Twily Takes A Trip
It was official. The greatest triumph in equine history had finally been accomplished. Raising the Sun and Moon every day is chicken feed compared to this stunning achievement. Luna and Celestia, take a hike you hapless wannabes.
Clear your schedules, everypony. We have a ticker tape parade to organise, a big stage to set up for the ceremony and a huge medal to be hoofed over to a humble royal bibliophile.
Inform the mayor. Alert the media. This is history in the making, or herstory if you want to be pedantically politically correct.
Sick of me beating about the bush? Well, I'll have you know the moderately long intro to this story is so you, the reader, can absorb the full dramatic ramifications of just what our purplish pony pioneer has done. If I just cut to the chase, her unsurpassable feat wouldn't carry quite the same weight, would it?
You're welcome, ungrateful oiks. And if you had the smarts of Twilight, you'd know what that last word meant...
...Oops-a-daisy. I appear to have given away the identity of our intrepid intergalactic explorer a bit too soon... and now, I've unwittingly provided another clue as to her location. Darn me and my loose lips. Anyone got any tape?
Oh well, I suppose sufficient time has elapsed between my meandering attempts to set the scene. So let's all take a deep breath, scuttle towards the edge of our seats and set our faces to 'stunned', as I unveil the big announcement in full. (Drum roll please)
Princess Twilight Sparkle, former librarian, current teacher and perpetual worrier, has taken one small step for ponies, one giant leap for marekind. Or, something like that.
Yep, she's way up there, hovering in deepest space. Not just a quick flight away either, but at least a couple of light years from home. And she didn't even need to stop to use the bathroom en route! Talk about the power of friendshi... I mean, an indescribably durable bladder.
Surrounding by a tableau of stars and a few nondescript barren rocks, she's staring down at the planet of Equestria, which by now barely registers as a blip in the murky darkness.
There seems to be something weighing heavily on her mind though, considering the long furrow on her brow and the fact she appears to be mumbling unintelligibly to herself.
Perhaps she's missing home already, or she's just as confused as we are as to how she's able to breathe so easily in the furthest reaches of the galaxy without any kind of specialist equipment. Not to mention how she travelled so far so quickly...
Maybe it might be best not to dwell on her rampant homesickness or minor plot holes, and leave the alicorn to her own devices. That would be the moral thing to do, as well as allowing the author to escape scrutiny by any picky sci-fi nerds lingering nearby.
...On second thoughts, something called 'word count' is pushing me onward, and I'm sure your curiosity won't be sated until you find out just what Twilight's up to in the latest instalment of her wacky shenanigans!
Very well, but I hope you can all live with yourselves for invading her privacy. Let's pray that whatever happens, it'll be 'out of this world'!
...What?
You couldn't even pretend to find that joke funny?! You people make me sick, you really do. Not all of us can be Pinkie Pie, you know. If you need me, I'll be sulking on this meteor over there. Go on, eavesdrop on your precious Princess. It's not like you ever cared about me, anyway. Wait, I've changed my mind! Don't leave me alone, this thing is moving...
"Hmm, at this distance... the aspect ratio of a full-frontal blast from my horn at this precise distance should be magnified by the interstellar energy indigenous to space, resulting in an apocalyptic chain reaction throughout the galaxy. This would, in theory, lead to the total destruction of the planet known as 'Equestria', along with a few insignificant asteroids along the way no-one will miss. Speculative casualties are in the millions, if not billions, and then maybe I'll finally get some peace and quiet..."
W-What? Did you hear that?! She plans to destroy the world!! And I thought she went all the way out here to study the wonders of the universe! I-I can hardly believe it, but it's true! We must return to Equestria without a second to lose, to both organise the evacuation and so I can change my trousers. MAY CELESTIA AND LUNA, THE GREAT AND GOOD, GIVE US STRENGTH AND HOPE IN OUR TIME OF NEE...
"Hey, I thought I took care of you already!" Twilight snarled at the loquacious narrator, blowing up both him and the meteor upon which he perched with a single piercing shot. "There's enough natural gasbags up here as it is, without you bothering me! Now I'll have to start my calculations all over again: don't get me wrong, it's fun, but I am on sort of a strict schedule here. Anyway x = y, multiplied by the z..."
In space, no-one can hear you think. This is just as well, for if that was the case, Twilight's whirling brainwaves would've polluted the serenity of this galactic idyll forever.
As it stood though, after a few more minutes of advanced mental arithmetic which only the geekiest of bookworms could possibly comprehend, the procrastinating Princess thought she'd stumbled across a breakthrough. "... And then, once the resulting pulsar goes supernova, It's bye-bye to a constrictive life of royal protocol, and hello to sweet, sweet freedom! I can cast aside the shackles of responsibility, cut off the chains of accountability and at long last enjoy my well-earned retirement! It's gotten to the point now where everypony is so helpless, they request an audience with me just to unscrew a tight jar! That's why they must perish, lest they drag me to a stressful early grave. Now, where did I put my star chart..."
Rummaging around in her saddlebag to locate the blueprint from which she'd blast Equestria to smithereens, Twilight instead accidentally took out something quite different. It was a photograph of her grinning with the rest of the girls (plus Spike) just after Tirek's defeat, and as she stared at the familiar image in earnest, a few unwelcome memories began surfacing inside her subconscious. Happy ones, that began putting a strain on her oh-so carefully constructed plans.
Look at you all there, posing happily as if you weren't about to be disintegrated to cosmic dust in a few short years. Twilight thought morosely, wondering why the photo was suddenly showing signs of dampness. After all, she'd kept it in a very airtight corner of the holdall. Despite all the trials and tribulations you've subjected me to ever since that fateful day I arrived via balloon, I still love you all and I'll miss you terribly. And the other Princesses. And the townsponies. And my students. And my family. A-And Spike. And... what the heck am I doing?!
Astonishingly deciding that perhaps wiping out an entire civilisation wasn't perhaps the instant panacea to her problems she'd thought it was, the conflicted alicorn did an abrupt 180 by deciding to let everypony live to see another day. If asked why she'd changed her mind later, the response might be something along the lines of 'It would've been a shame to eradicate all those rare books'. After all, mawkish sentimentality was for the schmaltz crowd, and nopony could accuse educated Twilight of indulging such tiresome bathos. Honest.
"When I return I suppose I'll have to learn to express my feelings more, and learn that sometimes the best advice isn't found in the written word. What a nuisance." Twilight scowled whilst unfurling her wings, in preparation for the long journey home. "I guess, if I were to ask anyone for advice regarding this matter, it would have to be good ol' Sunset Shimmer. For it was only my timely intervention that prevented her from conquering Equestria, when her lust for power transformed her into that wretched demonic form. Maybe she could understand my feelings of isolation and anxiety. First thing I'm doing upon reentry is to hop through the mirror portal and have a little chat with her. Everything will be alright, just wait an..at...ATCHOO!"
Alas, in the midst of her relief at thinking that she'd found a viable solution to her difficulties, Twilight had forgotten two very important things. The first was that a few days previously, she'd caught a cold from a stuffy Fluttershy who'd had to rescue a stranded otter pup from a freezing lake. Great for the wild animal, not so much for her congested sinuses.
The second point (which was arguably more pertinent, but sort of tied into the first) was that in readiness to reduce Equestria to a hunk of smoking ash, Twilight had accumulated together rather a lot of magical energy which was even now hanging precariously from her horn like a giant snowball. What could be initially mistaken for a black hole was in fact, a ginormous build-up of power specifically design to decimate anything in its path... organic, mineral or otherwise.
And a few minutes before Twilight could dispel it after her unexpected change of heart, the sneeze caused by her blocked airways happened to dislodge said huge, deadly orb from the top of her temple...
Where it abruptly set forth on its deadly mission, which if the first comets and constellations it utterly destroyed upon impact were anything to go by, would be a complete success.
"Oh, ****." Twilight exclaimed as it rapidly disappeared into the distance, loudly stating something not-quite child friendly.
But there was nothing to be done. Such an awesome blast could never be stopped, least of all by its regretful creator.
All Twilight could do is float around aimlessly, as the lethal missile made its unerring progress to Equestria, demolishing everything she had or ever cared about.
The situation was hopeless. Impossible. Completely irretrievable.
Unless...
...............................................
"Spike, could you come here a minute please?!" An irritated Twilight commanded, as she removed a futuristic looking helmet from her head.
"Y-Yes, Twilight... what can I do for you?" The loyal dragon came rushing upstairs into her bedroom, gasping as he did so.
"This 'Virtual Reality' idea of yours for my therapy was a total bust. I don't know what they claimed in that catalogue you saw, but I want my bits back right now." Twilight thrust the useless device to her number one assistant, before continuing to speak. "Have you had any luck tracking down Leather Couch yet? He's the only pony who understood the pressures I faced everyday, yet he seems to have vanished off the face of Equestria."
"S-Shining Armour and the royal guards are out in force looking for him, so far nothing has turned up though." Spike twiddled his claws, unable to glance his disappointed bestie in the eye. "There were rumours he started a new career, but we don't know what that is yet. The minute they find anything, we'll be sure to let you know."
"See that you do. They might want to check the cherry farm in Appleloosa, I seem to remember an old friend of mine who wanted to 'start afresh' finding some solace there..." Twilight momentarily pondered Applejack's dilemma, wondering if perhaps Leather Couch was presently going through a similar crisis of confidence.
I hope he doesn't feel like he's let me down. Just because I'm a Princess, it doesn't mean I expect any special treatment. I just want these constant grotesque fantasies I have of wanting to annihilate everything in response to everyday problems to go away. Not too much to ask... is it?
..............................
Meanwhile, at his new home in the dankest depths of Tartarus, a former psychiatrist turned beast trainer had been defaced, disfigured, damaged, disabled, distorted, dismembered and spat at by an irate freckled filly in a cage. It was only his first day on the job, too...
...And yet, he was the happiest he'd ever been.
Go figure.
After the original was so popular, I just had to write a follow-up. Well, here it is. I hope you enjoyed reading it... and don't forget to comment. 
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Twilight Sprakle and the destroyer of all! XD
The. Absolute. BEST. THING!
I think Twilight needs a vacation. Or maybe she should just blow up some boulders.
Well, that went from confusing to hilarious, then to heartwarming, then to depressing, and then finally back to hilarious all in the span of five minutes.
And I loved every second of it.
While a part of me questions the decision to make this its own story instead of an add-on to the original, I still enjoyed this enough to give it a Like. :)
9417230
Run for your lives!
9417247
Thank you, darling.
9417274
Good idea. as long as nopony gets hurt...
9417283
This is a completely different premise, so I don't consider it a true continuation. And yes, it was my intention to play with the reader's emotions a tad. Sorry about that.
9417294
No need to apologize. A little emotion-toying never hurt anybody. Heck, some of the best stories on this site work because they're able to tug at the heartstrings.
Good job.
Step 1: open a gate to a totally uninhabited world
Step 2: build many buildings and structures
Step 3: Put many MANY explosive devices and magical weaponry there.
Step 4: Send Twilight there, and close the gate for a few days allowing her to vent by blowing shit up.
Step 5: repeat steps 1-4 as needed.
9417314
Thanks again. Glad you enjoyed the story, and picked up on what I was going for here.
9417324
It would also make a very good video game.
9417324
I'm sure Star Swirl could whip something up. As long as Twilight contains her destruction to four or fewer dimensions...
9417338
Wonder what it would be called?
9417344
He'd just make her Pinkie Promise no to blow the planet up itself, just the stuff they built.
Seems Twi needs Dr. Wolf more then ever. He is the only psychiatrist that I know that deals with crazy ponies all the time...he even made a couple of TF2 teams out of them.
I think I know who to recommend for the Blu team's empty Pyro position. With a respawner in place, I think Twi may find an outlet for her frustrations.
9417344
...And if he has any frustrations with the modern world, perhaps he could join her. Two player action at its finest...
9417352
Pony-monium? Apologies, I'll think of a better title as soon as I'm rested...
9417368
Hehe no worries!
9417372
Thanks. I think of the name, you design the game. Then, we'll split the proceeds 50/50. Sounds like a fair deal to me...
9417375
Just one small problem, I dunno the first thing about making a game
So, she skipped past the kingdom, going straight from the town to THE WORLD!
Maybe she should talk to the other princesses about these desires. Or Discord. He and Princess Luna have been in similar situations before and could sympathize, and Celestia has been ruling for over a thousand years, which means she probably has felt similar desires before as well.
Worst case scenario: Twilight gets a thousand year forced vacation.
9417391
Oh well, guess we'll have to hire someone to do that for us then. Know of any good (cheap) programmers?
9417466
She decided to try intensifying the therapy, to minimal results by the looks of things. As for your suggestion, not a bad idea: talking to anypony who could understand surely can't hurt... right?
9417613
Maybe Button Mash?
9417613
9417466
It briefly looked like Intensifying the therapy worked. She realized the downsides to what she wanted, then looked on in horror when she was going to accidentally destroy Equestria.
The problem is, (from what I can tell) she decided that she didn't like what the VR therapy was telling her.
Thus I doubt talking to Discord or Luna is going to help, as she doesn't accept she has a problem....she thinks these are just random fantasies.
BTW I loved the Narrator....pity about the exploding thing.
9417693
So close, but yet so far. And you're right: admitting you have a problem is usually the first step towards recovery...
9417648
Like you and me, maybe he's better at playing than programming...
9417700
Hmm dunno then. I'd suggest discord but that might be asking for trouble XD
One picky sci-fi nerd coming along! ;p
No... not even remotely... at two light years of distance the SUN of Equestria would register as an unremarkable star... the planets would be completely invisible...
hmm that is an asteroid or meteoroid. A meteorite is what remains after a meteoroid has impacted Earth.
lunaR?
Maybe you can take a leaf out of Starlight’s book and magick those fantasies away?
Also, fervently hope that said magic doesn’t collapse with the passing of time and the fantasies return stronger than ever.
9417902
Fortunately, it was just a VR simulation, so any potential inaccuracies in science can be attributed to that.
As for the other points, well let's do a bit of editing, shall we?
9417904
Interesting comment. I guess we'll have to wait and see...
So wait: A living, walking NUKE is harboring feelings of destroying everything, just to have a little peace from the banality of her life?
Daaaaamn Twilight...you scary.
9417933
As I said in the prequel, this is strictly a surreal comedy and so shouldn't be taken too seriously. I certainly hope so, anyway...
Sneezing in a VR helmet would suck. Really sneezing in any kind of helmet would be unpleasant at minimum.
Didn’t even detail the absolute incineration of Equestria smh you’re getting a downvote.
On a more serious note, I had just a good of time reading this one as the last; maybe even more! I definitely approve of the wholesale destruction of everything because of my everyday inconveniences. Yet, where do you go from destroying an entire planet? Up next: Twilight vs The Fourth Wall!
Love reading your stuff, keep on being you.
Edit: just thought of something... we have a confirmed repeatable time spell a la Starlight and that scroll... could we also get Twilight destroying timelines that she had a bad day in? Seems like I should write it first...
I take it that I'm one of the few that's read this story Princess Twilight Sparkle flips a table... and then some.
Truly one of the more underappreciated aspects of alicorn biology.
9418099
That was your first hint that not all was what it seemed...
9418345
I had this idea for a sequel soon after finishing the first one. After this, I've got nada. But I'm always open to suggestions, and I'll take yours under consideration...
9418391
Probably not.
9418412
Yep. Very useful for the cinema, too.
i know the perfect place for a vacation for her. it's a quaint little island paradise known as Banoi. sandy beaches. fascinating wildlife. an interesting indigenous culture. everything a princess considering annihilation of her home planet could possibly need to blow off some of that stress.
Wow, Cozy Glow did all that?
In any case, this was fun, but it feels like you're trying to recapture the essence of the previous story without offering much novelty.
9417324
Of course, after a few cycles it gets old, you introduce living beings, aaaand we get another Discord.
9420048
Well, as long as it was fun. I wasn't out to write anything that was too far a cry from the original.
Meanwhile...
"I have harnessed the stars
Now unleashed upon the earth
I am become death
The Destroyer Of Worlds" :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUgvIAg2xXY
This is honestly one of the last stories I thought would ever get a sequel. XD Very amusing, great job.
Need another sequel
There's something I love about meta narrators and I'm not exactly sure what that is.
The whole "the narrator is a character in the story haha" thing really wasn't that funny either time, and neither was having him break the 4th wall for comedy when it was already broken by him being there. It felt like you were trying too hard for an "XD so random!!" effect.
9538650
Well everyone has their own idea of comedy, and I guess that isn't your kind of humour. Thank you for adding both stories to your favourites, anyway.
Oi! Narrator. You’re the oik. You uncouth and obnoxious person you. That’s right. I said “and” not “or”, because you’re both for calling me an oik.
Oh. And I’m glad Twilight blasted you. Twice.
To the author both this and the previous story were really silly?
the word distorted made me think he implied missing.no was in tarturaus.