• Published 9th Mar 2019
  • 5,370 Views, 47 Comments

Flurry's Tenti - LegionofPony



A young Flurry Heart finds a book in Twilight's castle that summons a creature known as a 'tenti'. What you think happens, happens.

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Comments ( 47 )

I think I’m gonna call 911 right now

Traveling through this tale turned to a truly terrific time.

Deep #4 · Mar 9th, 2019 · · 17 ·

Just what we needed. Baby porn.

9498586
Considering there has been fics of Shining Armor raping newborn Flurry to death and Iron Will doing the same to the Cake Twins, this honestly ain't that bad in comparison.

9498623
Don't forget the fics with Night Light raping baby Twilight to death.

9498649
Never saw those and I am glad.

9498586
Also, Flurry is 8, so not baby. Hadn't read yet before making ym first reply.

2019 recipient of the “Roy Moore Literary Achievement Award”

9498675
Doesn't make it much better lol.

*<>* this is one of the best tenti clop ive ever heard over my radio

9498560

9498567

9498586

9498814


Negative comments like these, which offer nothing constructive or worthwhile, will lead to the users making them getting blocked by me from now on. If you can't be courteous, don't comment at all. I will not have this become another 'Sunburst's Flurried Heart' comment section.




9498572

9499027

Glad you liked it!

9499613
I agree wholeheartedly

9498560
"911. What is the nature of the emergency?"

"There's a story about cartoon ponies that I'm not interested in reading."

"Oh my god! We'll send a squadron of story police to the internet immediately. Let me connect you with a victim's advocate so we can get you into counseling."

Comment posted by Boof Man deleted Mar 10th, 2019

Mmm, such a sweet and beautiful story :) I'm happy to see that you're still writing these kinds of stories!

9499613
You wrote a story about an (EDIT 3: realized in mistake I used anthro, changed this since evidently giving animal children human feelings and then having them get fucked is fine by the site) pony child with human characteristics getting canoodled by tentacles, those comments are,

1. Pretty justified
2. going to happen on every story with foalcon

I should preface, I don't really give a shit about the content since this stuff makes up a good percentage of the fanfics on here. I'm just saying that you shouldn't really get agitated over those comments considering the topic. If I wrote a story about Rarity getting raped by the Great Mighty Poo from Conker's Bad Fur Day, I shouldn't expect every comment to be constructive criticism about the scene where the GMP shoves his shit-stick in Rarity's love hole. You're going to get those comments if you write child porn (EDIT: Ah, excuse me, fantasy foal porn), plain and simple.

Now I await to be blocked, but before the comment gets deleted, here's an FBI meme.

pics.me.me/lolice-bot-173023-tags-loli-fbi-open-up-subarashi-thanks-35834361.png

DOUBLE EDIT: meme

9500108
Also, I don't need a long explanation about how you're not a pedo, like from the Sunburst story, I already get that. There doesn't even need to be a defense since when you go on the defensive it sounds much worse.

(Also, didn't read the story, just came for the comment's and saw you're brilliant reply)

EDIT: meme

9499996 Dude, too soon!

...don't you know that Mr. Gants, the person performing as Hitler, just recently died? :twilightoops:

Good thing there's a good babyp0rn fic to clop to while I grieve. :twilightsmile:

*reads fic* Oooh...a tenti means a... yes. Indeed. Should have been obvious. I'm dumb.

9498560
It's 999 in the UK, you dumb bong. I hope you got a license for that phone mate.

I will tell you something. Pedophilia is bad.

9500399
I won't disagree, only it seems everyone agrees that written horse children getting (consensually) molested by tentacles is fine I guess. I honestly don't have high hopes for this generation.

Good story man/girl. I got off twice before I even finished the fic.

As someone who also writes filthy foalcon...

I approve of this, as it was written deliciously well, the scenes were nice, dialogue was good, and all in all, it was hot.

11/10, would read again, thanks for the fic OP.

hmmmmmm interesting

probably looking a bit to deep into this but didn’t the instructions of the spell say that any foal born from a tenti would be XX, then Flurry goes and has a colt? kind of a continuity issue there.

9501297

It said the offspring would be of the XX genome's species, not it would be of the XX genome's gender.

In the main description

curious foal she is, wonders off into

wanders

9501417
Ah, so it’s the same species as the caster, but still has a fifty fifty of being male or female. k, makes sense now.

9501419
Glad you wrote it dude //finger guns
We need more decent Flurry content.

Also, from the downvote spam in this section, seems someone is a bit salty.
I am amused.

in her whole life then she was now

than

Cadence

Cadance

Not bad but the ending is quite subpar...
It's rushed and doesn't really add anything.
Personally not a real fan of teen pregnancy but as this is a commission I guess that the patron is.
Up to the point of the talk with Shining and Cadance the writing is nice and working well.

9501571

9501704

Thanks, fixed them.

9501588 Yep, still a normal chance for the offspring to be male or female, but will always be a pony (or whatever species the mother is since, in my headcanon, the tenti can interbreed with any sentient, sapient creature).


9501626

Glad you liked it!


9501711 Thanks, but yeah, I ran out of words and still went 600ish words over. No time for an elaborate after-scene since I used all the words on the basic story, but the commissioner requested 'breeding', so therefore that was the (rushed) result.

Definitely a good premise and detailed enough during the main scene. I think you've done Flurry's character well.

I have to say, while I had no issue with the bulk of the story beyond the odd sentence structure or grammar issue I noticed, as it was paced relatively well, I think the greatest room for improvement is the introduction. It feels very rushed, incomplete and disjointed. What we have is a reasonable sex scene with very poor exposition and setting established. I know how much it sucks having to write out paragraph after paragraph of opening setup but it's absolutely necessary for a proper payoff and satisfying story for your readers.

Consider, also, that the first couple paragraphs are the most important for hooking readers into your story, especially on a fanfiction site where their attention span is low. When your intro is rushed like this people are prone to just leave or look away. That won't do you any favours.

Hope to see more from you!

LOL that last line.

9503296
Well, when you're limited to 6k words and know the detailed sex scene is going to take up the majority of them, you tend to gloss over the introductions and scene-setting. In porn, the woman doesn't tend to have a long, drawn-out conversation with the pizza boy before they get down and dirty after all. If I'd gone all-out on details on the summoning ritual and scene-setting, the sex scene would have been rushed instead. That said, yes, I know that the intro and outro were rushed as hell, and I still went nearly 600 words over.


Thing is, I was paid to write sex, not a deep, touching story (unless you consider Flurry being deeply touched internally, in which case I guess I succeeded in that aspect). Thank you for the advice though, and you can indeed expect to see more writing from me.

I Would like to see twilight sparkle get pregnant by the Tentacle
Good story

9513710

Well, you could always commission it from me if you'd like to.

Thanks for enjoying this story!

Bah! All the haters don't know a good thing when they see it!
Anywho, brilliant fic, good sir!

why the tenti can comprehend even the very limited Equish that they do,

offensive spells thanks to her lessons from Sunburst, her Crystaller and magic tutor.

was deeply satisfying for her.

I Didn't read it, but I gasped when I saw the title.

9500629
...what did you just say

9499613
I don't know who's more triggered, you or the dipshits in the comment section

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