• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 18th, 2018

NorsePony


I am not a person, but I play one on TV.

T
Source

Equestria is in the east. Safety and help are in the east. Dragging his grievously injured friend through enemy territory, Lancet just has to keep going toward the sun and he'll get them both out.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

You have likes, no dislikes, and no commentors 'til now.

You have the lurkers's favor!

6007304 Unfortunately for me, the throne of the lurker king is quite uncomfortable. Maybe a throw pillow would help...

Please make a sequel it screams of needing a sequel man.

6007808 Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. : ) I dunno whether there will ever be a sequel, but I'm not going to dismiss the possibility entirely.

Rather than a sequel, just write more chapters. This is dark and brooding and very very grey, and something we need more of.
I feel fond regard for it.

There was some tension and nice setting, but the recall scenes were not properly organised. The conclusion felt a little lacking. I think a continuation would be good.

Definitely fit the dark tag, but not in the usual way that you see on here. Lancet's warring thoughts, one trying to remain optimistic while the other knows things have gone to hell for him and his dying comrade. The last bit paints it clearly: a healer who's decided to take vengeance and end lives; not what I imagine he ever wanted to do in his line of work. Whether there's justification in Lancet's choice at the end can be debated, but I think you did a nice job of showing the thoughts of a character in a crapsack situation.

There were a few parts that I had to re-read to notice the change from past to present, but it almost felt intentional, like a stream of consciousness style story. Thoughts in general aren't cleanly divided all the time, so if you look at it from that angle, it can work.

Otherwise, interesting story. I wish I knew more on the background of why there's a war going on, and what becomes of Lancet and Hew, but that's all up to you. Sometimes leaving the answers for readers to decide on adds more to the story.

Thank you for participating in the Outside contest.

Results shall be revealed shortly.

So... Ponies break inside the griffon territory and get wasted for that, the griffons are even honorable enough to spare the medic, and now he wants to murder an entire squad that probably had nothing to do with any of that, regardless off the fact that the point squad wad on the griffons' turf.

Kinda hoping that the griffon squad whacks him without taking any casualties. >.>

Cya
Raziel-chan

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