Dagmire the discorded goes to Equestria

by Theboxcatgamr

Castle Crashing: power, wisdom, courage, DAGMIRE

Dagmire and Clearance were laying on the banner in a somewhat humorous fashion when suddenly Clearance did something unnatural.

“OW FUCK THAT HURT! WHO SAID THAT?!”

“By the gods you can speak!”

“What?”

Normally Clearance’s vocal cords were physically unable to provide the necessary sounds to speak English.

“God DAMM that sounds smooth as hell”

“Hehehehahaha! That sounds amazing!”

Suddenly a shadow looking thing passed by Dagmire and hit Clearance in the face

”you will do nicely”

“Clearance you ok? A shadow zipp-zoomed into your head and-“

Dagmire was silenced by Clearance taking off his magic glasses and turning Dagmire to stone. Before dropping them

”perfect. You will do nicely my pet...”

-twenty minutes later...

“Ah don’t like the look of all these statues girls” applejack admittedly said

“We need to go through here though if we want to stop nightmare!” Twilight stated

“Ah know... ah just wish that they weren’t so...creepy”

“Oh cool sunglasses!” Rainbow exclaimed while picking them up

“Wait don’t touch that! It could be a trap!”

Twilight’s warning caused rainbow to quickly toss the glasses over her shoulder...

And onto a very strange statue. The girls stepped back and prepared themselves as the glasses began shattering the stone encasing the creature. It’s legs were long and covered in a layer of some type of light clothing leading up to a multi coloured garb with a flowing thin cape emerging from the back. Under the legs were some strange metallic thing that the legs were resting on.

The creature wore a strange mask that had two halfs to it: a black left side and a white right side. Each side had a smile painted on in the color opposite to the sides they were painted on. The edge of both sides of the smile were cracked and the paint there was more scarce. The eye holes of the mask were simple large vertical cracks that exposed the eyes...but somehow concealed the face.

The creature held a strange staff with a blade jutting out of the top in a strange fashion while the underside of the object was leaking a strange black sprinkle every now and then and hidden under the cape was a blue shiny device that looked like a box full of glimmering blue strings and a crank on the other side giving it the look of a strange music box. The creature’s short brown mane seemed to hide all other features of the creatures head.

And then when it was finally free from the stone it’s very presence unnerved the group as it picked up the glasses before doing something the mane 6 weren’t expecting

“Huh? The fuck?”

It talked. The mane six huddled together to form a plan and after a few moments of trying to figure out a plan suddenly they noticed that pinky was missing and music was coming from the creture.

They turned around and found pinky sitting down in front of the creature listening to the music.

Twilight was baffled as the sounds of a violin emitted from the box and played a soft melody. After a few moments the rhythm stopped and the creature talked again.

“Ok I’m sorry I gotta go. A shadow looking thing bloody zipp-zoomed into my friend’s head and possessed him so now I gotta go figure that out before he turns everything to stone”

Confused twilight asked a question

“Stone? How would he do that? Use a basilisk?”

“...well...no. He is a basilisk”

“Right...so we gotta go stop nightmare moon. The town is over there-“

“Nope I’m not leaving until I find clearance.”

“Sigh...fine you can come with us.”

Suddenly rainbow butted in

“But if you try anything-“

“Then my ass is grass I get it jeez”

Rarity fake fainted onto a trauma couch at the language while rainbow held an annoyed expression. She had a feeling this was going to be a long night.

“Ok so we need to head towards that big castle looking thing right?” Dagmire inquired

“Yepers!” Pinky said instantly

“We need to find these artifacts called the elements of harmony.” Twilight explained

Dagmire nodded in response as many types of birds and bats fled from something overhead.

“Wait. Stop. Something isn’t right.”

The group stopped on a dime as Dagmire slowly followed some tracks that led into a bush. The bush shook violently in an almost cartoonishly fashion. A moment later Dagmire carried out Clearance (who now had his glasses on)

“What?!” Twilight exclaimed

“Magic sunglasses usually do the trick.”

“Yep. The anti-magic enchantment is also how I avoid turning things to stone.” Clearance stated while rubbing his head

A blue whisp exited the bush before leaving quickly.

This did not escape Clearance’s sight

“FOLLOW THAT ZIP-ZOOM!”

“Alright I trust you buddy. Well come on then! We gotta out zoom that zip!”

“Uh could you repeat that in equish?”

“GO FAST”

Rainbow simply smiled before taking off with the others in hot pursuit. They reached a bridge that the whisp quickly untied from its posts.

“Dagmire and rainbow should go and tie the posts on the other side back up.”

“What is he going to fly over there?” Rainbow chuckled

“Well in a sense. Yes.”

Rainbow watched in confusion as Dagmire took off his boots and Clearance coiled up. Dagmire jumped onto Clearance’s waiting hands as Clearance sprang up throwing the now light Dagmire over the massive canyon.

“Woah...”

“Hey he might be a bit unorthodox but you really gotta trust the guy.”

Rainbow quickly flew to the other side and caught him when she realized that Dagmire wasn’t falling

“Hey can you also bring me my boots? They are kinda how I stay on the ground.”

Rainbow nodded and quickly flew back over the cliff again and quickly grabbed the boots before heading over once more and giving the boots to Dagmire.

“Thank you.”

He put them on and fell to the ground safely. Then the fog came and he had difficulty seeing around him. Dagmire maneged to make out a few silhouettes around where rainbow was. The figures seemed to be talking to rainbow about something. Dagmire had a gut feeling that this was a problem. One of the figures raised a hoof up in a fashion that convinced Dagmire that it had a weapon of some kind.

Suddenly twilight called out to rainbow and startled the would be attacker into dropping the weapon.

”Don’t do it rainbow!”

Rainbow shook her head and to Dagmire it looked like she was refusing something. She flew off to tie up the bridge as Dagmire swung at the figures with his scythe flinging sand in an arc. The sand dispelled the figures and exposed the blue wisp again. The wisp disappeared as the group made it over the bridge.

“-because I could never abandon my friends!” Rainbow said

“And a good thing too considering they were going for one hell of a backstabb” Dagmire said holding the knife for rainbow to see.

As rainbow soaked in what could have happened to her, Dagmire made his way over to the massive stone door and knocked a few times. Sounds echoed throughout the insides of the castle as Dagmire knocked.

“I guess no ones home.”

“Try knocking.” Clearance said

“...didn’t he just-“ applejack was cut off by a large blinding light flashing from Dagmire’s mask and when her vision returned she saw the door had been somehow turned into a flimsy white door. Dagmire quickly kicked the flimsy door down and exclaimed something that sent pinky and dash into hysterics and rarity into even more dramatic fainting:

“And I walk into the place like wadup? I gotta big dick”

Clearance snickered at this as the jester made his way inside.

“so what are we even looking for?”

“The elements of harmony”

“Ah. How Vague!”

Dagmire was looking at an alter looking table in the centre of the room.

“Perhaps they could be over there.”

Twilight checked the alter and found the elements.

“Wait this is only five of them!”

“Uh twilight?” Clearance asked concerned by the glowing circular thing growing around her

“What?”

“MOVE!” Clearance said while he rushed to move her and Dagmire.

The three disappeared without a trace to the horror of the rest of the group.

They appeared in the tower

“Where are we?”

Nightmare moon laughed

“What? Do I look funny to you?” The jester deadpanned

“Your kidding. Your kidding right?”

“Come on. Just one spark...”

The stones crumbled and nightmare let out a bellowing laugh

“You little foal! Thinking you could defeat me? Now you will never see your princess, or your sun! The nightwill last fore-”

“Pocket sand!”

“GAH!”

Nightmare reeled back as she tried to remove the grainy black substance from her eyes. The rest of the group finally arrived.

“You think you can destroy The Elements of Harmony just like that? Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of The Elements of Harmony are right here.”

“AHHHHHHHH”

Let it be known that metallic sand hurts folks

“Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of... honesty! Fluttershy, who tamed the manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of... kindness! Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of... laughter! Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift represents the spirit of... generosity! Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire represents the spirit of... loyalty! And Clearance who taught us to trust in each other represents the element of...trust! The spirits of these five ponies (and basilisk) got us through every challenge you threw at us.”

Dagmire was slightly disappointed that he wasn’t involved but at the same time he was proud of Clearence. Some amulets began appearing on the elements as they each got their respective gem Clearance got a nice amulet in the shape of a crashing wave. As they inspected their newly found jewelry nightmare got the sand out of her eyes and was S U P E R P I S S E D so she shot a massive laser at the elements...

Only for Dagmire to block it. His mask began receiving more cracks as he absorbed the heavy blows. Eventually the elements noticed and fired the beam of harmony... into the back of the chaos guy

Dagmire’s mask shattered as both beams eventually ceased revealing a broken man under two pressures. Nightmare teleported over to Twilight and yanked the element off her head. Suddenly in the distance they all hid, animals knowing what was wrong all stopped their howling as birds ceased their songs. The only sound that remained under the now deafening sound of silence was the sound of nightmare’s laughter.

“Hahahaha-URK!”

”stop laughing”

Clearance was panicking as Dagmire began strangling nightmare

“OK WE NEED SOMETHING! A MASK ANYTHING!”

“Why is he doing that!”

“It’s a small part of his curse-“

“Please there’s no such things as Curses”

“NOW IS NOT THE TIME TWILIGHT!”

Nightmare gasped for air as her windpipe was finally unrestricted by the human’s hand.

Pinky was beside Dagmire holding a replica up for him as he strapped it on calmly without a word. Pinky handed twilight her element and they fired as Dagmire remained separate from the group.

Sad

Alone

And shamed.

Clearance walked over and comforted Dagmire to his surprise. Dagmire hugged Clearence back as the rainbow hit nightmare.

And then Dagmire’s mask shined a luminous white and black exposing the duality of its features.

Is it even a man under the mask?

Only Clearance knows.

And he is sworn to secrecy.

Author's Note:

After years of chaos Dagmire is pretty much completely immune to shook

Also try and guess what instrument Dagmire has!

Comments

[SCIENTIFIC NUTJOB]

hurdy gurdy

[Ziper Ace]

Oooh ok this seems fun to read