• Published 3rd Feb 2019
  • 1,265 Views, 92 Comments

The Ballad of the Prince-Formerly-Known-As-King-Sombra - MisterEdd



Follow Twilight Sparkle and her reformed coltfriend the former tyrant Sombra

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Recipe For Fun

"Ow, dammit!"

Sombra kissed the tip of his hoof and threw a dirty glance at the hammer magically suspended in front of him. He hefted it across the room before turning his attention at the dilapidated cabinet in front of him. To help cope with his boredom and semi-isolation, Twilight suggested that he should take up a hobby and he readily agreed. After model ship building, soap carving, knitting and clay sculpting, Sombra tried his hoof at cabinet making, which went about as well as the other attempts, perhaps even worse. With a charge of his horn, he blasted a flaming hole in the cabinet, scattering it across the living room and showering him in wood dust and bits of debris. Steady, old boy. Steady. He took a deep breath and plopped down on the floor. Who am I kidding? Nothing works!

I'm sure something will tickle your fancy. You have to just keep looking.

Sombra shook his head. Sometimes the Darkness was ironically too positive. Yeah, right. I'm not good at anything except for magic, breaking stuff and having sex. And I'm too frustrated to do that last one.

Is that REALLY all? Come now, Sombra, think! What else do you know?

Hmm. I'm quite adept at geology. I'm knowledgeable in history, poetry, classic literature, chemistry and alchemy. And Twilight told me how much she enjoys my pancakes...

"Wait, that's it! I could try baking!" Sombra said triumphantly aloud.

Sombra could feel the Darkness lifting an eyebrow. Really? Baking? That's what you're going with? Just because you managed to make flapjacks doesn't mean that you're Gourmand Ramsey. Besides, a foal can make pancakes!

"I knew it was a bad idea to start watching those cooking shows," Sombra irritatingly replied. To help acclimate him to the new age, Twilight sat Sombra down and together, they watched numerous shows and movies from different eras. He found he quite liked the older stuff, like the Cutie Marks Brothers and Abbalk and Cobstello, leading to Twilight to call him, "Grandpa". Well, it wasn't his fault that most TV shows and motion pictures sucked nowadays. Huh. Maybe I am a bit of a grandpa. Then again, I'm over a thousand-years-old; I'm allowed to act it.

Fetching his cloak, Sombra tightly secured the garment around himself and walked out the door, sighing as he felt the sun on his skin and the wind at his back. As was to be expected at this point, the other ponies avoided him like the Magenta Plague, ducking to move out of his way and staring accusingly at the stallion. If only they knew what they were really throwing their dirty glances at! Sombra wished he could just display his wings to these fools but that would violate the agreement he had with the princesses and he was trying to keep on the straight and narrow, for Twilight's sake. That was also the reason that he ignored the totally justifiable urge to start swinging at his gawkers.

Ugh, I should've never given up drinking! He privately grumbled, smacking his lips at the lingering taste of wine. Of course, Twilight insisted that part of his reformation meant no more self-destructive behavior, including, sadly, the consumption of alcohol. In my defense, I've been through and seen a lot! Why else would I drink so much? He shelved the complaint for another time, having arrived at Sugarcube Corner, the work place and residence of one Pinkamena Diane Pie, his self-proclaimed "bestie" and local party planner.

Aside from the odd, hyperactive behavior she exuded and insistence on invading personal space, Sombra really found nothing wrong with Pinkie and actually came to admire her varied skill set and dedication to making others smile. Entering the restaurant, he found, to his complete lack of surprise, said pink mare zigzagging from one table to the next, her energy and precision still astounding to say the least. A few of the patrons turned to stare at him and he decided to come back later when a pink blur came barreling into him and wrapping him in a hug strong enough to crush the air out of a rabid amarok. "SOMBRA! IT'SSOGOODTOSEEYOU! CANIGETYOUATABLEORABOOTH? DOYOUNEEDAMENU'CAUSEI'VEGOTLIKEFOURORTWENTYTOSPARE!"

"Pinkie...air...please..." He managed before Pinkie took the hit and sheepishly set him down. Seriously, how can one little mare manage to be so strong?

"Sorry Sombra, it's just that you've never come in to see me before. Not a nice way to treat your bestie," she added with a pout, which quickly flipped right back into her usual happy-go-lucky grin.

Sombra scratched the back of his head, wondering how exactly to word what he was going to say next. "Well, the thing is...Twilight told me that getting a hobby would be helpful to my mental health and I figured I could try my hoof at baking. So...do you think that you could...mmpf!"

Pinkie's hoof clamped over Sombra's mouth. "Say no more! Follow me!" Finding himself short on options, Sombra followed the bouncing, squeaking pink puffball into the kitchen, where they encountered two more ponies, a mare and a stallion. Sombra had only met the Cakes once back at his welcoming party but found them to be very friendly and could see why Pinkie was so fond of them. "Hey Mr. and Mrs. Cake, look who I found!"

Mrs. Cake set down the tray of cookies she was carrying and quickly enveloped Sombra in a full-contact but tender hug. "Hello Sombra! It's so very nice to see you again, dear!" Damn it, why are you people so lovable? Sombra wondered, surrendering to the hug and taking in the cerulean mare's scent, a pleasing mix of fresh cake batter and vanilla. He was still getting used to physical displays of affection, something as once foreign to him as ancient Saddle Arabian and only allowed a very, very select few to do so.

After Mrs. Cake unhooked herself, Mr. Cake thankfully gave Sombra a short hug and a firm hoofshake. "Good to see you, Sombra! Cup and I were wondering whether or not we'd see you in here. I was starting to think you wouldn't show."

"Yeah, well, Twilight thought it might be nice for me-..."

"Sombra's looking for a hobby and he suggested baking!" Pinkie interjected, an action that Sombra would've found rude and irritating if she wasn't so bubbly and adorable. "So I decided to teach him and maybe he could even help out around here? Please, please, please?!" Pinkie was on her knees with her hooves together in a pleading gesture, her blue eyes somehow larger and more vulnerable-looking. Oh for the love of Ahriman, just give her what she wants! It's too cute!

The couple looked at one another, appearing to have a mental conversation before Mr. Cake nodded, "Alright, he can stay. But you're in charge of him. And whatever mess he makes, he has to clean up." Pinkie bounced up into the air and wrapped her forelegs around Sombra's neck, yipping and repeatedly thanking the two for making her day "super-special-awesome!" Why do I get the feeling I just agreed to something truly regrettable?

It's Pinkie Pie. Would you expect anything less?


"Okaaay. Now we're going to mix the batter!" Pinkie stated in her usual, peppy tone. Call it crazy, but Sombra found her joyfulness kind of infectious and was now grinning like the world's biggest idiot. "Good, good. Gently! Baking is about making something out of love. You have to be gentle!" Sombra mimicked Pinkie's actions, stirring the batter slowly but firmly. He didn't think it'd be this much fun but lately he liked to be proven wrong. And if being wrong means I get delicious baked goods out of the deal, then I never want to be right!

"Now to put it into the oven! No, don't just shove it in! Gently place it!" Sombra was sorely tempted to make a sex joke but he figured that Pinkie wouldn't appreciate it while she was conducting, in her opinion, a serious lesson. Plus, given her mental maturity, it'd probably go right over her head. "That's better! Think of baking like raising a foal. Only you're beating it with a spoon, putting it in an oven and then eating it. Wait, bad example! Let me think of another one!"

Sombra patted Pinkie's head, delighted by the feel of her poofy mane. Though he'd never tell her that, of course. "Relax, Pinkie. So far, I think you're a good teacher."

"Really?!" A giant grin stretched impossibly wide across her face. She bounce-danced around the kitchen and picked up what Sombra assumed to be a deformed iguana. "Did you hear that, Gummy?! Sombra thinks I'm a good teacher! Ha, in your face, grade-school-classmates-that-said-I-couldn't-do-it-but-now-are-so-clearly-proven-wrong! Ha!"

DING!

"Looks like it's done!" Pinkie gasped excitedly and placed the lizard on top of her head, being sure to fetch a pair of oven mits. "Mmm, smells good!" Sombra anxiously waited, his excitement growing by the second as Pinkie pulled the tray out and set it on the countertop. He frowned, and tilted his head. The cake had somehow come out looking like a sagging, cream-colored cone full of lumps and popping air pockets. How did...I followed her instructions to a "T"!

He noticed Pinkie staring at his creation strangely. "I'm so sorry, Pinkie. I failed you."

"What do you mean?" Pinkie asked, tearing a chunk of the semi-solid mush out and stuffing it unceremoniously into her mouth. She gulped and licked her hoof. "It's edible, isn't it? Besides, that's the real lesson in baking: it's not the recipe of making the food. It's the fun of making the food!"

Sniffing the cake, Sombra took a bite, finding that it was creamy with a velvety aftertaste. Placing a foreleg around Pinkie, he grinned appreciatively, "You know something, Pinkie Pie? You're a genius!"

"Thanks Bestie. And no matter what everypony says, you're a good stallion."

"Thank you...-wait. What does everypony say about me?"

Author's Note:

Cutie Marks Brothers=Marx Brothers (not my best work)

Abbalk and Cobstello=Abbott and Costello

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