Princess Luna is the best princess and Nightmare Moon is the best queen.
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Colgate has accomplished so much since graduating from the dental academy. She has her own practice, she has a nice house and she has financial stability. She knows that she should be happy but she isn't, she feels like something is missing.
AU tag for OOC Colgate.
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If I had to pick one thing that this piece needs work on, it's voice. Each of the characters is speaking in a very similar way, and it makes it hard to really become invested in each of them as a different pony. Take the following lines from chapter 2:
"Sis, why are you depressed? You have accomplished everything you've wanted ever since you were a filly and then some!"
"Ok, I'm going to admit it, I'm lonely! I see what good friends you are with Bon Bon and I wish I had a friend like that."
While I can tell who is talking based on context, the two characters are speaking in the exact same way, they exude the same overall personality. Optimally, the way the character's speak should provide the reader with a lot of information about who they are, and how they are different from the characters around them. If Colgate is a character who is locked in routine and unable to help herself break out of it, she should be reticent to speak, avoiding her more outgoing sister's attempts to connect. Think about the emotions running through each character's mind and how they would likely act based on them.