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Twilight and Discord form this strong tension, it was new, the two have bonded closely lately over different things and interests but they stopped talking one day. Twilight is unsure of her feelings, she doesn't know what is going on with her. Though she can't help but recall Discord's feelings for Celestia, through this how will the mare overcome her undying dreams, feelings, and discover what this honestly is?
WARNING: Sexual themes are at play here, while it is not a direct clop, it hints at sex and there are some scenes that imply it. You have been warned. Most of it is fuzzy, if you have a problem with this sort of things, just skip ahead. I do not like very heavy sexual themes anyway, so I promise not to shove it in anyone's face.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated! As long as your comment is insightful and you're giving strong advice as to why you didn't enjoy what you read, then please be my guest. I take all comments and try to improve!
Cover art: https://www.deviantart.com/unlocked-shenanigans/art/Twilight-X-Discord-583867934
Oh this is going to be fun!
?
Lmfao. DISCORDing Twilight's mind and make her fall in love with him in a cringe way possible... Don't you dare do that. OwO
Gotta take cover, before the shippers see this
9399398
oh my god, i never thought of this song fitting??? and i frickin' love wicked! this is great.
9399432
yeah, shippers are real scary man, including myself. you're smart to take cover
9399401
she isn't really in love with him at the moment, pretty much tension and hinted interest, love is a whole new territory π€·
9399362
ejiouyiojk, glad you're excited, i spent a lot of time writing this so yeah. twicord isn't as popular as some other ships, it needs some love. though not my favorite ship, it's pretty good so i wrote this.
9400097
I based the decision entirely on the title.
9400144
ah, that makes sense, i didn't intend for it to be a lyric to a wicked song, but it's fine all the same.
9400178
thank you!!
9400168
aaa, it means a lot to hear that, thank you!
Oh No's. Another ship i might get enthralled by
9400273
you better run before it pulls you in like it happened to me.
Wait.... why is Celestia doing this event? Shoyldnβt This be Cadenceβs forte?
9401145
it is, but celestia hosted it for her own reasons, in which cadence has zero clue about. you have full right to be confused, but i have my reasoning and I'll be sure to explain it in further chapters.
Looks good so far. I am intrigued! I like it XP
What in Gods name do you have planned, Tia
9401662
oh, thank you!! and celestia just has a few things up her non-existent sleeve, mwhahahaha.
Oh heeeeeell to the yes πππ OTP
Already love it :3 very excited for more
Not really happy with the choice of some standard ships. In that case the choice for Twis 'lover' being Flash
I wouldve been happier with any other atallion haha
But thats fine ^^
Just please dont make the mistake of pacing this too fast <3 i wanna savior this ππ
Feels a bit fast paced already :3 so rather take your time β€β€β€
Im awaiting the next chapter eagerly
Greetings
Chris aka. Nerfy
Not a bad story just feels a little rushed is all.
Will this ever continue?
9707358
i 100% have been distracted, i've been on vacation all summer. but i'll continue soon! i just seem to forget, and i ask my friend to remind me, but he never does. so yeah. i also do art commisions, but i worked hard on this chapter so i really should. so yeah, it will continue one day.
9428253
sorry for the super late reply, but since i've taken a break i've improved a bit. so next chapter won't be rushed at all! ty for feedback.
9411874
sorry for the late reply, haha, finally going to continue this soon. i just needed a big ol' break, and ty for the feedback so nice of you to say. i promise to try not to rush.
daaw
9713250
β€ yes i was 'awwing' myself while writing this chapter.
9713638
sksksksk ty!! β€
Awe adorable
Aaargh i love it πππ
So sweet
hmm... a little fast pace but not too bad I think I have an idea of what you are going for here. I hope you get unbanned soon so you can continue this story.
I liked this chapter it really helped add more depth to Twilight's emotions. I would, however, like to point out that you bounced between, first, second, and third person a lot. It was a little confusing, but not too bad.
Not bad.
Though I'd love to see a chapter of discord doing more things to worm his way into the princesses heart
9723745
She got banned? :o hows that?
So firstly, I wanna say that everything that follows is my initial opinion, and I am in no way attached to it. I want you to do the best that you can and am simply suggesting my own ideas for you to either adopt or help you brainstorm your own. (also sorry for the wall of text)
Firstly I gotta say that I enjoy Discolight quite a lot, probably one of my favorite ships, there are quite a few ways that I've seen in done, and the way you appeared to have picked is the 'suddenly in love' and the 'cosmos just makes it so' strategy. Which I personally think is a bit of a shortcut and not all that fun to read. What I personally would've liked to see in this first chapter, is exactly what it was, but cut out everything about discord that happens before she actually sees him. (I know this is a bit of an exposition chapter, but those are still very important, as you likely already know). I would have cut out the dream and have Twilight gone to the party intending to go with flash, and when she sees discord to give him the polite smile or what have you, maybe some internal thoughts on him, but otherwise have her just be neutral to discord. The part where discord helps her against the apparently pervert Flash Sentry can be the tipping of Twilight's neutrality towards Discord from Neutral to Positve. Have them hang out for an evening with discord trying real hard to make Twilight smile and maybe he asks her if they can spend more time together, and suddenly you have your premise for the first arc of the story. You see what I'm saying right? Having Twilight's interest in Discord happen over a period of time, with her getting used to him, while Discord vies for Twilight's attention. And maybe you have the turning point from Twilight just liking Discord as a friend into liking him romantically happens when say Flash tries to take advantage of her and Discord steps in, or in a more general sense, just use Flash as the catalyst for Discolight to happen. Again, I'd like to see a more gradual growing likeness between the two rather than having twilight questioning her love for him from the getgo of chapter one. That's all I think of the story aspect so far.
As for your writing in general, I see no spelling errors or grammatical mistakes, so that's real nice! grats!
I do, however, see a common problem (that some may not consider a problem, and sometimes it isn't) about details. You give quite a few, in fact, I wouldn't even label this as being a huge problem since this is mostly an exposition chapter and those are usually quite fast to get to the meat of the story. But just for future reference, describe more things, describe how Twilight feels when she wakes up, how heavy her comforters are, how bright the room is. This helps with story flavor as well as length if that is an issue. To be clear though, I don't think this is a problem for you and expect the tiny flaw I saw in detail to be fixed up in following chapters since this is simply an exposition chapter.
But aside from wanting a slower approach to the romance and slightly more details in the story itself. You're golden so far.
And again, my opinion is subject to change, I just want to give you my first impressions so you can properly gauge what I'm trying to say. Good luck!
-Noobblue
Again the 'the cosmos make it so' approach seems a bit out of place and weird to read, HOWEVER THIS RIGHT HERE:
This is the PERFECT way to get it to work, having them already have history and romantic tension between them BEFORE the start of the story, and it being revealed to the readers is wonderful and I'm sorry I doubted you. Using this method (which I'll admit I didn't even think of) will allow the ramp up of neutral to friend to romantic start right at the start of the bridge between friend and romantic rather than us having to start at the beginning, it also means that Twilight's 'I think I might like Discord' thoughts make more sense the more we learn about their history together. STORY ELEMENTS They really are the best. More of their backstory together is required to make it work though, but I bet you already have it covered.
Also:
"And she opened her jour nearby"
I think that is meant to be 'journal', a simple mistake and an easier fix.
I like where this is going, please carry on.
-Noobblue
this story will never end,correctly?!π₯Ίπ’π