• Member Since 20th Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Maelaeran


I enjoy writing things I guess.

T

A different choice was made on the Hogwarts Express that day, one that culminated in a series of events that led to a completely disastrous final battle. Harry Potter had finally fulfilled the prophecy that had haunted his life, but at the cost of everyone he ever loved.

Arriving in a new world, bereft of friends, family and his own body, Harry Potter will struggle to once again find a life that is worth living.

Because for the Master of Death, there is no other option.

AN: Hello everyone! This is a little idea I've been cooking in my head for a while and one that I was looking for on different sites before finally deciding to just write one myself. This will most likely have a slower start with the story itself being set six years before the start of the series. Subsequent chapters past the prologue will be focused on this period, though each of the Mane 6 will have their own little roles - one, more so than the others - in particular.

Infrequent updates, though I tend to write longish chapters (usually 8 - 10k), but hopefully I'll be able to keep this going. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy!

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 104 )

Was that Fluffle Puff giving Nightmare Moon a raspberry?

9408222

9408325
Nah, that was Fluffle Puff. At this point in time, Pinkie Pie is being a good little filly and is already in bed.

My compliments sir.... that was damn good writing. It held my attention throughout the internal and external conflict being depicted and I am now eagerly awaiting chapter two... To which I shall forthwith ascend.

9413558
Thanks for the kind words! It's nice to know that it was an interesting enough read for you! Was there anything that was kind of 'meh' to you or that you felt should be improved upon?

9413579
I think the segue into Equestria in part one slowed down the pace of action slightly. It might have been better to save it for after the battle ends and Harry's transported to MLP world, but before the reveal of where he's popped up.

Those are some angry spooks,
Love the story by the way, absolutely fantastic so far.

I'm rather interested in this take on a Harry Potter crossover, it's in unique territory so far I've only really seen in other great crossovers with, say, Naruto (where the master of death thing actually conveys a much different experience than just a side-thing that Harry may or may not ignore).

The mystery of the numbers will perhaps be a bit more clear to those who didn't get it as well

That will probably be everyone... since it was about as clear as mud. At first it was kind of obvious that it was either 1) their date of death, 2) their age, or 3) their remaining lifespan due to the 'Alicorn of Death' angle. But then you said they were changing which eliminated #1, then the first number went up which eliminated #3, Cadance's number was revealed to be larger than Celestia's which eliminated #2. So we are left with mud, it could be absolutely anything but those three.

9431697
Don't be so quick to discount your guesses. Not everything is set in stone after all~
:moustache:

I see what you did there with Celestia. Cute that you made her remaining lifespan within the predicted number of years 'til our own sun collapses. Sucks for Cadence that she'll get stuck spending 127 billion years with no sun...
Maybe Celestia will collapse into a dwarf star version of herself? 😎

Really nice fic so far! The writing is top notch and, while it's exposition heavy, it's all interesting enough to not feel superfluous. Looking forward to more! :pinkiehappy:

9414177
I actually thought the exact opposite (EDIT: unless the order of scenes has been rearranged since you posted?). I really was pleasantly surprised that the first chapter had any Equestria scenes at all. As well-written and through as the introductory Hogwarts scene was, it ultimately could be removed from this story with no major impact (since the only relevant info it shares besides Harry/Hermione is also in the story blurb). The scene with Celestia and Twi served to transition the story tone and establish the story's time period*, which was a nice peek into what the rest of the fic might be like.

*Is it 6 or 7 years pre-canon? Celestia says, "Six more years", but this is immediately followed by saying it's only the 993rd Summer Sun Celebration (doesn't canon start on the 1000th?).

9437463
I don't think Celestia would have been up for much celebration on the year she banished her sister to the moon. Thus I have it set so that canon will start on the thousandth year since Luna's banishment, but the day canon starts will only be the 999th festival. This will also be the reason why it's held in Ponyville and not a major city like Canterlot.

9437463
I did not intend you think the first scene with the battle was unnecessary. On the contrary, it grabs the reader's attention out of the gate. I just thought you should have saved any cut scenes to Equestria until after the final moments of the battle. It would have intensified the flow of the action and not distracted. The cut scenes were also fine, but needed to be introduced after the first big action sequence. Overall, I'd have to say you did some nice work. A lot of writers don't realize you have to grab the reader's attention from the get-go if you want them to continue reading.

I really enjoyed this and can't wait to see where you take it! My only criticism would be the first part of the first chapter was boring. You went on to long with the bit flipping between the action and flashbacks. It killed the momentum.

No character-bashing and actual faithful interpretations of the Harry Potter characters?

You have my attention :twilightsmile:

I'll be observing :raritywink:

i never understood the numbers thing in death note.

9461758
a little, but it was their attempt at harry remembering all of them when their patronus' appeared

This made me cry. I could hardly read it.
Thank you for the chapter!

Thank you for the chapter, I hope to see more of this soon!

looking forward to the next chapter

Well Harry Potter certainly seems very popular at the the moment. For the story itself it looks promising with a delightful tone of mystery with it with an embittered Harry at the Helm that had sacrificed every precious things that he had loved dearly in his in order to defeat his greatest foe that he was inextricably linked to all his life. With everything gone, including his own life and nothing left to hold on his previous mortal world.

I wonder what it meant that Harry met Luna, with the Teastrals and what is the relationship between them? Could he be unwittingly in leagued with Nightmare Moon in some way or is part of her plane to either free Luna from NMM? I take it the ghosts were Celestia's defeated foes from the civil was that have never knew rest in the near millennium they have been trapped there, I wonder if his all just Harry's new Death tittle that is allowing him to see them. I take it Harry will likely think that Prince Blueblood is just as pompous and pretentious as Malfoyed was, I am sure they will go along swimmingly together. Candance seems to be a lot of fun in this story so far and I am looking forward to see more interactions with her in the future. So far, I really like the tone of the story and I can'T wait to see what will come next.



If you are ever interested in getting alternate cover art for your story I am open for commissions, the link to my DA gallery is in the link bellow. You can PM me if you wish to discus about it more in depth, I hope to hear from you soon, and good luck with your story.

P.S. you might recognize some of of my work

https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku

9514683
...I feel like you're confusing the Luna from Harry Potter and the Luna from MLP. If so, I would like to make it clear that they are completely separate characters. I will say that Nightmare Moon and Harry will eventually meet, but that's in the far-off future, but before Harry came to this new multiverse, the two were completely unaware of each other.

Whether or not MLP Luna is aware of Harry and exactly how much she knows is something I'll keep to myself for now :P

9515051
Sorry never read the books and haven't seen the movies in a long while.

Her spirit renew
Rising to the heaven’s view
Heal the sun’s bright bloom

Update <0U0> Please...

9515089
Ah. There is a significant difference with a lot of things. (Like Ron being a lot more competent and likeable.) The fourth book, for example, is my favorite, yet the fourth movie is almost definitely the worst. (Especially Dumbledore's character.)

I'm certainly not saying you need to read them or anything, but some things may be confusing in Harry Potter fics.

a geocentric model for a planet requires that both the sun and moon be SMALLER than the planet they orbit. This is backed up by canon episodes where the sun and moon were halted in the sky-- and exactly HALF the sky was day, and half was night. The equestrian sun has to be both very small, and very close (approx the same size and distance as the moon) for that... IRL, when the sun and moon are in the sky at the same time, the sun's light engulfs everything. a sun "many times the size of the world" would be too bright for half the sky to be night.

yes... pedantic. but what's the point of being a fan if you can't pedant?

9548471
Well consider this an AU then. I've read similar stuff on how big the celestial bodies are in the MLP verse, but I'm opting for the 'cool factor' in this fanfic and making Alicorns scarily strong in this story. Fair warning, those won't be the only changes I'll be making either, but I hope you enjoy reading what I wrote anyway :P

Thanks for the comment!

9548614
thing is, you go too powerful it stops being "cool" and goes to "why bother having any other characters" and "this is boring."

And personally, I always thought having a genuinely geocentric model for Equestria actually made it more interesting than trying to shoehorn "real astronomy" in.

I hope that Fluffle Puff isn't just a cameo. Thank you for the chapter!

9558601
She won't be the main focus of the story, that's for sure, but she's not a one-off joke either :P
I have a couple of ideas for her and another Division Zero member that should be interesting.

So Shiny's mind is Wired for O&O DMing even in guard duties?

9558806
Something along those lines, yeah. Not just for guard duty, he tends to frame things like that for every part of his life. There isn't a practical benefit to it, just an odd quirk of his.

'“...I really hope they remember to put up a sound-dampening barrier this time...” muttered Captain Sharp.

“Hah! Those two remind me of how much Sweet and I used to go at it!” laughed Hearty boisterously.

“'Dreamy and I certainly put in a lot of effort into making our little angel. It's good that those two are starting earlier than we did.” chimed in Goldenheart approvingly.

Thump!

That proved to be too much as a crimson-hued Gloria fell over, covering her face with her forelimbs and muttering incoherently about public displays of affection.'

Formatting issue, here.

I'm not actually a big fan of Flufflepuff.

Could you please expand on what seated / unseated mean?

9558838
Neat. Was it hard doing D&D Research for this mindset?

9558888
Nah, the only reason I did this is because I enjoy D&D a great deal and thought it'd be fun to include it.

9558860
That was meant to indicate a series of interactions that Shining wasn't present to see. I wanted to include the scene, but didn't really know of a better way to go about it. Any suggestions?

Fair enough on the Fluffle Puff thing. To each their own. But if it's any comfort, she won't be a big part of the story and will typically just have small little asides like the one in this chapter.

EDIT: Not sure if you'll see this edit or not, but I just saw the last part of your comment and it only registered with me now for some reason, sorry!
So about the Seated/Unseated stuff, I'm unsure if I'll include the details in a separate chapter or not (perhaps while explaining to Harry...) but the basic structure is thus:
100 ponies in every Division (except for Zero) and the Captain is included in that 100. The first 10 Ranks are the Seated Positions (Captain, Lieutenant, 3rd seat, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th) and they handle more administrative duties of the Division. They also serve as sub-commanders in case the Captain or LT isn't present for their own squad.

There are 8 Divisions (Zero is kept hidden) of the Royal Guard and theoretically there should be a total of 800. Not all the Divisions are at full capacity however as the trials to even get accepted as a Royal Guard are ridiculously strict.

9558911
Nice. I wanna get into D&D, but know next to nothing about it

9558948
Well, it's beyond the scope of the story so I won't get into too much detail here (feel free to PM me if you want get more in depth), but you can check out some intro videos on Youtube by 'Puffin Forest'.

If you can't find a game locally, you can go on to Roll20 and search for an online group to join. Haven't had a bad experience on the site so far and the people I've gamed with were friendly and helpful enough.

this was amazing I really like the new royal guard I might steal that as part of my rework of mine.

9558964
Alright. THanks.

BTW, nice touch, Modeling the Royal Guard after the GOtei 13 from BLEACH

9558998
Make sure to drop a mention of me being a source of inspiration when you get super famous :P
Glad you liked the chapter and thanks for the comment!

Can't wait for next chapter!! Hopefully harry gets to use some spells in front of the princesses.

Any idea on when it might come Out?

9559023
Well if that's what you're counting on for the next chapter, I can tell you Harry has a very different plan in mind. None of which involves confrontation.

As for when the next chapter will be out, I'm honestly not sure. I have it plotted out, but I have another story (unrelated to the MLP fandom) that I want to update before working on this.

Glad you enjoyed the chapter though!

9559039
Eh. As long as he eventually meets the princesses, I'm fine with what happens next.

Preferably I would like him to save them or something. not kill them

I never got into D&D. Sorry I just skimmed over this chapter. I do eagerly await some HP/Princesses interaction and reactions to an Alicorn of Death.

9558918
Well, you're right, he wouldn't see them, as per the framing device of him giving his report. But there are already things happening during the events that he wouldn't say in his report. I'd just give it the normal narration. Or, as I have come to think of it, the Nolan: where you don't notice the inconsistencies because everything else is so well told.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!