During some very late night research into unicorn magic, Twilight comes across an interesting new spell that allows the caster and one other pony to travel to another dimension. What could possibly go wrong?
Please note: While it is set in the Deus Ex universe this fic does NOT require a huge amount of background knowledge in order to enjoy it. I even took bits and pieces from other games/other places and added it in for a little bit of fun, even down to one of the the main characters names.
Timeline wise, it's set a little after the events of 'Human Revolution' but is not connected to it.
Rated 'Teen' for language, violence and in the first two chapters partial sexual imagery. This is NOT a clopfic and is never intended as such.
Cover Image: Drawn by myself, although I'll be more than welcome to use any that get sent to me.
She grabbed her hat from the peg by her door and made her way downstairs, carful (careful) as to not wake up anyone else.
"Well that's me told." Wade said theatrically. other than that, couldn't find any but I wouldn't worry people are pretty slack when it comes to spelling but you have to check to make sure what you say in the book makes sense
(but we're still calling him 'the suit' because 'the shirt' doesn't have the same ring to it. That and consistency issues that would arise with changing the name for a few moments.) all these little author notes break the reader out of the world your trying to pull them into.
put them down at the end of the chapter like so
A/N: even though the suit guy lost his suit I'm going to still calling him 'the suit' because 'the shirt' doesn't have the same ring to it. That and consistency issues that would arise with changing the name for a few moments.
I never asked for this.
Looks interesting. A good few grammatical errors, but the premise is interesting.
I like how he just decided to keep this pair of alleyway crack whores he found in a suspended rave orb. Oh well, one of them did make him pie at least.
Does this take place after 'Human Revolution'? Because if it does, the clinic in the mall would make more sense. Because you know, David Sarif is rich. He can do that.
Apartment 404 - (Location not found)**
1410407 He once bought a pony made of Diamonds because he is so rich, but he had to hand it to the next guy because he offered a higher price.
Wow im just laughing at applejack never forgetting her
Female roots even in combat
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Thanks for the help.
Edits have been made.
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Again, thanks for the help and edits have been made. :)
1410407
It takes place around the time of 'Human Revolution', but not directly linked. So don't expect Jensen to pop in anytime soon.
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Pie makes everything better!
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So Adam Jensen walks into a club. The one-armed bouncer with vision augs says "Dude! How many guns do you need?!"
To this, Jensen replies "Because I'm Batman!"
What? Were you expecting a good joke?
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You use guns in Human Revolution? I thought it was a game about punching people and stun prods.
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on them.
That's the thing about Deus Ex: Human Revolution. You choose how you play. I generally only use the nonlethal weaponry when a punch isn't possible without revealing myself. Now if a boss or robot is involved, then I'll open a can of
Besides, knocking bad guys out give you more XP.
This is a great story so far. Keep up the good work.
I was more expecting them to come out without being changed. Would've been hilarious to see technicolor ponies trotting around you in a dark and drab part of the city
For the love of celestia MORE!
Wouldn't the cops have been concerned over the fact that they couldn't identify Twilight or Applejack? I mean those are obviously stripper names, so as far as the cops would be concerned the two are probably illegal aliens (figuratively) working the sex trade.
Keep it up bro, it is looking good thus far.
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Felt like what?
If there was an image attached to this I do apologise in advance. I can't seem to see them :/
Hmm... my interest is augmented.
But seriously, I'll check this out later.
Dohoho, someone decided to copy the exact name of my fic, minus the Pony Revolution bit. :/
1529271
You've made a Deux Ex fic?
Cool. I wasn't aware another one existed. I'll go have a look.
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And I'm sorry if I came across as rude there.
1529477
Hakkuna mattata. I was just surprised really.
I had a quick look at your fic. I like it so far, depending on whether the other chapters appeal to me (only read the 1st so far) will probably dictate my overall opinion.
Here's a little tidbit of information:
THE HIVE IS IN CHINA.
Though, if you knew that and just adjusted it for story purposes, that's okay.
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I had vague memories when I played the game the first time (More or less when it came out.) and only when I played it again last week to familiarise myself with aspects of the game (environments, augments etc.) did I realise that. bit of a derp moment I'll admit. I probably should change the name at least.
Edit: Name has been changed.
Thanks for pointing it out.
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There are a few of those. They just don't get noticed much.
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Noted. It seems I have to look harder for these things hehe
This story is in music lovers....
How does this relate to music?
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I noticed other stories that weren't so I assumed it was okay.
I'll get rid of it...
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Meh, it's fine. I was just confused is all
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That's fine, still gotten rid of it anyway.
I don't want to sound whiny or upset or anything, but as a fan I'd like to know: do you plan on finishing this story? I loved reading it and I'm eager to read more!
...but, you know... whatever you wanna do is fine...
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)
Now that I finally have some time to dedicate to it (with exams out of the way) and actually write some more, I'll be doing a pseudo-overhaul of the previous chapters with some help from my editor Tofazz (http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Tofazz) along with some original cover art drawn by myself. (Don't expect much it'll probably be shite
Don't worry, it'll be back soon enough. I'm going to write a few chapters ahead first though so I have some sort of 'development cushion' expect at least one chapter to be posted by early next month. Mid-July at the latest.
Thanks for the support too! It means a lot.
Is that what I...?
Is it???
IT IS!!!!!
I feel like someone took my day and dunked it in a vat of "awesome"!!
Good going man.
2860212>>2860727>>2753604
Thanks. I wasn't exactly expecting much when I decided to 'hop back on the saddle' (Horrible horse pun is horrible, I know...) still, it's awesome that people still support the story! :)
Jesus, he got knocked the FUCK OUT!!
Good chapter, love the brain/Wade banter (that's always a plus).
You should probably go back and re-read some of it, or run a spell check program on it. I found a bunch of errors, but I can't remember where I found them.
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Dude, of course people are still gonna support the story; it's very cleverly written, Wade's brain is witty as all hell, the banter is priceless, and to top it all off it's an overall good story idea. Seriously, man, keep up the good work!
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I use 'The Queen's English' so 'colour' will have a 'u' in it some words will have 's' instead of 'z' etc, (this is assuming you're american, please correct me if I'm wrong. I probably am.) that might be the reason a lot of the spelling is 'wrong' although I am running the whole thing through MS word again to check.
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Yeah, I'm American (any Murica jokes and I start cracking heads). I completely forgot about the whole "cultural differences" thing concerning spelling. If that's the way you spell it, that's the way you spell it, and who am I to try and change that? Keep doing what you're doing and summarily ignore me.
2866408
Ran it through word anyway, only one or two spellings that were actually wrong. Though it's like AJ's dialect has a death wish with that spellcheck, so much red... 0.0
2867757
Keep it anyway. It fits her character's Southern drawl.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Deus Exquestria.
Grammar Score: 9.
Pros: -Wade Adams, despite not being the most original character I've seen, he's still rather entertaining and has an interesting, notable appearance.
- Despite some problems I had with how you wrote Twilight (See below.) I found her and Applejack's interactions to be quite amusing.
- Style. I like the overall 'feel' of your writing, and except for a single passage (See below.) I enjoyed it a lot.
Cons:- He could, if he wanted, which he didn't, but if he did, he could. This moment where you describe the portal is weird and uncomfortable, I assume that this will be addressed in the rewrite, and I reccomend taking Mark Twain's advice on wit to repair it.
- AccentJack, while I've seen AJ's accent handled worse, I believe replacing 'why' with 'wah' is a mistake, as I believe her accent doesn't alter that word. Also, while people tend to blanket-swap 'you' with 'ya', there are some situations where it would make sense in dialogue to have AJ stress the correct pronunciation.
- Twilight's apparent drunkenness or somesuch, the problem is essentially that Twilight tends to be much more level-headed than you showed her portrayal, and her obliviousness seems out-of-character to me, as well as her insistence of getting Applejack out of bed in the middle of the night.
Notes Section: In closing, this was an enjoyable chapter, despite the flaws present. I hope my input assists with the rewrite, and I hope that amidst my jumbled thoughts are some shreds of helpful critique.
This is Type Cast, signing off with a request for reciprocation, if you wouldn't mind weighing in on one of my own stories.
And so I bid you farewell.