The Bartender
Every year on Hearthswarming Eve, Berry Punch made Fluttershy the drink. Sometimes, when Fluttershy tried to explain, ponies misheard her and thought that Berry made her a drink. She usually didn’t correct them.
They wouldn’t understand anyway.
The drink was quite mild, as alcoholic beverages went. It was not sharp, sour, stout or bitter. It had sugar to cover the taste of the alcohol, but not quite enough to be sweet. Fluttershy said it tasted like a field of wildflowers smelled, when the wind rustled the flowers and their scent barely tickled her nose.
Fluttershy first fell from Cloudsdale in the spring, but she stayed through the winter, and her first Hearthswarming in Ponyville was a lonely one. Everypony could see she was suffering, and even though they did not know each other well, a young Berry took pity on her. Berry invited Fluttershy into her home and made her the drink for the first time. It was the first alcoholic beverage Fluttershy had ever had, and the thought made her blush. They talked and laughed, and Fluttershy felt better.
Every year since then, Berry made Fluttershy the drink on Hearthswarming Eve. And every year, it tasted exactly the same. Even as Fluttershy grew older, even as her tastes and taste buds changed and she learned what alcohol was supposed to taste like, even after the year she burned her tongue, the drink remained the same.
When Fluttershy drank it, just for a moment, she was fifteen again and new in Ponyville. She was sitting in Berry’s home, wrapped in a blanket, hesitantly sipping the first drink of her life. She was the rail-thin, timid creature that was too old to be a filly and too young to be a mare. And it was snowing outside.
Once, Fluttershy had asked Berry Punch where the drink came from. Berry replied “earth pony magic,” smiled, and tapped the side of her nose.
“Happy Hearthswarming!” Berry Punch called as she walked up the path to Fluttershy’s cottage. Fluttershy was tending to a sick animal and unable to make it into town on Hearthswarming Eve. And so, to keep the tradition alive, Berry Punch had come to her.
She had her entire bar packed into her travel wagon. The bottles rattled and clanked together as she moved.
“And a happy Hearthswarming to you too,” Fluttershy called back, pushing open the door to her cottage. “Come right on in. I can’t believe you walked all the way out here. You must be freezing.”
“Nothing a scarf and two glasses of rum can’t solve,” Berry replied, carefully maneuvering her travel wagon in Fluttershy’s front door.
Fluttershy sighed, rolled her eyes, and smiled. “Oh gosh,” she said, in artificially stilted tones. “I can’t help but notice you aren’t wearing a scarf.”
“Aren’t I?” Berry’s tone was over the top to the point of farce, and she examined herself with equally exaggerated motions. “My goodness you’re correct. Then I suppose I’d better make it three glasses to be safe.”
“I’m giving you a scarf for the trip back. You can’t keep running outside in the snow.” Fluttershy shut the door behind Berry once her cart was inside. “Go ahead and get set up?”
While Fluttershy rummaged around upstairs for cold weather clothing, Berry assembled her travel bar in Fluttershy’s living room. Her cart unfolded like Trixie’s wagon, and from it sprung forth gadgets that would make Flim and Flam green with envy. There were strange bottles full of unidentified liquid, polished steel vessels of all kinds, and screws and presses and jars of fresh fruit. Along the top shelf ran her collection of glasses, of which no two were the same. Some were tall, some were thin, some curved, and some had strange little designs on the inside.
Of course, not all drinks had to be fancy. While she waited for Fluttershy, Berry took a simple, square glass and filled it with a generous helping of her favorite rum.
“Well well well,” Discord’s voice echoed through the air. A moment later, he drifted into the room, floating on his back like he was doing the backstroke in an invisible sea. “If it isn’t the town drunk.”
“That’s me!” Berry lifted her glass. “Though I’m feeling somewhat sober at the moment.”
“You drank before coming here.”
“It’s like, an hour long walk. What if I froze?” She smiled a lazy smile. “So, how’s your Hearthswarming Eve?”
“Ugh!” he tisked and examined his claws. “Insufferable. Fluttershy and I were going to go to Twilight’s party this evening, but she’s stuck here, tending a little forest critter that didn’t watch where it was going.”
“Mmm.” Berry gave him a look across the bar. “It occurs that an omnipotent being might be able to fix whatever ailment the little beastie is suffering.”
“I could.” Discord rolled over in the air and fixed Berry with a narrow look. “I could also sweep the chimneys, harvest the crops, run the trains, and do everything else in town that needs doing, all with a snap of my claws. And how do you think the ponies of Ponyville would appreciate it when I put them all out of work, mmm?”
Berry stared at Discord, matching his gaze without any change in her expression. After a moment, he relented, and averted his gaze to the floor. “You’re all ingrates, really,” he muttered.
Berry smiled. “You know what you need?”
“A hole in my head?” Discord reached a hand clear through his skull and out the other side.
“A drink!” Berry kneeled down behind her bar, and rose up with a dozen bottles clutched with one leg. She laid them out in front of her and set to work, pouring and mixing a little from each one in strange combinations.
“I’m a god, little pony. I cannot get drunk.” Discord rolled his eyes. “I’m sure to you that sounds like a terrible fate, but some of us have a bloodstream that isn’t primarily gin.”
“That is terrible,” Berry agreed, taking another sip of her rum as she worked. She had a strange tool in her hooves, and was using it to squeeze the juice out of a bundle of rare leaves. Then she added a pinch of lime, and dust from a breezie’s wings. “Those alcoholics anonymous ponies are relentless, you know.”
The mix in front of Berry abruptly fizzed. She smiled, mixed it with a special spoon, and then decanted it into a glass shaped like a bit like a closed flower bulb. The liquid was orange, but where it touched its vessel, blue starburst patterns appeared on the inside of the glass.
“Still,” she offered it to him. “You never know.”
“Pass.”
Berry grinned. “Drink it, and I’ll stay over here all night taking care of the animals, so you and Fluttershy can have your little vacation.”
“Hah! It’s a deal. Though if this is a trick, I should warn you that I can’t be poisoned either.” Discord snatched the glass from her hooves, examining it up close as he held it in her claws. “Mmm. Good color. Rich scent. An excellent year for… whatever that is. And oh look! It has little flecks of something floating inside. How exotic.” He took a sip.
Discord froze where he floated. His eyes went wide.
“Found it! Sorry that took so long,” Fluttershy trotted down the steps with a scarf tossed over her back. Discord whirled to face her, eyes still wide, mouth hanging half an inch open. His shock turned to her alarm. “Oh my goodness!” She halted mid step. “What’s wrong?”
Discord vanished with a pop. Unattended, the glass fell to the floor and shattered.
Fluttershy stared at where he had been and at the broken glass. Then, wings flared, she glared at Berry. “What did you do?” she demanded.
Berry clicked her tongue, and tapped the side of her nose. “Earth pony magic.”
Nopony ever told Berry what drink they wanted. When she bartended a Ponyville party, ponies said, “Hit me,” or “Waddya ya got?” or just, “Do your thing.” They were never disappointed.
Half the town attended Twilight’s Hearthswarming party. It was one of the burdens of being a princess. Berry Punch showed up uninvited and assembled her bar, and soon enough the line stretched around the castle.
“I uh…” Starlight coughed. “Gimmie something?” Before her eyes, Berry mixed up a fruity, elaborate cocktail. It was all the colors of the rainbow, and it smelled like candy and liquer.
“Oh,” Starlight laughed. “Sorry, I uh… I heard you could guess what everypony wanted. But I don’t really like that sort of thing.”
“That’s not for you. It’s for Trixie.” Berry put a second glass on the counter, filled it with two shots of vokda, and shoved it Starlight’s way. “That’s for you. Go get her, tiger.”
Later, Applejack appeared at the bar. “Got something special?” she tapped the side of her nose.
From underneath the counter, Berry Punch produced a cheap wooden mug filled with apple cider. Applejack took it, and for the rest of the evening it never ran dry.
Eventually, Discord appeared at the bar. “We need to talk,” he growled out the words. His claws snapped, and abruptly, everypony in the room froze in place. Time had stopped, and they stood not paralyzed, but trapped in a particular moment: mid laugh, mid drink, mid smile.
“Discord!” Twilight’s shouting echoed across the castle as she flew into view. “What did you do?”
“Oh, right. Forgot that doesn’t work on alicorns.” Discord snapped his fingers again, and Twilight vanished with a pop and a flash.
Behind the bar, Berry let out a snort—still very much animate. “Twilight’s going to be pissed when she gets back.”
“Don’t you try and change the subject!” Discord put one paw on the counter, and with the opposite talon, poked Berry in the chest. “What did you do?”
“You mean, this afternoon? In Fluttershy’s cottage?” Berry shrugged. “I fixed you a drink.”
“That was no ordinary drink,” Discord glared. “It was magic.”
“Of course it was. Ponies are magic. So is friendship.” Berry leaned one leg on the counter. “That all you got?”
Discord reached out and grabbed Berry by the throat, lifting her up bodily over her bar. “Tell me what was in it,” he snarled, face twisted and lip curled back.
Berry gasped for breath when she was forcefully yanked off the ground. But after her initial shock passed, she calmed her racing heart. “You know,” she managed, between bouts of heavy breathing, “I think assaulting a bartender voids the terms of your parole.”
So he put her down. He looked away and crossed his arms. And then he said, “Make it again.”
“Sorry, big guy, but I can only make that drink once a year for any given person. Fluttershy could have told you that.” Berry shook her head. “But tell you what, I’ll make it for both of you again next year. You can enjoy it together.”
“I don’t want to wait until next year,” Discord put both forelimbs on the bar, growling into Berry’s face. “I want it now.”
“Why?” Berry tilted her head and laughed. “Hey, I know ponies make jokes about my being an alcoholic, but drinking is just for fun. You don’t need alcohol to feel a certain way. It helps but…” She shrugs. “I’m sure if you’re missing something, you can find it another way.”
“I could turn you to stone.”
“You could!” she agreed. After a moment’s thought, she selected a short, wide glass from the top of the bar and filled it with emerald-green gin. “You have the power. But you have the power to do a lot of things, right? You don’t seem to use it very much.”
She sipped her drink, and the sneer slowly faded off Discord’s face. “I…” he stumbled over the words. “I’m not that draconequus anymore.”
“But you felt like it, right? For a little while?” She waved a hoof. “Transported back to an earlier time. One when you were less fettered.”
Discord didn’t reply, and so Berry went on: “When you could take the things you wanted, instead of being so afraid of breaking them?”
“That’s enough out of you.” Discord spat on the bar-top. “I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you? My losing my cool so that Twilight and her friends can turn me to stone.”
“Contrary to popular opinion, excessive alcohol consumption does not lead to insanity, uncontrollable aggression, or possession by evil spirits.” Berry struck a professorial tone, sipping her drink as she spoke. “It cannot make a pegasus fly drunk, and it cannot make a unicorn experiment with dark magic. It only lowers inhibitions. If you do something terrible under its effects, it was something that a great part of you already wanted to do. You only needed an excuse.”
“Oh, wonderful!” Discord threw his paw and claw alike into the air. “And did you consider that maybe it’s better if omnipotent beings don’t have an excuse?”
“Well, that depends. What is it that you wanted to do?” Berry asked the question, but Discord didn’t answer. “Did you want to hurt ponies? Destroy things? Plunge the world into chaos?”
When the silence hung, she spoke again: “Or were you so worried about breaking it, you were afraid to touch her?”
Discord’s claws curled and uncurled, and his nostrils flared as he let out a breath. “All I’m saying,” Berry said, “is that being a good pony and being a frightened pony are not the same thing. Fluttershy could have taught you that too. Sometimes, to really do the right thing, you need a little courage.”
She took another glass down off the top of the bar, filled it with a blue liquid, and handed it off to Discord. “Romulan ale. Try it.”
He downed it in one swing, then vanished with a pop. In his absence, the party resumed.
There was a knock at the door of Fluttershy’s cottage. “Oh goodness,” she mumbled. “Who would be out so late in the snow?”
When she opened the door, she found Discord standing there, hands folded in front of him. “Discord?” she frowned. Usually he appeared on his own without bothering to knock. “What is it?”
Discord gestured, and Fluttershy floated up off the ground. Until they were eye level. Until they were face to face. “Fluttershy,” he said. “I’d very much like to cure your little animal friend of his injury so we can spend the evening together.”
“Oh. Um…” A hot blush appeared on her face. “This is sudden. You um… you really want to go to Twilight’s party that bad?”
“No. I want to teleport us to the Lost Moon of Puush, so you can be the first mortal to ever see it. I want to tell you what it’s like to be the Spirit of Chaos, instead of pretending to be normal around you. Then I want to tell you you’re beautiful. And then, if all goes well, I’d like to kiss you.”
“Oh,” Fluttershy said.
That afternoon, Berry had mixed her the drink, but with it had come a note. “Do not drink until exactly 7:44 PM.”
Shortly before Discord had knocked at her door, Fluttershy had downed the entire drink in one go. It burned her throat and made her head feel fuzzy.
“I mean,” she said, “you could kiss me now too. If you wanted. We can still do the moon thing later.”
Fluttershy wasn’t a timid young mare anymore. Discord wasn’t a monster who took whatever he desired. But for a moment, there in the snow, she felt the rush of trying something new, and he felt the thrill of knowing what he wanted.
And in the doorway of her cabin, he kissed her.
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I read this when it was part of the Jinglemas collection, and really liked it. A bit of earth pony magic, a dash of desire, and a heaping helping of characters struggling to articulate themselves makes for a poignant little fic. And the undercurrent of character humor highlights those elements, rather than detracting from them--I love that the moments of levity reinforce the the narrative, rather than coming at its expense. Very nice work.
Pre-reading reaction: As a mixology hobbyist, this premise intrigues me! Let's see what happens with this concept and where it goes!
Post-reading reaction: Ah, that was perfect! As a connoisseur and lover of spirits and their lore and drinking culture in general, I think this very neatly encapsulates the value of letting go of your inhibitions a little, even if that comes by way of alcohol. Berry's depiction here as a wise sage rather than a sloppy lush is refreshing too, even if it still leans on that fandom interpretation of her as a boozehound.
Lovely story, Jaxie! Maybe I'll see about making a RL equivalent of Berry's concoction.
P.S. Oh, and Romulan ale? You big, beautiful Star Trek nerd.
“Discord!” Twilight’s shouting echoed across the castle as she flew into view. “What did you do?”
“Oh, right. Forgot that doesn’t work on alicorns.” Discord snapped his fingers again, and Twilight vanished with a pop and a flash.
Anonpencil? Is that you?
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/023/007/f29.png
I don't even smoke but I feel like I need a cigarette after this.
That was good. Like really, really good.
Thank you so much for this! It was more than I ever could have imagined!
Merry Jinglemas, and a Happy New Year!
Berry, did you feel a bit Loopy when you Awoke on the day of the Rainboom?
(Yes, I am saying that this is a Loop where Berry is the only one Awake)
Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for showing me a Berry Punch that I can lovingly add to the semi-adult version of my head canon. Thank you for making MLP just a little bit richer for me now than it was before I read your story.
Have a wonderful New Year!
I thought Romulan Ale was green.
But I think this is my favorite story this Jinglemas, and I'd remind you that the Spanish Funny one that always wins posted a new story too. This was great!
a short and super good story totally amazing.
I really liked this when I read it in the Jinglemas story, and I’m glad you republished it.
Adorable with a surprising amount of wisdom in it for a fic about alcohol. Liked and favorited!
How very wonderful. Wisdom is as wisdom does, one should always be prepared to hear it, irregardless of it's origin.
"it into a glass shaped like a bit like a closed flower bulb"
"it into a glass shaped a bit like a closed flower bulb"?
The alcohol thing is still rather foreign and strange-seeming to me, but the story was nice. :)
Huh. Kind of like if Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon did house visits.
Berry knows her bartendering. A lovely story, GaPJaxie!
Just the right amount of everything. Thoroughly enjoyed this, I think everyone might need a bit of a drink after this year.
What a nice story. Glad I read it.
---
When I read the title I thought for a moment we were going to get a hitchhiker moment with the Pan-galactic Gargle Blaster.
Very nice.
I can't tell if the Lost Moon of Puush was some sort of reference, or just nonsense you threw together for the sake of Discord being Discord.
Berry Punch, far more than rumors would suggest. This is the Berry Punch I want to know.
9377383
It's a Doctor Who reference!
9377460
See, that's what I figured, but the different spelling threw me off.
Fucking spectacular
I need a drink
Sometimes a bartender is just a bartender, and once a year there something a little more.
Somewhere, Dionysus got a little jealous reading this story.
9377898
Why would he be jealous of his daughter's work?
9378213
Have you seen what the Greek gods did with their bastards? I mean species, no problem. But mortals outdoing them in alcoholic alchemy? Might end up being a spider or something.
9378231
Yes but that fall under the assumptions that the god of liquor would care and that she has surpassed him
With such an incredible take on Berry, and ridiculous amounts of character stuffed into Discords very few lines in the story, I kind of knew this had to be one by a site heavyhitter when I read it.
Guess I was right.
I find myself yet again cursing my lack of foresight in not copying my comments from the Jinglesmas collab, since my brain currently resembles scrambled eggs (it's 5 AM what am I doing with my life) and I'm unable to provide useful commentary. I hope you remember the original comment somewhat, Jaxie.
My general thoughts are that Berry is an incredible interpretation, part timelord part chaos god, and that Discord and Fluttershy's storyline is one of the best examples of concise story telling I've seen in a while.
This is definitely a believable characterization of Discord. He may be "reformed", but his actions constantly shows that he misses the absolute freedom and unfettered lifestyle he used to have. He misses it so much that Tirek managed to manipulate him.
While I'm not sold on the shipping at the end, since it didn't seem built up during the story, someone who is already invested in the ship from other stories and headcannon would probably enjoy it.
In any case, good story! I hope they liked it!
9378231
9378301
Things are heating up in the Greek Pantheon fandom discussion
9376106
Nope, it's blue. Aldeberan Whiskey is green.
9379251
Oh, cool. Thanks!
... dear lord this is gorgeous.
Thank you for it.
I wonder what would happen when Berry makes Discord a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster?
Noticed that 'Source' doesn't appear when mouse hovers over the cover art, and I couldn't find a link to the original.
Original is https://derpibooru.org/10340
Seconding everything 9379001 and 9378544 said. Great characterizations, great structure, great selection of details, a fitting narrative tone, and a gentle and compassionate insight into a serious problem. Though I will need some bleach to clean that image of the consummation of Discoshy off of my cortex.
Interesting take on Berry.
The normal trope with bartenders is that they listen to the lifestories of the ones they are serving.
Here you made Berry have the ability to fix just the right drink for the right time and place for everyone and seemed to know more about her clients than she lets on. Love it!
I also like the explanation about how being drunk does not mean an excuse for doing stuff while intoxicated as alcohol just lowers our mental barriers.
Pretty sure Berry would give me a cup of apple juice if I ordered a drink from her as I'm not a fan of alcohol
I don't ship it, but I recognize good writing when I sees it. Loved it.
9379569
Do you want the universe to end? Because that's how you get class-X apocalypses right there.
Also, one would think that the town drunk/bartender/mystical alcohol fairy would know that alcohol doesn't warm you. It does the exact opposite - it widens the arteries, which makes you bleed heat way faster than usual. You can freeze to death in temperatures that would normally not be a problem if you've got enough alcohol in your system.
9380182
She knows that!
Dawww, well done. The first fic wherein I actually liked the fluttercord ship!
9380215
Okay, so when she goes out in cold weather wearing no protective clothing, what does that tell us? It's not that cold, and Fluttershy is just overreacting? (Definitely possible.) She's actually suicidal? (Not likely, given her behaviour in the rest of this story.)
Eh, whatever. I'm just overthinking things here, I guess. If I hadn't fixated on this, I might have started to wonder what utterly overpowered eldritch magic Berry Punch can access that she's able to pull anything magical on Discord.
9376106
Nah, that's Aldebaran Whiskey.
9380532
In the show, we see Twilight and the girls running around the tundra with nothing but a scarf.
Ponies are cold resistant! It's all the magic.
9379705
9379899
Wow, its skywriter sempai and bad horse sempai!
Good to know you two are also able to set aside whether you agree with the shipping in a given fic when forming an opinion about the fic's quality. Now I feel safe to introduce you to my sonic x rainbow dash x President Obama polyamory fic!
Now this is the way to write an awesome Berry Punch.
9379752
I'm sure she'd be more creative than apple juice if it was what you needed. There are plenty of exotic fruits, sodas, and seltzers just waiting to be turned into fizzy mocktails.
9381019
okay but see i already ship that