Dagmire the discorded goes to Equestria

by Theboxcatgamr

Winter wrap up: no Zecora doesn’t and never will rap about winter wrap up. You can’t make me go through that again

Author's Note:

“If you didn't want to hear me play my heart will go on than why the hell did you buy a boat?”

-Dagmire the discorded on the grand voyage

Dagmire woke up and things were cold. Like they were last week. In the dark of the early morning Dagmire felt childish urge as his mask flashed and suddenly he was wearing a scarf and holding a sled. Dagmire asked Clearance to join him but he had vouched to stay indoors as he disliked the cold and it was 3 am. Dagmire shrugged and dove from his balcony anticipating the fun snowy joyride to come. He immediately ate shit and broke the sled upon coming into contact with the frozen snow free ground

“Ow. Where’d all the snow go?” Dagmire asked himself

“It’s winter wrap up tomorrow and I’m getting a head start!” Pinky joyfully said while dashing past Dagmire

“Cool.”

“No silly! The point is for it to be Warm!” Pinky corrected as she ran through the night with no real destination in mind

“Ok. Let’s go see twilight” Dagmire said

Dagmire was about to knock on the library door when he heard twilight and spike talking

“-saddle, check; boots, check; Spike refusing to get up and going back to sleep, check. It's a good thing I'm so organized, I'm ready. Bright and early!” Twilight said while opening the door... “Oh... maybe a little too early.” She said noticing the still and sleepy town

“Jump the gun?” Dagmire asked

“Dagmire? What are you doing here at...” twilight left to check the clock in the house. She shortly returned “-at 3 in the morning?”

“Eh it gives me time to play my music and practice singing” Dagmire said

“You sing?”

“Yep. Kinda hard to be a bard.” Dagmire said while mentally saving the catchphrase he just came up with

“Mind if I listen some time?” Twilight asked

“Sure. I’ll figure out a time and place or something” Dagmire said

“Great! Night!” Twilight said suddenly flustered as she slammed the door

“...the hell was that about?” Dagmire said as he went to the frozen lake he practices on

-5 hours later

Dagmire was confused.

He was given a vest that said his job was to clear up the iced over lake but when he was about to head out to do his job the ponys just started singing about winter coming to an end. Shrugging it off he went to the lake and saw the ponys skating on the surface of the lake

“What are you guys doing? Don’t we gotta break this ice?” Dagmire asked

“We are! We gotta weaken the top of it so the ponys in charge of demolition can break it easily” pinky said while skating circles around Dagmire

“Oh. I guess that makes sense. Alright let’s go!” Dagmire said as his mask flashed.

Dagmire reappeared upside down with ice skates on his hands.

“Damm it!” Dagmire said as his mask flashed again

This time he was right side up with skates on his feet...but he was going out of control. He slipped and caught himself in a hand-stand...

With the skates still on his hands.

Dagmire began flipping between right-side up and upside down rapidly like he was performing a bladed cartwheel. He quickly drilled through the ice while in this fashion and while everyone watched in awe at Dagmire’s strange “technique” as twilight who had been watching earlier had been dissuaded from attempting the ice due to fear of screwing up. She left Dagmire unaware that he had been screaming for help as he violently bounced around the ice.

-20 minutes later

“I’m sorry Dagmire! I thought you were having a great time!” Pinky said apologizing

“It’s fine. Besides I’ve spun faster than that.” Dagmire said

“Really?!”

“Yeah. Chaos and all that.” Dagmire said while standing up and dusting himself off.

In the distance Dagmire heard arguments and bitching so he cautiously approached

“-and Dagmire made the ice chunks too big to break with that stupid technique of his!” Rainbow said passing on the blame

“Actually rainbow that wasn’t planned at all. I was screaming for help for half an hour while I spun madly around until I broke through the ice!” Dagmire said angry

“...oops” rainbow awkwardly said

“It’s fine.” Dagmire said with a dismissive wave of his hand

“Rainbow Dash, y'all on the weather team need to melt the rest of the snow here on the ground and the trees, pronto.” applejack commanded

“Got it” rainbow said

“Wait. My poor little animals' homes will get flooded if the snow melts too fast.”

“Alright” rainbow replied

“I'm tellin' you, Rainbow, you gotta melt that snow now.”

“No you simply must wait” Fluttershy said

They went back and forth with their demands until rainbow got fed up and the mayor herself intervened

“Oh! What in Equestria are all you arguing about? This sort of silliness is why we were late for spring last year...and the year before that...and the year before that!” The mayor said

Twilight piped up after she heard the mayor

“Wait. Late?” She simply said

“I was hoping my amazingly inspirational speech would urge everyone to do better than last year, but now it looks like we're going to be later than ever. I mean just look at this catastrophe. The ice scorers made the ice chunks too big to melt-“

“Oi fuck off! It was a accident that could have really fucked someone up and NOT A SINGLE PONY helped me until I crashed into the snow bank!” Dagmire said his rage returning

“-The nest designer is horrendously behind, we need several hundred, and she's only made one.“ the mayor said while ignoring Dagmire’s outrage.

At this Dagmire threw his hands up into the air and flipped an invisible table...which promptly crashed and cracked all over the floor leaving an indent in the snow and ice. He then tried to leave and distance himself from the mayor before he did something he would regret.

To make a long story short: Twilight used the power of OCD to organize teams better and find self worth while spike fell in a frozen lake and had to be saved by Dagmire while the rest simply laughed.

After escorting spike back to twilight’s house, Dagmire returned to his bar.

“Hey! What’s a man gotta do to get a drink around here!” A human with a ninja headband said to Dagmire while Clearance was pinned to the wall with throwing stars

Dagmire sighed as he freed Clearance from the wall (to the man in orange’s confusion) and began washing a mug alongside Clearance

“Well you would probably have to pay” Dagmire said as he mentally prepared himself

Comments

[CarolMAssphalt666]

Suddenly, Naruto. XD