Chapter 1
Another Wednesday, another lunch date.
Date.
Heck of a word, that. With perhaps uncharacteristic exactitude, Applejack mused over the meaning of the d-word as she munched on her salad. Did it still count as a date if it were routine? For months now, Applejack and Rarity had met at the same table, at the same cafe, on the same day of the week (excepting those days when one or the other was out of town, or when the fate of Equestria hung in the balance, which was an alarmingly common occurrence).
Still, despite the regularity of it all, Applejack found her lunch time with Rarity to be a much-needed respite from the bustle and stress of the working week. Applejack knew the lunch date was even more important to Rarity, as the unicorn told her. Repeatedly.
“You wouldn't believe how busy I've been, darling.” Rarity said.
“Reckon I would.” Applejack said with a wry grin. “I mean, I'd be worried if you didn't have a whole passel of stuff to work on.”
“I know, I know, I'm a workaholic. Which is something of a matter of the pot calling the kettle black, you know. Applebucking season is coming up, isn't it? You're just waiting for the chance to run yourself ragged. Again.” Rarity said with pointed concern.
“Hey now, this frog ain't gotta get thrown in the same pond twice.”
“I have no idea what you just said.”
“What I mean is I learned my lesson a long while back.” Applejack smiled anyway. “Trust me, Rarity. You'll be the first pony I ask for help if I need it.”
“You'll ask me before you need help.” Rarity huffed, and set her now-empty wineglass back on the table. “I will be more than happy to help in any way I can, even if things get ... messy. No buts, dearest. I insist. Once the harvest's done, I'll have to find ... some way for you to make it up to me.” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes.
Applejack unconsciously recalled the memory of a perfumed white coat beneath her hooves, between her--
“Um.” She shook her head. Not that the memories weren't pleasant ones, but there was a time and place for that sort of thing. A time and place other than the most popular cafe in Ponyville during the lunch rush. “ANYWAY.” Applejack drained her pilsner, hoping the cool liquid could somehow quench the blush rising on her face. “Weren't you talkin' 'bout how busy you were? Lotsa ... sewin' and stitchin', right?”
“Like you wouldn't believe!” Rarity said, always eager to talk about her business. “Why, I probably got more commissions last night during the soiree at Twilight's Castle than I did during the last month prior! Pity you couldn't make it.”
“Sorry.” Applejack said, splaying her ears back. “If I'd known it was so important to ya--”
“Pish posh!” Rarity waved one hoof, dismissively. “As lovely as your company would have been, I fear you might have been ... distracting. I was busy enough as is. All those foreign dignitaries were quite eager to see my work, you know. There was even a dragon there! Surprisingly talkative fellow-- not at all like Spike, but then again, who is? Still, between Twilight's school, and my own growing business, Ponyville is becoming a destination. Which isn't to say that Sweet Apple Acres isn't charming in its own right, mind you-- why, you're the economic backbone of the town! Not to mention the gastronomic one. But I'm rambling! The important part is that I ran into none other than Silver Lining!”
“She sounds kinda familiar. What's she famous for?”
“Being famous.”
“Say what now?”
“It's ... complicated. But you'd like her! Silver Lining's quite the optimist, you know. Perhaps ... too optimistic. As she offered me a rather ... large amount of money to make her a custom gown. Which normally wouldn't be much trouble, but Silver Lining has very ... specific requirements. Why, she was very insistent on the construction of her ... flappy bit.”
“Her what?” Applejack blinked, unsure if she should have been scandalized or not.
Rarity blinked, just as puzzled as the cowpony. “Oh, you know. The ... flappy ... bit.” As the words left her lips, Rarity blanched, as if she'd bitten into an enticing-but-rotten piece of fruit. “I mean, er ... the ... little bit of cloth that you fasten over your tail?”
“Oh! That thing! Why didn't you say so?”
“I ... tried to.” Rarity murmured, and looked down into her wineglass. “But for the life of me I can't ... remember the proper term.”
“Now who's burnin' the candle at both ends?” Applejack said. “You gotta get more sleep, darlin'. You're gettin' loopy.”
“I know, I know.” Rarity's shoulders slumped. “It's just that things have been so busy ... “
“That's life for ya.” Applejack leaned across the table to put a hoof onto Rarity's. “Tell ya what, go on n' finish your story. I know you love talkin' 'bout your work even iffin' I don't know half of what you're talkin' 'bout.”
“Thank you, Applejack. I think.” Rarity smiled anyway. “But, well, to make a long story short, the construction of Silver Lining's dress is going to be quite the challenge. She was very insistent on the number of ... “
“Number of what?”
Rarity's smile faltered. “The number of ... round ... thingies. The round thingies for the flappy bit.”
“You mean a button?”
“Yes.” Rarity said, seizing on the word like a life jacket. “Exactly! A ... round thingie.” She blinked, then shook her head. “I meant a round thingie. No! A round thingie.” The unicorn grew more and more frantic with each repitition, tears of frustration welling up at the corners of her eyes.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa-- slow down, Rarity!” Applejack circled around the table and put a comforting (or at least she hoped it'd be comforting) hoof upon the designer's shoulder. “It's going to be alright.”
“No, it won't!” Rarity wailed, even as she flopped onto Applejack. “I can't ... I can't think of the words, Applejack. Or when you correct me it's like ... it's like I can't even say them. If I can't use the proper terms, how will anyone ever take me seriously as a ... as a ... pony-pants maker?”
Rarity's eyes went horror-wide, and she broke down into incoherent sobs.
“It's alright!” Applejack said, mostly by reflex. “You're just tired, is all. All you need's a good nap and you'll be right as rain, lemme tell you.”
“No!” Rarity snapped her head up. “I'm not tired, Applejack. I ... it's ... it's like there's a hole in my ... in my head-organ. And every time I open my mouth it gets bigger!”
Applejack put a hoof to Rarity's lips. “Then don't say a damn thing. Just calm down, and then both of us can go see Twilight-- I'm sure she's got a book somewhere that says exactly what's wrong with ya, an exactly how to fix it.”
Rarity smiled, if weakly, and nodded.
Applejack didn't bother knocking on the door to Twilight's crystal castle-- even if it wasn't an emergency, she'd passed the 'drop in anytime!' level of friendship years ago. Rarity followed close alongside, keeping her lips resolutely sealed.
“Twilight?” Applejack's voice echoed through the high-vaulted halls. “You home? We got a situation, here.”
“Uh, hi.” Spike poked his head out from around a corner. “Funny that you mention that, because, um, we ... kind of have a situation here, too.”
“You do?” Applejack said. “What happened?”
“Brain problem situation!” Twilight nearly trampled Spike as she rushed towards her friends. Applejack recognized the wild-maned, eye-twitching expression on Twilight's face as the princess verged on breakdown.
“No can word right!” Twilight said, and grimaced at the butchered syntax.
“Me do word bad too!” Rarity wailed, and set to sobbing anew.
“Oh no!” Twilight said. “Brain problem situation go to other pony! What if whole town am head-sick?”
“How long has she been like this?” Applejack said.
“Since just after breakfast.” Spike said. “It all started when she couldn't remember the word “refrigerator” and it all went downhill from there.”
“Huh.” Applejack rubbed at her chin, looking between Twilight and Rarity. “So it ain't just Rarity. But you n' me are talkin' just fine. Maybe it's a unicorn thing?”
“Maybe?” Spike shrugged. “Twilight and I have been digging through the library for hours, and we haven't found anything.”
“Doctor book no help!” Twilight's voice wavered at the betrayal.
“Welp.” Applejack said. “Ain't like this is our first rodeo. C'mon, let's go see Zecora.”
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You're going to write Zecora with a restriction on the vocabulary you can use?
You're a braver man than I.
I think, maybe, but I don't know, but I'm starting to feel like we got a brain problem situation on our hooves.
Not even 1500 words, and I'm hooked.
Well played, Tumbleweed. Well played.
Well... This was something.
You do word very good. I make happy noises with mouth while eye-staring at words.
Nah, it's just that background characters are immune.
Oh. Good. Another one of these, "I have loads of followers, I can write anything I want to!" stories.
9415061 We still don't know if it has spread that far yet, nor if non-unicorns can be affected.
You know I was reading your latest blog post and... is this what you call rarijack subtext? Coz this ain't subtext, this is overtext, supertext.
Maybe duhdoi-text but not subtext.
Aaanyway, carry on now. Looking forward to more.
Great start. In a very short time, you've set up the situation, then introduced the problem and magnified it. Very well-written with no technical issues I can see.
I can see a drama or adventure tag in this story's near future.
Word uh-ohs problem am scary-bad, but this one have happy-feels for word-train papers like such. Do the thing!
66.media.tumblr.com/adcc60028142d7b7ca4e551e2e2aa261/tumblr_ou294i6L8g1uurkb7o2_500.gif
Ha! “Doctor book no help” indeed.
DIS STORY WUZ DUN RIGHT AN' PROPPER, YESSIR.
Myself'm hooked. The writing was pretty well will, and the myself found action grammar funny. Myself taking abrue to't to to what to see taking that method ridiculous this gets.
...Bad English aside, I look forward to seeing where this goes. :)
The hilarity of Twilight, of all ponies, shouting out "Doctor book no help!" resulted in much uproarious laughter.
This is very good. I enjoyed this very much. I wrote something nearly the same (but not quite) a while back, using Simple Writer thing, but told it from Star Bottom's point of view. It was very hard, but fun to do. Also, I am using Simple Writer thing to write this, which is why I could not say Star Bottom's real name. Having to say Many Colour Sky Light Bridge Rush instead of real name for pony with hair of many colours did get a bit tiring, though.
Scanning Equus system for Intelligence eaters.
9415061
I don't know if I'd say Zecora has a vocabulary restriction, but it's more of a... Hm. Structure? restriction? She has an expanded vocabulary, but she speaks in a very, ah... structured? way? I'm not sure how you'd explain her rhyming tendencies, but we do have the Tamarians that speak in metaphor, so that's my best way to explain how I mean...
And my terrible lunch has gone to my head, now I can barely do the words D:
Looks like the Big Brain has arrived in Equestria.
Darn it, now I want to revisit that tribute to Thing Explainer.
Very intriguing story. Looking forward to more.
Me am going to look at pony-words more. Good thing, Rolly-twig-ball-thing!
This interesting. Me follow.
Oho! Now that's an original problem. Or an original way of attack.
So what will it be. A sickness? A Starlight Glimmer botched spell? A Words Eater monster?
If this was in Equestria Girls universe, I would say an ancient artefact grimoire that belonged to an author afflicted with the blank page syndrome. Rather than work at it, he created a magic book that would take the idea of other pony right out of their head. But it didn't go like he intended and the cursed book only stole more and more random word from ponies around him. Huh... that idea kind of ran wild there... sorry.
Ah. They talk like Super Mutants.
This story looks interesting. Looking forward to how it will play out.
So, is it aphasia or schizophasia?
Me make happy sounds wif mouf while eyes look at werds. Me like make happy sounds! Need moar werds to look at wif eyes.
This silly. You silly. Please keep do be silly.
9415582
If by run wild, you mean create a very interesting story hook, then yes. It "ran wild".
Huukt on fonix werkt for mee
Well duh Twilight! You were not supposed to eat them!
9416021
That's all I got out of that as well. Along with what little normal words are being spoken, which are quite few.
All I got from the title (Don't judge me, I haven't read it yet.) Is Twilight is having a stroke.
Edit: Not what happened, I still find this funny. Favorited.
So...all the unicorns are channeling Ryan from Achievement Hunter now?
9415982
But aluminum monkeys not phasing sink automobile yak, despite bidet sounding transmorph culling. However, descending roast beef golan always fricterizes habit-forming zebras, which then monterize washtub blast. Clear?
I'm a normal person. Maybe the only one left.
I also like the story.
Random aphasia? I'm SO in.
Me no word speak good. I not need know what right use word is. Do me are stupid? Me stupid are no.
A story where some ponies can only talk in Up Goer Five with butchered syntax? I am SO down for this! Word faster!
Admit it. This is sweet, sweet catharsis after all that 'not the right word,' 'this sounds dumb,' and such, that you get in normal editing, huh?
Heh, wish I'd thought of it.
9416153
As long as they arent channeling Gavin lol
lmao
First thought: those intelligence eating brains from Futurama except instead of not affecting Fry, they only affect the 'field experts' or those with high vocabulary.
Hold on wait, it shouldn't be possible to laugh at one chapter so much
Grammar best I much English good!
9416813
You mean the intellectuals?
9415295
That is, however, an awesome Buffalo name.
9427013
me no enligh iether! MA BAIN IZ CORRPTU! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- XD
for real tho, great story, right? :P
[!]
This guy?
You can't fight the autocorrection!
!
9666439
ducking hell. I mean ducking. I mean BUCKING (it would probably help if I wasn't trying to use pony euphemisms instead of the actual word, but either way I still have that issue)