Flower love is an ordinary unicorn mare just going about her business in her flower shop, when suddenly, things get real bizarre real quick. She finds herself stuck in a new world where nothing is quite right. She has to figure out how to fix things before it's too late.
[Short Chapters]
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I think the short chapters works for this type of story but the repeating dialoge makes it warrent slightly longer chapters
Forshadowing?........ probably not
Seems like a rather decent start, honestly. I'd suggest, though, make your chapters longer. It gives your readers more to chew on and keeps them invested longer. Short chapters can be nice to serve as go betweens for longer ones, but a lot of short ones can usually be smooshed into a single chapter and such. This, I feel, is one of those cases. Either way, look forward to more.
9359713
What is it here that sounds like foreshadowing? I'm curious. I love foreshadowing, I'm just not a good enough writer to be able to do it right lol o3o
[edit] if I like it, I may just make it foreshadowing. o3o
9359636
Thank you for the criticism, I appreciate it.
Idk, when I write, I just write until I feel like I can post it (I normally post on Google+, but I thought I might get more feedback here).
9359805
Yeah, when I was posting these chapters, I thought Y'know, these sound like they could be one cohesive chapter
I just have a hard time thinking in longer chapters :/
9359924
Your welcome
Well she's doomed
9371834
Ha ha.
We'll see. ;)
So I take it Flower Love gets turned into a pony in this story?