• Member Since 17th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Kaipony


"The point is not who will let me. The point is, who will stop me?" - Ayn Rand (Howard Roark, "The Fountainhead")

E
Source

Twilight, Spike, and their friends leave the School of Friendship to embark on another adventure. To fill in during their absence, Twilight assigned a substitute teacher to cover for her and teach her History of Friendship class. When the students find out they begin discussing what pranks they should pull or how they can convince what they assume will be a pushover substitute to go easy on the homework.

The pony who walks through the door is not who they were anticipating.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 74 )

Well can't really say I disagree with Tempest and her... Unorthodox approach to friendship.

I especially liked how you handled the Young Six's banter and connection. They feel like they're really from the show itself, the way you portrayed them. You did a nice job on this.

I see Tempest Shadow is taking notes from the Solider from TF2 on how to teach a class. :twistnerd:

Well Twilight.

Thats what you get for bringing in Mary Poppins. :trollestia:

9421907
I think you mean Commander Mary Poppins.

I'd pay to see this in the actual show. Tempest the Teacher. Now that would be something.

Friendship can help in military cooperation.

Maybe Tempest can talk about it in that context.

What an instant success of a story! I watched the live reader count go up, and when I came back from warming up lasagna I saw it at 18. That’s the highest live count I’ve ever seen.

-

As I read I found some spots that I think could use a second look. I’m not a professional or anything, so what I think may not be correct.

This class is on the history of friendship and not only has Headmare Twilight has provided me with a detailed synopsis of this week’s topics and assignments but I also bring with me my own knowledge of Equestrian and non-Equestrian history.”

I think there are one too many verbs.

Tempest cut him off with narrowed eyes that seemed to spark was magic. “In addition to teaching her lessons, your Headmare also granted me the authority to assign detention." She stalked over the griffin and looked down at him, a spark from her shattered horn leaping down to sizzle upon his desk. "Among the offences which I particularly dislike is insubordination.” Gallus sat up straight, his smirk now gone. Tempest looked back to hippogriff. “Did you have a question or comment?”

With magic.
Offenses.
To the hippogriff.

“I have one,” Smolder asked as Tempest strode back up to the head of classroom.

The head of the classroom.

“My experience as a commander is not applicable to friendship, you say. Is it not?” Tempest countered with a raised eyebrow. “Twilight, you encouraged me to travel around Equestria and make amends as I spread the word of the Storm King’s defeat. Towns and villages gathered where I could offers apologies to the masses. During my stops I worked with the townsponies to help repair damage done during the occupation. I even reconnected with my foalhood friends. As I carried out my mission I kept a journal of my findings and thoughts, and I began to formulate my own conclusions."

Offer.

9422245

offences
offenses

On the one hand, isn't that simply a British vs. American difference? On the other hand, the rest of the story seems to conform to American standards to the correction stands.

Additional corrections:

I have been trying to encourage ponies to refrain from refer to me as Tempest but it may be some time before I can move away from that name.

referring

throughout each of your own homeland's history

homelands'
(I'm not entirely sure about "history" vs. "histories". My gut feeling is that "histories" is certainly correct and "history" may or may not be correct.)

Just as Admiral Yamamareto committed her pegasi team too early, so to can friends commit to promises too quickly.

so too can

intoned in a firm but reasonably volume.

reasonable

9422118
Tempest as a teacher, disciplinarian, or possibly personal bodyguard of Twilight. Since Celestia, Luna and Cadance have their own royal/ personal guards, it would make sense for Twilight to consider having one by her side or in the castle? Or have Tempest be head of security at the school. Any one of those positions would be great for her in my opinion. :pinkiehappy:

Tempest is fungible

Wordplay at the end was cute but a little flat. Middle contains several errors that some proofreading would catch.
Not bad for its limited scope.

You may address me as ma'am

This made me far too happy.

9422118
If the Young Six are Class VII from Trails in Cold Steel, then my first pick for the role of their Instructor Sara would be Tempest. Just a bit more laid back (and drinking herself drunk) while secretly hiding her ruthless side.

More Tempest is always a good thing. A few typos and awkward phrases here and there, but nothing too detractive. Have a like and follow, and congrats on the feature!

I have now visualized Tempest as the pony equivalent of Sgt. Callahan from Police Academy.

i.imgur.com/ECFsNr9.jpg

“-thus Admiral Yamamareto was forced to send her flight of pegasi into the air far sooner than she had planned. What do you think we can learn from this decision?”

I'll take a wild guess and say…

Battle of Midway.

Or is it Mareway now?

YES
PD:

“Now, listen up and keep your eyes and ears open.”

you just missed a good pun opportunity right there

“So, Headmare, if anyone is to be blamed for teaching your students a valuable lesson about what else friendship can be then that blame rests upon your shoulders.”

All in favor of having all future antagonists verbally owning Twilight at least once per episode, say aye.

Now if only Tempest's VA's price tag wasn't so high. Would love to see her make an appearance.

My Little Conquest: Friendship is Strategic (patent pending)

9424031S

Seriously, why has this show not gotten a video game yet....other than the time waster one.

I like the story, but I do have a bit of a problem with Tempest’s dialogue in this. In the movie, she has a sort of casual tone and way of speaking, whereas in this story she seems a little too stiff and militaristic. Granted the angle seems to be that she’s treating the students similar to soldiers, but it just seems a little out of character to me. Anyway, still a fun read!

9424643
Yeah I noticed that as well up to the point where Tempest cracked the joke at the end. Honestly I feel like Tempest took that role to fill the students expectations of her instead of trying to deny her military career.

Great use of the Young Six and Tempest. It was nice to see something of my favorite non-Sombra villain that wasn't a ship.

To everyone that has read and commented, thank you so much! I've been out of the writing game for years so every critique and bit of advice is much appreciated. Just seeing this little story on the front page is more than I had anticipated or hoped. I'll be going back through today to handle the corrections that were pointed out and adding some of the notes on characterization to my files. After that it's on to continuing a first pass round of editing on something a bit larger; something that I hope will folks will enjoy and help me to continue to improve.

Again, thanks to everyone for your time and attention. It really made my weekend.

Not bad, not bad...

This would have been a better episode than a lot of the Friendship School centered ones, not gonna lie. Have your thumbs-up and favourite.

“Haven’t you heard of the book Scarlet Sunrise?” Smolder asked

Is that a real book? I googled for it, but none of the results match the description provided here.

Oh gosh, all that to set up for a pun. :rainbowlaugh:

I mean, yeah, Tempest has a fair point, but the fic glosses over her argument enough that it does feel a bit more just set-up for the pun than to argue a point. Maybe to present one for consideration, but not necessarily try too hard to defend it.

Actually, I'm more interested in her argument about learning from history in general. As someone who minored in history, I can definitely say there's truth to that. It's amazing to see how much history does repeat itself simply because later generations didn't learn and remember from the mistakes of the past. Everybody could stand to learn a bit more about their world history than they already do on the average.

But that's a topic to discuss further another day. :twilightsmile:

9425947
"red dawn". there's a book and two movies

9426008
Ohhhh, okay, that one I know. Seems so obvious now. :rainbowlaugh:

9424643
I mean... it makes sense from a psychological standpoint, but we don't get the full picture in this fic. A lot of people will mask nervousness with something else. In Tempest's situation and upbringing, a militaristic demeanor would be the easiest way to mask emotions.

I have a feeling "not being around foals" for a while would make a pony very nervous, not to mention a subject matter so much different and new to her.

Later on, I have a feeling it was more a facade kept up because it engaged the children as well as keep them in line.



Or the author just didn't think about it.

9424569
There’s a mod for Hearts of Iron 4 called Equestria at War

I bet Fizzy would've loved to read or even meet Sun Tzu...

9426425
I do like mods. I have the Equestrian factions for Alpha Centauri, and of course, the two wonderful rom hacks of Final Fantasy VI called Pony Fantasy VI(This one is more just slotting in the characters into FFVI, but played really well), and Filly Fantasy VI(More integrated plotwise with the two stories, but damn hard)

I'd like to see more of this and more of Tempest teaching classes :twilightsmile:

“Oh! Oh! I can help with that. There’s this fantastic new thing I just saw the other day.” She reached under her desk and raised aloft a small, folding step-ladder. “Portable stairs!”

:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

“And why would someone invade a school?” Silverstream’s voice asked, drifting out from her point of cover.

Remember the season 8 finale?

Ocellus raised a hoof and Tempest nodded for her to go ahead. “Is that going to be on the final test, ma'am?”
“The only real test is the test of life itself.”

That's surprisingly philosophic - and true.

Also, I'm happy to announce that you broke the 400 like threshold.

Starlight nudged her friend. “And I’m sure that having a group of famous ponies there to help rescue them...tipped the scales.”

Tactical FriendshipTM

Huh, that's a new one. I was curious but kinda didn't want to like this story, but I did. Well done, dear author, well done. Plus, best catchphrase in a long time. :trollestia:

9425947
It's a Pony version of the movie "Red Dawn". Long story short Mexico invades with it's Nazi buddies and some kids fight back.

Nice. Very nice. Kind of want to see that abridged series now. My Little Pony: Friendship is Strategic.

“You may address me as ma'am, child, as I am no longer a commander. I have been trying to encourage ponies to refrain from referring to me as Tempest but it may be some time before I can move away from that name.”

Gallus kicked back in his chair, a knowing smirk on his face. “I heard that your real name is-.”

Tempest cut him off with narrowed eyes that seemed to spark with magic. “In addition to teaching her lessons, your Headmare also granted me the authority to assign detention."

Okay, so what does she want to be called?

This was adorably awesome.

Tempest has to be one of my favorite Ex-Villains. Don't get me wrong, Luna is Best Princess (because I find myself empathizing with her and her solitude more than the others' lives and personalities), Discord's like the cool, insane uncle everyone loves (but are still glad when he goes home because you can only take so much of his antics), Sunset has gone through a tremendous amount of character development and is now almost literally the incarnation of their Pantheon's Avatar of Empathy (missed opportunities with Hasbro not making her an Alicorn Post Friendship Games notwithstanding), and Starlight... Um... has... unlimited potential...? (Only partly kidding, I actually like Starlight a lot because of the contrast between her and Twilight's personalities, and I think she does have a lot of potential, but that also comes with the sad truth that she still has a long way to go, even after all the character development she's been through...). Tempest though? Out of all the former Villains in MLP, she's probably the only one who has just as much to teach Equestria and The Princesses as she has to learn about Friendship...

About the world and cultures beyond their boarders...
About taking hardships and using the experiences to make you stronger, especially when friends are absent, because as much as they will try to be there, there are times when they simply can't, even if it's through no fault of their own.

About how to make the Royal Guard an effective military force instead of the ceremonial eye candy they are now, and setting up foreign intelligence networks to keep an eye on the rest of the world just in case some other power abroad tries to pull what the Storm King did...

Because even though Flash Magnus getting a job as a Drill Sargent seems to have helped if the military response in School Raze was anything to go by, Tempest still practically took over Equestria in a Day, and more effective response or no, Equestria still seems largely reactionary and more or less in a state of complacent peace despite most of their neighbors either being moderately hostile or otherwise wanting little to do with Equestria until very, Very recently...

Never forget that in the trenches, children, friendship is what will allow you to crush the commies and fell the fascists.

What if Tempest doesn't mind that Twilight wants to 'blushy-crushy' on her?

"If you know both yourself and your enemy, then you will never fail in making them friends."
-Pony Tzu (Probably)

If you know yourself and you know the enemy, you need not fear a thousand wars. Or something like that.

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