• Published 19th Feb 2019
  • 2,558 Views, 74 Comments

Death has a Cutie Mark Problem - The Mountaineer Brony



Death Himself seeks out the Cutie Mark Crusaders for help getting back in touch with his special talent.

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Them Dry Bones

"Do I have to do this?" asked the reaper. "Why can't you figure out something else?"

"I'm sorry about this, Mr. Death, but we could really use your help here. We don't want to get in trouble with Miss Cheerilee." Sweetie Belle appealed in her squeaky little voice.

"Besides, buddy, we're helpin' you with your whole Cutie Mark problem." Apple Bloom winked at the specter. "The way I see it, you owe us."

"Perhaps I'd be more enthusiastic if there had been some kind of result by now." The gravelly voice of Death resounded from their heads.

"Negative results are technically results!" Scootaloo said with a chuckle. "Besides, it's not like we're asking you to spare us from an inevitable future of aging and death... we just need help with our science project!"

Death huffed and glanced back at Sweetie Belle. "What is it you had in mind?"

With a flourish, Sweetie reached beside her and whisked the blanket off of the object she and Apple Bloom had wheeled out from behind the clubhouse. It was some sort of wooden armature on a mobile base, seeming to have been hastily nailed together with tools borrowed--or pilfered--from Applejack's workshop.

"And what is that?" Death asked.

Scootaloo trotted over to the contraption and Apple Bloom helped her hop atop it with a buzz of her wings.

"You just sit on it," she replied, striking a pose "and you'll look like a model skeleton from a science lab! Then we can give a report on anatomy for our class!"

Death jerked his head back in surprise. "And what makes you think I'd want to do that?!" His voice sounded a little more shrill than he'd have liked it to, but he couldn't help it at the moment.

"Pleeeaaase, Mr. Grim?" Sweetie Belle chimed. "It's the least you could do. We are trying our best to help."

Though Death was not prone to displays of emotion, especially in this physical form, he was unable to restrain an immense, exasperated eye roll. He dropped his scythe to the ground; at his will, his dark cloak vanished from around him in purple flame, and he stood before the Crusaders as bare bones, with only the faint hint of a living equine's outline catching the sun's rays.

He uncomfortably took his place atop the display, a long strip of wood cradling his spine from beneath as though it were holding him up. Some twisted strands of wire held his jaw in place, and various smaller pieces of wood or wire adjusted the angle of his limbs and tail.

"...This is an odd sensation." he mused.

"Can you make yourself look a little more... lifeless?" asked Apple Bloom. "We can still see your eyes an' your Cutie Mark."

Per her request, Death vanished his eerie red eyes and any trace of his ghostly figure or Cutie Mark. He looked to all the world like the skeleton of a tall unicorn, like one might find in a biology lab at a university.

"Perfect!" cried Sweetie Belle. She gave a little hop into the air, feeling chipper as ever.

"We're gonna get such a good grade on our project!" added Scootaloo.

"I suppose this isn't the worst idea they could have thought up." Death thought to himself. "Children can be horrid little creatures sometimes. But they seem well-adjusted enough... I suppose if this gets me closer to solving my 'problem,' I can tolerate this embarrassment..."

"You can stay here at the clubhouse tonight, Mr. Death, that is, if you even need to sleep." said Sweetie Belle. "We'll come back by and get you in the morning."

"I tell you what, girls," Apple Bloom said as the three of them trotted off towards the Boutique, where Rarity was waiting for them "after dinner, we better find a book about skeletons and bone up on our bones! Gotta be able to tell a pelvis from a patella if we want an A from Miss Cheerilee!"

Death passed out of the world for some rest after they'd left. Though he would never have said it out loud, he marveled at their enthusiasm and at their confidence in their ability to help him; as he faded away into the beyond, he wondered if they might actually succeed when all was said and done.


The Crusaders' youthful vigor and excitement for life was on full display for Death once more when they arrived at the clubhouse that morning to retrieve him. Scootaloo tugged the rolling display behind her scooter along the dirt road to the schoolhouse, and the other two fillies trotted along beside her making conversation.

"I can't wait to see the look on everypony's face when we roll in with a great big skeleton for our science project!" Scootaloo said with a grin.

"Just remember, if anypony asks, we borrowed it from Princess Twilight." added Sweetie Belle. "Too many ponies already have heard rumors about us, and we don't want to worry our friends or Miss Cheerilee."

Scootaloo's wheels rattled over a rocky spot in the road, eliciting a muffled groan from the thing under the blanket.

"Watch the bumps." Death muttered.

"Sorry."

"What I think we'll do" Apple Bloom said "is park you just outside the school, then bring ya in when it's time to present."

"And I've got my facts all ready to go!" added Sweetie Belle, producing a passel of flashcards from her mane. "This should go over as smooth as silk!"

"As easy as pie!" quipped Apple Bloom.

"Like a clear sky in ten seconds flat!" said Scootaloo with a smile.

"We can only hope so." said Death. "I certainly hope 'classroom display' doesn't become my new special talent..."


"Thank you, Snips and Snails, for that... wonderful cup of dirt...!" said Cheerilee through a veil of non-disappointment. After a brief pause to flip the page on her clipboard, her countenance brightened. "Next up to display will be the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

The three fillies gleefully popped up out of their seats, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom taking up positions at the front while Scootaloo stepped outside to retrieve their 'project.'

"Thank you, Miss Cheerilee." Sweetie Belle replied in her most polite tone before clearing her throat and switching to a voice of showmareship.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are proud to present to you a science project the likes of which has never been seen at the Ponyville Schoolhouse! A project to surpass even the largest baking soda volcano or the zap apple-powered clock!"

Scootaloo re-entered the room backwards, tugging the display along with her, before positioning it near the teacher's desk and hopping next to Apple Bloom with a flourish.

"Classmates, for your education, I present..." Sweetie grabbed the cloth with her teeth and dramatically whisked it away. The entire class let forth oohs and ahs, with some shifting back in their seats in surprise.

"This is a true-to-life model of the 205 bones in the equine body!" Sweetie smiled, levitating Cheerilee's pointer from the chalkboard tray. "Of course, unicorns have a horn, that's one bone extra, and Pegasi have wings that add a few more."

"But now, we're gonna tell y'all all about the skeleton an' how it's put together!" Apple Bloom chimed in.

Sweetie trotted over to her companions and began to instruct, gently indicating with the pointer what she spoke of and occasionally glancing at a flashcard.

"Starting from back here, a pony's tail is made up of 18 bones and comprises the end of the vertebral column. As you know, our tails are mostly hair, which grows from the dock, the visible, end sequence of tail bones, the rest of which forms the..."

Death had no issue remaining perfectly physically still while the girls presented, but internally, he was struggling. After all, this felt extremely awkward, both the sensation of sitting atop a wooden frame for a good half-hour, and the fact that he was essentially standing naked in front of a room full of children. It wasn't necessarily stage fright (although he wouldn't have known if it were, having never performed anything for anypony,) but simply a combination of strange feelings, strange activities, and strange places. He desperately wished to be someplace else; if he'd had any sweat glands, his anxiety would have been plainly visible.

As the girls continued pointing out various features of the skeletal system, Cheerilee stood to inspect the "model" for herself. Death's proverbial stomach proverbially dropped as Cheerilee looked deep into his vacant eye sockets.

"Where did you find this, girls?" The teacher asked after waiting for a lull in the presentation. "It's remarkably accurate. It almost looks real. Don't tell me you made this yourselves?"

"Nope. We borrowed it." replied Sweetie Belle. "From Princess Twilight."

"I may have to see if she can get one for the classroom." Cheerilee mused. "Not to mention, I am very impressed with your knowledge, girls!"

The trio wrapped up their presentation shortly after with applause from the class and teacher. The skeleton was parked at the back of the classroom while the rest of the students presented, and at the end of the day, some of them walked over to inspect it or curiously prod at limbs or ribs.

That evening, the Crusaders took dinner at their clubhouse, with Death sitting beside them, his pallor self once more.

"You didn't have to let them... examine me." he said, almost shuddering.

"They were curious." said Sweetie Belle simply.

"Hey--at least you taught 'em somethin'." added Apple Bloom.

"And you helped us get an A+ on our project! Thank you so much for that!" Sweetie Belle happy cuddled the reaper's foreleg, which he would have moved if he knew she wouldn't keep trying to hug him.

"Thank you for not playing my ribs like a xylophone." he replied drolly.

"I really wanted to." said Scootaloo.

"Hey, there's an idea!" Apple Bloom exclaimed. "We haven't tried music yet!"

"Ooh, good one!" chirped Scootaloo. "I'll add it to the list!"

"List?" asked Death.

"Well, yeah. Our Round 2 Talent Testing list!" she replied. "I started writing it up at my desk while Sunny Daze and Peachy Pie showed off their plant breeding experiment."

"We don't give up easily, Mr. Death!" cooed Sweetie. "We promised to help you solve your Cutie Mark problem, and that's exactly what we're going to do!"

"We can start tomorrow morning!" Scoots continued, gleefully staring up into the face of Death.

Death took a moment to ponder how odd that was. But he shrugged it off. He knew this was their passion in life--he just hoped they could help him find his.

"I don't have anything else particularly pressing." He said. "But, if you don't mind... could we make it a late morning? I'd like a little time to myself after... today's events."

Sweetie gave a small frown. "I'm sorry, once again, I really had no idea what Snails was going to do with the class hamster."

Author's Note:

:unsuresweetie: "Rarity? These anatomy books of yours don't have any skeletons in them. In fact, these are the weirdest pony diagrams I've ever seen."
:raritydespair: "Anatom--? SWEETIE NO!!"

XD Ah, I'm just kidding. That didn't happen, this is a T-rated story. :scootangel:

Comments ( 4 )

It's true--all Deaths need to spend some time in the mortal life side of things on the regular, not just The Ends. Weird or silly, it's important to keep your skull straight.*

*Or other appropriate cultural Death reference. I mean, some species don't have bones.

"Nope. We borrowed it." replied Sweetie Belle. "From Princess Twilight."

Ha Ha Ha, I can't wait to see how Twilight reacts to this notion.

The Arcana is the means by which all is revealed.....

Ok, that was adorable ^w^ and hilarious also, I’m glad we got another chapter \^w^/

I honestly can’t wait to see what will happen next

(By the way a part of me wishes we got a little more detail in regards to what Snails did with the class hamster :twilightblush:)

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