MEGAKILLER
Joined 30th Apr, 2014 ·
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This story is... Strange. Not in a sense of things being unreal or off-beat, but rather that the way it's written is somewhat off-kilter. Imbalanced. The English language exists for the most part, but it slips sometimes, like a mask that isn't quite snug enough. For example, a line about how there's 'plenty moorings for carts', when it should be plentiful. Slip-ups where the almost-right word is chosen, where I can easily understand what's being said but have to hear it through a layer of static.
A more egregious example is-
-which is not something I could ever see her saying (before sufficient reason has been given, which it has not in this case). She would say it was mean, or hurtful, but not dumb. Saying it's 'mean' is attacking a flaw of the speaker, saying it's 'dumb' is to simply attack the speaker. You are not commenting on what they need to improve, you are commenting on their deficiencies.
We're also thrown into things with little fanfare. Perhaps I missed it, as I did start to skim, but I don't recall there being anything to establish what Scootaloo and Fluttershy are going to do, or even why they're doing it together. Yes, yes, this can be purposeful, a way to bait the reader with a question of what's going to happen next, but it requires a deft writing hand to eschew well-established norms and I do not feel that the author has earned this distinction. The entire first chapter feels like an aside, a speedbump, where nothing of real importance is established that couldn't have been handled at their destination. My opinion might change if something happens in regards to the map seller, but even then having them arrive at an entirely wrong destination wouldn't have been required for it, nor did the incident of Scootaloo bumping into someone, which are the only events worth noting here. I feel the author just came up with a floating bazaar idea he liked and then shoved it in with little heed of pacing or reason for its presence.
But I digress; the story is passable, but awkward and clunky. An analogy that comes to mind is that of an artist drawing while their hand is asleep. I hope it woke up somewhere during the next 20-odd chapters, at least for other reader's benefit.
9387641
I think think misspelled "bizarre". "Bazaar" is a type of shopping area, or community gathering spot.
For the record I would like to say THANK YOU! for the scene in part 22. This scene makes this story one of the very few I have read where in a mommy-filly/kid situation that a messy diaper is not only not changed, but is encouraged to be played in! I can't say how many diaper stories I have stopped reading halfway through out of annoyance when a diaper is used and is immediately changed. That is what happens to hundreds of millions of kids each and every day and is totally uninteresting and unoriginal. So again thank you for showing how playing in a messy diaper for a while is much better than having it changed immediately.
I like this so far but I'll say that the language is very odd. Almost archaic. It's almost though you wrote this in another language, then once finished translated it to English.
There are points where Fluttershy is very out of character as well. Calling Scootaloo's actions dumb, that's not something Fluttershy would say. She is shown to be incredibly kind in the show and in the comic series.
Once I finish the story entirely I'll leave more feedback.
9387694
No, I was describing the location, 'a floating bazaar', as it was filled with stores and the like, or so I gathered during my read-through.
D i s g u s t i n g
I'm just looking at this cover art and thinking "There was an attempt?"
I mean no offense, as this is most likely self-made, but Scootaloo is orange, not red. And uh... Her eyes are purple to match her mane, not red. magaimg.net/img/6zct.png
I get that this is probably the least of this story's issues, but I have a policy to not touch stories that focus on a particular fetish. It's not written for a general audience, so I shouldn't expect anything from it to appeal to me personally.
Yes, I know that if you've seen me on other stories, that I tear into things meant to be for the author, but the difference here is that if you publically post your self-insert fanfiction about you going to Equestria and it's written like fucking garbage, I'll call it fucking garbage all day long. Especailly when there's other stories that do it better in the first place without making the main character a self-insert Marty Stu.
Tangent, sorry. Point is, I see your dedication to this (129k words is a lot for a fetish fic, hot damn) and as such, I'm not going to trash you for it. I mean it'd almost be like kinkshaming, and I ain't about that shit, you know? We all got our little things.
What was my point again? Oh right, cover art. Could use some touching up. Along with the writing, apparently. You know, the usual.
Darkentrophy
Stop being such a dick, it’s understandable for a short fanfic but this is 179k long story it’s understandable to fuck up a bit of grammar every now and then.
This whole story was just... Wow. So much of this hit really close to home. I struggled through school because I just didn't care enough about anything. I recognize Scootaloo's pain, so much of it mirrors my own pain. Almost grown up. Heh. I really thought this was beautiful. A story about growing up and embracing the things you thought were lost to you.
It's been a long time since a story hit me this way. It inspires me to do better, to write better, to get my life together and make something of it. It's been oh so very long since I've felt this way.
over 130000 words and it is getting shat on.
while my stories are less than that amount and get the same amount.
yikes.
9388204
Um...artistic expression is not about attempting to achieve perfect realism. Even if Scootaloo were colored lime green, that would simply be the artist's decision, not an inaccuracy.
9388216
I'd argue that if you're going to go through the effort of writing over 120k words you might as well do it right.
9388216
How was he being a dick in any way?
The story is a good slice-of-life story and the grammar fairly solid but the writing comes off as unusually stiff, like it's written by someone with a good technical command of writing but not quite as experienced in the little nuances. In my opinion, the best part of the story is how well developed you made the Pegasus city of Skyview. I'd actually like to see additional stories set in that city.
On that note, the first chapter was a bit rocky with an OOC Fluttershy but things get better later on.
Also, how old is Scootaloo supposed to be in this fic? Is she supposed to be a late teenager or a preteen? Because if she's a late teenager, I don't really understand how she could pass for a foal or a filly, even if she was wearing a diaper and using a pacifier; her size and body shape would give her age away. That and I'm surprised no one's commented on that to Fluttershy. Yes, I am aware some younger Ponies have done do but no adult Ponies have done so.
9390254
He posts a lot of comment about this on other fics but if you try writing a 130k story it’s understandable to slip up. Some people need to shut up that there’s grammar mistakes or if a word is not quite right I’m fine with people saying this to a 5k or 10k story but if your go onto this guys account he bitches about others and insults people then labels it as constructive criticism now when trying to do this generally your trying to work with the writer to help his/her story improve rather than just pointing out flaws it doesn’t help much to do this it’s annoying. I also want to point out if the writer is not English it may be that the words not typed right are due to either using google translate for certain words or writing what they think is the correct word.
Just enjoy the fics-jellynutbutter
9391920
I have never heard of him before.
9389171
If you're going to use canon characters, you could at least attempt to look at a color guide for them. You lose the point of writing fanfiction if you just change characters willy-nilly. Scootaloo could just be an OC that just looks like her, instead of Scootaloo.
But I'm not an art critic, I just say when something is clearly wrong.
9393835
Imagine the unseen sunset being part of that image and it actually doesn’t look so bad
9387641
Shut up. It’s a nice story
Well orchestrated. Well done.
I wish you had more positive comments for the amount of work you put into it. I usually don't comment, but for this one I felt like I needed to step up. It took me days to read the entirety of the story, I wanted to take my time appreciating it, as I knew right from the first chapter that it was something special. This is not a fetish story, not really. This is a story about healing, discovering new things to be passionate about, finding radiance in the unconditional love of someone who truly care, the fetish part is only a catalyst to what this is all about: growing up, as the title and the final words say. Thank you for building such a nice city, creating colorful characters, putting the time to research the real academic subjects and make them merge with the fictionnal principles ever so smoothly. Thank you for making me care and root for the protagonist. Thank you for the wonderful story, it was truly inspiring and will remain one of my very favorites.
This is cute
Oh my god the past two chapters were a joyride! I never thought a bath house could be so amazing! Read more like a water park if anything, but the best of the bestest kinds of waterpark y'know?
9392381
He seems to like to troll the crap out of most of the ABDL stories on here, especially the good ones like this. (I’ve re-read it 3 times now) thing is he’s had 3 stories so far, they’re all really short and honestly terrible.
9387641
If you spent as much time writing fics as you do unnecessarily long and honestly unwarranted comments you would probably be more popular.
10022507
Looks at comment dates
You're about a year late to the "Hate on ol' DE" party, but here's some leftover cake. Mind the mold.
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/MTG-ThreadNecromancer_3198.jpg
10022506
Couldn't even manage to fit it into one comment, eh?
Also, I decided to check out where my stories sit in terms of popularity in the padded ponies group. As it turns out, Teeny Tiny Twilight is more popular than any other story besides three non-fetish ones, one of which is Past Sins, so I'm pretty secure in my popularity at this moment~
Besides, my writing attention has long been directed outside of FiMFic. That said, the more you hype me up, the more attractive the thought of once again scouring the Padded Ponies new submissions for proper stinkers becomes... Don't tempt me with a good time, or we might both regret it~
Though your pace is extremely slow you are really good at immersion.
Diapers on ponies are much better than on humans. On humans having a heavily used diaper means it will sag behind and unless you constantly pull it back up it will eventually slide off. After all the only thing holding it up is the waistband. Ponies have a tail so that provides a firm vertical anchor to keep it in place.
Really hot and wholesome. The final part felt a bit awkwardly described but outside of that it's one of the best diaper fetish stories I've ever seen on this site.
Makes me feel kind of bad for sleeping on it for so long.
9387801
I think it means they're not a native English speaker. They learned English at school.
cute chapter
very adorable
I think I'm gonna die from the cuteness
so freakin cute ahhhhhhhhh! *explodes into confetti then respawns* ugh, I'm ok
I assume the pacifier, scootaloo got is enchanted with a spell or something