The Secret Starswirl Spree

by WishyWish

I'll Fly

“Whattaya mean, ‘not this time’??”

Rainbow Dash, who in a small march of years since the historic arrival of Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville had met all her personal goals and achieved her dreams, was a pony no longer used to rejection. First in flight and ever undaunted, it was by the companionship of those she cared about that she had learned no hurdle, whether it be in the sky or in books, was too high. Her future was already here, and it was so bright that she did, indeed, have to wear shades.

It was over those very shades she peered, struck quite dumb, at the utterance of the small filly before her.

Scootaloo, bright with the exuberance of youth in her own right, replied. “Aw, you know. I’m just gonna go with Miss Cheerliee this time. Extra credit, right?” She shrugged, and was subsequently tugged by her mentor to a corner of the otherwise crowded schoolhouse.

“Scoots, think about this,” Dash muttered through pursed lips, whilst watching to see if the coast was clear. “Only the…y’know…eggheads pair up with the teacher, right? You and I do the Secret Starswirl Spree together every year, and it’s the most awesome thing that happens over the holidays because it’s just the two of us. What gives?”

Scootaloo, much to Dash’s chagrin, made no attempt at subtlety. “I know, and it’s totally awesome, don’t get me wrong. I just thought…well…” She trailed off, glancing away over the throng of gabbing students and adults alike. “I thought maybe I ought to share the love, you know?”

Dash tilted her head, her brow darkening with confusion. “Share the love? It’s Hearth’s Warming, there’s love everywhere! There’s so much love it’s dripping off the trees even!” She indicated the window behind her with an exaggerated wave of her foreleg. At that precise moment, a wet blob of icy white plopped down from a pine bough to splatter into the recess grounds. “See? Love everywhere!”

“Uh…yeah…aaanyway,” Scootaloo went on. “You and I hang out all the time, and I’m super grateful for every moment I get to spend with you. But somepony else requested you this year, and well…I think she’s just got a greater need. Besides, Miss Cheerliee is really great with gift giving, and I want to get something super-double-secret-awesome for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell this year!”

Dash huffed. “You think I can’t come up with the most super-double-secret-awesome gifts to give? I gave your fan club me, didn’t I?”

“Sure you did, but Miss Cheerliee sees us all every day. I bet she has all kinds of great ideas. I just want to pick her brain this time.”

“B-but…but…!!”

Summoned by the mention of her name, the wine-colored Earth mare schoolmarm approached with a quizzical look. “Oh dear, is everything okay over here?”

A complaining filly on her own now, Dash indicated herself and Scootaloo repeatedly as she spoke. “Miss Cheerilee, great timing! Can you explain to Scootaloo that this is our thing so she doesn’t end up a scarred for life egghead forever?”

Cheerliee made a face and cleared her throat. “Ahem…be, whatever you just said as it may Rainbow Dash, I believe you know the rules of The Secret Starswirl Spree? Foals pair off with adult volunteers – their ‘secret Starswirl’ helpers - to enjoy a day of shopping in Ponyville for a gift to whomever the foals designate. The foals can select any adult they wish to go with so long as they’re not an immediate relative, but that selection is entirely up to the foals.”

“But she always picks me!”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo sniffed drolly, “and this time I didn’t. What’s the big deal?”

“There, you see?” Cheerilee confirmed. “It isn’t up to you Rainbow Dash, unless you’re planning to drop out, in which case I can be quite certain there will be at least one very disappointed filly this year.” Her gaze became molten. “Is that what you’d like to do?”

Dash noticed a few faces turning her way. She scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. “Eh heh…n-no of course not! Who would ever do something so awful as that! Not me!”

Cheerliee’s smile oozed. “Very good then. Now if you would be so kind, the pairings are mostly complete and many of us would like to get a jump on the afternoon, as I’m told it will be the only sunny day this week.” She wrapped a foreleg around Scootaloo and began to lead her away. “Oh, and I’ll make certain not to infect my dear student with too much eggheadedness.”

“Bye Dash!” Scootaloo called obliviously. “Don’t worry, I’m totally in for your parents’ party tomorrow, just like always!”

“W-wait!” Dash called, stumbling over her own faux pas. “Who am I supposed to go with today, then!?”

As if on cue, Dash felt a tug upon her left wing. There stood a unicorn filly with a sunflower mane, a coat of lilac, and a look of abject awe on her face. “Wow, it’s really Rainbow Dash! I can’t believe you’re gonna be my secret Starswirl helper!!” The filly declared.

“I…uh…y-yeah!” Dash coughed as she sought to duck the disparaging gazes from other departing adults. “I bet it’s like a dream come true for you, huh!”

“Sure is!!”

“Just me and…um…you!”

“Uh huh!”

“Just Rainbow Dash and…and…”

The filly only stared.

“…and…and…Rainbow Dash and…” Dash sighed, inwardly begging the child to help her out. When no assistance was forthcoming she dug through her memories until a light came on. “Oh yeah! You’re Derpy’s kid, right?”

The filly nodded amicably and held out a hoof. “Uh huh! I’m Dinky Hooves!”

“Dinky Hooves!” Dash announced. “Right yeah, of course, Dinky! Sooo, uh…Dinky. You asked for me this time, huh?”

“Uh huh!”

“You uhhhh…you got somepony in mind you wanna get a special present for?”

“Uh huh!”

Dash waited for more until only they two remained in the room. “…you gonna tell me who we’re shopping for here, Squirt?”

“My mommy!” Dinky announced, her tone a bit juvenile even for her age. “You’re gonna help me get the bestest gift ever for my mommy, because you’re the only pony who can do it!”

“I am? I mean I am. Of course I am!” Dash scruffed the filly, hoisted her clear onto her back, and left the schoolhouse at a trot in true parade fashion. “You’re a smart kid, you know? When in doubt, call Rainbow Dash!”

“Rainbow Dash!” Dinky echoed in bliss. “Call Rainbow Dash to save the day!”

“Yeah!”

Boosted by the exchange, Dash trotted towards town with a brand new chip on her shoulder and a filly to match. She flexed her wings once, simply to look cool, and drank in the expected ‘oooh’ing noise from Dinky. “So tell me Squirt, what’s your mom into? Uhh…like…” she thought on it, “…really cool muffins, I guess? If you’re looking to get something from one of those awesome bistros in Canterlot then you definitely chose the right pony. I can get us there and back in one day with shopping time to spare, no sweat!”

“I wanna fly!” Dinky announced simply.

“Heh, no sweat little buddy,” Dash replied easily, “I guess we’ve got time for a ride first. Up and away!”

Kicking off a snowbank, Rainbow Dash shot into the air at speed, her tail making the usual rubber band streak affect in the sky. She avoided acrobatics for the safety of her charge, but took Dinky more than half the way to Canterlot anyway, zooming around clouds and floating with the wind currents. She frolicked in the air for ten minutes, then doubled back towards Ponyville, where she perched atop a tall tree. Upon a sturdy branch she sat Dinky, being sure to provide her with an excellent view of her hometown.

“There, heh, I bet you’ll be the envy of all your friends now,” Dash commented proudly. “It’s not every day you get an express ticket to ride from a Wonderbolt, after all!”

But Dinky wore a mask of dismay. Dash found herself at a loss until the filly offered up what was on her mind.

“No. I mean I wanna fly like mommy.”

Dash spread a wing and nabbed with her teeth a broken feather that was tickling her side. “Mruf?” She spat it out and tried again: “Huh?”

Dinky made a gesture of flapping wings with her forelegs. “I wanna fly like mommy does.”

Dash turned the idea over in her head, but couldn’t make heads or tails of it. “You really love your mom, huh?”

Dinky nodded vigorously, obliging Dash to put a hoof to the filly’s back and secure her from shaking herself right out of the tree.

“Hey, that’s great kid, I can totally get behind that. So what do you wanna get your mom for Hearth’s Warming?”

“I wanna fly!” Dinky repeated.

“I…yeah we just did that,” Dash confirmed. “And that’s cool, but I think your teacher is gonna be kinda miffed if she finds out we just played around all day. Besides, you want to get your mom a present, right?”

“Uh-huh. I wanna f—”

“Well then!” Dash interrupted with some exasperation, “let’s get on it, yeah? Don’t worry, you’re with me, and we’ll find the best gift ever for your mom!”

Dash she scooped the child up and floated into the shopping district. There, she guided Dinky through the streets in front of festive windows and vendor carts, hoping to focus her thoughts on the task at hand. Dash was used to hero worship and rather adored it, but the poor child was so overwhelmed that she seemed to have forgotten what Secret Starswirl was all about. Dash waited for awhile, allowing Dinky’s mind to work on product displays, and then tried again.

“So hey, how about that smell, huh?” She pointed. “That’s coming from Sugarcube Corner, best bakery around! I bet they can whip up a really special muffin, any way you want, for your mom. You can probably even decorate it yourself!”

But Dinky walked right past the alluring odor with no recognition whatsoever. She moved along with great purpose, such that Dash had to scurry to make pace with her again, even though she passed every cart and shop by without a glace. Dash allowed this to continue for a few more minutes, and finally held out a foreleg to bar the filly’s progress.

“Kid, hey,” Dash put on the most motherly tone she could manage, “I get’cha, you want something perfect, right? Muffins are too commonplace. What about a—”

“I wanna fly,” Dinky repeated her now tiresome litany. Dash’s brow finally tightened.

“Kid…did you really want my help with this? Or are you just jonesing for a cheap thrill? I mean not that I can blame you, this is me we’re talking about, but that’s not really the point of—”

“I wanna fly like my mommy does. So I can be like her.”

“—what?”

Dinky’s face was deadly serious. “My mommy can fly. I wanna be like my mommy, because she’s the kindest, most generous, most magical, most honest, most loyal, most fun pony I know. I want her to know I can be like she is too.”

Dash searched for words, “…heh, c’mon Squirt, you don’t have to be able to fly to be a great pony like that. Some of my best friends are unicorns. I can’t cast magic spells like they can or make stuff float around. I can’t even eat with a fork! Those are pretty awesome gifts right there. If you want to give her something from the heart, why not make her something with your magic?”

Dinky looked down. “I want to be just like my mommy. So she knows I love her.”

“Kid…I’m sure your mom would never base how she feels about you on whether or not you can fly.”

Dinky’s gaze snapped up, and Dash was taken aback by the resoluteness in it. “I want to fly like you do, and you’re the best flyer there is, so you can help me.”

Dash was beginning to feel self-conscious. She glanced around the crowded side street, brushing up against ponies going about their holiday toil. “But…you’re not a pegasus. You can’t…well wait,” she thought back, “come to think of it, I have seen unicorns fly before. But from what I hear it’s really tough to do, unless you’re a savant like the Cakes’ kid. How’s about I take you to my good buddy Princess Twilight? Or even Starlight Glimmer, I’ve seen her fly all the way to Cloudsdale on her own before! They’ll totally be able to help you…um…I think so anyway…”

“Can they fly like you do?”

“Uh…well…no, magic flying is more like slow floating, but—”

Dinky crossed her forelegs and puffed out her cheeks stubbornly. “Nuh-uh. I wanna fly like you!”

Dash sighed. “Dinky, listen, I think that’s really sweet, I honestly do. But you’re not a pegasus. You don’t have wings. I’m awesome, I know, but even for me, some things are just imposs—”

“What’s this now?” A voice cut in. “Did I hear something about a little filly and her Hearth’s Warming wish?”

Dash recognized the piercing voice immediately. It was the kind of tone one who was used to working a crowd would use, and glancing up, she finally took notice of the vendor stands. There, tucked between a holiday sweets cart and a wreath seller, was a narrow tent in festive colors. It bore atop it a flag of emerald and scarlet, and was open in the front as a counter. On the inside, his chin resting upon one hoof and that elbow upon the counter, was a lanky stallion in a barbershop ensemble, with a thick mustache under his snout.

“So you want to fly, hm?” The stallion said directly to the filly, ignoring Rainbow Dash. “I must say then my dear, you’ve come to the right place!”

Electrified, Dinky was already at the counter before Dash could stop her. “Flim?” Dash observed unpleasantly. “How can you even show your face in this town!?”

“Flam,” Flam corrected.

“Whatever! Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t run you right outta here!”

Flam, looking quite relaxed, reached down to ruffle Dinky’s mane. “Why, I can think of several. For one, I’m not doing anything wrong. Secondly, I can make this little filly’s dreams for her darling mother come true, while you can’t.”

“As if you could ever do anything better than me!” Dash growled. “Besides, unless you can make her grow wings, you’re just getting her hopes up over nothing, and that’s cruel!”

“Nothing, you say?” Flam’s hooves moved so fast even Dash couldn’t register it, and from somewhere beneath the counter he produced a stoppered beaker filled with a shimmering liquid. “I rather beg to differ. I have exactly what this little lady needs.”

“Like I’m gonna let her take a strange potion off of an even more strange pony like you.”

Flam was tossing the potion back and forth between his hooves. Dinky’s eyes followed it with wonder. “And if I were to tell you that this lovely concoction, born of magic from all over Equestria and quite expensive to produce owing to its uniqueness, has the power to make anypony at all grow wings, just like a pegasus, for an hour?”

“Horse hockey,” Dash scoffed. “You probably made hundreds of those all by yourself just this morning.”

Flam indicated his tent. “Do you see me selling any others?”

Dash inspected, and found that not only were there no other examples of the potion he held, there was nothing at all – no products, of quality or dubiousness, graced the empty stand.

“That doesn’t prove anything. I bet you already did your song and dance and sold all your other snake oil.”

“I haven’t sold, or even offered, a single thing all day long. Just ask my neighbors!”

Dash did that very thing, but neither vendor from either of the neighboring carts recalled anypony making a purchase from the festive tent between them. Perplexed and annoyed, Dash stomped back to find Flam at work on Dinky again.

“—and you see, dear little one, that is how your very dream can come true! All you have to do is wait around until three o’clock, drink this down, and it’ll be the very picture of a Hearth’s Warming miracle!”

Dinky’s captivation was complete. Dash could see in her eyes that the filly was never going to allow herself to leave the little tent empty-hooved. Defeated, Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, grunted loudly, and slapped two bits down on the table.

“Fine,” she rumbled, “I’ll by your stupid fizzy drink, so we can get out of here and buy a real present. But when it doesn’t work, you can bet the whole town is gonna know about it. I know you’ve got a heart of the wrong kind of gold, but maybe you’ll actually feel a little remorse somewhere in there for ruining some poor filly’s holiday over two stupid bits.”

“Two bits?” Flam smirked. “That won’t do.”

Dash looked nervously down at Dinky, who was practically catatonic staring at the beaker. “…ugh, fine! How much is it?”

“How much do you have?”

“Oh heck no,” Dash laughed, “you think I’m gonna fall for that?”

“I hear they’re giving thirty to one that Lightning Dust can take you in a straight race down at the local watering hole,” Flam said simply. “She is a Washout now, after all.”

“What!?” Dash was about to skulk away without her charge, nor any notion of where the ‘local watering hole’ was. “I’ll take a piece of that! But…shoot, all I have is twenty bits…”

Flam grinned.

“I am NOT paying you twenty bits for carbonated water and cupcake glitter!” Dash growled.

Flam pulled the bottle just slightly way, causing Dinky to whimper audibly. “Gee, that’s really too bad. And here I thought you were the only pony that could help this poor filly.”

Dash’s hoof came down on the counter. “Now you listen to me,” she hissed, “this is low, even for you! You think I can trust you? You made it so I—we almost didn’t get any cider one year with that stupid machine of yours screwing up everything!”

Flam didn’t flinch. “Ah, you must be referring to the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy Six Thousand.”

“YES! You almost destroyed the Apple family with that stupid thing!”

Flam tapped his chin as if in thought. “Lovely machine that, but as I recall, without apples it was about as worthless as the steam it belched out. At the time the Apple family had a complete monopoly on all apple-related products in this town, too. That means your dear friends held all the chips. Why then, I wonder, did they decide to bet them on a game they didn’t even need to win?”

“I…uh…”

“Are you suggesting perhaps that it was the fault of myself and my brother that Applejack chose to wager her family’s farm - without their consent I might add for I do believe she’s not the legal owner – in a contest with us, when we would have been quite content to come up with a supply agreement instead?”

“You…you tricked her though…”

“Did we? All she had to do was swallow her pride and walk away, but humility is just a bit too tough of a lesson for some ponies. By her own words, even!” Flam lit his horn and levitated a publicly-available copy of a certain friendship diary. He flipped to a page and began to recite, in very exaggerated drawl: “‘Ah din’t lern nothin’!’”

“W-well,” Dash sputtered, “What about that tonic you were selling to everypony? You had them believing it could do things it couldn’t!”

“I see,” Flam riposted, “so you’re saying that our tonic had nothing to do with Granny Smith feeling younger, better, more alive?”

“Right!”

Flam swished the beaker in the grasp of his magic. “Does it really matter what’s in a medicine, so long as you believe it works? How much of that cup of coffee you drink every morning do you really think goes towards waking you up and making you feel energized? It’s only a trace amount of caffeine, a bunch of sugar, and your body’s natural wake-up response to swallowing anything in order to keep you from drowning, after all. Mind over matter, I’ve heard some folks say. The body’s natural ability to heal is its greatest asset. But your friend Applejack decided to take that away from everypony, just to keep from compromising her own personal belief system. Rather selfish, I’d say.”

“W-well…well what about that resort in Los Pegasus! You and your brother took it over!”

But Flam was not deterred. “Gladmane abandoned that property, with the help of your friends. Since no payments were being made on it, it went into foreclosure. Is it a crime that my brother and I purchased it for beans? And what exactly have we done there to our satisfied seasonal patrons that’s ever so dishonest? Gambling is risky business for a reason.”

“You tried to make your own friendship university!”

“Fully accredited, unlike a certain one I know. And if you’re going to say that we plagiarized the lessons, you’d have to accuse ‘Headmare’ Twilight of putting a copyright on teaching friendship to others. Not the act of a right-thinking ‘Princess of Friendship’, is it? Imagine if Princess Cadance slapped a cease and desist order on every pony who tried to teach others to love.”

“W-well what about—”

“Are we going to discuss old times all day?” Flam mused, the beaker once again front and center. The colors within swirled, and Dinky’s eyes swirled with them. She tugged on Dash’s tail.

“…please Rainbow Dash?”

“Kid, this guy isn’t here to help you, he’s just trying to fleece us for bits. I’ll help you. I…dunno how, but I’ll think of something.”

“But you already did help me!” Dinky beamed. “If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have come here!”

Dash eyed Flam. “Yeah…that’s really quite a coincidence that this tent is here, isn’t it…”

Flam swished the beaker again. “Quite a coincidence, yes. So what’ll it be, Rainbow Dash? You heard the lady, if it weren’t for you, none of this would have happened…heh…”

Dinky was hugging Dash’s leg in appreciation. Dash put a hoof on the filly’s head and addressed Flam beneath the din of the crowd.

“This really stinks, even for you. How heartless can you be?”

Flam’s voice was none the softer. “Come now, time’s running out, and I’ve got a train to catch! Going once…going twice…”

“Alright!” Dash howled. With signature speed, she recovered her bit purse from within her mane (a trick Pinkie had recently taught her) and slammed it down on the counter. “Here, you shyster! I hope you’re satisfied!”

Flam instantly released the beaker, and the glow of magic around it changed to the color of Dinky’s. He swept the purse off of the counter, and noticing Dinky had already gotten the cork out of the beaker, stayed her with a gesture.

“Now now my dear, three o’clock, as I said.”

“What’s so special about three o’clock?” Dash challenged, glancing at the town clock tower. “It’s in less than a minute anyway. What difference can it make now?”

Flam nodded towards the sky. “Because the mail around these parts is nothing if not consistent.”

At the tolling of three, the mailmare came floating over the street, her bag heavy with letters for that section of town. Gray with a splash of yellow in her mane like her daughter’s, Derpy’s gait was lazy despite her punctuality. She wore a contented grin upon her face, and failing a whistle, hummed a merry working tune.

“Mommy!” Dinky shouted, quite used to waving at her from below, “Mommy, look!”

“What are you waiting for dear?” Flam remarked, his chin at rest in a hoof again. “Go up there and say hello!”

“W-wait,” Dash cut in, reaching for the beaker “maybe this isn’t such a good—"

But it was too late. Upended was the beaker, and the shimmering contents were down the hatch in a few gyrations of Dinky’s throat.

Nothing.

Dinky began trot desperately along under her mother, who had yet to hear her. Dash whirled on Flam.

“Gee, that’s a real surprise! You’ve really outdone yourself this time, you know that? There’s no way I’m holding back this time, when I’m done dragging your name through the mud you won’t ever be coming around here again!”

Once more, Flam didn’t so much as flinch. He merely cleared his throat and pointed, obliging Dash to follow the gesture.

“Mommy!! Mommy!! Happy Hearth’s Warming Mommy!!”

Dash gazed in awe as the little unicorn filly – with a perfect set of pegasus wings – clobbered her mother clumsily in the air. Letters rained down like snowflakes, and the crowd gazed up in a singular sense of amazement, for they each thought they were looking upon nothing less than an alicorn filly. Dinky, with little control over her wings, mashed into her mother’s breast, who in turn wrapped her up in a foreleg hug.

“Mommy, I’m just like you!!”

Derpy was as confused as the audience for a moment, but true to her ability to go with any flow, she wrapped her daughter up tighter and beat wings in time with hers, peppering her face with butterfly kisses.

“Mommy, mommy…I love you so much…”

Derpy went misty. “Gee sweetie, mommy loves you more than blueberry muffins!”

On the street, Dash stared up. “...you mean it…really works?”

“Mmhmm.”

“That…that’s…awfully nice of you.”

“Mmhmm.”

Dash turned. “Why? What did you get out of it?”

“Twenty bits as I recall.”

“But she didn’t have any money on her.”

“Don’t be silly, Rainbow Dash. Nopony expects a foal to be trotting around with that kind of a bankroll.”

“So you would have stiffed her if I hadn’t been here.”

“What an awful thought,” Flam reproached. “Who would do such a thing to a filly in need at this time of year?”

“…wait,” Dash blinked, “so you’re saying if she had come by alone you wouldn’t have charged her!?”

“Ah ah ah!” Flam pointed to a sign. “No refunds!”

“Wait, wait just a minute here,” Dash barked. “You mean to tell me you’ve been sitting here all day, not making a single bit, only to give something away to a specific pony? How did you know she even wanted something like that?”

Flam was casually packing up. “She writes a Hearth’s Warming letter to her father every year.”

“Her…father?”

“She’s very detailed, too. Talks all about things going on in her life, like her very useful to know ‘Secret Starswirl’ plans, and she asks for something every time. And wouldn’t you know? Her daddy always comes through. Can’t very well break with tradition, now can we?”

Dash glanced up at the happy pair, spinning in midair, while those from the crowd who were not applauding murmured about a Hearth’s Warming miracle. A thought occurred.

“…are you her father?”

“Tut tut,” Flam replied, “nothing of the sort. But I happen to be acquainted with him. Most ponies don’t like him very much see, a circumstance upon which I can relate, and consequently he hasn’t quite gotten up the nerve to face his past. But he never misses that letter.”

“I still don’t get what’s in it for you, to come all the way out here for Dinky’s father, spending money and not making any. Whatever was in that concoction, it must have cost a lot.”

“There is more to life after all,” Flam winked. “Isn’t there?”

“Who’s her f—"

Flam finally turned around, cutting Dash off with a hoof upon her muzzle. “There are some things you simply don’t need to concern yourself with, Rainbow Dash. But it’s been a pleasure doing business with you. Happy Hearth’s Warming, yes?”

Dash pulled away. “…yeah. Happy Hearth’s Warming.”

“Now, as I’ve said I have a train to catch. Run along, won’t you?”

Flam disappeared into the small tent. Rainbow Dash watched him go, but the sound of ‘oooh’s and ‘ahhh’s soon drew her attention. She glanced about the street, considering how many seconds it would take her to clean up all the spilled mail. She suspected somewhere around five or six.

With a kick, Dash launched herself into the air.

“Hey Derpy! Lemme get your mail route for the rest of the day!”

This time, Rainbow Dash was not rejected.