Fairlight - To the Edge of Midnight

by Bluespectre

Chapter Three - The Labyrinth of the Mind

CHAPTER THREE

THE LABYRINTH OF THE MIND

In my youth it was my dream to find evidence of the truth behind the war between the princesses and the enigmatic figure known as ‘Nightmare Moon’. It is only through years of study and uprooting dusty old books and diaries of this dark time in Equestrian history that I have finally been able to identify twelve distinct battlefield sites across the nation. Sadly, over time some have been built over whereas others, such as the site known as ‘River Valley’, are protected by royal edict from ever being disturbed. Oh, how I wish I could ply my trade there, even just once! But today is special. Today I have found something so wondrous, so incredibly unique in the area of field archaeology, that I can barely contain my excitement at this remarkable discovery!

It was once a small riverside town, relatively small by today’s standards of course, but one that made its mark in the world by selling top quality hops, apples, and apricots. All three of which continue to be the main produce of the town to this very day. I confess I have sampled several of the local spirits which themselves are derived from the local fruit, and can heartily recommend them! But I digress. Being on the river gave the town enviable access to a wider market, and would have made this a tempting strategic location for any military operations. This fact alone should have meant that the town would play a much larger role in the war than it actually did. I now believe that this location has been overlooked by previous archaeologists and historians due to it being so far removed from the line of march that the war, for the most part, passed it by. I am of course talking about the town of Blue Water. And is it there that I found myself most perplexed when looking back through the histories and census of this quiet, sleepy region. After much investigation I discovered that Blue Water was in fact renamed after the war. This in itself is not unique of course. Indeed, many towns and villages were renamed after the war or simply wiped away from the history books as their inhabitants abandoned them to move to larger communities. But it is the circumstances behind this change that fascinates me the most. Blue Water was once named Belle’s Orchard, after the founder of the town, Belle Apple. Blue Water, from what I have been able to deduce thus far, was the site of a terrible fire that started when a nearby military storage facility took fire. Indeed, if one takes an aerial view of the town, the crater left by an explosion is still faintly visible, albeit now little more than a roughly circular dimple in the surrounding landscape. More noticeable however is the distinct change in the buildings as one travels outward from the town square, heading towards the site of the crater. Older buildings remain mostly gathered in the centre, with newer constructions spreading outwards in a direct line to what was the cause of not inconsiderable destruction. Official town records are sparse, apparently starting for the most part after the fire. When I enquired with the town clerk about this she simply stated that the earlier records had been destroyed in the fire. I find this to be a little hard to believe. Why? Because there is something else in this town, something hidden. I can’t quite put my hoof on it, but I have the feeling that there is much more to this curious place than I have been able to uncover so far, and also, that I am being told. The ponies here know something, of that I am certain. It may be old folk lore, it may even be superstition, but I will find out what the secret of this place is and record it for posterity. Ponies need to know of their past, and it is the job of the archaeologist to uncover not only old bones and remnants of what has gone before, but also to chronicle the truth for future generations. And so, tomorrow I will be paying a visit to the town library to see if there is anything there which can add more to my understanding of this place. Afterwards I may treat myself to an ice cream. I hear the apricot is particularly delicious at Ginger Spice’s parlour at Tempest’s Landing. In fact, I may just go there first. Always did have a sweet tooth!

Extract from the personal diaries of Sweet Pepper, graduate of The Royal School of Higher Eduction, Canterlot.

********************

I have to admit, I felt amazing. Whether it was as a result of drinking, smoking, and being with other stallions or something else entirely, I couldn’t say. The good doctor’s assessment of my situation was something I would have to take at face value. After all, he’d done a damn sight more for me than all those other quacks combined, and without all the attendant poking and prodding too no less. Bourbon had done wonders for me. I felt light, energetic, and most of all – enthusiastic. My will was back, my desire to do things, no matter how trivial, was coursing through my veins lending me a strength I hadn’t felt in longer than I cared to remember. With the stars and moon above, the cooler air tingling my fur, I began to trot, then to canter. By the goddess, I wanted to run… to run until dawn broke and I could soar into the air on wings that could-

“Hey, slow down will you!”

I looked up at the piebald pegasus as he kept pace with me.

“Bloody hell, for an earth pone you can’t half shift!”

I slowed my pace and raised an eyebrow at my friend. “You’re just out of shape that’s all,” I quipped. “Probably guzzling all Bourbon’s booze, I reckon.”

“Bugger off!” Booster huffed. “You cheeky sod, how do you….” He shrugged, hanging his head. “Aww, you’re probably right.” The pegasi’s wings propelled him along with apparent ease despite his complaints. “Hey, you feeling okay though? I mean, my chariot’s back there and it would only take me a minute to get it if you- Hey! Are you listening?”

“Of course!” I tossed my mane, lifting my legs proudly. “But right now, I think I’ll get myself home and stretch my legs.” I gave Booster a grin. “And thanks, Booster. Really. If it hadn’t been for you I’d be well on my way to becoming a proper basket case.”

“Ha! Bit late for that I reckon!” He spiralled up through the air, combining it with a loop that had me so fascinated with how effortless he made it look I nearly ran headlong into a tree.

“Better look where you’re going, mate,” Booster called. The piebald pegasus landed gracefully beside me, accompanied with a frigid blast of air from his wings. “I don’t want to have to tell your missus how you bumped your noggin.”

I laughed, rubbing my forehead comically. “I’ll survive. The old girl’s given me a few thumps with the rolling pin when she’s caught me with my hooves in her cake mix before now.”

“Lucky bugger,” Booster sighed. “Maybe one day...”

I paused. “I thought you and Ivy, Autumn rather, were… you know.”

“An item?” Booster shrugged, flexing his wings. “Who knows. She’s one messed up kid, that one.”

“You don’t think she’s just a bit shy perhaps?” I asked questioningly. “I mean, she’s the only girl in our class other than Miss Lentil. Maybe she’s just feeling a bit self conscious being surrounded by stallions.”

“Hmm. Maybe. I don’t know.” Booster lifted his head and stared off into the distance. “She’s been through a lot alright. A lot more than she’s willing to tell me, that’s for sure.”

“Well if anypony can break her out of her shell, I know just the guy,” I replied.

“Oh?” Booster looked back at me with a quizzical expression on his face. “Who?”

“Who do you think?” I rolled my eyes. “You! You daft sod.”

“Oh… Ah! Well...” My pegasus friend flushed bright red. “Yeah. I’ll try.”

I sighed loudly. “Well you better. You two look well suited to each other. It’d be a shame if you didn’t make the effort.”

“You think she actually likes me?” Booster asked. “I mean, I’m not much to look at, buddy. Black and white pones get called-”

“Cart horse. Yeah, I know,” I finished for him. “The same goes for grey ponies too.” Memories of the teasing at school flooded back, threatening to sour my mood, but poor old Booster looked like he was teetering on the edge of falling into the kind of mood I was already famous for in my own household. “It may surprise you to know that the foals at school called me that too. ‘Dull as ditchwater’ was another popular term.” I had his attention now. “But Meadow likes me, and that, my friend, is all that matters.”

Booster looked back at his wings and gave them an idle flap. “Yeah, but you’re a celebrity of sorts here, and that counts for a hell of a lot with the girls. I’m just some ex-prison guard who...” He tailed off, his voice sounding unusually strained.

I placed a hoof on his shoulder, looking him square in the eyes. “Booster, I wasn’t always this ‘celebrity’ you know. Once I was just a regular Joe who had a job as a watchstallion. That was when I met Meadow. What happened afterwards was… was something I wouldn’t have wished on anypony.” I closed my eyes and sighed. “Booster, seriously, you don’t want to know what happened to me.”

“Yeah...”

“And Booster?” I asked.

He stared ahead, lost in his own world. “Hmm?”

“I’m sorry for what happened.”

“What happened?” Booster echoed distantly.

“I know you were piloting that prison transport.” I watched his muscles tense and his ears swivel to take in every word. Even if he wasn’t looking at me physically, his entire body was announcing his attention loud and clear. “And I know that you know that it was me in the back that day.”

“The cosplayer.” The voice was a whisper, barely louder than his breathing.

“You know that’s not true,” I said quietly. Booster knew who I was as surely as every other pony in town did too no doubt. If I was going to be friends with this stallion I didn’t want secrets, and I sure as hell didn’t want any lies either. If there was one thing I was bad at in life it was lying, and truth, no matter how deeply buried, had a habit of finding its way to the light as surely as weeds in even the best kept garden.

“Do I?” The black and white pegasus shook out his wings as he plopped onto his haunches. “You’re timing’s bollocks, do you know that?” He grimaced, drawing his brows down over his large eyes. “We could have talked about this over a pint at least.”

“We were at Bourbon’s,” I replied. “I didn’t want to talk about it there.”

“Ha! He knows damned well who you are. Everypony knows who you are.” Booster’s ears twitched. “I’m surprised you’re not accompanied by a fanfare every time you enter a room!”

“Good goddesses, Booster, do you really believe that? Do you know how ponies reacted when I first arrived here?” The pegasus hung his head as I continued, “They quarantined me. They actually locked me away in a bloody magical bubble that kept me a virtual prisoner, unable to move more than a few hundred yards from my own home, treating me like some kind of diseased animal!” Memories surged back into my mind, fuelling my now ignited temper. “Oh, they let me out eventually of course. They let me out to face the screams of terror from the local townsfolk who thought I was going to murder every single one of them and eat their souls or some such tripe. Celestia’s arse, Booster, do you have any idea how many times I’ve been called a ‘demon’ or a ‘monster’? Bugger me, all I want is a quiet life, or death, or whatever the bloody hell this is.” I lifted my muzzle to the sky and breathed in the cool air, letting it sooth my anger. “I just… I just wanted to say I was sorry. I didn’t know we were going to be attacked, and I couldn’t do anything about it even if I had known. The first thing I knew about it was when we were plummeting to the ground like a bloody comet, and then I was underwater facing drowning below and burning to death above. Some celebrity I am!”

The sad eyes of Booster watched me curiously from a few feet away. I couldn’t blame him if he hated me as the cause of his death, no matter how indirect, but I didn’t get the impression he thought that way somehow. No… he simply let out a deep sigh and nodded slowly. “I’ve known from the first day I met you on the course,” he said with a thin smile. “I didn’t know what to think at first, but…” He shrugged. “You seem an okay kind of guy, Fairlight. For a wendigo.” A cheeky wink followed. “Besides, I wouldn’t have helped you if I harboured any kind of grudge, dude.”

“Well if you’re happy to be friends with a wendigo, then you’re an okay kind of guy in my book too. For a pegasus.” I gave him a playful shove. “Hey, why not come round to mine for dinner one evening and meet the family?”

“Ah… I’m not so sure about that.”

“Why?” I asked, a little perplexed by his reply. Was there something I’d missed?

“Well, your missus, she...” Booster seemed to be struggling for the right words. “I don’t think she likes me.”

“Meadow?” I blinked in surprise. “Don’t be daft, she’s harmless! She was probably just being a bit protective, that’s all.” I stretched out my hind legs. They were still warm from the run and I could feel the energy in them aching for release. “Look, come round on Friday and we’ll have a good chin wag, okay? It’ll be good to speak to another stallion for a change.”

“Too many mares, eh?” Booster grinned.

I groaned loudly. “I’m surrounded by them! If it’s not Meadow’s friends, it’s that nutcase from the bureau or the bloody in-laws.”

“You don’t get on with them?”

I chuckled. “It’s complicated.”

“Which is a polite way of saying they’re a pain in the arse, right?” Booster grinned at me comically.

“Got it in one, my friend.” I gave myself a hard shake. “Anyway, I hate to go but if I don’t I’ll be hung drawn and quartered for being late.”

Booster looked up at the star studded sky and shook his head. “I think you may be too late already, dude.” He smiled. “I can still give you a ride if you want, you know.”

“Nah, I need to give myself a good run out.” I nodded towards the fields in the distance. “It’s not far now.”

“Okay, it’s your funeral.” The black and white pegasus neighed and lifted off the ground with practised ease. “And even if she doesn’t kill you…”

“…you’d be surprised what you can live through,” I finished, quoting the old line. “Come on you, get yourself off home and I’ll see you Friday. You know where I live?”

“’Course!” Booster shot into the air, spiralling up and almost out of sight before sweeping down low over my head. “See you Friday!”

I watched him bank away, effortlessly speeding off up into the night sky before finally disappearing in a matter of seconds. By then however I was already at a full gallop, hurtling through the night in what I would have normally considered a reckless act, but seriously, since I was dead it wasn’t like I could actually kill myself was it? I hoped! But by the gods this felt so good: running, simply... running. The wind blasted through my mane, my hooves thundering through the ground, my tail streaming out behind me. It was the nearest I’d come to flying in such a long time. Oh, Luna, how I longed to leap from the ground and spread my wings, to soar up above the clouds and to glide, feeling the currents of the world beneath me, cradling this child of two worlds. In my mind’s eye I could see my cottage far below, the yellow lights spilling out of the small windows onto the neatly kept garden and hedgerows. Meadow would be there in the open doorway in her apron, our tiny daughter nestled on her back as she leaned against the door frame. She’d smile, welcoming me home with a sugar sweet kiss and a nuzzle that said far more than words ever could. Oh sweet goddess, how I loved her. I pulled up outside the gate in a lather, unlatched the gate, and knocked on the door. There was a commotion inside and the sound of hooves before the bolt was pulled back to reveal…

“Merry?” I stared into the eyes of Meadow’s mother. “Is everything alright?”

“Aye, best it can be, oi ‘spose.” Meringue’s yellow eyes caught the lamplight as she looked me up and down. “Ow you bein tho’ moi love? Meadow’s bin roit worried ‘bout yer.”

“I’m better thanks,” I replied honestly. “One of the lads from the alignment class took me to one of the local doctors and he’s worked wonders on me.” I shut the door behind me and followed her into the kitchen where a pot of tea sat beneath its cosy next to a plate of biscuits. The seats in here were hard and not meant for long periods of use, but I was so exhausted from my run I could have fallen asleep right there and then.

Meadow’s voice called from along the hallway. “Mum? Is that Fairlight?” She didn’t wait for a reply as a green muzzle appeared around the door accompanied with a loud sniffle. “Oh goddesses! Fairlight, where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick! Sparrow’s been crying for hours and…” She sniffed the air. “Have you been smoking?” I held my breath as she moved closer. “You have! And… and drinking too!”

I held up a hoof placatingly. “Love, the doctor felt it would help me relax after he-”

“The doctor let you smoke?! You reek of drink too!” I noticed Meringue slip like a shadow from the room. There would be no help from her as the full force of her daughter’s anger was brought to bear. “We rushed home thinking we’d find you here, but no, you were off smoking and drinking with your buddy from the meeting! Dear Celestia, I was worried sick! We all were! Sparrow’s been near hysterical thinking we’d lost you in town and I had to give her some medicine to calm her down enough so she could sleep.”

“Is she alright?” I tried pathetically.

Meadow’s eyes blazed. “OF COURSE SHE’S NOT, YOU IDIOT!” The green mare’s head dropped, her ears drooping helplessly. “I don’t know what you were thinking, Fairlight. Was this some sort of trick to get out of staying at the theatre? I know you know didn’t really want to go, and I wouldn’t put it past you to invent this whole ‘scenario’ so you could sneak off and get tanked up and smoke yourself into oblivion!”

I covered my head with my hooves, hoping for the storm to pass. “For the goddess’s sake, Meadow-”

“YES!” she roared, “‘For the goddesses sake’, Fairlight! What the hell were you thinking? Oh, oh of course, you weren’t thinking were you? YOU NEVER DO!”

That was it, I’d had more than enough. “AND YOU NEVER LISTEN!” I bellowed. My hooves slammed on the table top making her jump back. “I have done everything you told me to do. I went to the therapy sessions, I went to that useless idiot doctor you took me to, and nothing worked Meadow, NOTHING!” I leaned forward, locking eyes with her. “And today after crapping myself half to death a friend takes me to see a real doctor who does more for me in a couple of hours than anypony has since I died, and here you are berating me for doing what you bloody well wanted me to do!”

“I didn’t say to smoke and drink!” Meadow retorted. “What sort of irresponsible ‘doctor’ prescribes that for patients?!”

“One who knows what he’s doing, apparently.” I sat back in my chair and sipped my tea. It had been left far too long in the pot and was so strong you could have used it to strip paint.

“Oh?” Meadow said in an all too derisive tone. “And just who is this ‘miracle worker’ then? The local tavern keeper?”

“Doctor Bourbon Crisp,” I said levelly. “If you don’t believe me, we can have a trot out tomorrow and you can speak to him your-”

“Bourbon Crisp?” Meadow’s brows drew down. “I know that name. Wasn’t… wasn’t he the one that...” Suddenly Meadow threw her forelegs up in the air and turned a full three-sixty to face me. “He’s that one who ponies say has been using ‘unorthodox methods’ and was banned from practising by the royal commission!”

“What a load of rubbish,” I snorted. “What about that tosspot ‘Doctor’ Cording then, eh? I’ve have more poking and prodding from that imbecile than a sodding tapestry set and he still hasn’t got a bloody clue what’s wrong with me. At least Bourbon knew what he was talking about. And here’s the best part: he actually did something that worked! Good goddess, Meadow, he’s far more of a doctor than any of the buffoons I’ve had to endure so far.”

“Have you read his book?” Meadow gritted her teeth and began pacing the kitchen. “It was full of the most fanciful gibberish I’ve ever read in my entire life.”

“He’s from the empire,” I said quietly.

“Ho! And look what happened to that!”

I rolled my eyes. “Meadow, please, you’re being totally unreasonable.”

“I am, am I?” The green mare’s mane bristled. “I suppose it’s unreasonable for a wife to be worried about her husband. It’s unreasonable for a wife to have to care for an inconsolable foal who thinks her daddy’s not coming home. And I suppose it’s unreasonable for a wife to expect her husband to come back from the doctor’s NOT STINKING OF ALCOHOL AND BLOODY TOBACCO!”

I sat back, quietly watching her heaving chest, and simply waited.

“Well?” she hissed. “Anything to say for yourself?”

“Would it make any difference if I did?” I said calmly. “I’m just waiting for my wife to stop shouting and talk to me calmly and rationally.”

Meadow’s eyes blazed like small fires, her nostrils flaring as her words came from behind bared teeth. “I don’t feel like being calm and rational.”

“Even though your loving husband is home?” I asked.

Meadow blinked, the train of fury within her which had been in full steam a second earlier, mentally jumped the track. “What are you talking about?”

“Doctor Crisp helped me. I mean really helped me.” I held up a hoof forestalling another tirade. “I didn’t know anything about his credentials before I got there. How could I? I wasn’t exactly in any shape to ask at the time if you remember.” I took a breath, half expecting Meadow to leap in. She didn’t. “He helped me ‘align my soul’ or something. I don’t know how he did it, but he was able to… to ‘tap’ the me that has been buried deep down inside since I arrived here. I think… I think for the first time, I feel ‘whole’ again. I feel… alive.”

Meadow seemed a little unsure. “He aligned your soul?” She gave a dismissive snort. “He can’t do that, that’s something only the royal wizards here can do, and he’s just an earth pony isn’t he?”

“He’s an earth pony,” I nodded in agreement. “But magic or not he’s done a lot for me, and better still, I’ve made two new friends.” Meadow’s eyes were wet with tears and she looked ahead blankly as I got up and moved around the table to face her. “Don’t you see? You wanted your husband back, love, and all this time, all these long months of counselling and therapy, and now, by some incredible twist of fate, it’s actually happened.” I took a step back and smiled broadly. “I’m home.”

“Oh...” Meadow closed her eyes. “Oh, Fairlight…” She took a deep breath and suddenly grabbed my muzzle. “I hate you sometimes, you know that?”

“Yeah.” I closed my eyes, slowly opening them to gaze into the deep yellow orbs of my beloved wife. “But what would a loving marriage be if we didn’t spice it up with a little argument now and again?”

“Argument?” She groaned. “I could throttle you!”

I chuckled. “Good, but I could do with a good squeeze right about now.” Meadow’s body visibly relaxed, the tension seeping from her muscles before my very eyes. Carefully, slowly, I moved into her, wrapping my forelegs around her. I kissed her on her nose, her muzzle, and then gave her ear a nip that made her flinch slightly. “I’m sorry love,” I said gently as I pushed my muzzle into her fur. “I never meant to hurt you, or Sparrow.”

“I know...” I could feel tears begin to roll down Meadow’s cheeks. “I was just so worried. I’m sorry I shouted, and-”

“Shhh...” I shifted my forelegs and held her tightly, feeling her heart beat, listening to her breathing. “I love you, and that’s all that matters. Never mind doctors or fighting. We’re stronger than this, love. So much stronger.”

Meadow took a deep breath and hugged me back. “I know. I love you too.” Suddenly she chuckled, “Even if you do honk.”

“Huh?” I sniffed my foreleg and winced. “Oh, Luna...”

“See?” Meadow clucked her tongue, “You’re sweaty, and you smell too. Come on, let’s get you showered off. You’re not getting into bed like that, mister.”

Meadow lead me, and I followed as obediently as a foal follows its mother into the bathroom. Carefully she began to remove my overcoat, button by button, all the while avoiding my gaze as her magic did its work. The soft blue glow from my mare’s horn reflected off the floral tiles in the coolness of the room making my skin tingle. Each unicorn’s magic had a distinct feel to it, and Meadow’s was no exception. It was soft, gentle, and sent a shiver down my spine whenever she used it on, or in this case near, me. Without words I helped shrug out of the coat and used my own magic to float it over to the hook on the back of the door. Next was my shirt. Normally I liked to wear a waistcoat with any formal wear, but with the warmth here in the herd I’d dispensed with it due to the expected heat in the theatre. Now there was little between her and me, other than the thin cotton of the white shirt. It was soaked with my sweat from the run and it didn’t so much lift off so much as was peeled off. Meadow tutted under her breath and took it from me, dropping it neatly into the linen basket. The shower taps squeaked as she turned them, and warm water began to fall in a deliciously inviting downpour from the shower head. I’ll admit, it was one of my better ideas. Despite how much I loved a bath and a damned good warm soak, here in the herd on warm days and cool evenings there wasn’t much that could beat standing beneath a shower as it soothed your soul as much as it did your body. I’d have to sort out those taps though, that squeaking was getting worse.

“Mmm…” A groan escaped my lips as the water, just the right temperature, began to do its work.

“How’s the water?”

I didn’t open my eyes, rather standing and letting the water wash away all my cares. “Perfect...” I murmured. “Like my wife.”

“Cheesy as always.” Meadow gave me a scowl, but by the quiet snort under her breath I could tell my compliment had been right on the money. “Tch! Look at the state of your back. You’re meant to wash in the shower, not just stand there. I’m always telling Sparrow that.”

“Me too,” I replied.

“And she pays about as much attention!” Meadow’s feminine chuckle warmed my heart as much as the water. She shook her head and smiled that soft smile I knew so well. “Right then, let’s have a look at you then.”

Meadow took the soap and began to rub it onto the sponge. In moments a thick pale grey lather of my favourite pumice soap was transported on a cloud of the most perfect magic from said sponge to my back. And the experience was, to put not to fine a point on it, simply... delectable. You could tell Meadow was a nurse, as indeed she had been in the mortal realm before coming to the herd and taking up a position at the local clinic. Of course the local quackery with their nigh-on medieval medical practices that were one step away from applying leeches and bleeding you half to death were, putting it mildly, not exactly top of my ‘must visit’ list. And yes, I did have one. One of the chapters in the charming little guidebook every newly departed received along with a hot cocoa and a rather plain biscuit, was dedicated to discovering ways of avoiding losing your sanity through the long journey into eternity. Other than the somewhat expected suggestions such as taking up gardening, knitting, sewing, or, would you believe, basket weaving, were topics that actually made some sense to those who weren’t looking forward to breaking out in spontaneous cats and horn-rimmed spectacles. In short, the idea was to make a list. Nothing special really, it was basically a list of things to do, the same as I used to have at work or kept around the house as a failsafe to the old Fairlight braincells giving up the ghost. In some strange way it gave me focus, and took my mind off other things like Shadow, Tingles, and my son, Lumin. Naturally Meadow would stop me from mentally wandering off down the road to self pity, if not outright depression, but here in the herd that never quite happened did it? Good goddesses, you were even denied the right to a damned good mope! Feeling a little down or want to try listening to depressing music? Didn’t work! Nope, it was upbeat all the way, and I mean all the way. Now that’s not to say you went around grinning like a lunatic doped out of your skull all the time. No, it was more of an unseen background springboard that mentally propelled you back into a ‘happier’ state of mind – whether you liked it or not. Personally I think I could have done with a bit of good old fashioned misery now and again, and sometimes I’d even managed it to a greater or lesser extent, even if it was only for a short time. Ha! Typical Fairlight, wanting to feel miserable in the land of lush grass, sunny days and blue skies. Perhaps Bourbon was right, perhaps paradise really could become your own personal hell, one where you were denied the right to ‘feel’ how you wanted, when you wanted. Or something like that anyway. I’d never been the most eloquent stallion in school, but I usually got my point across one way or another. Even if it took a hoof to the face to do it.

I groaned as Meadow rubbed the soap into my wet fur, down my neck, shoulders and back, right to the dock of my tail. Like a lot of ponies I was helplessly sensitive there and hated anypony going near it, even accidentally. Celestia’s grace, I’d very nearly bucked one of the probationers at work full in the face when he knocked a box of paper off the shelf and backed into me. Ah, one of the joys of being descended from prey animals I suppose. If you believe in that sort of thing that is. Some believed we descended from ancient mammals, or fish, or some other such lunacy. Personally, like most ponies, I believed we were put here by the parents of ‘big and tall’ in her ivory bloody tower in Canterlot. Now her sister was fun, if a bit nutty as a lot of these highly bred types seem wont to be, but she was doomed to a lifetime living in the shadow of big sis. And by ‘big’, I mean BIG! Celestia towered above most ponies, and it was no wonder that the old girl was… well, to put not too fine a point on it, a virgin. Now don’t get me wrong, stories abounded about kinky goings on in the palace at night and the frisky alicorn chasing guardstallions around for an evening of bedroom antics. But seriously? Dear gods, you’d need a stepladder to get anywhere near the overgroan old bat and-

“Oooh! Goddesses… Meadow!” I gasped, flinching at the touch beneath me, but also anticipating more. I was tired, horribly tired, but the tiny flickers of electricity licking around my nether regions demanded immediate attention. A sponge pushed into my inquisitive muzzle quickly dispelled any hopes of a soapy and rather damp bathroom tryst.

“Oh stop making such a fuss,” Meadow huffed. “You’re worse than Sparrow for squirming around all the time.”

“It’s alright for you to say,” I snorted. “You’re not the one having their privates lathered by a beautiful mare.

“And you can forget any of that either, mister.” Meadow shoved my flank a little harder than necessary. “I’m too tired, and besides you’ve had me in such a state I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”

“I might be able to-” A yellow eye glanced a warning in my direction and the imminent quip that was likely to achieve little more than a painful swat across the nose, made me swallow my words. “Um… okay.”

She gave me a wink. “There’s a good boy.”

Damn it! Why did she get me going like that and then deflate me just as quickly? Fetlocks and feathers, she knew damned well what she was doing. And how to play me like a fiddle too. I took a deep breath, more than a little disappointed in the loss of a more cuddly and intimate finish to my shower. Still, you couldn’t blame her. Only a few minutes ago she’d been worried sick about me, furious with me really, and the next thing you know she’s showering me off in the bathroom. To push it any further would be foolish, but Meadow knew me all too well, and even if I didn’t say anything, she knew. She always knew.

Being dried off with a combination of towels and the magically operated hot air blower, my mane and tail brushed and thoroughly dried, I finally stood ready for inspection. Meadow walked around me, nodding to herself and then tapped me under the chin. “Open.” I did so obediently. “Teeth.”

And we were now down to one word instructions were we? Wonderful… Following my dear wife’s orders I set about my teeth with vigour. I didn’t dare do anything less, she had that look about her that threatened bloody retribution if I even thought about being disobedient. Fortunately my toothbrush scrubbed away the smell of tobacco in short order, and a good rinse would help removed the strong stink of spirits too. Thank the goddesses for magic though. One of the staples of being a unicorn was being able to manipulate objects, toothbrushes being one of them. I’d always thought it odd how, considering our inborn ability to manoeuvre objects, it was always the earth ponies who were the ones most involved in the construction industry. All the most famous builders of equestrian history were earth ponies too. Sure, some of the designers were unicorns, and there was even the odd smattering of pegasi in there too, if you counted the sky kingdoms, but for the most part it was the plain old earth ponies who had what I can only presume was an innate gift for building. Oh, and for doctoring too, if Bourbon was anything to go by. I’d have to pop round and see him sometime too. He’d invited Booster and I back to play cards one night with him and his other ‘friends’ from academia. It promised on the face of it to be exceptionally dull. Being stuck in a room with a bunch of old doctors, professors, or whatever they were, no doubt talking shop while Booster and I, hopelessly out of our depth, would end up sitting there looking like the dullards they probably thought we were. Whether I was worrying unnecessarily or not was besides the point, as either way I was determined to pay Bourbon back for his kindness. And of course if there was the occasion for a little tipple, and maybe even a-

“All done?” Meadow asked.

“Huh?” I blinked and realised I’d been scrubbing my teeth whilst my mind wandered off on one of its usual tangents. “All done,” I agreed with a nod.

“So what do you think then?”

“Um...” Hell fire, I hadn’t heard a word she’d said! Meadow must have been talking about something while I was off thinking about that bloody card game. “I think its a good idea, love,” I said confidently. “Definitely.”

“What, really?” Meadow hesitated. “You’re absolutely sure?”

“I wouldn’t have said it was a good idea otherwise, would I?” I replied.

Meadow frowned at me in thought for a moment, suddenly rallying as a broad smile spreading across her face. “Oh, Fairlight! I… I know its going to be hard for you, but… thanks for this love. Really, I’m sure it will do wonders to resolve everything, and little Sparrow hasn’t seen them in ages either.”

“Hey, not a problem.” I put my toothbrush back in the holder and felt like drowning myself in the sink. What the hell had I agreed to?! Damn, damn, damn! Fairlight you bloody fool! Gah! Well, It was too late to back out now of whatever it was anyway, and I’d wreck everything if I owned up to Meadow that I’d been daydreaming whilst she’d been asking me something that was clearly important to her. I stuffed my muzzle into the towel and squeezed my eyes shut, silently praying that whatever I had agreed to wasn’t going to involve something akin to mental castration.

Some hope…

“You know, I do love the smooth look,” Meadow purred.

I looked up. “Oh, thanks,” I said genuinely. “I was bit worried at first that the barber had been a little severe with the old coat, but I think it suits me pretty well overall. You like it?” I shifted my body round and flicked my tail over my rump. “My cutie mark seems to be better defined somehow too. I don’t know how he did it, but you can really see the lines and-”

“I want you.”

“-around the...” I froze, slowly looking up into the face of my green mare. Two large yellow eyes stared at me like a voracious predator and me, the prey, stood there helpless. She looked… hungry. I swallowed, “Meadow? I thought you were too tired love?”

“I was.” Her breathing was coming heavier now, her ears pert and locked solely on the target of her desire - me. “But I’m not now.”

For a moment, just a flicker of a heartbeat, I considered being playful, teasing even. I’d decided against it even as Meadow launched herself at me, tackling me onto the bed and biting me so hard on the neck I squeezed my eyes shut on reflex. She didn’t normally do this! My ears were next, taking a lighter nibbling, but soon I could feel myself melting like hot butter on a skillet beneath her. I could feel her urgency, feel her need for release. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to let somepony else do all the work for a change. Besides, it would be interesting to see where this went...

*********************

Morning came with a distinct ache in the old shoulders. And hips. And everywhere else for that matter. Meadow however was disgustingly fresh and alert. In fact she’d already got up, fed Sparrow, sorted out the two old farts and had appeared with, Celestia be praised, a cup of tea and a toasted teacake. Still drowsy I sat up as the lively green mare floated the tray from her back onto my lap. She smiled, giving me a cheeky wink as she blew a stray mane hair from her face. “Oops! Forgot the sugar!” In a flurry she was gone and I could hear her chatting with Merry in the kitchen, the lively banter accompanied by the homely clatter of crockery and pans. I was still watching the door curiously as I sipped thoughtfully at my tea. It was hot, if a little stronger than I would have liked it normally, suggesting that Merry and Apple Pop had had theirs first and mine was nearer the bottom where the majority of the leaves lurked. Still, I couldn’t complain. This was unusual for Meadow to be so doting first thing in the morning, especially after last nights antics. I also had the horrible thought that we’d forgotten to put up a sound dampening shield to avoid waking the old farts, and- Oh, sod it. If they’d heard they’d heard. Apple Pop wasn’t keen on me to begin with, and I’m damned sure that Merry, as cheerful and ‘folksy’ as she was, blamed me for what happened to her daughter. And not forgetting young Sparrow too. Oh no, Sparrow was the granddaughter, and according to their logic had just popped out of her mother like magic and it was all smiles and sodding rainbows as usual. Me, the grumpy sod of a husband, was simply an inconvenience that propriety dictated was supposed to be brought along on every family day trip. No matter how much he protested.

Today however, something was definitely in the air.

I nibbled on the teacake and licked the crumbs from my lips. Toasted just right, with the right amount of butter on it, it was delicious! I hated it when the butter melted completely, but Meadow knew exactly when and how much to apply that thick layer of artery hardening deliciousness. Currents, sultanas, cinnamon and nutmeg, all combined with that yeasty, malty taste, to make the afterlife that little bit better. Metaphorically speaking of course. After all, you needed tea to go with it too. I grinned as a small grey thing pushed open the door and then, with seemingly little to no effort and the buzz of wings, sprung onto the bed in front of me nearly upsetting scalding tea onto my delicate areas.

“Mummy shed to bring you thum thugar.” A small cloth bag containing the obligatory two lumps swung from the tiny pegasi’s mouth.

“Thanks love,” I smiled, magicking the bag from her and depositing its cargo. “Have you had your breakfast?”

Sparrow nodded furiously, “Uh-huh!” Well that was all good and- “We had cakes!”

“Wha-? Cakes?” I looked down at the teacake and then back to the lemon icing smothered child. “What cakes?” Realisation suddenly hit me. “Oh, please don’t tell me they were lemon ones...”

“I like lemon!” Sparrow licked the evidence from her mouth and without another word jumped down from the bed, disappearing through the door. I leaned back and closed my eyes. “I was looking forward to that too...”

“Hmm?”

I opened my eyes to Meadow. “Oh, nothing love.”

Meadow clucked her tongue. “Don’t worry, I’ve kept you a slice.” She walked over to the window and threw open the curtains, nearly blinding me with the sunlight. “It wasn’t all for you, you know.”

“I know that,” I huffed. “But you only make that on special occasions and I’d hidden the extra. Um, that is-”

The green mare shook her head. “I know you did.” Meadow groaned, “Do you honestly think I wouldn’t know you’d squirrelled it away?”

I shrugged helplessly.

Meadow clopped me on the mind leg and leaned into me. “I know everything about you dear,” she grinned menacingly as she moved ever closer. “Everything.” Quick as a snake, Meadow licked a crumb from my chin and then danced away playfully. “Now come on, you’re last to get ready.”

“Get ready?” I munched down the last of my teacake. “What’s on the agenda for today again?”

Meadow rolled her eyes, “The fountain festival, remember?”

I chuckled. “Of course! Sorry love, you know I’m not a morning stallion.” I shifted my legs off the bed as I chugged back the last of my now overly sweet tea. “I think you turned my mind to jelly last night. I’m absolutely knackered.”

“Pff! What?!” Meadow collected my dishes, lifting them up onto her back. “I’m the one who did all the work you lazy bugger.”

“Hey! Come off it, you pounded half through the bed!” I protested.

Meadow walked to the door. “And now you know how I feel.” The cheeky beggar stuck her tongue out at me as I finally pulled myself free of the sheets. Well, I suppose she had a point.

The rest of the morning went as you would probably expect. I had a quick flannel wash, put on a clean shirt and tie, and collected my jacket. Pop looked as sour and disapproving as usual and merely grunted a response when I greeted him. Meringue, his polar opposite, met with a smile that almost had me feeling guilty about wanting them to leave at the earliest opportunity. Almost.

“Mornin’ moi love. You be lookin’ bet’ur than you were yest’ur day.”

I gave her a genuinely wide smile in reply. “I am Merry, thanks. Doctor Bourbon sure knew his onions.”

“So long as ‘e knows is Fairloits, that’s all we’ll be bothered wiv, eh?” She gave Meadow a playful elbow which elicited a squeak. I closed my eyes as Meadow’s locked with mine and she quickly looked away. Her cheeks were near scarlet.

“Aye,” I replied quietly.

“Hmm. And you may want to consider putting a spell up in future,” Apple Pop added unhelpfully. He plopped his trilby hat on his head and adjusted it for his ears. “You’ll have Sparrow awake with the sort of racket you two make all night.”

He was already out of the front door before I could reply. If I could have. I couldn’t even look at Meadow now as Merry followed her husband outside with Sparrow in tow. I could feel my own cheeks burning now as well as my ears. “They heard, didn’t they,” I said.

Meadow walked past me and nodded, “Everything...”

“Oh… bollocks...” I shook my head and sighed. Bit bloody late for that spell now, wasn’t it! I closed the door behind us and locked it. There was still no word from Tingles, Shadow or Lumin. Part of me had begun to guilty suggest to that inner part of my mind that ‘no news was good news’ and at least we didn’t have to worry about them. Another part of me, the part which was all too common here, was hoping that they’d ‘hurry up’ and come here. I know it was wrong to think like that, but when you’re here and everything is so bright, so clean, so… so simply wonderful, who wouldn’t want their family to come and start a new life with them in paradise? And anyway, when had I begun to feel so soppy about things? I don’t know if you could ever have called me ‘hardened’, but I wasn’t a softie by any stretch of the imagination. Now however, I’d become this emotional wreck of a stallion and was constantly fretting about things I couldn’t do anything about. Well, at least until I’d seen Doctor Crisp of course. Since then I’d felt a lot more positive than I had done in ages, if not since I’d first arrived. I just would have liked the rest of my family here to share my newly found joy. Selfish little old me… Still, the way time moved here they could be arriving any minute or… the goddesses knew how long. Unlike our be-winged menace whose mouth spouted thoughts barely before they’d even reached her brain, Meadow didn’t mention our mortal family except to respond to a question or as part of a broader conversation. It wasn’t because she was unfeeling or uncaring, it was… well, it was me, wasn’t it. Even the mention of them ran the risk of sending me off into one of my ‘moods’ and potentially ruin the rest of the day for both of us. No, there was nothing we could do short of checking the orb and wait until it warned us of one of them entering the glade. Star Swirl had assured me, on one of his last visits here, that the connection with the mortal realm was still there. It was simply a case that nopony I knew had been to the glade to speak to us. None of them. Not one of the villagers, not one of my family, nor even one of my friends. It was more than heartbreaking, it was… it was… painful. It hurt, and on a level I couldn’t begin to describe. No amount of magic the herd provided could fully protect me from that hollow sensation I felt inside at the loss of my girls and son. I’m sure Meadow felt it too, and it was good to know that there was a way we could still see them from time to time. Whether that truly was a good thing in the long term… I don’t know. Perhaps a clean break would have been the best for all of us, but I don’t… I really don’t…

“Come on love, we’re...” Meadow paused. “Fairlight? Oh, love, what’s the matter? Why are you crying?”

I took a breath and gave myself a shake. “I’m not. I’m...” I looked down at my hoof where I’d just rubbed my face. “Ha! Must have got some soap in there. Blast it all.”

“Fairlight.” Meadow gave me one of those hard looks she reserved for Sparrow when she was being naughty. “I’m not stupid.” She floated out a hankie and wiped under my eyes. “They’ll be in touch, you’ll see.”

Celestia’s grace, she knew me so well. I closed my eyes and smiled as best I could. “I know love.” I motioned towards the garden gate. “Come on, let’s get this over with then.”

Meadow followed me along the path to the waiting taxi and shut the gate behind her. “You do realise this is supposed to be an enjoyable time for us. For all of us, right?”

I nodded, “Yes, love.”

“Don’t ‘yes love’ me, Fairlight. For goodness sake, please!” She glanced over my shoulder at her parents who were waiting patiently in the taxi.

“Meadow, it’s fine. I’m fine, honestly!” I gave her a reassuring hug. “I was just daydreaming that’s all, love. There’s no need to make such a fuss.”

“I’m not! I’m...” Meadow sighed and face hoofed. “Goddesses, let’s just go.”

It wasn’t the most auspicious starts to the day I have to say, but it could have been worse. Meadow was always a lot more tetchy around me when her parents came to visit, so I wasn’t that bothered by her snapping at me. In truth I was more concerned about her parents reaction to our apparently continued ‘domestics’. Luna knows how many jobs like that I’d been called out to over the years. From burnt cakes and lost cats to extortion and even murder on occasion. Times had certainly changed in Equestria, and not for the better either. The importation of drugs like Breeze had damaged society like a cancer, slowly eating away at the long established social dynamic which provided it the nourishment it needed to thrive. We at least didn’t have that kind of problem here, thanks in no small part to the lack of any mortal body to crave the damned stuff. Not to mention the fact of course that here the gods ruled supreme. Speaking of which, according to the programme the royal family were going to be in attendance today. Hmm, come to think of it weren’t they supposed to be at the theatre yesterday? I don’t remember seeing them there, but in all fairness I was so busy evacuating all my bodily fluids out of every sodding orifice it was hardly surprising was it? So much for no ‘mortal’ body then! Good goddesses, even in death I didn’t have any bloody peace. Mentally I recounted the last time I’d had anything to do with the ‘royal family’ back in Equestria. It hadn’t exactly been the sort of experience I’d care to repeat. In any case, this lot were more likely to be there just to smile and wave and that was exactly as I liked it. Living in the limelight wasn’t all it was cracked up to be that was for damned sure. I’d had more than my fill of being a ‘celebrity’, and come to think of it hardly anypony even acknowledged me now anyway. It was quite the shift from the last bout of screaming and terror that had accompanied my first trip into town for an ice cream of all things. I smacked my lips subconsciously. I quite fancied an ice cream. One with pistachio nuts and those funny little crumbly things would just hit the spot. All that over toffee ice cream with pieces that stuck to your teeth... Goddesses, I could taste it now! I looked back from peering out the window and caught Apple Pop’s eye. Somehow I doubted he’d find ice cream an attractive proposition, the miserable old sod. Still, you could really see where his daughter had got her coat from. And her eyes for that matter. I just wished he wasn’t so damned stiff all the time. The former watch commander looked at me like some professor studying bacteria under a microscope. I was more than aware that in his world I ranked somewhere between protozoa and dog dirt. It was nigh on impossible to hold any form of discussion with him either. And why the hell I decided at that moment to begin one, I’ll never know.

“Have you been enjoying your visit so far?” I asked.

The deep yellow eyes looked back at me impassively. “Meringue has.”

Oh. I felt like cringing, but pressed on regardless. “I hope my stomach problem didn’t spoil the play for you.”

“It didn’t” Apple Pop’s eyebrows flickered, signifying some sort of private signal that I wasn’t privy to. Meringue on the other hoof, despite being engaged in a lively discussion with Meadow about the best home tutor or school for Sparrow, picked up on it straight away. I was quite impressed really; she would have made an excellent detective with her observational skills alone.

She leaned across her husband and clopped me playfully on the knee. “Now don’t yer go worryin’ yerself ‘bout us, Fairloit moi luv. You just make sure yer keep yerself roit fer young Sparrow. Little ‘un loik ‘er be ready fer some proper schoolin’ now, an ‘oive bin avin a thought a two baht which school would be best fer ‘er.”

“Any in particular?” I asked.

Meadow nodded. “The school’s mostly adults, but we’ve been thinking about Coconut Crunch’s class for… um… ‘special’ ponies.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I’d heard about that place, and it was, how do I put this politely… it was full of nutters. Ponies who had ‘problems’ in Equestria went to school’s like Coconut Crunch’s, and there was no way in hell I was sending any daughter of mine to one of them! I tried to keep the irritation from my voice.

“It’s not my first choice,” I said as politely as I could manage.

Merry nodded, “Crunchy be a good teacher tho’ Fairloit. Good with kids and that.”

“And ‘that’ being ponies with mental disorders,” I retorted. “I’m sorry Merry, but as nice as Coconut Crunch may be as a pony, her school is not the sort of place anypony in their right mind would send their foal.”

Meadow snorted. “And where do you suggest then? Every place we think of has some kind of problem according to you.”

I bit back my reply, instead taking a deep breath and doing my best to remain the very image of the calm and sensible father. “She needs to either go to a school with foals her own age or be home schooled. I’ll ask around and see if we can find more information before making a decision.”

“We’ve already been through this,” Meadow replied unhelpfully, “you know that the number of foals in Dawn is low, that’s why everypony sends their children to Golden Oak, and I don’t want her going all that way every day.”

“Home schooling sounds like the best option then,” I reasoned. “We can have a look at home tutors if you like when we get to town. There’s a public information office there and we can pop in to say hello to your friend Mizz whats-her-face while we’re at it.”

“Who?” Merry asked puzzled.

Meadow rolled her eyes. “My friend who works for the ministry.”

“If anypony will know, it’ll be her,” I added. She had to be good for something, right?

Meringue looked from me to her daughter. “Well, that sounds loik a good idea then.” She glanced out of the window. “Anyways, we’re ‘ere now. Let’s go an ave some fun, eh?”

And with those words of wisdom, the conversation, mercifully, came to a close. The taxi clattered across the cobbles, pulling up at the side of the road to the taxi rank where we disembarked. Sparrow all but leapt out and I had to catch her in my magic before she collided with one of the many ponies all heading towards the gardens. It was just as well I did too because the mass of equines was unlike anything I’d ever seen since arriving here, except on the other side of the ice cream parlour window that time. Ah, happy memories! Still, there were thousands of them here, all moving at a snails pace towards the arena. Music was already rolling out from a band up on the expansive stage as ponies found a space wherever they could. I’ll say one thing about this place: it was polite. There was no shoving, no pushing, just ponies out for a pleasant time, some music, and of course, snacks. Somehow, with some magical power that was way beyond my comprehension, Sparrow was already scoffing candyfloss at an alarming rate. At least the little pest was on her grandmother’s back and plying her with pink sticky hooves instead of mine. That stuff was a devil to get out of your fur.

I soon discovered that holding any form of conversation here was utterly impossible. The rumble of hooves, ponies all talking at once and the music overlaying it all made for conversations that usually ended in somepony all but shoving their muzzle into your ear while you shouted variations of ‘EH??’, ‘SAY AGAIN?’ or ‘DIDN’T QUITE CATCH THAT’. By some miracle though we found seats, and eventually the cacophony began to subside to level were I was able to catch Apple Pop cautioning Meadow and Merry to ‘watch their bags’ in case of pickpockets. Good goddesses, was that stallion ever off duty? I know it was hard to forget the watch lifestyle, and there was that old phrase that seemed remarkably prophetic too, ‘once a watchstallion always a watchstallion’. Personally, after the hell I’d been through with the watch, the last thing I wanted was to be reminded of it every five bloody minutes. And Apple Pop was that five minutes. Whenever I saw Pop looking at me his eyes and his expression said it all. In his eyes I had failed the watch, I had failed my family, and everypony and everything I had ever done was lost because of me. Whether or not it was my fault was immaterial. It was results that counted, and I had failed. Part of me hated him for that, whereas another part of me felt a strange connection with him, probably due to his reputation in the watch, or my respect for his exemplary career. Mine had hardly been that. I’d ended up killing watchponies in my own stationhouse, cutting down the commander like some damned murdering psychopath. There were reasons of course, there always were. Or excuses. No wonder Meadow kept warning me about becoming a killer. Unfortunately she’d been too late. Ultimately I’d become the instrument of assassination that the princesses wanted me to be. I kept telling myself that it had been to protect my people, my son and my family, but was it? Ponies called me a wendigo, and perhaps I was, after a fashion. But I hadn’t been born that way, had I? Both Meadow and I had been put through hell, but instead of simply being accepted by the herd, something had happened to me in the Withers. A spirit had… ‘infected’ me, turning me into that… that monster. And yet when I changed, when I became the wendigo, it was as if I was complete somehow. The wendigo had felt so alien at first, but as time passed I became it and in return it became me. And goddesses help me, I enjoyed it. Bourbon had made me understand, made me see, that I had to accept everything about myself, including being a wendigo. On some level it felt fanciful, laughable almost, to think that a boring old cart horse like me could be this insanely powerful ‘thing’. But by the goddesses, I would give it all up if I could. Or would I? If I were given the chance, would I really give up a part of who I was now? It was a conundrum that meant nothing. The herd had blocked all of my powers, stripping me of the spirit. I had been… ‘cleansed’, so to speak. And yet I still had that sensation deep down inside, that there was a little of the old me left behind. It was still little more than an echo, a shadow of a memory, of who Fairlight truly was. Goddesses how I wished I could still fly. Just once, just so I could feel the air beneath my wings once more and experience the freedom of flight. I used to tell myself it was so I could practice flying with Sparrow, but in truth, it was for me. I felt trapped here, trapped in the lap of luxury and happiness. I feel ashamed to admit it, but on some level, I wanted… I wanted to…

“Oh, I beg your pardon!”

“That’s quite alright, Miss.” I looked to my right at the mare who had accidentally knocked my hoof as she adjusted her seat. I smiled, nodding to her and looked back at the stage.

“Is that your daughter?” she asked.

I looked round and caught sight of Sparrow being extracted from the hat of the lady in front of her. “I’m afraid it is,” I groaned. “Never a moments peace.”

“Pegasi do have a habit of being headstrong, don’t you think?”

I nodded patiently. “All the ones I’ve met have been.” Memories of my friends, my beautiful Tingles and the roar of battle, all warred for my attention. I wonder what Loofa was doing now?

The mare sighed and took a sip of her drink, catching my gaze with her own. My heart leaped. By the goddesses, those eyes! A pair of pale ice blue eyes looked into mine from a face as pure white as the freshly fallen snow in the Foul Mountains. I know it was rude, but I couldn’t seem to look away. Bloody hell, if Meadow caught me I’d really be for it now. and-

“Do you like this style of music?”

“Huh?” I blinked and gave myself a mental buck. Trying instinctively to reach the cold centre of my being I felt like a fish out of water. Resorting to my old watch training, I used the old trick of putting on a different persona. I took a breath, nodded, and felt myself relax. If only a tiny amount. “I do,” I replied. “I’m not one for modern music as a rule.”

The white mare adjusted her summer dress and gave a lilting chuckle. “Really? I have a rather eclectic taste, myself. My husband on the other hoof is somewhat of a traditionalist and doesn’t approve of what refers to as ‘modern screeching and wailing’.” She laughed coquettishly. “Personally I believe it is variety that enriches the heart and soothes the soul. Otherwise, eternity could prove to be so boring. Wouldn’t you agree?”

I nodded, “Yes, Ma’am.”

I did my best to avoid locking eyes with the peculiar mare and hoped that Meadow, lost in a conversation with her mother, hadn’t seen anything. Thankfully Apple Pop had decided to park himself at the far end of the seating, or else that old sod would be making even more of his snarky comments than usual. The mare’s large sun hat engulfed her mane which she had pinned up inside it, and her pale gold and white sun dress which was accented with lace here and there screamed of a level of taste and sophistication that made me feel as refined as a dockyard worker. Mentally I gave thanks for having had a trim recently and was wearing my smartest overcoat. Interestingly I noted that even the mare’s tail was covered in the dress. Not that it was that unusual of course, rather that it was… intriguing. Goddesses, maybe she had mange! I tried not to chuckle openly as the mare lifted her hoof to point to the stage.

“Oh, look. They must be about to start.”

The music had changed and the crowd fell absolutely silent. Despite myself I whispered to the mare, “How do you know?”

“The music,” she whispered back. “They always play Sakpipslät before the royal family arrive. Personally I prefer that notable piece from Gotterdämmerung.”

I blinked in surprise, “I thought that was a funeral march?”

A manicured eyebrow lifted in that perfect face. “Oh?” Her lips curled up in a slight smile that in any other could have elicited a hint of condescending sarcasm. Instead, “I always found it a pleasantly inspiring piece, particularly how the music drives upwards to such a powerful crescendo.” She smiled that small smile again. “Don’t you find such music… inspiring?”

I shrugged, “Yes, I suppose I do.”

“What piece do you prefer then?”

Now there was a question! I frowned in thought for a moment. Like this mare I had quite a varied taste in music. In essence, if it appealed to me, I listened to it. There wasn’t any particular genre I had a specific fondness for. I even liked some of the music from the operas, albeit I felt as though a lot of it interfered with the actual story line, if they’d even had one in the first place! However there was one I did like in particular, one which I thought was oddly appropriate too.

“Der Freischutz.”

“Not really a march though is it?” the mare replied. “And isn’t it a song about… hunting? Hardly an Equestrian story.”

“The lead character is a griffin,” I noted politely. “And I think the emotional exploration of the lead role is portrayed very well.”

“You speak Germane?” she asked curiously.

I chuckled into my hoof. “Only a little. I think like most who listen to music in other languages, I enjoy the melody the most. Still, I think we all take something different away with us regardless of whether we can understand it or not.”

“Indeed.” The mare lifted a hoof. “Oh, look! Here they are!”

Everypony rose to their hooves as the music rolled out with fanfares and bells tolling. What a load of pretentious twaddle! I’d never been a fan of royalty myself, and as much I respected Luna and, to a lesser extent her pretentious sister, I’d never seen them as more than just a couple of overly privileged mares. With wings. And horns. Still, as ‘all powerful’ as apparently they were, it didn’t mean I needed to bow and scrape to them like so many of their ‘subjects’ did. I remembered all too well how the ‘blessed’ Celestia had bawled out her sister to insist I was exiled from Equestria based on nothing but her biased opinion of wendigo. Things were better now of course, for the most part, but there sure as hell wasn’t any love lost between us. And now, entering the royal box, were the two parents of the sisters themelves: God and goddess, rulers and beings of power that could shape the entire universe. Apparently. I could hardly see past the sea of ludicrous hats and hair-do’s that lay between them and us anyway, but that didn’t prevent the crowd from cheering as loudly as possible. Hooves stomped while neighs and shouts rolled out, all responded to by a half hidden wave of a hoof. Hoo-bloody-rah. I plonked myself back on my seat and instinctively reach for the pipe that wasn’t there.

“Bloody royalty!” I muttered.

“Not a fan?” the mare beside me said, leaning closer to be heard.

I shook my head, catching a scent of lemongrass that made my heart skip. Clearing my throat, I tore my gaze away from those magnificently alluring eyes and fidgeted instead with my pocket watch. “I have nothing against them, but I see no more nor less value in them than anypony else here.”

“You’re a socialist?” the mare asked in surprise.

“Ha! Hardly!” I took a breath and settled back into my chair. “I have absolutely no interest in politics whatsoever. I’m not one for all the pageantry and fanfares, that’s all.” I sighed. “The world will still turn just as it always has, regardless of the anything I say or do.”

“And yet the fate of one can affect the fate of nations.”

“It… eh?” I looked round in surprise at the voluminous pink mare sat beside me. “What are you…?”

The mare looked back at me with her large green eyes. “I beg your pardon?”

“Oh… I’m sorry.” My heart was hammering in my chest. Where was the white mare? I tried looking past the pink creature sat in her place. There was no way she could have move that quickly, unless… ah! Of course. Teleportation. She must have given her seat up for this lady. I apologised quickly, “My apologies madam, I thought you were somepony else.”

A snort was my only reply. Bloody misery!

I settled back and huffed under my breath. I’ll confess that as oddly engaging as the white mare had been I was more than a little relieved that she’d left, especially as I’d only recently made up with my wife. For once my luck was in, Meadow didn’t seem to have noticed my earlier conversation and was far more interested in fussing with Sparrow who was now complaining loudly that the candyfloss had run out. Little pest! Fortunately for all of us the music began to rise up in volume, indicating the beginning of the display. Drums began to beat, slowly at first, and then louder and louder until suddenly, from out of the jets surrounding the huge marble statuary that made up the centre of the arena, water burst upwards in a display of sparkling colours capturing every hue of the rainbow. Boom! Another burst, and another, and another! It was absolutely fascinating. Reds, blues, greens. Boom! My eyes took in the flashes of intense light, the bangs and crashes of the music accompanying the rumbling blasts of water, the feeling of power surging beneath your hooves as the horns called out the orders for the advance. I watched as the sea of ponies marched onward, moving and swaying in time to the drums of war as the flashes of magic from unicorns sizzled through the mist. We’d hoped the fog would hide us, keep us hidden from the enemy until we could surprise them. But their numbers were a lot greater than ours, our losses too heavy. Worse, their commander knew what he was about and he had outfoxed us completely. I knew with dread certainty we were finished. It was only a matter of time now before the end, but by the goddess I would go out fighting! I would take as many of these damnable creatures with me before-

“Fairlight!”

“DAMN YOU!” I shrieked, jumping down from chair and crashing into the ponies in the row in front of me.

“Fairlight? What the hell’s up with you?” Meadow stared into my wild eyes, her face a mix of anger and… and fear. “Stop shouting, your frightening everypony! Snap out of it!”

I could feel my heart thundering, sweat beading on my forehead. The armour was so heavy, pulling me down, down beneath the frigid surface of the water. I had to get out! I had to get out of this and get clear so we could organise a resistance to give our loved ones a chance to-

“Fairlight. Listen to me. You’re safe now, it’s going to be alright. Do you understand? Captain Fairlight, it’s alright.” The voice cut through my fear like a hot knife, but the water… the water was sucking at my legs, pulling me down, down into the bog, into-

“Captain Fairlight, I order you to stand down!”

Rough hooves grabbed my muzzle. I tried to escape, tried to push and heave and… and stare into those eyes. Those eyes! It was… “Pop?”

“Follow me,” he said levelly. “Come on, watchstallion, get those hooves moving!”

I obeyed.

“Dad?” Meadow’s tearful voice pulled at me from far, far away. I could hear her fear, her sorrow. I could hear Sparrow crying and shouting for me. But right then, right at that moment, all I could do was focus on the words of my commanding officer.

“It’s going to be alright, Meddy,” Apple Pop said firmly. “I’ll see he’s taken care of.” He turned to his wife and their eyes met, conveying far more than words in the simple touch of hooves as he led me away.

All I can say now is that I was damned grateful for Apple Pop right then. My mind was a confused mess of sound and light, surging images of war and death, the stench of fear and the tang of blood in my mouth. I lifted a hoof and wiped my mouth. In my flailing around I must have bitten my lip. Goddesses, I hoped I hadn’t hurt anypony in my outburst. What the hell was happening to me? I thought Bourbon had stopped this! Dear, sweet gods, what was-

“Take your jacket off, Captain.”

I did so, following orders as I always had done. It was so easy to obey, so simple just to do as you were told. The officer knew best, he would merely instruct me and I would follow his directions to the best of my ability. I was breathing in when the water blasted over me, half drowning me. The shock of cold brought reality slamming into me, hitting me like a brick wall. Another bucket full, and another, until I was utterly drenched, coughing for air. I sneezed out a blast of water and mucus as I held up my hoof pleadingly.

“Please! Enough. Celestia’s buttocks…!”

The bucket dropped to the ground. “Captain Fairlight, can you see me?”

“Yes, sir,” I nodded numbly. My eyes were sore from the water and I was shaking from the cold. “Apple Pop, sir.”

“Do you know where you are?”

I nodded. “The fountain festival arena, sir.”

Apple Pop shook his head, his face in a grimace that oddly suited him somehow. He nodded once. “Follow me. I’m going to do something I should have done a long time ago.” My clothes draped across his back, the former watch commander lead me away from the roar of the crowd and the music, to an area off the main street which in turn lead into a cobbled back road that was, blessedly, quiet. To my surprise, Apple Pop trotted over to a washing line and took down a towel. He passed it to me with that typically disapproving look in his eyes. “Dry yourself off. You’re a mess.”

The towel was rough, dry, and was just the thing I needed right then. I went to work, using a combination of magic and my forehooves, working on my tail and mane until I was, as much as I could be right then, dry. Apple Pop took the towel from me and hung it back on the washing line before beckoning me onward. I guess the owner of the towel may eventually have been wondering who those grey and black hairs belonged to, but hopefully they’d be lost in the rush. At least Apple Pop had put the thing back which was something. My sensibilities were slowly settling back to what you could laughably call ‘normal’ now. At least it was for me. Apple Pop and I kept walking, the warmth drying off the last of the dampness from my coat, and although a little uncomfortable I was beginning to feel a damned site better than I had earlier. I tossed my mane and let it settle. I’d have to run a comb through it later or it would end up looking a right mess. I chuckled to myself. Funny how things so small and insignificant came to the fore like that. I must have been a lot more messed up that I’d realised. Goddesses damn me… I’d thought, hoped, prayed even, that all this nightmare had finally come to an end. What a fool I was.

We stopped by a large iron gate flanked by two sentries in the gold and silver livery of the royal household cavalry. Purple cloaks hung smartly over one shoulder, the silver tipped lance upon their other, as lethal as it was ceremonial. The soldiers here looked like they knew what they were about alright. They were all white with blue eyes too, something I’d found Celestia had a penchant for in Canterlot for her own royal guard. The uniform may be different but that same stink of vanity was rampant even here. Still, I suppose they did look smart. Apple Pop was chatting to one of them, a fellow whose helmet crest I noticed was black and white instead of the usual purple. Rather than a spear he carried a vine staff and round disks on a chain mail shirt which I presumed denoted either rank or battle awards. He must have been some sort of officer, however unlike the usual posh types, this chap looked like the kind of stallion who had ‘been there’. Even though his fur was as unblemished and smooth as the rest of the denizens of the herd, he radiated an aura that screamed of war, battles to the death, and a lifetime of unfaltering service. In my minds eye I could see him, scarred and grizzled from campaigns the likes of which bards made songs for the ages. He drank hard, he lived hard, and, I suspected, he had died hard. Apple Pop took a step to one side as the officer locked eyes with me.

“This him?”

Apple Pop nodded, “My son in law.”

The officer narrowed his eyes, looking me up and down. “Name?”

“Captain Fairlight Loam, sir.” I snapped off a salute, keep my head up and legs straight.

“Captain, eh?” The officer kept his eyes on me as he addressed Pop. “You do know what this fellows reputation is, don’t you, Pop?”

Pop nodded. “As well as you, Argo. He’s seen more than anypony should have, and if there’s anypony I know who can even come close to understanding that, it’s you.”

“You realise of course, what he is though?” The officer, Argo, peered at me with those deep blue eyes. “I’d be taking a devil of a chance with him, Pop. This could cause concern with my… superiors.”

The green stallion nodded, “I know.”

Argo shook his head and sighed. “And you still want me to do this?” He huffed loudly, “Of course you do.” The armoured stallion fixed me with a stare. “And what of you, boy? What do you want?”

I looked from Pop to the officer and back again in confusion. What did they want me to say? And what the hell was going on here? Apple Pop glanced at his friend. “Give me a moment, Argo.” He walked over to me and lead me away around the corner where we could talk freely out of earshot. Apple Pop closed his eyes and took a deep cleansing breath before he began, “Fairlight, you need help. I can see that. Merry and Meadow can see it too.”

“I know that!” I snapped. “You don’t have to...” I groaned and leaned back against the wall. “I know, Pop. But what the hell can I do about it? You saw what happened back there, it was like I was in the middle of a battle and I was fighting for my damned life! Luna’s arse, I’m coming apart at the bloody seams!”

“Which is why we’re here.” Apple Pop stood tall. “Fairlight, I’ve seen ponies like you before. You’ve been through hell, I know that.” He closed his eyes. “I know because I’ve been there. Not in the same way of course, not in pitched battle as such, but I’ve seen things most ponies never have. Things I wish I never had. Those memories live on inside you, becoming a part of you. The herd does what it can to purge those memories from your heart when your mortal body dies, but there are some moments in a pony’s life that are so horrific, so traumatic, that they leave behind an indelible echo within you that never quite goes away, no matter how much you may wish it would.”

My heart sank. So this was how it was, was it? I was going to be plagued by these damned visions and memories forever? Goddesses above, this was like living in my own personal hell! And perhaps… perhaps it actually was. I could feel the chasm opening up before me and closed my eyes, willing the impending drop into darkness away. “So how did you manage, Pop?” I asked desperately trying to keep my emotions under control. “How did you, do you, cope?”

My father in law gave a rare if rather troubling smile. “By accepting it.” He clopped me on the shoulder. “Fairlight, you have been fighting this part of you since you came here, and I blame that partly on Meadow as well as myself for not acting sooner. You can’t go on the way you have been, so you have to do something about it that will help you accept who and what you are in a way nopony else can.”

“And that’s what this is about?” I asked, pointing back to the corner of the building. “Who are these ponies?”

“The royal guard,” Pop replied matter-of-factly. “They’re ponies like you. Like me too. When I first came here I was a mess, Fairlight. I suppose Meadow told you what happened to me?” I nodded in reply. She had, and it had been terrifying to say the least. Pop had been chasing down a crazed child murderer who had ended up killing him. Meadow had only been a filly at the time and had witnessed her father dying before her very eyes. She’d explained through tear filled eyes and racking sobs how the shock had sent her mother into a downward spiral which she never quite recovered from. How the hell could anypony live with that? And what of Meadow herself, raped and murdered before my eyes, knowing she was carrying our unborn child? Apple Pop nodded sagely, “Sparrow Song was what helped my daughter, Fairlight. That little foal was what kept her from drowning in sorrow, as well as Star Swirl arranging the connection to the mortal world so she could see you.” He took a breath, his youthful looks belying his age. “You, however, have been through your own nightmare. And this, these ponies, all share experiences that you will be able to relate to. You need to speak to others who understand you. They helped me, and I know they can help you too.”

“I’m not sure talking about what happened to me will help, Pop,” I said sadly. “Every time I even think about things that… that happened, it all comes back. All of it. I’d hoped that after speaking to Doctor Crisp, that understanding there is a part of me that is full of anger, full of rage, that I could finally move on. Today…” I rubbed my face with my hoof, “I don’t think its done bugger all.”

“What he did has helped,” Pop explained, “It is part of what you need, I’m sure of that. But it is the understanding of what has happened that you need, Fairlight. Working with others in a similar situation to yourself will give you that, putting yourself, your energy and your focus into something that will give you a purpose, and help you move forward with your life.” He raised an eyebrow, “Afterlife that is.”

I couldn’t help but raise a bitter smile. “And what, I join up with the guard? Stand about all day looking pretty?” I shook my head, “That’s not for me, Pop. You know that. You were a watchstallion and I’ll bet your view on the royal guard was the same then as it was for me.”

“Posers?” he asked.

I nodded. “Posers.”

Apple Pop adjusted his mane and fished in his pocket, extracting a small leather wallet. “These aren’t.”

The slightly dog-eared wallet floated in his magic before me. A small metal badge depicting a sun and moon sat above a tiny silver plate with his name engraved on it. Beside it, a photograph of Apple Pop with the words:

Soul Recovery Division
Royal Constabulary

The above named officer is a sworn member of the Royal Constabulary and acts with the full authority of the Royal Court and Elysian Commission.

My face must have been a picture then. “You’re a watchstallion?” I asked in surprise. “In the eternal herd?”

“Not as such.” Apple Pop slipped the wallet back into his pocket. “We’re a group of ponies who, shall we say, ‘recover’ the souls of the lost.”

Suddenly my hackles were going up like noponies business. “Wait a minute, you mean like those arseholes who tried to catch me in the Withers? Artemis, Phallus and whats-his-name?” I took a step back. “Oh, no way!”

“As accurate as the name you gave him may be, his real name is Thalio,” Apple Pop replied levelly. “Captain Artemis, Helios and Thalio were part of the recovery team that was covering the Wither World when you came to our attention. At the time I was working on the recovery of another soul and didn’t hear about what happened until it was too late.” He grimaced, “If I’d known, I would have gone myself.”

I raised an eyebrow, “It wouldn’t have made any difference to my decision.”

“I know.” Pop smiled, “Meadow told me.” He glanced over his shoulder and turned back to me, his voice decidedly quieter than it had been a moment before. “Fairlight, the herd doesn’t change who a pony is deep down. If somepony is, as you said, ‘an arsehole’ in life, I can assure you that dying does nothing to change that.”

Was that a joke? Goddesses, you never knew with this guy. Maybe I was wrong about him after all. As I reconsidered my opinion of my father in law, somewhere inside me that quiet part of my soul stirred. My gods, was I really going to give this serious consideration? Those clowns had thrown spears at me! Mind you, I wouldn’t mind getting my hooves on that arse Thalio. I would love to give that alicorn a damned good hiding and see how well he could dodge a… hang on… I stared at Apple Pop for a moment and saw the knowing grin on his face. “They’re alicorns,” I said.

Pop slowly nodded, his eyes twinkling. “They are.”

“Did they become alicorns somehow?” I scrubbed my chin in confusion. “How? I don’t understand.”

“Argo can explain more,” Pop replied cryptically. “Can I tell him you’ll at least consider it?”

“I...” I closed my eyes and groaned. “I’m going to regret this aren’t I.”

My heart leaped as a sound I’d never heard before nor ever thought I would, burst forth. Pop… laughed. “You know, Fairlight, I said the exact same thing when I was introduced to the hunters.”

“Hunters?” I asked.

“They call us ‘soul hunters’.” He shrugged, “A bit foolish perhaps, but we do a job that needs to be done. Without us, lost souls could end up wandering until they ended up lost forever. Or worse.”

“Worse?”

Pop nodded, “Oh yes. A lot worse.” He rolled his shoulders, his voice taking on its customary no-nonsense monotone drawl. “We do a job that helps ponies, Fairlight. Each of us do this for our own reasons of course, just like in mortal realm. For some it is to atone for wrongdoings when they were alive. For others it is out of a sense of duty. For me, it’s because I want to help those who cannot help themselves, like you.” He looked back over the shoulder, “So, it’s up to you now. Please, come and meet Argo and the others. There’s no pressure to join. They’d much rather have ponies who wanted to do the job than be there because they’ve be coerced.”

Against my better judgement I nodded my agreement. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to do something, nor that I didn’t want to help ponies, it was just… it was just that I didn’t really trust myself. Realisation hit me like an electric shock. Was that it? Was that the answer to all of this? Did I really have such little regard for own self control that I didn’t believe myself capable of doing something positive without messing it up? Had I truly lost a part of myself that had never really been lost? I’d known the answer all along, hadn’t I. I gritted my teeth and gave myself a hard shake.

“Pop?”

“Yes?”

“Can I have my clothes back?”

Pop nodded and floated them over to me.

“I can’t meet Argo looking like a bag of crap now can I?” I smiled.

Apple Pop chuckled. Actually chuckled! The old sod, I bet he knew something I didn’t. But whatever it was, it sure as hell beat stumbling along through the afterlife freaking out over loud noises and wallowing in self pity. No, I was more than that. I was a watchstallion, I was a wendigo, and I was still the lord of the tribe of the four winds. As I was now I wouldn’t be able to lead a troupe of minstrels let alone inspire confidence in warriors who were fighting a force four times their number. And win. My gods, we had won. And I would win again.

I finished buttoning up my coat, brushed out the last fold, and stood before my father in law. “Good?” I asked.

Pop nodded his approval, “Good.”

“Right then,” I announced, walking him past him. “Fortune favours the bold and all that.”