The next morning, Twilight sat in complete silence in the passenger’s seat of Applejack’s truck. They had set out for Canterlot High School, with Twilight intent on retrieving Sunset’s journal. It was a Saturday, and while the school was open for extra-curricular activities, there would be very few people there. If she found the journal, with any luck Spike would have the other book nearby and could receive a message without Twilight having to return through the portal. The idea of once again leaving Sunset alone in this world was one she couldn’t bear to consider.
She had turned down several offers at a place to stay the night, opting instead to sleep in a chair in the hospital’s waiting room. Sore and exhausted as she was, she didn’t regret it—had she stayed with one of the girls, it would have meant being further from Sunset, as well as even more tension.
During the night, Twilight had repeatedly mulled over the day’s events in her mind. After she’d told the other girls to leave, she had spent several hours listening to Rainbow Dash struggle to express all the sordid details of Sunset’s death. As the story had progressed, Twilight found herself becoming progressively angrier and more concerned for the girl telling it.
Rainbow Dash remembered everything a little too well, from the words she’d said to Sunset on the night of her fall, to the minute details of the empty glance Sunset had given her atop the parking garage. What had stuck with Rainbow Dash more than anything though, as she’d kept repeating, was the sound Sunset made on impact. She had described it so many times—a dull thud masking several sickening cracks—that when Twilight closed her eyes, she could almost hear it herself.
Even as her anger towards the girls had continued to swell and recede, Twilight had been unable to prevent herself from once again offering comfort to a sobbing Rainbow Dash. Why had she done that? Rainbow herself had said that Sunset was dead because of her actions—actions Twilight was now keenly aware of—and yet Twilight couldn’t help but try and make her feel better. Her own kind nature was driving her further into spite, and she shuddered at the thought of where that path could lead her.
So when Applejack came to pick her up, Twilight had not said a word. Was that a healthy way to process this? Was there a healthy way to process this? For that matter, what did processing Sunset’s death even mean? It’s not like Twilight could just think about it really hard until she didn’t feel bad anymore. Talking to any of the girls was only further tainting her despair with anger, so that was a terrible idea. Maybe it didn’t matter what she did. Maybe her heart was now just as scarred as Sunset’s lifeless body, damaged beyond repair.
Twilight rested her head on the window of the car. She could feel every bump and vibration as the truck made its way through the city, past countless pedestrians. She found herself wondering how many of them had lost someone the way she had. Suicide in Equestria was an unbelievably rare event, but here? Surely it must be a more common occurrence if people treated each other the way they had treated Sunset. Twilight was still shocked at how quickly suspicion of Sunset had turned to malice, as if all the students were simply waiting for an excuse to condemn her.
Applejack had remained silent as she drove, though as the school building came into view, Twilight could see her glancing to the side, as if she were wondering how to approach a conversation.
“So, if you don’t mind me asking...” Applejack finally spoke. “What is it you’re planning to do once we get there?”
Twilight didn’t bother to look away from the window. “I need to get Sunset’s journal, and she told me it was there.”
“When was that?” Applejack asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” Twilight said. Explaining how she had witnessed Sunset’s final moments would require her to relive that memory, something she was not prepared to do. “What’s important is getting the journal.”
“Uhm... If you say so,” Applejack said. She pulled the truck into the school’s parking lot. “So, how’re you holding up?”
“Nnngh...” Twilight couldn’t help but groan. “Applejack, I really don’t want to talk right now, okay?”
Applejack turned away. “Alright. I don’t blame you, to be honest. I don’t want to be having this conversation either, or any conversation for that matter.”
Twilight only nodded as she unlocked the door.
“And yet...” Applejack continued, causing Twilight to stop. “We gotta have it, Twilight. Pretending otherwise just ain’t being fair to you, or to me.”
Twilight let out a sigh. As much as she hated it, as much as her mind fought to convince her that stoicism would see her through this, she knew Applejack was right. Still, being an initially unwilling participant came with a degree of exasperation that carried into Twilight’s tone.
“Well?” Twilight said, turning in her seat to face Applejack. “You want to talk? Talk.”
“I... I get it, Twilight. You’re mad. I’d be pretty confused if you weren’t, really.” Applejack looked her in the eyes. “But I hope you know none of us wanted this to happen.”
“It did, though,” Twilight said. “I don’t care what your intentions were then, and I don’t care what they are now. Remorse won’t bring Sunset back.”
“Nothing will bring her back, hon,” Applejack said. “I know that hurts to hear. It hurts to say, too.”
“Do you think I don’t know that?” Twilight’s voice rose a bit. “I don’t need you to tell me that it hurts!”
“I hear you,” Applejack said. “I never meant to imply you weren’t suffering too. I just want you to know you don’t have to go through this alone.”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Is that what you told Sunset when I asked you to look after her?”
“I... Twilight, I know how upset you are,” Applejack said. “And you’ve got every right to be. If taking that anger out me will make you feel better, then go right ahead.” Even as Applejack spoke, Twilight could see tears brimming in her eyes, and she felt her stomach drop.
“I-I didn’t...” Twilight trailed off, unsure of what to say.
“But hate won’t make you feel better, will it?” Applejack said. “You know that better than anyone.”
Twilight thought back to what she had said to Rainbow Dash the night before, and the overwhelming guilt that followed. “Y-yeah,” she said. “Yeah, I do know.”
“It’s not easy to avoid,” Applejack replied. “A few years ago, when my parents passed in an accident, I was so keen on finding someone to blame. The driver, the doctors, the folks who made the car... Anyone, so long as I had a name I could focus the pain on. But all it did was make me feel worse and worse.”
Applejack looked over, and Twilight felt a hand tentatively cover her own. “And unlike me, you do got people to blame, and rightly so,” Applejack said. “You got me, the other girls, the whole dang school if we’re being honest. And I won’t say you’re wrong for hating every single one of us.”
“I.. I don’t want to hate anyone,” Twilight said.
“I know you don’t,” Applejack said. “And you don’t have to. But the longer you avoid talking to the people who hurt you, the worse that hurt’s gonna be. If I’d just taken a moment to talk to Sunset—to really listen to her—w-we...” She looked up at Twilight, her green eyes laced with tears. “We wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we?”
Twilight had no idea how to respond. Part of her yearned to embrace Applejack, to tell her it was all okay and nothing was her fault. That wasn’t true though, and Twilight was certain Applejack knew that, too.
“I suppose we wouldn’t,” Twilight said.
“Yeah,” Applejack said, her voice growing softer. “But I didn’t, s-so here we are...”
The two of them sat in uneasy silence. Applejack’s hand was still holding Twilight’s own, and Twilight could feel the other girl tremble slightly with every breath. She thought of Rainbow Dash the night before, shaking and sobbing in her arms, and suddenly Twilight felt the same surge of contempt for her own anger that she’d felt as she’d held Rainbow Dash.
“You didn’t give Sunset a chance,” Twilight said. She squeezed Applejack’s hand. “But I can give one to you.”
For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, Twilight felt Applejack’s hand squeeze back.
The two of them stayed like that for a while, until the school’s clock tower rang out. Applejack was the first to speak.
“Want me to come with you?”
Twilight shook her head. “That’s alright. I can find it on my own.”
“I gotcha. Oh, and before you go, I have something for you,” Applejack said. She reached into her pocket and produced a small phone. “Rarity gave me this last night. All our numbers are programmed in already, so just flip it open and click a name, and you’ll be able to reach any of us.”
Twilight took the device, opening it slowly. “Thanks,” she said. “Tell Rarity I, uhm, appreciate it.”
“Well I’m not going anywhere just yet,” Applejack said. “If you wanna go looking for the journal by yourself, that’s fine. You’re gonna need someone to drive you places, though.”
“Applejack, you don’t have to—”
“Don’t you worry about it, Twilight. I’d rather not spend the day alone, anyhow,” Applejack said.
Twilight nodded, giving Applejack a faint smile. “I’ll see you when I get back then.”
“I’ll be here,” Applejack said, nodding.
With that, Twilight exited the truck and made her way into the school.
This is so sad. Alexa play despacito
I like how your having twlight handle this
I appreciate the further look into Twilight's confusing mess of emotions—ones she's certainly justified in feeling. The conversation with Applejack here is definitely well-done, too; she's definitely the right person for Twilight to be talking to, as kind of the most 'level-headed'/down-to-earth member of the group, and for, well, her experience with her parents' passing. Definitely curious how going into school will go—will she run into anyone she knows? Shit, is she gonna run into Flash and have to decide whether to tell him? Also curious about the significance of the phone, i.e. what its role in the story's gonna be.
9398207
My bet with the phone is when she's by herself or want to get the girls together to confront them she has a way to call them. Or when she goes back to Equestria she'll most likely take Sunsets Journal with her and need a way to communicate with the girls in case if a magical Emergency
9398191
Okay
The execution of these conversations the past couple chapters has been off the charts.
The one thing that i'm curious about, and that I think hasn't been addressed is... do Princess Celestia, Principal Celestia, and VP Luna know about Sunset's suicide? I'm curious to see their reactions to everything.
9398229
Off the charts execution, just like medieval times!
9398241
Fourths pls
i still think Sunset should be taken to be laid to rest in her homeworld.
9398263
agreed its only right.
Eh. Everyone handles this stuff differently I suppose, but it felt to me like AJ was trying to high road Twilight. Maybe even emotionally manipulate her. If Twi wants to reach these conclusions of forgiveness herself, it's one thing. As it stands though, I would've told AJ to shut her fucking mouth. Nice fic though, just got around to reading it.
9398191
is the more fitting choice.
Good so see they're on the road to recovery, albeit slowly. Also I can't help but feel sad for all the characters in these two fics
What gets me most about this chapter is how...zig-zaggy AJ is here. Claims that hate doesn't help and gives very good examples, but isn't repressed anger and perhaps a bit of (shallow) hatred what helped to cause this mess? Don't get me wrong, AJ herself probably didn't hate Sunset. Disappointment, be it in herself or Sunset or even both, sure. But that's not to say that the others didn't feel hatred or something, so where was her talk towards them? Maybe I'm reading too much into this, maybe not.
That said, I think aside from Rarity AJ is rightfully the first to admit that she made a mistake. She's owning up, which is a good step. Let's hope that the next steps are also the right ones.
One awkward truck conversation.
I don't think AJ gets to try and claim the moral high ground on this one
9398232
I highly doubt that the principals would not have been informed.
9398336
Yes. Just yes.
9398336
Your taking AJ way out of character for her for that to actually be what is happening thus I just don't buy it. I genuinely think what your getting from AJ here is sincere and honest.
9398402
In my mind if AJ had that talk it was off screen or off stage as it would be put in the film or theater world. That said I genuinely don't think it happened at all. At least not until way too late as evidence made by AJ's question of if they saw the last Anon post when she arrives with Fluttershy after Dash summons them so they can say their goodbyes. That tips my thinking into AJ at least didn't hate Sunset while still viewing Anon as Sunset, or at least was unsure that Anon was Sunset but had nothing to help convince her, until, again, way too late. Thus while I think your reading too far into it thinking AJ is being zig-zaggy I think the rest of what your saying is more than fair.
9398822
Personally I don't think she is. She is doing two things in the entire conversation. The first part is her trying to encourage Twilight to have the conversation by reminding her that AJ has been down a similar path in the past. While Twi opened the door by telling her to talk she still wasn't actually open to the conversation itself. Had AJ jumped to part two, which is the significant part of the conversation, instantly Twi may, and I would say likely would, have just jumped ship on the conversation. Thus AJ knew, especially with Twi's rather testy talk response, that she had to ease Twi into the conversation and she did it the right way. The second part was AJ having the serious part of the conversation that needed to be said which amounted to her apology.
9398870
To add on to this, at the least, they should know of the attempt after the last Anon post that revealed who was actually behind Anon. Once that got out pretty much everyone was in the know of what actually transpired in the last 24 or so hours due to the simple fact that the three would have likely, at the least, hinted at what happened to Sunset while admitting that it wasn't her behind it. While I don't think the post would have read that Sunset committed suicide, as she was still alive at the time, it would have at least hinted at something serious happening to Sunset if not outright saying that she at least attempted it. Worst case scenario nothing outside of saying that Sunset wasn't involved in Anon was said. However those smart enough can read between the lines and tell something is very amiss regarding Sunset. The principals especially because of lack of attendance as of late after the break.
That said them knowing that she attempted it and knowing that she is now dead are two very different things and is basically up to the five girls to spread the word in some way or the principals calling the hospital after Sunset passed asking for her condition. We don't know if one or both of those has taken place yet.
Another great chapter.
I'm still wondering how the school and both Celestias will take this.
And now, to wait patiently for the next update.
If we exert anger on all the survivors, then there's nobody left to be merciful to.
Something something "anger begets anger."
9402533
Then the solution is to ensure no survivors.
ok applejack needs to stop with the 'it's no ones fault' and the rather manipulative attitude she used towards twilight here.
here is the facts...
it is someones fault
it is there fault.
there is no reasoning around it, they where the linchpin in the events that lead to sunset taking her own life. this denile needs to stop.
if they and/or the CMC are present at her funeral... it well be the absolute height of disrespect.
9528689
I dont think that's what she was trying to say. She was saying that it was her fault, that it was all of the girls' fault, and that Twilight had every right to be angry, but she couldn't sit on that anger. Whether it be forgiving them, shouting at them, or whatever, Twilight has to do something with that anger. If you let that type of rage sit, it could turn on someone who is in no way responsible, or even yourself. Something has to be done with that anger, but what exactly that is is up to Twilight to decide.
9540210
It's also debatable how much they are at fault. Did their prior actions help? No.
Were they the ones who pushed Sunset over the roof? No. Let's face it, Sunset jumped. They didn't force her to jump. They didn't want her to jump, they tried to keep her from jumping. None of them are even as at fault as, say, Luna for becoming Nightmare Moon.
9702984
Or luna for not telling Twilight about Sunset cutting herself, or the severity of the situation.
Excuse me, I have to get some tissues
As hard as these paragraphs were to read, they aren't surprising. All of the girls are in shock, especially Dash and Rarity, but Dash seems to have been deeply traumatized. I'm going to guess that this will be a big plot point in this story. I'd hate to see how Dash would talk to the CMC after this. What they did was horrible, no doubt, but they're little kids... I can only imagine Dash saying some truly awful things, whereas Twilight might be able to restrain herself.
... Annnd there's the dangerous balance of that tightrope. :/ Too much give and not enough take leads to resentment. And in the wake of this, resentment can quickly morph into doing/saying things you'll regret later.
Fantastic job on the conversation with AJ in the truck. Given her own backstory, she was probably one of the few characters who could provide some insight that could benefit Twilight right now. I like the message that, while Twilight's anger is justified, that anger in and of itself does nothing. It's the right mix of "Feel what you feel" and "Be aware of what is really needed in this situation" that I think Twilight needs right now. I don't really see any of this as AJ claiming the moral high ground. She's not the type, and even if she was, she knows she and the others fucked up. I see this as more her trying to relate and help in any way she can, even if her efforts fall short. (Then again, what efforts wouldn't right now, to some degree?)
This is another instance where I started copying a few lines, then realized I would have to quote that whole section if I wanted to point out all the parts of it that I found significant. Never once have I read a conversation in any of your stories that felt forced on unrealistic. You really do illustrate the contradictory nature of people's experiences of grief, and all that comes with it.
10799791
Wow.
You could not be more wrong x_X