are practically extinct. You’re arguing semantics.
I wonder what happened to Celestia, Luna and Cadence?
Hmm... I don't know why, but something tells me Twilight doesn't have much to worry about daemon wise...
Meanwhile in the Immaterium
"You know, I always knew you and I would get along... Why look, you're rock hard just being in my presence!"
Slaanesh said nothing. Discord smiled gently as an eagles claw lifted his cup to his snaggle toothed lips, his eyes glinting with his usual cheek... but something more was their that day... night... whatever. Something... old. and cold. and cruel.
"As I've said... I don't turn people to stone. Its a rule. And all rules have an exception."
Slaneesh screeched from with his new home, his quickly growing lack of sensation, any sensation, at all, began to take its tole. It had been but a few minutes... long enough to brew a pot of tea. An eternity.
"And you... you thought about Fluttershy in less then a flattering manner."
Discord's lips drew back across his fangs to morph into a wolfish grin, and his words, while soft, echoed and shook the timbers of the non existence in which they sat.
"... And the same goes for the rest of you lot. Remember who runs this fucking show... and do make sure to leave my little ponies be."
9417963
Here's what I'd like to know. Do you even care for the story at all? Or is this just commenting for the hay of it?
9419008
for what its worth, I liked it
9419013
Thanks. It helps hearing people like it. And I know more like it than don't. How? Upvotes outnumber the downvotes. And those are probably from trolls who downvote everything that isn't utter garbage.
9419008
I do, but I also see a lot of stories with good potential bog themselves down in attempt to be "original".
Why does it matter if I compare your story to Fallout? Is this supposed to be a pan-galactic, inter-dimensional, biological child soldier story which concludes with mud ponies being lobotomized and turned into door openers and the unicorn master race ruling over a collapsing empire?
So is Midnight like Twi's Malchador or something?
9419091
This will end up going all over the galaxy. None of the rest will happen thankfully, I'll leave those to the shit fic writers. I'm trying to be better than that.
9419149
She will be. It's not evident now, but being so close to Twilight for as long as she has, has changed her beyond that of any normal Pegasus. Midnight doesn't know it, but Twilight has her suspicions that's the case.
I love the dark tone that has been set.
9419291
Thanks. You think it's dark now? I haven't even told the tail of how Twilight and Midnight first met. That little bit with her first memory as a newborn should give a hint that it won't be plesant.
Or at least the buildup to it anyway.
9419316
Nice avatar by the way. And I don't doubt it.
9419066
Yeah... but really, you should write for yourself first and foremost. Now that is not to say you should block out criticism, but at the end of the day, there's a difference between popular and good
This is becoming rather interesting. I kind of like the mother-daughter dynamic between Twilight and Midnight, I hope it develops further.
Waaaaaaait one second.....
Primareis Marines?
Well twilight has got some past on her
9422017
Close. But no. Just regular Space Marines. It's a pun on the fact that the Legions will all be female, and also on it being called the Primarch Project in 40k.
So now even the Primarchs will be female. Hence Primare.
9422074
Well when you're as old as she is, then yeah you would. More of it will come out in later chapters.
9421982
Thanks. That dynamic is the hardest part for me. Midnight knows Twilight isn't her actual mother, but she loves her as it anyway. And as a friend.
9422077
*Facepalms*
Right, my brain didn't connect that, lmao
9422082
Just because she knows Twilight isn't her real mother doesn't necessarily mean she can't see her as such. I have multiple friends who are adopted and see there adopted parents as there real parents. It's usually a very popular dynamic but tends to be rushed. I myself have rushed it in one of my stories though I did point out that it was still awkward to both characters involved, so it all depends on how you approach it.
So that's what happened to the changelings. So sad...
Could use a quick proofread as it is now, but a fun read.
9422150
Well to be fair, originally Twilight herself was the one to wipe the species out after what happened to her first lab. At that point Thorax wasn't even a thing yet, so it would've fit.
But after he came along, that changed. Whether it was Chrysalis or not who set off the self destruct doesn't matter now. Not even Twilight knows for sure if it was.
All she could determine was that it was a queen that did it and that somepony had betrayed her and led her to it. The lab's location wasn't known by many, so.
9422207
Ok
9418864
That's the billion ddllar question isn't it? It's coming up soon on them. Along with a few others. The Mane 6 (that's counting Starlight), her parents and Shinning, Sunset Shimmer and her human friends have all long since passed away.
Pretty obvious for them. But saying it anyway. And you're forgetting Flurry Heart.