A Trip To The Border

by Soufriere

Part Four: Screw This, Going Home

Everyone winced in minor pain from the screeching of metal on metal as the train came to a sudden halt, so sudden in fact that all the Royal Car’s passengers (save the royal couple themselves, who magicked themselves to their seats) were thrown forward and landed against the front wall with unceremonious splats.

Mayor Mare was the first to recover. Wobbling in place as she adjusted her glasses, she blinked a few times as her eyes and brain rattled around.

“Ah, that’s more like it,” she said.

Raven Inkwell, still on the floor, turned to her boss, one eye still shut from the shock, and said, “Meyer, if this is how you felt every day before sobriety, then I want no part of it.”

“Why’d we stop?” Apple Bloom asked as she lifted her head up from the crumpled heap, then noticed the little dragon atop her. “Spike? Y’okay?”

Spike turned to face his young friend. His expression was more annoyed than pained, though he smiled when he noticed everyone else was unhurt.

“You know how it goes,” he said. “Thick scales. Can’t feel a thing. Okay, that’s a lie; I can really feel whenever I smack into something, like that time I belly-flopped into a lava pool.”

Raven looked out one of the car’s windows onto an expanse of snow. “It appears we’re still in the Wastes,” she said.

“I’m gonna go check this out,” Shining Armor said as he donned a coat and snow-goggles. “The rest of you should probably stay inside for now.”

“Be careful, honey,” Cadance said as she kissed his snout. Apple Bloom and Raven smiled at the gesture; Meyer and Spike rolled their eyes.

Shining Armor gave her a look of total innocence. “When am I ever not?”

“Do you want the full list or just this year’s?” retorted Cadance with a smirk, although her eyes showed clear concern.

He said nothing as he slid open the door, whereupon a burst of wind and snow entered the car, chilling everyone, until he shut the door behind him.

The sky, from which snow gently fell onto the Wastes, suddenly became lit up by a succession of green bolts of magic, followed by a pained scream, then the ambient magenta light of a protective shield.

Cadance said nothing; she immediately donned her coat and snow-goggles, kicking the car door open as she ran out into the elements. Spike, Apple Bloom, Raven, and Meyer looked at each other and shrugged in resignation, then proceeded to don their coats and goggles and disembark.

They found themselves on a plain, a couple inches of snow blanketing the ground in all directions, white-topped mountains visible on the eastern and western horizons. Immediately in front of them, the railroad tracks stopped in a twisted hunk of steel and wood, obviously deliberately destroyed. In front of that stood Shining Armor, unhurt but with his barrier shield activated. From behind they could not see his expression, but it could not have been a pleasant one since next to him lay the train’s engineer, bleeding from a wound in his shoulder, slowly dyeing the snow beneath him red.

Several feet in front of them stood at least a dozen Canterlot Royal Guards, mostly Unicorns, who had assumed battle stances and expressions, their horns glowing. They were also wearing snow goggles.

Cadance wasted no time as she stomped through the light snow up to the guards.

“What’s the meaning of this?” she demanded in a voice much louder and deeper than anyone was used to from her. Even Shining Armor was taken aback enough that his shield flickered briefly. She glanced down to her wounded driver, then back to the guards. “Stand down. NOW.”

The guards wavered briefly before one of them, who looked exactly like the others but had a few extra accoutrements in his armour, stepped forward to speak.

“I’m the head of this platoon of border security personnel, and we cannot do that, Princess,” he said.

Cadance narrowed her eyes. “That regalia. You’re one of guards stationed directly to the Palace. Surely you know you’re priming to attack your former Captain?”

He nodded. “Yes, Princess. It’s not an ideal situation for us, but we are under direct orders to not allow ANYONE to cross the border wall. You will stand down.”

“What wall?” Mayor Mare quietly asked Raven, who shrugged.

Cadance turned to her husband, still prepared to fight. “Shiny, honey. You can calm down now. This should be easy enough to take care of on my own.”

“But…” Shining Armor replied, dejected, as he returned to an eased posture.

“Now then,” Cadance continued, turning back to the patrol’s leader, “There’s something I want you to tell me.”

“Name, rank, and serial number is all you’re gettin’ from us!” one of the lesser soldiers shouted.

“Quiet!” both Cadance and the platoon commander snipped in unison.

Cadance sighed and locked eyes with the commander again. “Who gave you the command to mobilize and sabotage our railway?”

The platoon commander did not respond.

“What Princess gave you that order?” Cadance demanded, causing everyone except Shining Armor and the commander to take a few steps back in shock. “Celestia would never allow so pointless an action. I seriously doubt it was Luna either. So. Who sent you here?” By this point, Cadance’s wings had unfurled, making her seem even larger, her voice loud and firm enough that even the commander began to sweat.

“I did!” came a male voice from behind the platoon. It was gravelly and high-pitched with a distinct accent.

Mayor Mare and Raven both groaned and simultaneously facehoofed. They knew exactly who that voice belonged to.

The guards, except for the commander, parted the way to allow the owner of the voice to strut his way through. It was a Unicorn stallion, orange with sandy blonde mane and tail (the former looking distinctly artificial), piercing beady blue eyes filled with anger and contempt, and a cutie mark of a single gold bit. His lips remained fixed in a sort of pouty snarl that made him look dyspeptic. His horn and hooves were small for a stallion of his size. Around his neck he wore a stiff white collar with a red tie that was too long; its end was discoloured from touching the snow. Affixed to the knot of the tie was a gold emblem emblazoned with Equestria’s official seal. He was not wearing snow goggles.

Clearly this stallion was important. At least, he thought so. So did the guards, who all bowed their heads in respect. No one in Cadance’s party was amused, though Apple Bloom and Spike were mildly confused.

Cadance rolled her eyes as he approached. “Chancellor Orangeglow. Only you would be so bold. Though, it is good we finally meet,” she said with as much decorum as she could, which wasn’t much.

“Uh-huh,” Orangeglow replied dismissively. “Care to explain why you and your caravan are charging my big beautiful wall?”

At that, Cadance looked to her left and right, eventually figuring out what he was talking about.

“Chancellor, there’s no wall,” she said, “Just a series of signs planted every fifteen yards that have ‘The Wall’ printed on them.”

“Well, we have to protect our border somehow from the nasty creatures in those hellhole countries. Sending them into Equestria to take our jobs. I made a promise that I would do everything in my power to—”

“You do know the Equestrian Diarchy still exercises suzerainty over my domain for now, right?” Cadance interjected. “This is a violation of… probably all the treaties.”

“Excuse me, I was talking. You’re being very rude,” Orangeglow snipped with maximum disdain.

Cadance sighed with a small growl escaping her throat. To her left, she saw her husband scowling, slightly twitching in his apoplexy. As she scratched her chin, desperate to figure out how to defuse this situation, Mayor Mare walked up to the Chancellor, Raven a few steps behind.

“Meyer, don’t do this,” Raven whispered frantically. “He has guards this time!”

Mayor Mare scoffed. “I am too not-drunk to care anymore.” At that she turned to Orangeglow and looked him in his cold beady eyes. “This is stupid. I could literally just walk across this tundra back into Equestria.”

Orangeglow’s eyes widened for a moment. “You’re that nasty pony who set my beautiful mane on fire! The one I had the arrest warrant put out for!”

“Technically,” Raven said in her know-it-all-secretary voice, “It was Spike here who set you on fire,” she gestured over to the little dragon.

Spike jumped. “What?! I set this guy on fire??”

“Uh, yeah ya kinda did,” Apple Bloom said, placing a hoof on his shoulder. “Ya don’t remember ‘cause they gave ya a full cask o’ my moonshine and you were half blacked out. That stuff was just for the Mayor but they gave it to you without tellin’ me.”

At that, Spike immediately started twiddling his fingers. “Twilight’s gonna kill me.”

“Not if these so-called border guards do first,” Raven said to the two of them. Before she could say any more, they were interrupted by Orangeglow.

“Arrest that traitor!” he shouted at the guards as he pointed his forehoof at Meyer.

“Shiny…” Cadance whispered to her husband, who nodded in understanding.

Three guards moved forward from their position in front of the destroyed tracks towards the so-called wall. One levitated a yoke-and-chain attached at the far end to their wagon. However, the instant he stepped one hoof across the border, Shining Armor fired off an attack spell that first sent the apparatus flying and then caused the guard to convulse until he collapsed on the snow, eyes rolled back and mouth foaming. He was not breathing. One of his comrades ran at Shining Armor, charging his own attack spell, but before he could fire it he was immediately reduced to a quivering pile of broken bones as soon as he crossed the line in the snow where ‘The Wall’ invisibly stood.

“Why you… stupid, evil, nasty, pathetic, greedy, ugly, worthless pinheads!” Orangeglow roared as best he could. Cadance, still staring him down, was not impressed.

She gestured to the ‘The Wall’ signs on either side of them. “If you’re going to be serious about this hard border, then I will be too. You don’t get to have it both ways. Sending your border guard stallions into my Empire without my permission violates our sovereignty and we are prepared to defend ourselves from attack. I already refused your extradition request against Mayor Meyer Mare, although you phrased it as a ‘demand’ replete with spelling errors, several months ago. I am the Princess of Love. That means it’s my duty to foster caring and understanding between sapient creatures. However, that may be impossible in your case.”

“Another lousy mare,” Orangeglow muttered loud enough that Cadance and Shining Armor could hear him. She stuck out her forehoof to keep her husband from attacking.

“Perhaps it was just poor luck on both your parts that you happened to be at our border at the same time as she attempted to return to Equestria,” Cadance continued. “Be that as it may, she remains on my territory for now, thus outside your jurisdiction. If you try to send any more guards over this preposterous border, my husband will ensure they meet the same fate as those two unfortunate souls.” She gestured to the corpses of the stallions ordered across ‘The Wall’.

“So, Orangeglow,” Shining Armor said, his voice slightly growly. “Care to explain exactly why you seem to have this vendetta against our Empire?”

Orangeglow nodded. “Sure. Crystal Ponies are ugly, their eyes are weird, and they have stupid names. They’re a bunch of illiterates too!”

“Actually,” Cadance corrected him, “They mostly speak the same language we’re using right now. However, they use an ancient writing system Equestria abandoned centuries ago. But none of that really matters to you, does it.”

“Nope.”

Cadance nodded. “I thought not. So. What shall we do to get beyond this impasse? That of course assumes you even want to. I could have this dealt with in a minute, but I know the second I turn my back you’ll attack me. In some ways you’re no different than the usurper I deposed over a year ago, except he was an actual threat.”

“Um,” Raven chimed in, “What do we do? We’re kind of stuck in a proverbial corner here.”

“I believe I can help with that,” piped a deep male voice that sounded like it was everywhere yet nowhere all at the same time.

“That voice…” Spike, Apple Bloom, and Raven all whispered in unison.

“It can’t be…” Cadance said, simultaneously in awe and disgust.

With a flash of light and a ‘poof!’ sound, a creature that appeared to be a mishmash of at least half a dozen other creatures popped into existence, straddling the top of the invisible wall. The surviving guards panicked and fled as far as they could get.

“Who are you, you ugly snake-horse-goat??” Orangeglow demanded before a snap of the creature’s fingers removed his mouth. He stamped on the snow-covered ground in disgust.

“You’ve been rude enough for one day, Chancellor,” the creature said blithely. “I do wish we could have met under better circumstances. Alas, you evidently didn’t get the memo about me. Or, based on what my dear Celestia has said, you did get it but didn’t read it, evidently a habit of yours. Sometimes I wonder what goes through that old horse’s mind. Perhaps she’s finally gone senile? Or maybe she’s bored and wants to watch the world burn. If so, then I ought to give her more credit. We have more things in common after all!”

Cadance bowed her head briefly. “Hello, Discord,” she said.

Discord levitated off the invisible wall, setting himself in front of Cadance and kneeling, a move that caused everyone else to stare at him in confusion.

“Mi-Amore Cadenza, Princess of Love, Ruler of the Crystal Empire,” Discord said with some degree of respect. “It’s been awhile. You look lovely as always.”

“Uh, honey?” Shining Armor asked.

“Now now, Mon Capitain,” Discord told him with a wag of his finger. “Much as it may surprise you, I’m not here to cause chaos. Thanks to that fellow,” he gestured over to Orangeglow, “I don’t have to.”

“So then, why are you here?” Cadence asked, genuinely curious.

Discord chuckled. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Everyone shook their heads no.

He sighed. “Too simple. You all really need to cultivate and grow more ideas in the garden of your mind. Miss Apple Bloom, I truly expected more from you, for you still retain at least some of the mind of a child.”

At that Apple Bloom pursed her lips. “Well, I might could have an idea why you’re here, but I didn’t want anyone to think I’m crazy.”

“Oh, we’re all crazy here, my little filly,” Discord replied as his hand detached and patted her head. “Just say it.”

“You, uh…” Apple Bloom began, “didn’t like how serious our standoff was gettin’? So you figger’d you’d come an’ do your thing?”

Discord smiled. “Correct! Yet still a bit off. I was sent here on a diplomatic mission to get you four,” he made a sweeping gesture at Apple Bloom, Spike, Raven, and Mayor Mare, “back to Ponyville. Defusing this idiotic border standoff is just a bonus.”

“Why would Celestia send you to get us?” asked Mayor Mare.

“She didn’t,” was all Discord would say in reply, shrugging.

“Then… Princess Luna?” Raven guessed. Discord shook his head no.

“Twilight?” Shining Armor inquired before muttering, “But that doesn’t make any sense. She hates you and knows I can take care of myself.”

Discord nodded. “Your doubts are correct. I have to be in the mood to let your sister order me around. She doesn’t even know I’m here. Too busy pacing her floor, angry her spells don’t get the cleaning done as quickly as Spike.”

Spike gulped. “Is it really a good idea for me to go back to Ponyville?”

“Not my call, Spike,” Discord replied. “My call would be to give you another lovely little dream.”

Spike shivered at that thought. Apple Bloom placed her front leg around him as she looked up at Discord.

“So who did send ya?” she asked simply.

He sighed. “I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say. These lips… are sealed.” He zipped his mouth closed before continuing. “Mmmph mmph. Mmph mmph mmmph? Mmph mmmph mmmph mmph…”

This went on for over a minute. The whole time, he gestured for his four charges to move to a spot far away from the train while more politely gesturing for Cadance and Shining Armor to board the train with the wounded engineer, who had fallen unconscious and missed the whole thing. Once the three were onboard the train, Discord, with a simple twist of his wrist, flipped it around. Then, with a mere push of his right hand, sent it hurtling back at top speed towards the Crystal Empire’s main and only city.

“Uh…?” Raven attempted to ask but was tut-tutted by Discord.

“Those two are powerful magic-users. I’m sure they’ll find a way to stop their train before it crashes into the terminal. If not, well, then they should probably rethink their positions. It would be a glorious trainwreck; pity I can’t be there to see the outcome, whatever it may be.”

Pinching his thumb and forefinger together, Discord began to blow a bubble from his hand. He arched his back backwards as the bubble grew, until it eventually became several times larger than him, by which point he was laying on his back, or perhaps more correctly reclined while hovering a couple feet above the ground. He inspected the bubble with the eyes of a master craftsman. Satisfied, he pinched it off and gently tossed it into the air. The gigantic bubble moved through the chilly air like a pony through molasses before eventually landing, enveloping the three ponies, one dragon, and one draconequus.

“My direct duty is to you four,” he said once he was certain the bubble had properly encased them all, at which point he blew gently into one upper area of the sphere, which sent it and them hurling into the air at a much faster speed than expected.

“Woah!” Mayor Mare involuntarily exclaimed as she and Spike fell onto their backs. Raven carefully made her way to them.

“Be careful, Meyer!” she said. “What if this thing pops?”

Discord gave her an incredulous look. “Do you really think I would do that? Okay, yes, maybe a couple years ago I would have, but my proverbial wings have since been clipped and, to be honest, probably for the best. It turns out even a being like myself, a manifestation of the natural tendency of the universe towards entropy, needs some level of camaraderie. Therefore, I have allowed myself to supplicate to others and honour their requests, at least when I feel like it.”

Everyone except Raven blinked in confusion at what Discord had said.

“So, Mister Discord,” Apple Bloom piped in. “Are ya tellin’ us we can get home?” She pressed her hoof against the iridescent lining, which bent to her pressure but did not break.

“Why, my dear Apple Bloom,” Discord said with a smile, “You’ve always had the power to go back. Just close your eyes, click your heels three times, or quack I don’t really care, and say ‘There’s no place like home!’.”

“That sounds kinda cheesy,” Apple Bloom retorted.

“It wasn’t back in the old days. Victim of poor adaptation,” said Discord. “Point is, you all are returning to Ponyville. You’ve been gone long enough. I mean, seriously, even I feel like I’m four months late on this.”

Mayor Mare nodded. “Fair enough. But, what about the Chancellor? What about the open-air camps for Gryphon hatchlings and Crystal Ponies? What about the illegal misappropriation of fallow Apple Family farmland? What about—”

Discord placed a clawed finger over her mouth. “Shh. Those things are not your problem now. You and your lovely secretary should get back to taking care of local affairs. If you must, little Apple Bloom here can continue distilling and refining her moonshine. My dear Celestia tells me it packs quite the wallop. Not her words, obviously. Anyway, I will be dealing with those larger issues soon enough.”

“What about me?” Spike asked.

Discord had to think about that one for a moment. “Well, you at least have a much better life with Cadance than you ever will in Ponyville. But, sometimes we all have to endure things we’d rather not. Still, you’re better than most at keeping Twilight in check, which is vital to the stability of the world. Yes I know talk of stability sounds insane coming from me, but in fact it makes perfect sense. I don’t like chaos that’s out of my control.”

“I… guess that makes sense,” Spike eventually concluded.

The giant bubble zipped through the sky south over the various environs of Northern Equestria. The snow had given way to a giant undulating plain with cities dotting the landscape here and there along the waterways. Soon, the towering lone peak of Equus Mountain loomed in the distance to their left, and directly before them lay a river valley with a dark impenetrable forest beyond it.

The bubble slowed and dropped in altitude until it was directly above Ponyville’s central square. In front of the old Town Hall stood the standard makeshift stage with its usual bunting. Ponies had seen the bubble and, curious by nature, had gathered in the square to see it land, which it did on the stage, whereupon it disappeared, as Discord gently floated upwards again.

He smiled genuinely as he said, “Life is a movie. Write your own ending. I’ve now done what I’ve set out to do. Everything else is up to the lovers, the dreamers, and you.”

Then he turned to the assembled crowd. “Farewell, my little ponies! I present to you, your one and only mayor, Meyer!” He shouted through a bullhorn he had pulled out of nowhere.

The assembled ponies lightly applauded. Mayor Mare looked around, confused.

“Go get ‘em, tiger,” Discord whispered to Mayor Mare as he patted her shoulder. “And with that,” he again yelled into the bullhorn, “Discord has left the building!”

He snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Raven, Apple Bloom, and Spike stood on the stage as their friend, Ponyville’s mayor, began to speak.

“Um… It’s been a long time,” she began, “and I hope my absence didn’t cause too much trouble. But, I have learned a few things during my absence that might be useful for this town and the ponies in it…”

Comments

[Mx Story Anomalax]

“You know how it goes,” he said. “Thick scales. Can’t feel a thing. Okay, that’s a lie; I can really feel whenever I smack into something, like that time I belly-flopped into a lava pool.”
This is a really nice little bit of continuity with the series and a neat detail overall.

"pleasant one since next to him lay the train’s engineer, bleeding from a wound in his shoulder, slowly dyeing the snow beneath him red." All sorts of unexpected!

"Cadance’s wings had unfurled, making her seem even larger," I love this. It makes me think she's a cat or a bird.

“Chancellor, there’s no wall,” she said, “Just a series of signs planted every fifteen yards that have ‘The Wall’ printed on them.” I laughed at this. This feels just like Trump.

"“Excuse me, I was talking. You’re being very rude,” Orangeglow snipped with maximum disdain." Ugh. Exactly like him.

Lol I really did not expect Shining to end up killing a couple guards. I'm impressed with the gall.

"“I believe I can help with that,” piped a deep male voice that sounded like it was everywhere yet nowhere all at the same time." I fucking lolled. I knew it was coming but I still didn't expect it.

Tbh I don't think Twilight hates Discord anymore, just finds him annoying sometimes.

Harsh words for Twilight, but I suppose she does sometimes treat Spike as a sort of slave or maid. ;P Not as much as in the past though.

I might have in the past agreed Discord would do something dangerous and reckless, potentially hurting someone because of all the times he's put so much on the line just for a good show (like season 9 episode 2 or w/e) but due to recent information and my own headcanon I think Discord's just a sort of... petulant and dangerous child with morals. Not likely to intentionally hurt anyone, just looking for a good time. Still, the characterization is nice and believable.

"I mean, seriously, even I feel like I’m four months late on this.” Nice fourth wall break. Exactly the kind of stuff I expect from Discord.

“Life is a movie. Write your own ending. I’ve now done what I’ve set out to do. Everything else is up to the lovers, the dreamers, and you.” I like this quote. It feels heartfelt and like a reference to something.

Final thoughts: I really enjoyed the characterizations of everyone overall, especially Cadance, Shining, AB, and (closer to the end) Discord. It was a really fun chapter with a lot of unexpected twists, and I laughed at least twice.

Ever since I introduced the possibility of Discord appearing during Life is Miserable I've been thinking long and hard about including him in The Paths we Carve, and this chapter has given me really good inspiration on how to depict him when he shows up.

[Soufriere]

“Excuse me, I was talking. You’re being very rude,” Ugh. Exactly like him.

Verbatim quote from the real thing, actually.

Lol I really did not expect Shining to end up killing a couple guards. I'm impressed with the gall.

Shining Armor's a stallion of honour, a stand-up guy. Mess with his wife, you get fukin' rekt. Also they attacked first.

I know Twilight's not that bad, but she's a minor antagonist in this universe. That's why I wrote the story where Twi shares her insecurities with Sunset -- to prove to my readers and myself I can make her likeable or at least relatable. Also, Spike's been gone for a year and didn't bother to write. I think she's justified being angry at him.

I fucking lolled. I knew it was coming but I still didn't expect it.

When it doubt, throw him in and see what happens. I'll have more to say in a blogpost.

I put in callbacks both to old show canon, to my own earlier stories, and to me. Plus the references.

Note that as of posting this comment, ATTTB is NOT marked "complete". There will be an epilogue.

[Mx Story Anomalax]

9632359
Oh yeah I'd be angry too. I'd be super worried. :O

[Vaguely Demented]

Kinda surprised things got as lethal as they did. Also if I were Mayor Meyer Mare I would probably have ground everything to a halt to demand to know how anything was improved by not being aware of the hard border etc.