This Will Be Fun
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. You're a regal, unflappable princess. You've dealt with more difficult tasks.
Celestia held her head high as she walked down the cobblestone path to a quaint, unassuming, pink single-story house. Her ear briefly flicked at the sound of the hoofsteps of two of her guards as they followed behind her. Not that they would be of any real help. As she approached the pink wooden door, she took a brief look at the immaculately maintained garden flanking both sides of the path. The smell of the different flowers mixed together in a distinctive, but not unpleasant way. It did nothing to ease the butterflies in Celestia's stomach, she mused as an actual butterfly flitted past her.
Regal. Unflappable. She just had to keep telling herself that.
She reached the door and knocked three times. Part of her wished that nopony would be home and she could simply come back another time. Or have Twilight do it. Twilight had known Cozy the best.
No, Twilight was still dealing with the aftermath and taking care of the students at her school. She would be busy with that for quite some time. Ergo it fell to Celestia to deal with this unpleasant task. Still, maybe nopony would be home. Maybe they were on vacation and it would be quite a while before they returned, giving Twilight enough free time to deal with it.
The sound of hoofsteps approaching the door put all of those thoughts out of Celestia's mind.
The door opened up, revealing a smiling tan earth pony stallion. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but at the sight of his princess, his words died in his throat and he let out a little gargle. Celestia gave him a motherly smile.
"Good afternoo-- evening, my dearest subject. How... how are you today?"
"Uh..." The stallion blinked and cleared his throat. "Uh... yeah, I'm good. You're not what I expected when I heard the knock, that's for sure."
"I can imagine not," Celestia said with a light laugh. "However, may I enter your lovely home? There are some things that you and I must discuss. Is your wife home?"
"Yeah, she's in the kitchen. Just about finished up some cookies." The stallion stepped aside. "Please, come in."
Celestia ducked her head to avoid bumping her horn on the doorway as she entered the home. Once inside, she turned and nodded to her guards, who took positions by the front door. The stallion gave both of them an uneasy look, but Celestia put her hoof on his back.
"Do not worry about them. They will not cause any disruption."
"Right, sure."
The stallion closed the door just as a pegasus mare wearing an apron walked out of what was presumably the kitchen. At the sight of Celestia, she gasped and sunk into a low bow. Celestia gritted her teeth a little, but kept her smile.
"There is no need for that, my little pony," Celestia said, walking up to the mare. "I merely need to speak to you and your husband about some important matters."
The mare sprang up quickly enough that she needed to use her wings for balance. "Yes, of course, Princess Celestia! We are honored to have you in our home!" The mare rushed into the kitchen, returning after a few seconds with a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
"I gade dees cookus a foo mins 'go." The mare flew over to a nearby coffee table and placed the plate on it. "Sorry, sorry! I meant, I made these cookies a few minutes ago."
"I am sure they are delightful," Celestia replied. "Now, to business. I have been told that your names are Chipper Day and Happy Song, is that correct?"
"Sure is, Princess Celestia," Chipper said, motioning to his wife. "She's always got a song in her heart, and I always see the bright side of things."
"Yes." Celestia sat down on the couch, which was big and comfy enough for a pony like her. "Now, I have come here to discuss some matters pertaining to your daughter."
The eyes of both ponies instantly lit up. "Ooh, we are so proud of Cozy!" Happy Song said. She flew over to a nearby hearth holding half a dozen pictures of the filly in question. "She's doing so well at Princess Twilight's School of Friendship!"
"She's a straight A student!" Chipper said, puffing out his chest in pride. "At first we weren't quite sure of the school, but seeing how she thrived, we couldn't be happier or more proud."
Celestia's ear twitched.
"She's always been a wonderful filly," Happy said, taking a picture of Cozy as a newborn filly of the hearth. "She's just a pure joy to everypony that she meets, which is probably why she's doing so well in Princess Twilight's school."
"But enough of us just being proud parents," Chipper said, waving his hoof at Celestia. "What did you want to talk to us about?"
Celestia just sat there for a few moments, choosing the best words. She had expected difficulty in this task, but the way Cozy's parents spoke of their daughter made the job a million times harder. The smiles of the parents slowly fell with each passing second, but after a few moments, Celestia took a deep breath and straightened up.
"Well, I suppose that there is no easy way to say this, my little ponies. Your daughter... she attempted to use the magic in the school to drain all magic and use the magic of friendship to be the empress of all of Equestria. From what I understand, she said, and I quote, 'you know, you ponies got it all wrong. Friendship isn't magic. Friendship is power! With Twilight and her lackeys out of my way, all of Equestria will bow to me! The future Empress of Friendship!' So, I am sorry, my subjects, but your daughter has... some personality issues, shall we say."
Neither Chipper nor Happy moved an inch, save for Happy's right eye twitching. They merely stared at Celestia with wide eyes and their jaws nearly on the floor. Celestia shifted uncomfortably in her seat before giving them a strained smile. "Yes, well, I felt that you needed to know that. For obvious reasons." Celestia lit her horn and picked up a cookie in her magic. "Yes. You did need to know."
"Uh..." Happy glanced at her husband and cleared her throat. "Are you... uh, are you sure that you have the right filly? Or that it's a filly at all? Perhaps it is something pretending to be my daughter!" Happy gasped and flared out her wings. "Oh my goodness, she could be in a lot of trouble!"
"She certainly is," Celestia agreed. "However, I scanned her for any mind control, identity theft, and other such spells and found nothing. It was your daughter who did all of those terrible things."
"Oh," Chipper muttered. "Well, I suppose we need to have a little talk with her, then. Yes, we do indeed. Where is she?"
Celestia bit her lip and took several deep breaths to center herself. "Well, ah, given the nature of her crimes, I have sent her to..." Celestia cleared her throat. "To... Tartarus."
"Oh no!" Happy wailed, rushing over to the hearth and snatching the picture of Cozy as a newborn off again so she could hold it close. "No, that cannot be true!"
"This is... this is awful!" Chipper agreed. "How long will she be there?"
"Well, once again, given the nature of her crimes, and how I tend to handle things, I was thinking something along the lines of... forever."
"Noooooo!" Happy sobbed.
"That can't be true!" Chipper said. "This is probably an overreaction! Surely she can explain her side of things."
"I thought that 'all of Equestria will bow to me! The future Empress of Friendship' summed up her side of things pretty well," Celestia muttered before taking a bite out of the cookie. She nodded in approval. "Mmm. Good cookie."
"Forget the cookies! No cookies will ever taste good again!" Happy began sobbing and nuzzling the picture. "Oh my lovely, wonderful Cozy Glow!"
"Faust in a handbasket," Celestia growled to herself. "Well, it is probably best that I get going. If you need to talk to somepony, you need only ask. I have much to attend to, in--"
"No!" Happy wailed, throwing herself at Celestia's hooves and grabbing onto one of her legs. "Let me see my filly! I need to hear my baby's side of things! Can we see her?"
"Are you certain?" Celestia asked as she tried to wiggle her leg out of Happy's iron grip. "She's incarcerated in Tartarus."
"Yes, but maybe there's something she can tell us," Chipper said. "Please, Princess Celestia. Please let us see our daughter!"
"Well, I..." Celestia sighed and nodded. "Very well. I must warn you that we cannot stay in Tartarus for long. It is not safe, and--"
"You sent my baby there!" Happy sobbed.
"Yes, but again, that was because of the whole 'Empress all of Equestria will bow to me' issues that I had. In any case... if you're sure."
Celestia lit her horn and sent a ball of energy into an empty section of the main room. It slowly began expanding until it became the size of a portal. Celestia began walking toward it, beckoning the other two to follow her with her wing. They both ran toward the portal at full speed, nearly bowling Celestia over in their attempts to see their daughter. She sighed and muttered a few things to herself before following them into the portal.
As she exited it, Celestia was hit with the smell of despair and evil that filled Tartarus. However, like anything, one could get used to it if they stayed long enough. In any case, she had placed the portal just outside of Cozy's cage, so--
"Mumsie! Papa!"
Good aim.
Chipper and Happy ran up to Cozy's cage. Cozy stuck her hoof between the bars, and Happy grabbed onto it and began crying harder.
"My baby! My wonderful, happy, kind baby!" Happy wailed.
"Oh brother," Tirek grumbled from the cage next to Cozy's. "I should have expected that you'd torture me like this, Celestia."
"This has nothing to do with you," Celestia growled, glaring at Tirek.
"I'm certain," Tirek said with a roll of his eyes. "You know, she is the most interesting next cage neighbor. I might have gone mad if not for some of our more interesting conversations."
"Princess Celestia said that you attempted to use the magic of friendship to take over all of Equestria!" Chipper cried.
Cozy gasped and put her hooves up to her mouth. "Golly gee wilikers! No, no, no, that's not true at all! I want to use the magic of friendship to make awesome friends!"
"You see, Celestia?" Happy growled, wheeling around to glare at her. "Cozy is innocent! She is being framed and I will not stand for it."
"Right, because a filly that insane wouldn't just tell you what you want to hear," Tirek said with a smug grin. He stuck his hand out from his cage for a handshake. "My name is Tirek. You probably remember me from a few years back. Your daughter and I have been pen pals for quite some time."
"Yes, and I'm going to have to figure out why that is and how it happened," Celestia said.
Tirek shrugged and pointed at Cozy. "A bit moot at this point, isn't it?"
"For future reference," Celestia replied. "In any case, as much as I don't like it, I am afraid that Tirek is correct."
"But she's the nicest, kindest, most innocent filly in Equestria!" Happy insisted.
"No, she's not," Celestia and Tirek said at the same time.
"You want to know some of the things that she's sent me?" Tirek asked, grabbing a stack of letters from the back of his cage.
"Absolutely," Celestia said with a glare.
"My, my, you're a little touchy, Celestia," Tirek said with a chuckle.
"You've been writing a nine year old filly without her parents knowledge and telling her all kind of bad things she should do and you're the one saying that Celestia's unreasonable?" Chipper snapped.
Tirek paused in the middle of flipping through his letters. "Erm... you don't need to put it like that. Uh, in any case here's a good one." Tirek pulled a letter from the stack and cleared his throat. "'Dear Mister Tirek. Golly, it's great to hear from you again. I'm so, so, so excited because I think that I'm gonna take over Equestria this afternoon! I'm gonna make everypony bow to me and put the princesses in stone and stuff!'"
Celestia quietly sighed.
"'When I do you and I can rule Equestria and take all of the magic for ourselves! Sincerely, your friend, Cozy Glow." Tirek flipped the paper around so that the others could see it. "And that's her loopy, flowery signature with all of those heart stickers, right?"
"That's a horrible impression of my voice," Cozy pouted.
Tirek glared at her and tossed the letter back on the pile. "Well excuse me, but my voice doesn't go that high."
"That... does look like her signature," Chipper said uneasily as he walked up to Tirek's cage. "But, uh... how did you become pen pals?"
Tirek gave him a nasty grin. "Trade secret."
"As is the question of how exactly you got materials to write her with?" Celestia said.
"No, that part's easy. She sent me a box with a bunch of papers and..." Tirek grimaced. "Colored pencils and girly stickers with her first letter."
"Ah." Celestia lit her horn and took all of the letters out of Tirek's cage. "I see."
"And I don't see why you won't give the stickers back since you're not gonna use them," Cozy growled. "This cage doesn't have any color!"
"So..." Happy reached through the bars and put her hoof on Cozy's back. "What Princess Celestia has said... about what you did... it's..."
"I was gonna make you guys rich and happy in the castle too, honest!" Cozy said with wide, puppy dog-like eyes. "It would have been really cool and we would be really powerful and stuff!"
"Oh Cozy, we wouldn't have wanted that!" Happy insisted. "We just wanted to have a loving daughter and a good home!"
"But gosh, I would still have loved you guys a lot and we could have had a really good home in the palace with servants and stuff!" Cozy grabbed her mother's hoof and nuzzled it. "That would have made us all happy."
"No, I don't think so," Chipper muttered. "We would have had to see you as a tyrant and dictator!"
"How did you become this?" Happy groaned.
"Oh, she's always been like this," Tirek said, pointing at the letters. "You should read some of those. Or don't if you don't want to have nightmares."
"What in Equestria did she..." Celestia grabbed a random letter and read a few sentences. "Wow. I admit that I didn't expect something like this."
"Hey, how do you think I felt?" Tirek pointed out.
"Like you had an opportunity to escape and regain power?" Celestia responded.
Tirek shrugged. "Take what you can get."
"In any case..." Celestia teleported the letters to her room back in Canterlot. "I am afraid that we must go." Celestia walked over to Cozy's parents and began herding them back through the portal.
"Will we ever see her again?" Happy whimpered.
Celestia glanced back at Cozy, who gave her a nasty grin and slid a hoof across her throat. Celestia held back a shudder as she pushed Cozy's parents back though the portal.
"I very much hope not. Although..." She walked back over to Tirek's cage and lifted it in her magic. "You are too dangerous together. I'm putting you next to the bugbear enclosure."
"Oh come on!" Tirek and Cozy said at the same time.
* * * *
Celestia shut the door to the house behind her and began walking down the cobblestone path back to her chariot, a plastic bag with the remainder of the cookies floating beside her. She needed a long nap, but Twilight probably wanted her in Ponyville to help with everything. She glanced back when she saw her guards following behind her.
"Well, Princess Celestia, how was it?" one of them asked.
Celestia sat down in her chariot and shrugged as she took a cookie out of the bag.
"Honestly? Not quite as bad as I was expecting."
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You misspelled the title. It should be "sentenced", not "sentences".
9360402
Wow how did I miss that? Blush. Fixed.
Hah! I love it.
Cozy Glow sure fooled everyone. And, I thought the likes of Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, and King Sombra were nasty. By the way, Brony Writer. I posted stories you might like to read. One of which is titled “Megan and the Reformed”. You could find it interesting.
Another well made parent story of Cozy Glow!
"Hi, you know your sweet and innocent daughter Cozy Glow...um, she's actually a psychopath who tried to take over the world by committing a grand act of terrorism and is also in league with one of Equestria's worst criminals of all time, and...I just put her in the most secure and horrifying prison we have. Oh, by the way, thanks for the cookie!"
Nice story overall. I love Tirek's cheerful indifference and Celestia's "I am 110% done with this shit" attitude, they play off one another so well. Though, I'm still curious as to how Tirek and Cozy managed to exchange letters like that.
I hope cozy does return in the series.
9360545
"Uh, excuse us, your highness... we don't mean to question your judgement, but, um, we noticed that our daughter didn't have any food or water in her cage."
"Oh. Oopsie."
There. The ending Cozy Glow deserves.
I find it kinda hilarious that everybody's getting bullied by a 9 year old.
When a little child is charged with high treason.
Why yes, I did need an answer to those "Poor sweet misunderstood filly locked in a cage in Tartarus" stories which seem to be spreading like a disease. How did you know?
9360703
This author knows all, sees all, smells all OwO
It really do be like that sometimes.
Found this for you. Yay spell check!
Celestia grabbed a random letter and red a few [ read ]
I have seen parents with almost the same reaction when their little Sam or Suzie was caught red handed cheating on a test.
I felt cozy just had a personality disorder and needed mental help as opposed to deathless hell
"However, I scanned her for any mind control, identity theft, and other such spells and found nothing. It was your daughter who did all of those terrible things."
So did Celestia had this scanning ability before or after the Canterlot Wedding? Also, did she also had this ability before or after Chrysalis' attempt of ruling Equestria from the Season 6 finale?
Jeezus; just like Tom Riddle, this one is. Secretly evil but appearing to be a model student; tormenting a school; attempting to rule over a country; left in what is effectively Purgatory after being defeated; using a dark creature as an ally/weapon...
The main difference is that Cozy never actually killed anyone, and was defeated while still a child. Oh, and a lack of an orphanage and stealing others' prized possessions out of vanity.
9360812
You'd only use a spell like that if you suspected that someone wasn't themselves in the first place. Celestia was never suspicious of Cadance. Which, I mean, she should've been, but let's face it, the world of MLP is not exactly brimming with sharp minds.
Well golly that was a fun old funny fic that was
Now I’m curious about what was in that letter Celestia read.
"What in Equestria did she..." Celestia grabbed a random letter and red a few sentences. "Wow. I admit that I didn't expect something like this." - Red should be read. But, other than that, I couldn't see any more mistakes. Great story as always.
I was almost expecting the parents to be relived she's gone.
Worst kind of parents. "Our precious little baby would NEVER do something like that! She's a little angel!"
Ugh, get over yourselves parents.
"Faust in a hoofbasket" might work, too.
9361275
Right? My middle school experience would be a lot different without wastes of space like those people.
*Is Reading*
*Has to recheck tags*
Are you sure this should have just the comedy tag and not the dark tag? Because this is some pretty dark comedy...
Did she take their f
ing cookies?!
Well, that was an interesting read, and I certainly laughed, but I'm still not sure about the tags...
Also, you forgot the Cozy Glow tag.
For a moment I was expecting Prince Antares to pop-up somewhere in the story...
I think we've all know that kind of person... Bronywriter! You are soon the child! Don't be that guy!
In short, your the type of bloke who would look at Luna and tell her "Well... at least you had a nice view."
And you know, there are worse places she could end up...
....
Cozy: Where... OH CELESTIA, ITS COLD!
Celestia: Why do ponies do that... anyway, yes, this is the realm of Jorgumandr, who guards the gates of Hel.
Cozy: Whats an orgy mancer?
Celestia: ... Cloud Kicker.
Oh, so her sister tries to take over Equestria and she eventually gets released. A random mare turned Equestria into a lifeless wasteland and she became the new Twilight. A child does it after being influenced by Tirek, and she goes away forever.
I don't get the hate Cozy Glow gets. She hasn't done the worst shit in this show, and she doesn't even have the worst reasons for doing it.
The creators really dropped the ball when they didn't explain anything about her punishment other than just sending her to pony hell.
9361750
I don't hate her at all. She's a fun character. I just thought this would be a funny "what if". I hope we see more of her.
9361750
The main argument I see is she "never showed any signs of regretting her actions".
Apparantely a simple apology and a frowny face is the difference between being Twilight's friend and rotting in Tartarus XD
Anyway, Cozy should've gotten out on a loophole that everything she was doing was in the name of 'friendship'. I mean, that's part of what got Starlight out. An interesting point to note is that Starlight didn't even show regret for her actions until AFTER being forgiven. Even after being shown the wasteland she was turning Equestria into she STILL acted as though her actions were justified.
Hey Celestia, remember when you literally let Discord go, all powers in-tact, after he dethroned you and turned Equestria into his playhouse TWICE?
Double-standards man.
A foal goes to Tartarus while Starlight gets another chance. Am I missing something? What happened to the show's messages of forgiveness?
9362001
A child isn't even developed enough mentally to truly comprehend their actions at that age. This show is... weird in how its punishment system works.
9362066
Yep. it's always rehabilitative justice in the show unless the plot demanded punitive justice, and even then tartarus was explicitly for those who COULD NOT be rehabilitated. They basically just said "yeah, she's a villain that can't be reasoned with, ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON!" Because I guess that's what was needed for the Aesop of a kid's show? That there are some people who are born rotten, live rotten and die rotten? Seems pretty dark tbh.
9362001
9362063
9362099
I dunno. I didn't make up what the show did, I just used it.
9361401
You know, that's a good point. It makes sense for Celestia to be charitable toward Cadance, since she practically raised her.
9362121
I mean, you're not at any fault in the first place. You're just using the canon result and are expanding on it.
9362001
9362063
-Willfully collaborates with one of Equestria's worst monsters.
-Traps its heroes in Tartarus with supposedly no way out.
-Tries to send another one into another unknown dimension against her will
-Almost removes all magic from Equestria
-Gets stopped and caught and shows absolutely no remose
Oh but she's "just a child" and "double standards".
Really?
9361750
Cozy contacted Tirek. Not Tirek influenced her.
9362066
It's evil. If someone can't comprehend why sending a child to the equivalent of Hell is evil, I can't help them.
9361750
Not this shit again. I don't hate the character, but I do hate all the damn comparisons to other ponies to justify her, and how badly she gets defended in general. It's been explained over and over since Knightly posted the episode discussion.
9362298
Exactly. Sure, Starlight did a lot of damage... unintentionally. The only ponies she was trying to directly wrong was the Mane Six, and that was only to ruin their friendship. Nothing purposefully illegal, except maybe theft of the spell. (And I suppose assault on Rainbow, and later Twilight. Still fairly minor comparatively.)
And remember, Tirek didn't get a chance at reformation.
Discord is the only outlier here, though it could be argued that there wasn't actually any death or destruction. And they probably realized just how fragile his stone prison could be, so they made an effort to reform him solely for the convenience, and then Fluttershy made real friends anyway.
Nightmare Moon had the benefit of being Celestia's sister, as well as the Elements just doing all the work for them. (I want to see a story where the Elements are actually just stone after Celestia used them, and they have to do all the reformation and fighting on their own merit.)
Anyway, my point is that the punishment fits the cause, no matter the perpetrator's size or looks. Equestria is remarkably progressive, considering other policies that don't make sense.
9362012
Remember when he nearly sent children to their deaths, knowing that a cloudwalking spell would fail, and possibly caused deaths of other random ponies who may or not have been as lucky as the students? Fun times those were.
9362324
One of the most infuriating points is how badly they try to equate Tartaurus to "Hell" when it's so damn far from being remotely the same in function or torture level. At maximum, it's a maximum security prison (see what I did there
of course you did why am I asking?), and even then it really isn't since they get mail, and prisoners can see each other. You can't even argue that Cozy's cage is too small, since there is clearly enough room to fly around a bit.9362336
Remember when Discord mind-raped the Mane Six, nearly threw a Pony to another dimension while throwing a fit, sent Twilight and Cadence on a dangerous wild goose chase and acts like an @SShole during his every appearance?
(God I hate Discord).
9362345
Yep. It's extremely hard to get out of, and the people locked down there are intimidating, but it's honestly not that bad.
Like when the Princesses were sent down with no magic back when Tirek invaded. And they mostly just looked bored. Inconvenienced.
The only scary part about Tartarus is the length of time you'd be locked down there.
9362298
Not seeing the fire, brimstone, torture and eternal suffering.