Dagmire the discorded goes to Equestria

by Theboxcatgamr

Falling leaves: inactivity is just the first step to fragility

Author's Note:

“If you cut me do I not bleed? If you put me in a pipe do you not smoke me?”- Dagmire on his resiliency

Well this chapter is basically the one that proves that Dagmire’s past victories were mostly flukes and luck.

This is going to be bad

It was a bright and sunny day in Ponyville. Children were singing, birds were singing and the adults were...also singing.

Literally everything was fucking singing for some reason and this made Dagmire feel a bit useless. After all: what good is a bard in a world that breaks out into song more often than he did?

Every time Dagmire attempted to sing about his journeys through the lands while at the bar someone always upstaged him.

He could accept Clearance being the chosen one and unintentionally making Dagmire a third wheel. He was quite proud of Clearances growth as a person. He could tolerate the bigotry and hypocrisy that seemed to plague the lands as usually it ended with one of the elements learning a valuable lesson.

But singing?

FUCK NO

Singing was all he had. It was all he WAS. Without it... He’s just some twit playing the part of the fool.

Dagmire needed validation. Proof that he can do SOMETHING other than get booted out of the spotlight.

He needs to steal the entire damm stage.

And so his quest to stop feeling like a soy boy began. He looked all over town for an opportunity to shine and impress.

He found none.

Feeling hopeless Dagmire followed Clearance to sweet apple acres. Then he heard something that gave him a chance to prove himself.

CHALENGE PISSING!

“I challenge you to an Iron Pony competition. A series of athletic contests to decide who's the best, once and for all.” Rainbow said going on the offensive

“You know what, Rainbow? You're on.” Applejack said while sporting a grin

“And I’m getting involved too!” Dagmire said more as a demand than a request

“Fine by me. Just try and keep up” rainbow said mockingly

“I’ll do more than that. Ima put you both in the dirt!” Dagmire said aggressively

“Oh it’s on!” Applejack said

-20 minutes later

“Ah’m sorry Dagmire. I didn’t mean to throw you through the table” applejack said half sorry-half smug

“Hehe. Nice going” rainbow said competitively

“Dude did you forget that even with your boots you only weigh as much as a dumbbell?” Clearance asked

“Eh they’ll be sorry when we come to MY challenge” Dagmire said

They moved on and twilight joined in as the score keeper as spike did commentary.

Dagmire did well on the barrel’s... and then he was easily beaten by both rainbow and applejack.

“Nuts and chews! Still, that's 22 seconds. Still ah’m not in last so not too shabby. Hey, don't be nervous. Remember, it's all in good fun.” Applejack said to rainbow

The next event began and Dagmire was quickly snapped to attention by the fact that spike was getting thrown around like a ball as he struggled to hold on to applejack

“WOAH HOLD UP!” Dagmire shouted at applejack causing her to stop

“HEY HE INTERRUPTED HER TURN! PENALTY!” Rainbow shouted aggressively

“Why the hell is spike getting the tar beaten out of him!” Dagmire demanded

“He HAS a Helmet! Ten second penalty!” Twilight declared

“You know what? Screw this. I came into this hoping to find SOMETHING that makes me less useless! But THIS I didn’t sign up for.” Dagmire said angrily

“Well I guess that makes you a quitter!” Rainbow said cruelly

The word bounced around in Dagmire’s head and taunted him.

“You know what? Put me in.” Dagmire said giving rainbow a death glare

“Ok. But then applejack has to go again after rainbow” twilight said

“Deal” Dagmire said as he gently pulled spike off and set him on twilight’s back. He instantly fell asleep

“Oh I’m going to enjoy this” rainbow said

Twilight started the show and rainbow kicked with all her might to get the light human off her but he held an iron grip as she threw him back and forth. Suddenly she flew into the air and slammed Dagmire into the ground. A sickening crunch was heard as Dagmire hit the mud and rainbow got up triumphantly. A devilish grin was present on her face as Dagmire slowly got up.

“Dude you need to let spike go next. Your injury’s will open up again!” Clearance said with concern for his friend

“Oh not yet. He still has to do applejack. How else will we know who’s the iron pony?” Rainbow said

“...you may begin when she leaves the pen” twilight said as Rainbow helped Dagmire on to applejacks back

Applejack kicked and bucked and Dagmire began feeling light headed as as he continued. Without the underhanded tactic rainbow pulled Dagmire held on longer until he was thrown into the fence

“Rainbow dash wins this round!” Twilight said

“YEAH! IN YOUR FACE!” Rainbow shouted at applejack

They moved on to the next event and after the previous round Dagmire couldn’t even lift up the mallet. Applejack kicked the thing and won easily as rainbow grumbled

Dagmire couldn’t think straight as he limped to the next event

“Dude stop. You lost. You aren’t even in the competition anymore” rainbow stated

Dagmire simply stared. She was confused until she realized he was staring THROUGH her.

“This is the final event!” Twilight said.

All that played in Dagmire’s head was a ringing sound. And the hood of his tormentors cloaked the ponys around him. The crowd cheering and demanding bloodshed.

“Next prisoner” the hooded fiend declared as the rope he held in his hands turned to chains. A dark pit of bubbling tar lied in front of him as well as another prisoner on the other side. One voice amongst the crowd screamed for them to stop as Dagmire was was tied to the other prisoner

“The winner of this test will be the kings next gladiator. And the loser...” the fiend laughed a menacing twisted laugh as the other prisoner quickly yanked the chain and threw Dagmire’s head into the boiling liquid.

His opponent let out an uproarious noise in victory as Dagmire screamed and violently struggled while kicking and writing in an attempt to free himself. He couldn’t. Not again. NEVER again. He broke free and sprinted through the cheering crowd as he ran Deep into the woods. A sickening crunch was heard behind him and he saw something that brought him back to reality. Clearance had punched Rainbow so hard that a tooth went loose. Dagmire looked on at the crowd as they stared in terror and confusion. He had mowed a path through a few ponys in his mad dash to get away. Dagmire matched their terror when he noticed his mask was wedged in the mud

“Oh my! Look at his face!”

“What happened to him?!”

“Don’t look at it sweetie”

“I’m just a part of the crowd! HUNG-!” A pony said while having a heart attack and collapsing on the spot.

As the crowd focused on the pony having a heart attack Dagmire fell to his knees and cried

“What was that for?!” Rainbow asked Clearance

Clearance simply pointed to Dagmire having a breakdown

“Congratulations. Your the iron pony. And just like an iron pony you have no brain and no heart.” Clearance said resisting the urge to finish the job

“What are you talking about” rainbow said

Clearance simply grabbed the whimpering Dagmire and took him back to the bar.

“What was that all about?” Rainbow said ignoring the trail of blood Dagmire dragged from the rodeo pit

Comments

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