Fairlight - To the Edge of Midnight

by Bluespectre

Chapter Fifteen - Where Love Once Lived

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

WHERE LOVE ONCE LIVED

The moon was high in the night sky’s blanket of stars when I finally went off duty for the day. Zip had already dealt with her charge and headed off home for the evening, whereas dad… Well, he’d gone home too. Eventually. He’d been collected by a mare I didn’t recognise, so whether she was an old girlfriend or some relative I had never met, I couldn’t say. What tickled me was that the poor old bugger had borne an expression of both combined terror and unimaginable relief. He was bound to be confused of course, that was only natural considering the way he’d arrived, and I received a dressing down from Argo for collecting a soul that ‘would have found its own way to the herd’ regardless of my help. However, once he’d discovered that Lamplight was my father, his attitude had changed completely. Dad, it seemed, was quite well known around here already. Much to my surprise I might add. So when daddy dearest was picked up by his mystery marefriend he was three sheets to the wind having consumed more alcohol than I thought physically possible. I’d stayed for one myself, but it was obvious that dad and the guards ponies there with him were in for the night. Marefriend and all. And so, armour put away and my belongings strapped to my back, I was off on my merry way home once more.

“See you tomorrow, Captain.”

I waved back to the guards as I trotted through the gate, “’Night lads, have a good one.”

I pulled my cloak in around myself, more out of habit than any actual need. On patrol in the watch your cloak was one of your most value bits of kit, other than your trust old truncheon of course. Manehattan could get damned chilly after the sun dipped behind all the tall buildings that the city was famous for, even in the early afternoon depending upon the time of year. Thankfully it wasn’t too cold out tonight, which was nothing new I suppose, but with all the gear on my back I was decidedly uncomfortable. Coupled with the fact that I’d only had a wash in a stream in the last few days I was probably a touch on the ‘aromatic’ side too, which was putting it mildly. I suppose I could have stayed and had a bath or a shower at the barracks, but I was so tired I just wanted to get back to my family and unwind there amongst all the familiar comforts of home.

Around me the land was silent except for the occasional bark of a fox or some other night time wildlife prowling the darkness. Thankfully I’d never been the nervous type, I would have been in the wrong job if that were case, that was for damned certain! But hearing that strange cry made my mane twitch involuntarily, reminding me of my less than pleasant experience with the strange wildlife that lived in the thestral realm. Still, unlike the Darklands, here I had nothing to fear from manticores, dragons, or anything else that saw me as the four legged equivalent of a sandwich filling. No thestrals, no wendigo, no danger… blissful. If a little dull by comparison of course. I smirked broadly; I didn’t mind so much having my powers locked away again. I had my family, a good job, and friends. Better still I felt like my old self once more. Tentatively I felt around inside my mind and found… ‘something’. It was cold, hard almost, but as still as the water of a millpond. The power of the wendigo was asleep, and unlikely to ever waken again so long as I was here. I would miss flying of course, but there was always airships should I ever feel the need to get off the ground. Come to think of it, there was a flier in the travel agents I’d noticed when I was sorting out my trip to the Darklands. Perhaps in the morning I would see about getting us all booked in for a trip somewhere nice for a few days the next time I was on leave. Yes, I nodded to myself. Now that was a plan I could get behind!

The grass shushed beneath my hooves as I broached the top of the hill and headed down into the darkness where my cottage sat waiting silently. There were no lights on, but that wasn’t unexpected at this time of night. Meadow usually went to bed around ten o’clock, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, there was that horrible possibility that she may not have come back from her parents yet. If not, then I would have to address that tomorrow. Tonight I was so bone weary all I wanted to do was sleep. Hopefully I wouldn’t nod off in the shower first! I yawned in answer to my own thoughts on the subject and reached blearily for the spare key. It was where it always was – sitting under the plant pot waiting for a weary pony to find it and get to a well deserved bed.

I pushed open the door. “Hello? Meadow?”

Nothing. My voice sounded empty and hollow in the empty dark hallway. It was fairly warm though which was surprising. Maybe she had come home? I decided to pop into the kitchen and grab a quick drink after my journey and found a small pie in the fridge that hit the spot just nicely. It was only a mouthful, but would do until I could sort myself out with a decent breakfast in the morning. I could picture it now: eggs, haybacon, and a few of my home-grown tomatoes sounded decadently tempting, but oh, so delicious! Maybe some fried bread for a change too? Mmm! I swallowed the last of my juice and dumped my equipment on the kitchen table. Meadow would be furious about that, but I wasn’t going to start clopping around the house making a racket as I tried to put things away ‘properly’ - as she constantly reminded me. More pressing was a wash. Getting into bed with mucky hooves and only having had a quick sponge bath in the stream was something that would likely get me flogged by the furious green mare. And in fairness I didn’t exactly relish the thought of having to wash the covers just because I’d been too lazy to clean myself. So, a shower it was then. Standing there I noticed how clean everything looked. The window looked nice too, and the curtains... Hang on… The window had been repaired! I looked closer and saw the neat lines of a new window frame, the scent of fresh paint and the crystal clear glass. Oh, thank the gods, I’d forgotten all about it! But that meant that… if she’d found it… Bugger me, I was for it. Maybe I’d be better off sleeping in the lounge tonight. With a sigh I closed the door and decided to check in on my daughter.

Sparrow’s room was as dark and silent as the rest of the house, but I wasn’t going to go in and disturb her at that time of night. Everything seemed in order though: the curtains were closed, all her toys put away, and a pleasant scent of fresh flowers hung in the air. Sure enough, there was the small outline of a foal snoozing happily beneath the covers. Quietly I backed out, pulling the door to so I didn’t wake her with the noise from the shower. Heading towards the bathroom I noticed how warm it was in the cottage, and the faint smell of burnt wood tickled my nose. It was coming from the lounge. A quick inspection revealed glowing coals in the fireplace and two empty cups with the now cold remains of tea in the bottom. So, she’d had guests round, eh? Pop or Merry maybe? It was unlikely since those two were inseparable, and I would have expected three cups in any case. Two side plates sat beside their counterparts, the few remaining cake crumbs suggesting that there may be more cakes in the kitchen. I quite fancied one actually. Nodding to myself I paused by the door. Sure enough the wall here too had been repaired where Shade’s lightning had ripped through the plaster like a knife through butter. As much as I loved the little thing, the thought of her playing with Sparrow and the emotional unpredictability of foals was a dangerous mix that could never have worked, no matter how much I would have wished it otherwise. One argument over a damaged toy or missing plushie and half the house could disappear in a lightning storm of thestral tantrums. Ha! Bugger that! I sighed; I hoped she was alright… Shrugging, I turned my attention to the kitchen, a sweet treat, and then the allure of a shower before I passed out from exhaustion. I just wished that whoever had been round had cleared up after themselves. They’d even left their coat lying over the back of the settee! Clucking my tongue I picked it up in my magic, gathering the cups and the plates too. Several things at once, eh? Not bad! My magic had definitely improved of late, probably due to my wendigo powers reappearing the way they had. And, sadly, disappearing just as fast. I dumped the plates in the sink and hung the cloak up on the peg by the side door. Stars and moons, eh? It was beautifully embroidered and-

My ears twitched. Something thumped heavily in the back of the house followed by a loud groan. I didn’t waste a breath. Grabbing my duty belt I slipped it over my head, making sure the dagger was free in its scabbard. The scythe was too large to use in a confined space, but a well placed dagger thrust would do the work just as well. I reached under the sink and took out something I never thought I would need for anything other than target practice on a lazy afternoon: my crossbow. I’d made the thing in my workshop as a hobby and it was far from perfect. It was, however, functional. And that was all that mattered. Carefully I slipped from the kitchen, keeping to the carpet to dull my hoof steps. I paused; it was quiet again. Had I imagined it? Had I- No! There it was again! A thump, a creaking sound and a groan. It sounded like somepony tied up, maybe trying to free themselves. Oh hell, that pegasus who’d broken in… I’d put it to the back of my mind, my adventuring in the Darklands having pushed all other concerns to one side. Now my own foolishness had come back to bite me. Hard. Gathering my wits I moved onward, keeping close to the wall, my ears and eyes taking in every detail, every sound. The thumping was louder and more regular now, coming from the direction of the bedroom. Images seeped into my mind: Gates, Melon Patch... Meadow lying broken beneath them looking to me for help, and me… doing nothing. Helpless. My heart was hammering in my chest now, my breathing coming in hard and heavy despite my efforts to keep myself calm. Acting impulsively and without caution could be fatal, both to the pony you were trying to help, your team mates or yourself. But I wasn’t a watchstallion any more was I? And what good would it do even if I was? I had to act, I had to remain focussed and eliminate the threat and secure my objective. I had to keep moving or else it could all be over before it started.

The door was open a fraction, as was the curtain. I peered inside, my crossbow to hoof. Moonlight spilled across the scene in the bed. There was no pain here, nor any suffering. No ponies were tied up or under threat of their life. All I could see was my world dying, one long heartbeat at a time.

“Meadow...”

The bed covers moved back in a flurry, revealing two pairs of wide eyes staring at me in horror. At me… and the crossbow.

“Fairlight!” Meadow sat up suddenly, her flushed expression one that I had once found so alluring and exciting, but now… Now I felt… nothing. Nothing at all.

“I see you’re busy,” I said numbly. “I’ve put Star Swirl’s cloak on the hook in the kitchen and tidied the lounge for you.”

“Fairlight,” Meadow swallowed. “Please, it’s-”

“Not what I think, right?” I cut in. “Gods damn me, do you know how cliché that sounds, Meadow?” I shook my head with a smile, “I think you can do better than that.”

The stallion beside her had the audacity to speak, “Fairlight, listen, I-”

My crossbow swung to aim straight at his head, “YOU SHUT YOUR BUCKING MOUTH OR I’LL KILL YOU WHERE YOU LIE!”

“Fairlight, please,” Meadow breathed quietly, “I know this looks bad, but-”

“But what, Meadow?” I closed my eyes and took a shuddering breath. “You’re screwing Star Swirl in our bed and you think it ‘looks bad’?” I started to laugh, leaning against the wardrobe. “How long has this been going on for then, eh? Since before I died? Once Sparrow was born and you were feeling up to it? Bet you had a good laugh at dumb old Fairlight while you pulled my strings, right?”

“For Celestia’s sake, Fairlight, will you-”

“Shut up, Meadow. Just… Just stop talking will you.” I huffed under my breath and lowered the crossbow. “Goddesses, what a bucking joke. All this time you’ve had me playing happy families and sending me away to counselling, and all that time you’ve been banging Star Swirl in my own home.” I shook my head in disbelief, “You didn’t even have the decency to screw him somewhere else, did you? What did you do with Sparrow while you were at it then? Have her playing in the next room while Uncle Star Swirl and you did some extra curricular activity? Buck me; when you said he had you ‘helping out at the office’, I thought you meant with clerical work, when what he was really doing was helping himself to my wife!”

“My goddesses, you have some damned nerve!” Meadow swung herself out of the bed and stood there bathed in moonlight, her mane bristling. “You’ve be sleeping around like some sex starved teenager for years, and you have the nerve to lecture me on who I take to my bed?” Her yellow eyes narrowed dangerously, “You’ve been shagging more mares than half the population of the damned town! How many is it now, Fairlight? Come on, you can tell me. It wasn’t just Tingles and Shadow was it? You got than human pregnant too, didn’t you? What was her name now? Can you remember?”

“She raped me, Meadow,” I snapped back. “I couldn’t-”

“What a load of crap! You still got it up long enough to impregnate her!” she bellowed

“I’d been bucking well drugged and tortured you stupid cow!” Fury blinded me, and, unfortunately, to my words also. “What the hell was I supposed to do?” I roared. “I couldn’t do anything to fight back!”

Meadow tossed her mane angrily, her words cutting me as deep as any knife thrust, “You had enough fight left in you to have sex with her!”

“I didn’t have a choice, Meadow,” I retorted angrily. “Unlike you and your unicorn buckbuddy here.”

“This has nothing to do with him, Fairlight,” Meadow snapped. “This is between you and me.”

“Is it...” I smiled. “Is it now...” The bolt flew from the crossbow with a hiss and a snap, embedding itself in the headboard inches above Star Swirl’s head. “If I see you again, you piece of shit,” I growled. “If you try to speak to me or manipulate me once more, the next time I see you will be the last. Do you understand me?”

The wizard licked his lips. “Fairlight, this isn’t the-”

“I asked if you understood me,” I said quietly. “And if I hear anything other than ‘yes’ from your mouth, you will see just what kind of monster you and your masters have created.”

Meadow froze. Star Swirl, the wan light of the moon catching his yellow eyes, nodded simply, “Yes.”

I turned back to Meadow, “You may as well pick up where you left off,” I said dismissively. I turned for the door, “Goodbye Meadow. I wish you and your partner all the joy of the world and the blessings of the goddesses.”

The door slammed behind me, a loud punctuation to the final, unexpected ending of what had been some of the best days of my life. And death. Meadow didn’t follow me out, nor did Star Swirl for that matter. Part of me wanted him to though. It really did. Even though it would send me to Tartarus, the image of him sliding off my dagger in a pool of his own blood would have been worth an eternity of damnation. And that, if nothing else, was why I had to leave. I collected my belongings from the kitchen table, staying long enough to strap on the barding, fit my baldrics, belts and panniers, and headed out into the night once more. My hoof paused on the door; what did it matter now anyway? Who the hell cared what I did any more? Almost unconsciously I found my jar of tobacco, the hidden bottle of brandy along with my old pipe, and shoved them into my pannier. So… this was it, was it? This was how it all ended. At the end of the path with my hoof on the latch I turned to take one last look at my home. The cottage slept beneath the light of the goddess’s blanket of stars, silent and beautiful amongst the rolling hills of the eternal herd. The place where dreams came true. And where nightmares were realised. It was the last time I would look upon the dream where I had lived with my beloved mare: tending the garden, sharing the joy of being together with the one I loved. Without her, without Meadow, the world felt like a dark and cold place, far removed from the blue sky and green fields that had once made us so happy. There was no solace in my love for Shadow or Tingles here either. I’d had no contact from the mortal realm for months now, and who could blame them? I was dead. I was gone from their lives. Goddesses, what a fool I’d been! Played like an old fiddle and cast aside when I was no longer of any use. And betrayed… Betrayed by the first mare I had ever loved, and the mother of my daughter. How could I carry on knowing I would never see either of them again? How? My daughter would grow up without her father, as too would my son. And as they grew they would lose those precious memories, those delicate fragments of what little time we’d shared together, and I would become what I already was: no more than a name that somepony may remember some day when they were deep into their drink. I doubt they would have anything good to say either. I had done some terrible things in my time. Terrible, terrible things. It was due to Star Swirl’s influence that I hadn’t been sent to Tartarus the moment I’d set foot into herd’s domain. But that had been part of the game, hadn’t it? The old mage hadn’t helped me out of any sense of honour or friendship. He had used me to do his dirty work right from the word go. From the invasion of the changelings to the threat from Vela, the whole thing had played out just as he’d wanted it. All that clever scheming and plotting. I had to hoof it to him. He was clever. Very clever. Oh how me must have laughed at me whilst pulling my strings. As he ploughed my wife.

So… this was it then. This nothingness. This emptiness of heart, soul and being.

I stopped beneath a tree at the edge of a copse. It wasn’t far to the barracks from here. I’d call in, get a bath, grab something to eat, and try to get some sleep. Not that there was much chance of that now. In the morning I would ask for a transfer. I couldn’t stay here now. Not now. Blue light reflected off the tree’s leaves eerily as I floated out my pipe and tobacco. One quick light, a few draws, and a few minutes of peace to take the edge off my misery. It wasn’t much to ask, was it? But even that, even that briefest moment of time was intruded upon. It always was.

“If you’re going to sneak up on somepony you need to watch your footing,” I said to the darkness. “I could hear you a mile off.” I took a pull on my pipe, letting the blue-grey smoke curl up around my muzzle before drifting off into the night. “Well? Get on with it then. Times wasting.”

Silence.

“Aim for the top of the head.” I lifted my pipe and tapped the stem against my skull. “Draw a line from each eye to the ear and where the two intersect is where you need to put your shot. Straight into the brain where it meets the top of the spinal cord and it’s good night Vienna.”

I could see the crossbow come up, the light glinting off the finned bolt head.

“Any time now if you please.” I closed my eyes and lowered my head, “There, made it easy for you.”

Still nothing but silence greeted me.

“Gods in their sodding heaven!” I barked irritably. “Can’t you even assassinate somepony properly? GET ON WITH IT, BOY!”

There was a loud click, the slap of the string, and the fizz of a bolt whizzing off into the night. A second later the crossbow thumped onto the ground.

“Clumsy,” I chided. “Prefer a blade, do you? Like to get up close and personal?”

Shadows moved in the darkness, a cloaked figure detaching itself from its shroud of night to stand before me.

“And take off that stupid hood, will you Booster? It makes you look like a right idiot.”

The figure paused, unsure of what to do, but then in a flourish the familiar black and white patched pegasus was revealed in all his murderous glory. “How did you know?” he asked softly.

“How?” I shrugged nonchalantly. “You should know, Booster, if that’s even your real name.” I took a pull on my pipe, “You know my real name don’t you? You were dating Ivy, Autumn, or whatever her sodding name is. And you knew where I lived too. You can have that as your starter for ten.”

“Don’t say her name.”

“Oh? Hit a raw nerve have I?” I chuckled bitterly. “Love can really do some funny things to a fellow, can’t it.”

The stallion stomped a hoof, “You don’t know anything!”

“Don’t I?” I yawned. It was far too late to be messing about like this. If he was going to kill me then I wish he’d just get on with it, but I’d play along. Besides, it was an amusing diversion from my own misery. “Well, we can look at what happened to you then if we want a motive, right?” I pointed my pipe at him and nodded slowly, “You died taking me into exile. Now for that alone I can imagine you would have been fully justified in hating me, maybe to the point of taking out your vengeance on me in the next world, even if I personally didn’t have anything to do with the attack on the transport. But no… No, I don’t think it was that. I think it had more to do with our friend from the meetings. You know what happened to her, don’t you? You know the story behind what happened in that cave and the tunnels beneath the hill? Autumn died there, didn’t she. And you, like the avenging white stallion from legend, have come to avenge the slight upon his beloved.”

Booster’s hoof flicked to a long curved knife at his hip, “Shut up! Shut your damned mouth you… you murderer!”

“Oh, you’re right there, boy,” I grinned menacingly. “I’ve killed ponies. Killed them by the score. Not always by my own hoof of course, but then, why would I need to? Those dark, cold caves were chock full of dragonlings. Hungry dragonlings.” I watched his reaction and felt a cruel smile curl up the corner of my mouth. “Every living thing needs to feed, Booster. And to a young dragon, a pony is just one more piece of meat.”

“I told you to shut up!” he spat.

“Moist, succulent, dripping in juices.” I closed my eyes and sighed luxuriantly, “I hear the fear of a young mare who knows she’s going to die makes the meat taste even sweeter...”

Booster’s scream of rage was music to my ears. I could see it now in my mind’s eye: the howling, mouth frothing frenzy that only righteous anger can bring. Booster wasn’t a killer. I’d known that from the moment I first lay eyes on him. Oh, he may talk the talk and fool ponies around him with his typically pegasi bravado, but he didn’t have that hard edge to him that I’d come to expect from ponies who had seen the brutality of combat. I knew from hard experience that even the gentlest of souls could be turned towards acts of bloody retribution if the provocation is strong enough. Or the love. Autumn had gotten inside Booster’s head, be it deliberately or accidentally. Either way the result was the same: a mind twisted into believing that the only way to avenge the slight to his beloved was to wash it away in the blood of his perceived foe. And tonight, that was me. Goddesses, the stupid little prick couldn’t even hold the dagger properly. With Booster’s cack-hoofed handling of the dagger, the chances were I was going to be horribly injured rather than killed outright. And as much as the herd’s magic would likely heal me eventually, if I didn’t die from blood loss in the meantime, it was likely going to be an extremely unpleasant experience.

Booster’s eyes blazed inches from my own, the dagger gripped in his mouth dripping with spittle. Oh, there was so much hate in those large orbs! He wanted to kill me so badly, and yet there was that slightest mote of hesitation, that stumble in the mental forest of his mind that told him that hurting others was wrong. We all had it in us to some degree, and society fostered it, producing a factory assembly line of well behaved drones that could fit into equestrian society as well as the next pony. Until we were needed for war of course, and then wholesale killing was sanctioned by the state. Encouraged even. What came back after a war was a different matter, and one that would haunt the peaceful residents for many years to come as the scarred veterans came back from the hell of the front lines to a whole new hell. It may have flowers. It may have songs and cuteness as far as the eye could see. But to a pony who had seen his friends die around him, who had looked into the eyes of his enemy as he thrust a sword into his guts, there could be no true happy ending. Tales were still told in the taverns about the soldiers who had come back traumatised from what they had experienced. Even today some came back from the borderlands where skirmishes with yaks or the monsters of the untamed wilderness were commonplace. For these ponies, they with the invisible scars, society could never truly welcome them back. The wounds would never truly heal. For some of them there were the veterans homes, the places far away from the bustling centres of equestrian life where they could wile away their days in the company of others like them who had been there. They knew. They understood. Smiling Borders was like that in a way. As sunny, bright and fun a place as the old brochures and even the name suggested, the hamlet was one big veterans encampment with all the trappings of a regular equestrian village. For most of them, it was the only home they had ever known.

It didn’t take much to disarm Booster. A simple flick of my hoof, a kick to take his hind leg out from under him, and a moment later the dagger was out of his mouth, held securely in the grip of my magic. There was a horrible crunch accompanied by a gasp of pain as he stumbled. It was probably one of his wings by sound of it. From what little I knew about pegasi the damned things were about as strong as fine bone china. Despite the fact that they healed quickly, it was still a major handicap in a fight with, shall we say, more ‘robust’ opponents. Which was why I couldn’t understand why Booster was down here with me where I could potentially go one on one with the guy. The sky was a pegasi’s element. Their speed their advantage. And that was where Booster had really tripped up. He had wanted to ambush me, and if he had flown by and shot me from the sky then there would have been nothing I could have done to stop him. Instead the fool had landed and the faintest snap of twigs had come across loud and clear in the quiet of the woodland. Running at me, letting himself be taken by mindless rage and blind fury, had been his next mistake. And, if I so chose, his last.

The pegasus coughed, choking under my grip. “Well?” he gasped, “What are waiting for? Finish it! Kill me!”

“Don’t be so impatient,” I said moving my muzzle closer to his. “I might want to drag this out a little for my own amusement.”

“You… you sick bastard!” Booster struggled valiantly, but the lightweight creature pinned beneath me had as much chance of fighting me off as a moth against a mountain. “She was right about you,” he spat. “You are a monster!”

“And yet for some reason I don’t tend to try murder ponies who I call a friend, Booster.” I slammed the knife into the tree trunk just above his head, “Why do you think that is, hmm?”

The pegasus swallowed, “I… I don’t...”

I sighed, “Tell me, was this your idea, or did Autumn put you up to it?” I lifted a cautionary hoof, “I would advise you to pick your next words carefully, Booster. Very carefully indeed.”

“She…” Booster’s eyes focussed on the embedded blade and shuddered, “She said you had… had murdered her friends. She told me how you’d tricked her into a cave and fed her alive to… to a dragon!”

I felt the cold wash of memory of that nightmarish time in the caves send a chill through my body. I’d done my best to forget all about it, distracting myself however I could whenever I was reminded about it. But no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much time passed, it was like the proverbial tea stain on your best white shirt – it never quite went away. Not just for me either apparently. “I see,” I said quietly. “And she told you to murder me because of that, did she?”

Booster shook his head. “No! Yes! I mean...” The pegasus stared into my eyes, his fear radiating like a metal plate on a sunny day. “Autumn said you would kill her when you found out who she was, and-”

“And so you broke into my home and tried to murder me?” I suggested.

I felt Booster go limp beneath my hooves as the fight left him. He was beaten, and he knew it. I’d seen this before, where a creature who knew they had lost simply gave up and waited for death to call them. I knew its cold embrace all too well myself, and so had Annabelle. That creature had used her knowledge of psychology and torture to break me. It was a miracle I was still sane. Well, mostly anyway. Something glistening caught me attention. A tear. A single tear rolling down Booster’s cheek as he looked away into the night. Waiting.

“Oh for bucks sake, get up you damned idiot.” I climbed off him and shoved the pegasus aside. “Piss off home and do yourself a favour: find a new marefriend, eh? Personally I’d recommend one that doesn’t turn her other half into a bloody murderer?”

The sorry pony slowly pulled himself to his hooves and flinched as he tried to move his wing. He was covered in grass and twigs, soil, and leaking sorrow like a leaky stand-pipe. “I… I can’t,” he said, his head hanging low. “I promised her...”

“You promised her you would kill me?” I shifted my pack into a more comfortable position and brushed off the forest debris from my coat. What sort of hold did she have over this guy? Being angry was one thing, sure, I could understand that, but murder? There were some lines you simply didn’t cross unless under severe provocation, or, as I suspected, you were easily manipulated. Unfortunately I knew to my cost how some ponies could really get inside your head. “Why?” I asked.

Booster sighed, all the fight having fled long ago. “Because her little brother will be killed if I don’t!” His heartfelt words sounded genuine enough, but to be honest, the naivety of this stallion made my hide itch.

“Who’ll kill them?” I asked. “Tell me, Booster. I can’t help you if you keep things back from me.”

The pegasus froze, and then, slowly, he looked up at me in shock, “You’ll… help me?”

“Oh, don’t be so damned weak, boy!” I snapped. “What the hell’s happened to you? What kind of mare can suck all the life out of you and turn you into this feeble weakling of a stallion? Where’s your fire, Booster? Where is the proud pegasus I shared a drink with as a comrade and friend?”

The pathetic creature before me stared helplessly at the ground. “I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be sorry,” I said roughly. “Just tell me what you know and we’ll try to put this right, yes?”

Booster nodded, but I could still sense the trepidation in his voice. He would tell me the truth though, of that I had little doubt. “Autumn,” he began, “she… she wanted to kill you for what you did to her. She’d wanted to do it herself but was too afraid of you to do it, so she began looking for others who you’d… killed.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Eventually she found a few, but most didn’t want to have anything to do with her. They told her that they’d moved on and the past was the past.”

I nodded in agreement. I certainly couldn’t disagree there. Thank the gods that some ponies had at least some common sense left in their thick skulls. Booster on the other hoof was a manipulator’s dream: a naive stallion who was virtually crying out to have his strings pulled. What was worse though was that he probably wouldn’t have a clue he was being played either. Until it was too late that is.

“One of them took advantage of her and took her brother hostage as leverage,” Booster continued. “He threatened to kill him if she didn’t kill you, or... or have you killed.”

I didn’t believe a word of it. “What a nice little story,” I opined calmly. “And you know this is all true, do you?”

“I...” Booster’s eyes were downcast as he shook his head, “I don’t.”

I raised an eyebrow, “But you know the name of the hostage taker, right?”

Booster shook his head.

I rubbed my face, trying to keep my frustration with the young stallion at bay, “I think you’re being played, my pegasus friend.” Booster looked up at me as I continued. I had his attention now alright. “Your marefriend’s version of events in the cave was a little off target I’m afraid,” I explained. “Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that part of the story you were given was actually true, and that Autumn was with the royal guard who were sent to hunt me down after you and I had our little ‘accident’ in the river. Let’s also assume that she was with the detachment of guards that chased me into that damned cave.” I shook my head, “For a group of ‘trained professionals’, they came in after me like a bunch of bloody amateurs.” I gave an ironic snort, “Of course, if I’d known the place was alive with dragonlings I might have looked for a better hiding place. Unfortunately I was a little thin on options at the time. Mind you, since I was half dead when the dragons started making a meal of the guards there was bugger all I could even if I’d wanted to. If the fools had had even half an ounce of sense they would have pulled out, but instead they panicked and began firing wildly, shooting half of their own comrades before the dragons moved in to finish them off.”

“But… If all of that’s true, then how did you survive?” Booster asked quietly.

“Me?” I shrugged. “Who the hell knows? Maybe the dragonlings were too focussed on the wankers traipsing into their home to notice me. Maybe it’s because I helped one of them instead of shooting it.” I picked up my pipe and breathed life back into it. Surprisingly, it was still lit. “Maybe...” I said sending a smoke ring up into the sky with a smile, “It’s because I’m a bigger monster than they are.”

“You helped a dragonling?” Booster’s mane bristled. “After what they did?!”

“I helped a child who was hurt,” I said pointedly. “Just as I would with any living creature that had done nothing to harm me and needed help.” I jabbed a hoof in his direction, “Even you. Now, come on. Put your damned ego back in its box and let’s get moving.”

“Moving?” Booster took a step back in surprise, gave himself a shake, and then hurried after me, “What do you mean? Where are we going?”

“Where do you think?” I huffed. “To speak to your marefriend of course.”

“What? We can’t!” Booster gasped, “It’s the middle of the night!”

“Is it? I never would have guessed.” I glanced back at my new comrade, such as he was. “You’re still up, Booster. And if it’s early enough to send assassins after me, then it’s early enough for a lady to receive visitors. I think that’s fair, don’t you?” He said nothing in reply. I had his attention though, and I intended to keep it. “Now then, you’re going to listen to me very carefully, and with any luck we might actually be able to sort this mess out so I can finally get some bloody sleep.”

The piebald pegasus blinked at me but nodded all the same. Suddenly he stopped and stared over his shoulder, “What was that?”

“A fox,” I said, ignoring the plaintive cry in the distance. “Or not. The night is full of sounds we can’t understand. Sometimes, Booster,” I said quietly, “if you listen closely enough, you can hear the gods laughing.”

********************

Autumn’s home was not what I expected. The tall town house with its stone steps leading up to the smart front door, the freshly painted sash windows, and the stone lions flanking the iron gate out front, felt out of character for her. Somehow I’d imagined her in a cutesy cottage not unlike my own, rather than this austere image from the turn of the century. Red brick, dark green woodwork, lots of brass fittings and high ceilings were the order of day for such a place. Autumn’s was no exception to that rule. Everything about it felt harsh, cold, and in some respects even foreboding. It could have just been me of course, especially given that the mare who lived here had sent an assassin to kill me. But regardless of who lived here, this place was far from the kind of building I would ever call home. Ponies had once of course, the wealthier citizens doubtless following the latest in architectural trends just as they had for thousands of years, and the smarter side of Haven featured many such places. It wasn’t for me. In my mind it would have been like living in a tree surrounded by noisy birds right next door, all squawking and shrieking at all hours of the day and night. No, peace and quiet were the balm I needed for the troubles the world had thrown my way over the years. Now, even that had been denied me. So far I’d managed to push all thoughts of tonight aside, and threw myself into the more immediate situation with as much energy as I could muster. Sadness, pain and grief, could wait. For now anyway. And so I waited, seeping some of my magic under the door and into the drawing room. It was an old trick from my watch days and actually quite effective too - after a little practice. The hard part was not getting caught. Fortunately Booster had followed my instructions to the letter, and the front door had been left off the latch whilst he’d gone in to report to his murderous ‘marefriend’ about his latest attempt to bump me off. Their voices, echoing in the large room, carried beautifully...

“...and you’re sure? You’re absolutely sure?” It was Autumn’s voice.

“Yes! How many times do I have to tell you?” That was Booster alright.

“But how do you know he’s really dead?” Autumn replied. She sounded right on the edge of panic rather than the elation I’d expected. “You may have just injured him and-”

Booster sighed, “I shot him right between the eyes, Autumn. He’s as dead as dead can be.”

“What did you do with the body?”

“I buried him in the woods,” Booster replied. “Nopony will go looking for him in any case. Not after what he’s done.”

“No… No, I don’t suppose they would.” Autumn’s voice suddenly sounded shaky, as though she were trying to come to terms with something. “I don’t believe this… I don’t believe it! How in Luna’s name could… could you manage to kill him? The lord of the wendigo?”

Booster paused before replying, “I was hidden in the shadows and-”

“Oh, shut up you damned fool!” Autumn’s voice, once gentle and alluringly feminine as I remembered from our meetings, now sounded anything but. Now she sounded cold, calculating, and worse… dangerous. “How in the seven hells could an idiot like you kill a wendigo?!” she roared. “What the hell am I going to do now?! They’ll kill me!” There was a clatter of hooves, “I’ve got to get away from here. I’ve got to run, maybe find somewhere I can keep my head down until things die down. Get out of my way!”

There was a crash of furniture. “Autumn? I don’t understand what’s going on here,” Booster tried over the clatter of hooves. “What are you talking about? What about your brother?”

“My what? My brother?” Autumn’s laughter was bordering on the hysterical. “Gods above, you really are an idiot aren’t you?”

“What?” Booster gabbled. “I-”

Autumn let out a loud nicker, “I made it all up, you cretin!”

“You made it up?” Booster sounded like his world was crumbling down around him, and goddesses, did I know how that felt. But right now things were getting seriously heated in there, and not in a good way. I’d have to intervene before something decidedly unpleasant happened.

Meanwhile Autumn’s voice rose to a fever pitch, “You weren’t supposed to kill him, you dumb feather brained imbecile. He was supposed to kill you!”

Booster obviously couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Poor sod, I could almost hear the cogs turning in his head as he tried to digest what she was telling him. “Autumn, what are you saying?” he asked helplessly. “I thought you and I had something special, and you… you used me?”

“Yes… Yes I ‘used’ you.” Autumn’s voice suddenly dropped down to a level that told me the time had come. “I used you to get what I wanted, Booster,” she continued. “You’re a stallion. You’re disposable. You serve a purpose and then you go away, like all males do in the end. Like you’re going to now...”

“What…? Autumn, what are doing with that crossbow?”

The door to the drawing burst open. There was a flash of magic, a shriek, and it was all over. Ivy, or Autumn as she had called herself, now lay on the floor with a knife to her throat. The small discharged crossbow lay where it had fallen beside a fine spray of blood spatter. Whose it was I didn’t know.

“Are you hurt?” I shouted to Booster. “Speak to me!”

“I… Yes. Yes, she just nicked me.” The stallion’s voice told me everything I needed to know. He was injured, but not seriously. More shaken than anything else, I’d get him looked at later. Right then I had more important matters to attend to.

“Hello, Ivy. Or is that Autumn?” I said pleasantly. “I’m not sure myself really, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.”

The mare struggled furiously, despite the blade against her throat, “Get off me you sick bastard!”

“Sick am I?” I sighed and leaned close to her ear, “You don’t know the half of it, my fine mare. Would you like to find out?”

She froze as stiff as a board, “You don’t scare me! I’m not afraid of you, you freak!”

“Oh, I rather think you should be, my dear.” I licked my lips lasciviously, “I don’t know how much you know about wendigo, but I can assure you that the tales you’ve heard are nowhere near the truth of what we are. Or what we can do.”

Autumn narrowed her eyes. “So what are you going to do then, ‘wendigo’? Kill me? Torture me?”

I clucked my tongue, “Torture? What a limited imagination, child. No, Autumn, nothing quite so crude for you.” I smiled wickedly, “I will take your soul into my own. All it takes is a little nip, the tiniest breath of magic, and it will all be over. You probably won’t feel a thing.”

The mare went as stiff as a board. “You wouldn’t dare!” she gasped.

“Wouldn’t I?” I chuckled throatily. “You won’t care when it’s over. All your memories, all your dreams, fantasies, and dirty little secrets hidden within the crevices of your twisted mind will be mine to enjoy at my leasure… for all eternity.”

“Fairlight, for the goddess’s sake don’t!” Booster came to the damsel’s rescue right on cue. “Please! Don’t do this!”

“Be silent, boy,” I hissed. “I don’t have time for your pitiful mewling. And neither do you now, Autumn.” I peered down at the mare and closed my eyes as I leaned closer to her neck. “Now, it’s time… to feed.”

Autumn began to struggle violently, her pupils dilated to the size of dinner plates. “Oh! Oh, goddess, no!” she babbled.

“Too late,” I breathed as my teeth moved to brush against the fur. “Far too late...”

Autumn squeezed her eyes tight shut, probably thinking she wouldn’t give anything away, that she would be brave and steadfast right to the very end. But fear is a powerful tool, and applied just right it can be more precise than even the finest surgeon’s scalpel. “It was a wendigo!” she shrieked. “It was a wendigo that made me do it!” Autumn sobbed as her resolve finally crumbled, “He came here and told me to arrange to have you killed. I didn’t want to do it! I really didn’t want to! Please, you have to believe me!”

“Lies...” I whispered. “Why would a wendigo come to you?”

“Because he knew that I… Because… Because I hate you!” she howled. “All my friends. All my comrades. All of them died in those damned caves because of you!”

“And you wanted revenge,” I surmised.

“No!” Autumn choked on her words as tears began to stream down her face. “The magic of the herd helped me. It blocked everything out and I was happy. Happy! But then the wendigo came and used something on me, some strange kind of magic I’d never seen before that brought all the fear and the pain and the memories back again. But I… I didn’t want to remember! I didn’t want to hear the screams and see the blood, the teeth, my friends being torn apart like bloodied rags… I didn’t want to see it ever again! But he made me! He made me!” Autumn’s chest rose and fell like a bellows, “He told me that if I ever wanted to have peace in my life again I would have to try and kill you. But not actually kill you, but frighten or injure you so much that it… that it did ‘something’ to you. I don’t know what exactly, I… I don’t! But I couldn’t do it. I knew what you could do and I was too afraid to try. I knew what you were! I knew what you were capable of, and… and what you are!”

“So you used me to do the work for you,” Booster said quietly.

“Yes, YES! I used you!” Autumn swallowed noisily. “I didn’t want any harm to come to you, really! But I was so scared, and you were so nice to me. I thought I could… that I could have you try to kill him and fail but not be harmed. I know it was stupid. I know I shouldn’t have done it. But the memories, the dreams! Please… Please I don’t want to-” She never finished the sentence.

Booster hurried over and looked down at the still form of the mare, “Fairlight, you didn’t…?”

“She’s unharmed.” I pulled myself from Autumn’s prostrate form and wiped my muzzle on the back of my foreleg. “Unlike me she’s having some sleep right now. I’d suggest however, that you go and ask your doctor friend to come and have a look at her just in case.” I got up to leave.

“Wait, where are you going?” Booster asked, looking up at me from beside Autumn.

“Me?” I shook my head and yawned expansively. “I’m going to bed.”

Booster sighed and nodded his understanding, relieved that it was all over. “What was she talking about, Fairlight?” The piebald pegasus held out a hoof forestalling me. “What was that about a wendigo?”

I shook my head and opened the drawing room door, “Believe me, Booster, you don’t want to know. And remember what I said: it’s never a good idea to put your old stallion in crazy, yeah?” Whether he would listen to me would be up to him now. I’d liked Booster, and would have even gone so far as to call him a friend. But after tonight, after he’d tried twice to kill me and had nearly put a crossbow bolt through Shade, the line had been well and truly crossed. Once, the old Fairlight would have taken him apart without a second thought. This Fairlight, the stallion that I had become, felt more in control, more… restrained. It was an interesting feeling.

The front door closed behind me with a loud click that felt uncomfortably loud to my now overly sensitive ears. Even the simple act of putting my equipment back on which I’d left in the hedge outside was a laborious effort, and felt a lot heavier than usual too. And the barding? Gods, it was like a stack of lead weights on my back. Wearily I set off to the barracks which of course had to be on the opposite side of town to Autumn’s home. Ha! ‘Autumn’ eh? What a joke. I could think of a lot of names for that little fool, and one that invoked images of a normally peaceful time of year certainly wasn’t one of them. What she’d told me rang true though, I’ll give her that. But what was it all about? Vela was trying to provoke me, to shock me, but why? And for what reason? Interestingly he didn’t want me dead. Or at least he hadn’t. The attack on my home had come before I’d first met him, and I doubted word could have got back to Autumn before tonight. If he had even bothered to send word at all. There was always the chance Autumn was lying of course. She could simply be a very convincing actress. But I doubted it. I’d smelled the fear pouring off her as sharp as a knife and tantalising to my senses. When I’d told her I was going to drain her life essence my intention had been to frighten her into telling me the truth. But there was that part of me, that dark, colder part, that would have been all too happy to drain every last drop from that devious little mare. ‘Fed her to dragons’ had I? I wouldn’t have dared. Tarragon had much better taste than that.

The sentries waved me through without so much as a single word. I must have looked like I felt too, especially the way my hooves plodded woodenly along as though I were in some sort of drunken stupor. Still, I wasn’t complaining. I got the distinct impression the guards were used to this sort of thing and had, in all likelihood, been there themselves on more than one occasion. I don’t like to speak too soon, but it looked like for once my luck was actually in. I yawned expansively, trying in vain to keep myself awake as a door thumped open with the help of my face. That was going to leave a mark in the morning... In truth it was more by the grace of the goddess than any conscious piloting on my part, that my ruined body eventually homed in on the bunk room without the need for any mental input from my equally ruined mind, where I duly collapsed onto the nearest bunk. Rather than the rough army blankets and overstuffed mattress, right then it felt like the forelegs of an angel gently taking me into the warmth and comfort of what my body was crying out for more than any else: sleep. And sleep I did. Whether I dreamt or not I can’t remember now, and nor would I care to. My dreams came from a place where nightmares were bred, and would often wake me in the middle of the night in a cold sheen of sweat. Or at least they used to. The herd’s magic at work perhaps? I don’t know. At any rate, sleeping fully clothed and wearing your panniers, packs and weapons, is probably not the best thing you could do. Sleeping was something you did in your bed. Tonight however, the top of the bed would suffice. Clothed and covered in equipment, something was bound to cause me discomfort sooner or later, and eventually, and with painful certainty, a buckle working its way into my ribs did exactly that.

“Mmm...” I moaned. “Bloody hell, what time is it?”

Bleary eyed I stared at my pocket watch and gave it up as a bad job. I couldn’t focus on the numbers anyway, my magic was wandering all over the place, and to make matters worse I was hot, sweaty, and crushed beneath the weight of my own gear. It was awkward, and took far longer than it should have done, but one piece at a time, and with no small amount of cursing on my part, my packs, cloak, bags and all the other junk I’d acquired, dropped onto the wooden floor. Thankfully there was nopony else in there to be disturbed by the racket I was making, but what was worse was that now there was absolutely no hope at all of getting back to sleep. My make-do wash in the stream had only served to emphasise all the areas I’d missed or left half cleaned too. I felt like my skin was crawling. So, a hot bath it was then. Grumbling under my breath I hauled my weary carcase off the bed and plopped onto the floor, cleverly managing to step on some of my equipment in the process. Hopefully any passers by wouldn’t hear my distinctly colourful choice of words that accompanied the helpless stumble into the locker, but sod them if they did. I was tired, grotty, and my head felt like it was full of cotton wool. Fortunately the bath would still be nice and warm even at… whatever time it was. Staff maintained the barracks bathing facilities well, and a fresh flow of water through a system of magically heated pipes ensured a clean bath was kept available twenty four hours a day for poor sods like me. Ponies love a hot soak, and none more so than yours truly. Hot springs were my favourite, despite the sometimes sulphurous aroma that came with them, and of course you had to watch you didn’t overheat, but a bath like the one here was just as good. Especially now. A good shower with some decent soap and stiff brushes helped perk me up, and sinking into the hot steamy water was utter, unadulterated, bliss. On reflection it may have been an idea to do this before I’d gone to bed, but the chances were I’d nod off in the comforting heat of the bath. Tiredness still clung to me like a limpet, but thanks to the miraculous waters its insidious clutches had lessoned considerably. Best of all? I didn’t have any scheduled work in the morning. Even so I wouldn’t trust Argo not to find something for me to do regardless.

My groan echoed around the tiled room and I let my body float up to the surface, careful to keep my hooves out of the water. I could thank mum for that. She always used to chastise me for my poor bathing habits when I was a youngster and would often wheel out that old story about the foal whose hooves ‘dropped off’ after leaving them in the water too long. As a foal myself at the time I’d found it a terrifying prospect, and it was only when I reached adulthood that I realised that not everything my mother had told me had been based in fact. Even so, the old lessons remained a fixture of my personality, and I never stayed too long in the water. Waterlogged fur could curl in the heat, manes and tails becoming ruined and hooves splitting from too much submersion. Many things in life, even the herd, were fine in moderation. Ice cream too for that matter. I loved ice cream, and I wouldn’t mind some after the bath. Gods, when was the last time I’d been to Miss Jubilee’s parlour? It must have been weeks, if not months ago now. Meadow was a little jealous of my admiration of the owner’s southern accent, whereas I was more concerned about Sparrow’s overloading with sweet sticky goodness that had, on occasion, reappeared with unexpected rapidity. And all over her father too. Ah, Sparrow… My little girl. When would I see her again? Or… Or Meadow. I closed my eyes and grit my teeth. I didn’t want to think about it. I couldn’t… I couldn’t, or I’d go mad. I might lose my grip on my recently reacquired sanity and…

“Oh, gods… Meadow...” I covered my face with my forelegs and felt a sob shudder through my body as the first vestiges of the numbing shock of what had happened began to wear off. “What am I going to do? Sparrow, I’m so sorry love. I failed you. I failed all of you.”

“Hello?”

Oh, hell.

Hooves clopped up to the edge of the bath and a black muzzle languishing beneath a mop of pink hair appeared like a rain cloud on a rainy day, “Fairlight? I thought you’d gone home. What are you doing in the bath at this time of the morning? Couldn’t you get to… Fairlight?” Zip Line slipped into the water beside me, “Are you alright? Your eyes are all bloodshot.”

Quickly, I turned away. “I’m… I’m fine, Lieutenant. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“Yeah,” came the reply. “Yeah, I know.”

Her voice was absolutely infuriating! So bloody all-knowing and clever that she thought she knew it all. Damned mares, you couldn’t trust them. None of them! They were all the same. Every last cursed one of them. They’d rip out your heart and drop it on the ground without a second thought whilst they wandered off for a pleasant afternoons shopping, casting your dreams to the four winds as they did so. And that was all I had now, wasn’t it? Dreams. And even they were more nightmare than anything else. In fact, my whole bucking life was a nightmare.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” The mare mercifully kept her distance, but even the thought of talking to another pony, let alone one I worked with, was too much to bear.

I leaned my head against the edge of the bath, “I said I’m just tired, didn’t I?”

Zip nodded gently, “I know what you said, but the offer is there if-”

“Oh… belt up will you?!” I span round in the water and righted myself in a spray of anger. “I want to be left alone, Lieutenant. Haven’t I made that clear, or do you want a bucking memo sending, eh?”

“Loud and clear, Captain,” came the infuriatingly formal reply.

My frustrated neigh echoed around the bathroom. As a rule I didn’t normally express myself in such a crude manner, preferring that old Fairlight standby of copious quantities of foul language, but right then it just came out of me of its own accord. Only the goddess knows what was going through my mind that day. I can’t, and to be honest, don’t want to recall it any more than as a faded memory at best. Whichever way you looked at it, I was hurting. I was also angry, tired, and somepony I’d thought was my friend had tried to kill me only a scant few hours earlier. Oh, and did I mention that the lauded mage of the herd, Star Swirl the bastard bearded, was having an affair with my wife? Damn him! I don’t doubt that some would say I should have tried to kill him, and Luna knows part of me wanted to. But my head, for once, won over my heart. If I‘d actually killed Star Swirl, or even if he killed me, what would happen to Sparrow then? She would lose her father either way. The royal wizard was a high ranking official here in the herd and they would have dealt with me mercilessly. Tartarus wouldn’t be the worst of it, that was for damned sure. No. No, if Meadow wanted to leave me for another stallion then that was her choice. I still loved her of course. I loved that beautiful green mare more than I could ever put into words. But for Meadow, the spark that I had seen in her eyes all those years ago... had gone. The love we’d once shared, all the hopes and dreams we’d made together - when had it died? Was it something I’d done that had snuffed it out, or was it our time apart that had lead her into the embrace of another? Since arriving in the afterlife I’d been constantly reminded how time here was different than that in the mortal realm, as well as the Darklands for that matter. Sparrow had been born in the herd whilst I was still alive, and she was nearing school age already. Years of her life, years that I should have been there to share with her, were gone. Gone forever. From my perspective barely any time at all had passed between her birth and my death. And yet here we were. How many years had passed for Meadow, a single parent, alone and afraid in a strange world? She’d encouraged me to find another mare in the mortal realm to keep me company after she’d died, and, after a fashion, I had. Why couldn’t she do the same? Couldn’t I simply accept that and move on? After all, what was the difference?

“Because she lied to me!” I blurted out into the towel pressed again my muzzle. “Because she wouldn’t tell me the truth!” Did she really think so little of me that she didn’t want to tell me? Or was it… was it because she was afraid of me? Afraid of… of… “I’m a monster,” I whispered, “I’m...” I pulled the towel away and stared into the mirror on the wall, at the blue eyed thing staring back at me. The long white muzzle, the rising mist wreathing it as the liquid fog, dripping from between lethally sharp translucent teeth that were stained red with the blood of innocents, mixed with the steam from the bath. I reached out a hoof, my heart as cold as the winter where my kind belonged. Where they should have stayed. “I am a demon.”

“You’re no demon,” the voice behind me said calmly. “Demon’s don’t help those who can’t help themselves, nor do they make friends who come to care about them.”

“You’re wrong,” I said to the reflection. “I’m a monster. I’m a creature of nightmares come to life to haunt the world, taking lives and destroying the hopes and dreams of all I meet.”

“Can a monster feel love?”

“I...” I closed my eyes, “I can’t feel anything any more.” I breathed out a huff of white fog, “Everything has gone now. My wife, my daughter, my family in the mortal realm. I have become what I always feared.” I felt a shudder ravage my heart, “I’m all alone.”

“You’re never alone,” the voice said beside me. “Only in your mind.”

I couldn’t look away from the mirror, from the image of the wendigo staring back at me. “Who am I, Zippy?” I asked. “What do you see when you look at me?”

“My friend,” came the reply. “My Captain and my partner, all wrapped up in one.”

I closed my eyes. “Don’t I frighten you?”

The pitch in Zip’s voice never wavered, “No more than when I can’t find my favourite bingo marker.”

“Your… Your what?!” I turned to face her in shock, “Your bingo marker?”

“Yeah? I have a favourite bingo marker, so what?” Zip’s grey eyes blinked at me in apparent surprise. “Mine’s an absolute corker too: Fits in your mouth nicely, soft grip, and it’s the rare ‘Cherry Lipstick Red’ colour which I’ve never seen any pony else with.” She beamed happily, “I got it from Cross Stitch’s place in town before she moved to New Appleford. Limited edition it was too. Say, don’t you have one?”

“NO!” I gave myself a hard shake. Bloody hell, the mental gymnastics I was pulling here were near olympic level. “I’ve never played bingo in my life!”

“Well then,” Zip said hooking a foreleg over my neck, “there’ s always a space there for noobs.”

I couldn’t get to grips with what I was hearing, “Noobs?!”

“Newbies?” Zip rolled her eyes, “Don’t worry yourself about it, you’ll be in safe hooves.” Suddenly she reached up and kissed me on the cheek, “Hey, waddaya know, you really do taste like mints.” Zip shrugged, and then to my amazement, slapped me on the rump, “Come on wendi-wotsit, get yourself back to normal or you’ll have this lot cacking their knickers.”

I released the power. It was so easy now, and yet… how the hell had it still been there? How had I managed to get through the portal, reacquire my power, and then simply slip into it without thinking like a comfortable pair of slippers? My mind was reeling, and not just from the lack of sleep either.

“Hang on!” I hurried after my erstwhile friend who was already leaving. “How come you didn’t freak out when I… you know.”

Zip chuckled, “I had wendigo friends, remember?” She raised an eyebrow, “Okay, so they couldn’t change like you can, but I’ve seen wendigo before in the past. They didn’t frighten me then and they sure as hell don’t frighten me now. Why, did you want me to freak out and be all like, ‘Oooh, a monster! Help me! I’m a damsel in distress who wets herself when she gets scared!’ Hmm?”

“Don’t be flippant,” I replied tartly.

“I’m not,” Zip sniffed with a toss of her pink mane. “You’re being presumptuous.”

“Gods, can you blame me?!” I hissed. “You know how they feel about wendigo around here. If this lot find out I can change I’ll be… I’ll be…” I shrugged angrily, unable to find the words. “I don’t know what exactly, but it won’t end well for poor old bloody Fairlight, I’ll tell you that for nothing!”

“Then the answers simple,” Zip smirked. “Don’t tell anypony.”

“I don’t intend to!” I hung my head and sighed loudly, “Gods, what a mess! I wish I hadn’t got this back now. If they-”

“Oh, belt up for Celestia’s sake, Fairlight, you’re doing my head in.” Zip gave me a shove, shooting me a look that gave me pause,. “I’ll not say a word and neither will you. Problem solved, okay?”

“Mmm.”

“Never mind ‘Mmm’, say ‘Yes Miss’.”

“Yes Miss.”

“Good boy.” Zip Line chuckled throatily, “Say, one thing though; do you always taste like mint, or is it something you put on, like a cologne?”

“I don’t wear cologne,” I replied. “It’s all natural. Don’t ask me why, I haven’t got a clue, but apparently my fur tastes like mint when I… do that.” A laugh, low and decidedly dirty sounding, made my mane stand on end. “What?” I asked, “What’s that laugh for?”

“Oh, just thinking,” Zip said slowly lifting off the floor and floating over my head. I look up into her grey eyes, her pink mane hanging down like a soft pink waterfall. “I was thinking that if you were my stallion I wouldn’t be able to stop licking you.”

“I’m not an ice cream,” I muttered.

“Really?” The kinky mare drifted down to me, her wing brushing my neck and making me twitch as her lips tickled my ear. “I taste like strawberries.”

“Eh?!” I nearly tripped over my own hooves. “Gods, Zip, you…!”

“Bingo’s at six tonight after work in the club room.” In a blast of air the randy little pegasus shot off down the hall and rounded the corner, disappearing from sight. A second later her head popped back into view. “Don’t worry, I’ve got a spare marker you can use! Oh, and dress nice, okay?”

I didn’t get a chance to reply, the strange creature had already left leaving me standing there like a plank of wood. Oh Luna, what a mare! In any case the old bladder was starting to bother me now, so it was time for a much needed trip to the stallions room and then off for a quick kip before breakfast. I’ll spare you the details of the bathroom; it wasn’t much more than the usual sea of white tiles, white porcelain, and regulation toilet paper anyway. Thankfully they had an ample supply of everything necessary for the well groomed guardstallion, and with my teeth clean, my mane and tail brushed out, I felt a damned sight better than I had only an hour or so earlier. I found myself chuckling to myself at the memory of what Zip had said too. Bingo markers of all things! What a strange pegasus she was, and if was being honest, the breath of fresh air I needed. Still, I doubted I’d ever look at strawberries the same way again after the lascivious way she’d brought my attention to… that. I suppose it was just my luck to be saddled with a pervert too, but she’d worked her magic on me that was for sure.

I was walking back from the bathroom when the sound of something scratching caught my attention. It was coming from the briefing room. That wouldn’t have been particularly odd on its own of course, other than the early hour and the fact that the lights were off. A clattering sound, muttered swearing, and the flash from a beam of light followed. It wasn’t magic, if the colour of light was any indication. A torch maybe? I shrugged. It was probably the technicians burning the midnight oil, working on fine tuning the machinery as they had a penchant for doing at all hours. But then… why would they be working by torchlight? Curious, I approached the partly open door and listened. Moving paper rustled in the empty room and there was the distinct sound of cards being shuffled. I recognised the sound from when the technicians had been programming the portal prior to a jump. Could it be one of the staff working on recalibrating the machine? I knew they’d been having trouble with the thing recently, but why would the lights be turned off? There were no windows in there to begin with, so perhaps it was massive power loss? That was probably it then, and the last thing they’d want would my clod hopping hooves clattering all over their delicate instrumentation in a clumsy attempt at ‘helping’ them. I turned to walk away, but that niggling sensation at the back of my mind gave me pause. Surely it wouldn’t be amiss simply to have a look and see whether everything was alright?

Moving closer my hackles suddenly went up like noponies business. Whatever the cause my senses were warning me that something was wrong here. But what? I sidled up closer to peer around the edge of the door, keeping as quiet as possible. What I saw when my eyes adjusted to the dark was a scene straight out of one of my old detective novels. A stallion in a cloak stood over the open drawer beside the portal device, his face bathed in the white light from his torch while his magic floated out one of the punch cards. The unicorn examined it, mumbling something under his breath, and then reached down into a pack that was sat on the floor, extracting another card. Holding the two up to the light, he selected one and put it back in the drawer whilst the other he slipped into his pack. As I watched the process repeated: take one from the drawer, check it, replace with another. Again and again. Not all the cards were replaced however. Some he decided to leave. Why, I couldn’t say, but judging by the body language and muttering of the fellow, he was nearly finished with whatever it was he was doing.

Suddenly the stallion’s head whipped up, the torch blinding me, “Who’s there?”

I ducked back quickly, but he already knew I was there. I had to think fast. “Zip Line?” I called out. “Zip are you in here?” I flicked the lights on with my magic and entered the room. “Zip-? Oh, good morning Lieutenant. I was looking for-”

“Yes, I heard!” Thalio glowered at me, flicking his packs up from the floor and onto his back.

“Everything alright, Lieutenant?” I asked innocently. “Can I help with anything?”

“You can tell me why you’re sneaking around at this time of the morning,” he replied huffily. “Well?”

I clucked my tongue in irritation and rolled my eyes for effect. “There’s no mystery to it. I couldn’t sleep so I had an early bath to wake myself up. What about you? Couldn’t find the light switch?”

“Don’t be so damned insolent!” Thalio snapped. “It’s bad enough that they let you into the herd, but I’ll never understand why they allowed you to join the guards, you...”

“Yes?” I asked quietly. “You were going to say?”

“Bah!” Thalio shoved his torch into his pouch and stormed out, roughly pushing me aside as he did so.

I watched the unicorn flounce away up the corridor and smiled wickedly to myself. It worked every time. Gods, I should have been a stage magician! My life certainly would have taken a much different course then of course, and perhaps I wouldn’t have become the suspicious pony I was today. The card in my pocket floated out to hover in front of my eyes, although what exactly all the numbers, characters and holes meant would only make sense to a scientist. What I did know was that each one had a code at the top which corresponded with the briefing pack reference number. The card was then fed into the machine, and information such as location and time were calculated to make the connection to the mortal realm. Recently things had been going wrong: locations had been off, hunters stranded because their return devices failed, and so on. It was getting to the point where I was beginning to wonder whether the ‘scientists’ knew what was going on at all. Ha! Maybe they should get Star Swirl the bucking bearded to help them? With any luck the sneaky little outhouse rat would strand himself on some barren shithole world and never come back. What a shame that would be…

Anyway, back to the job at hoof. The drawer hadn’t been locked, an oversight by my chestnut coated friend Thalio in his rush to depart. Inside it were the expected cards, all in numerical order for quick reference. “Hello,” I muttered quietly, “what have we got here?” Interestingly one of the cards in the drawer bore the same number as the card I’d managed to pilfer from Thalio when he’d barged past me. Exactly the same number in fact. I held the two cards up to the light. The similarity was incredible; from the colouration of the card to the symbols, and even the type of ink used. The copy was absolutely perfect, with just one exception: the holes. Holding them up against each other it was clear that they didn’t line up whichever way you tried it. The machine would doubtless interpret the information from the ‘wrong’ card quite happily, and nopony would be any the wiser until it was too late. Unfortunately for me I had absolutely no idea what the difference between the cards meant in practice. Fortunately I knew somepony I could ask, but first I needed to talk to the one pony here I could trust.

********************

“You did what, again?”

“I’ve already told you what I did, Zip,” I replied with a frown. “I just wanted to ask you if you can tell me more about what’s been happening here since I’ve been away.”

Zip groaned, “You were only away for two days remember? Two days, Fairlight!” She threw her forelegs in the air in exasperation. “And what makes you think they’d tell me anything anyway, huh? I’m just some winged grunt here who does what she’s told, nods in the all the right places, and buggers off home when I’m too sober to crash out in the bunk room. Do you honestly think they tell me everything that’s going on here? Look, if you’re looking for some sort of in depth exposition from me, then forget it. You know as much about the cock ups with the briefings as I do.”

I nodded my agreement, “All the more reason for me to look into this.” It wasn’t what I’d hoped to hear from Zip, but at least she was being open with me.

She flopped back in her seat, staring up at the ceiling and took a sip of her tea with a long sigh, “I’m getting myself into something I’m going to regret here, aren’t I.”

I shook my head, “Far from it. All I want is to know what’s been going on round here, Zippy. After that I’ll take my findings to Argo and he can do what he wants with it. There’s no need to mention your name at all so far as I’m concerned.”

“Gods, it’s true what they say about watch ponies isn’t it,” the mare groaned.

She was right there. The old adage ‘Once a watch pony, always a watch pony’ was a line I’d heard repeated many times over the years and paid little heed. Oh, how the little things in life sneak up on you! I shrugged, “Guess so. But in fairness you must have questions of your own regarding the kind of anomalies we’ve been experiencing here lately. It’s obvious something’s going on Zippy, and I want to find out what before somepony gets hurt. Being stranded until they can sort out a realignment is one thing, but what if something more serious happens next time? With Vela on the loose, who knows what’s round the corner for any of us.”

The black coated mare face hoofed, “Fairlight, look, please, I’m not dismissing what you’re saying, but I don’t want you poking your muzzle into things that could get you, or me, caught up in something that could get us both into a lot of trouble, okay? If you go pissing about with ponies like Thalio, then I can guarantee you that will happen. He may have fallen from grace with the royal family but he still has a lot of powerful friends in the guard, and you’re already on thin ice with him as it is.” She held up a hoof forestalling any protest, “Listen, I know your reputation and I think I need to remind you that you’re not a watchstallion any more, you’re not a private investigator, and you’re definitely not some vigilante going out there to right the world’s wrongs.” Zip’s eyes locked with mine, “Fairlight, please, take your findings straight to Argo. Okay?”

“But-”

“But nothing!” Zip leaned forward and clopped her hoof on the arm of the chair, “If you don’t I’ll do it myself. I’m sorry, Fairlight, I’ve lost far too many friends because of well meaning acts that went horribly wrong, and I’m not losing another one!” She reached out a hoof. “Give.”

I took a step back, “Zip, I-”

“Give me the cards, Fairlight.”

“I thought you said to take my findings straight to Argo?” I protested.

“I did,” Zip agreed, taking the cards from my outstretched hoof, “and I’ve changed my mind. I don’t trust you not to dash off to start your own personal crusade and end up bringing the whole blasted roof down on our heads.”

“Buck me...” I muttered

“And you can stop that too, thank you very much!” Zip snapped huffily. “I’m not putting up with any more of your moods, Fairlight. It’s not good for you, and I can’t work with a partner whose mind isn’t on the job.”

I felt like I’d had a bucket of ice water dumped over me, “You sound like my wife.”

Zip froze. Her grey eyes looked back at me, her hoof halfway to her pannier with the cards. “I’m not your wife,” she said quietly, “but if I was, I would want to protect the stallion I loved. Sometimes… Sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love to keep them from harm.”

“Like children?” I suggested.

“Exactly like children,” Zip answered. The cards disappeared into her pack. “Now then, I’m going to go see Argo and try to get this matter bottomed. Meanwhile you go and get yourself changed, we’re scheduled for a briefing at eight today.”

I didn’t bother replying. I was tired, fed up, and now I felt like a chastised colt who’d been caught scrumping for apples in the neighbours orchard. Who did she think she was to talk to me like that? And worse, why did I let her do it?! Luna buck me in the arse with a rake, what a bloody life! Death! Whatever the sodding hell this was! And maybe it was in some respects. My own personal hell where I was cursed to spend eternity being shafted by every damned pony I met. It was better than being stabbed in the arse by demons with little toasting forks of course, but the mental torture was sapping my will to continue. Unfortunately I knew all too well what was at the centre of it all, but Meadow had done what she’d done and made her decision. For me, as painful as it was, I had to move on. Although… Although I didn’t know how. I closed my eyes and tried to push the pain down, deep into the emptiness from where it welled. My knees were trembling now. Trembling! I was falling apart, piece by piece by agonising piece, and I had nopony to lean on or whom I could trust. Other than Zip Line I suppose, but I couldn’t lumber her with my problems. She deserved a hell of a lot better than my moping countenance ruining her day. Well, in any case it was time to go. The clock on wall told me I had about an hour to kill, so a quick trip to the canteen for some breakfast would be just the ticket. Food, as they say, is good for the body as well as the soul. If it could take away the pain in my heart I’d eat a sodding buffalo. But a sandwich and a cup of tea would do for now.

Outside in the corridor I turned to shut the door behind me, lost in a world of my own. Decisions over eggs, haybacon, or some of the corn sausages distracted me from noticing the two armoured ponies looming either side of me.

“Captain Fairlight Loam?”

I had a classic double take, “Yes?”

“Sergeant Carpenter,” the mare replied showing me a badge. “This is Sergeant Breaker.”

“And what can I do for you, Sergeant?” I asked.

The mare’s expression was like stone, “You’re under arrest for contravening the royal decree on importation of contaminants into the herd, thereby putting the harmony of every soul at risk.”

“WHAT?!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!

“I have to warn you that anything you say may be taken down and used as evidence in the royal court against you. You have the right to legal representation, and if you cannot provide one for yourself then one will be appointed for you. Do you understand?”

I shook my head, “No.”

“What part do you not understand?” the sergeant asked levelly.

My mane bristled in rising indignation. What the hell was she talking about?! I tried to keep my voice neutral, but by the gods it was hard. “What ‘contaminants’ exactly have I allegedly imported?”

The mare held out her hoof, and her colleague, a slim stallion in matching armour, began to read from his note pad, “It is alleged that on the twenty seventh day of the queen’s summer gala, you, Captain Fairlight Loam, encountered a contaminant in the mortal realm whilst on routine collection duty. Upon being instructed by your partner, First Lieutenant Zip Line, in the correct procedures for any and all such encounters, you confirmed to her that you would remove said contaminant yourself, yet failed to do so. It is further alleged that not only did you refuse to comply with Lieutenant Zip Line’s instructions, you unlawfully and wilfully brought said contaminant back to the eternal herd and harboured it at your home address, thereby endangering the lives of your wife and child as well as the peoples of the Eternal Herd.”

Oh goddesses. It was Shade, wasn’t it. Somepony had ratted me out to the guard and dropped me right in the guano. Celestia’s buttocks, as if things weren’t bad enough already. I’d lost my wife, my father, Shade, and now this?! How much more could a pony take? How much?! And then, just at the worst possible moment… anger took me. I threw my head back and howled out into the corridor, the sound echoing around us as deep as the ocean and as frigid as the winter that resided where once my heart dwelt. From below the depths of my soul, in the place where only hatred grew, the cold hard ball of ice stirred sensing release.

“I’m going nowhere with you,” I growled. My teeth itched and my back burned like fire beneath my tunic. I was hungry… so, so hungry...

Magic flared around me. Hooves moved to swords. If I’d had mine I would have had a fairly decent chance in a blade fight, but all I had with me was my dagger which was little use for anything more complex than peeling fruit. Still, I had my magic, and these two wouldn’t stand a chance against me. I paused. No… No they wouldn’t would they? The looks in their eyes said it all.

“You will come with us,” the mare stated haughtily despite the hesitance in her voice. “Whether voluntarily or by force, the choice is yours.”

Did she think she could fool me with her display of false courage? I could smell the fear radiating from her as smoke rises from a campfire. “Then I hope you enjoy reincarnation,” I hissed. “It’s time to say goodbye to this world, Sergeant… Both of you.”

“Captain Fairlight, Stand Down! That’s an order!”

I span to face the new threat, a growl rumbling low in my throat. “Argo...”

“There’s no need for this, Captain,” the newcomer announced. Argo’s deep voice resounded around us as he strode purposefully towards me, treading through the thickening white mist with complete abandon. “These ponies do not mean you any harm, Fairlight, they just want to talk to you.”

“I doubt that,” I replied coldly. “And what of you, Argo. Do you wish to… ‘talk’, to me?”

“Not as you are,” Argo answered. His eyes never wavered from mine, which I confess I was unused to when ponies normally faced a wendigo. “I would talk to my Guardstallion Captain Fairlight,” he continued, “as his mother bore him into the world.”

“Very poetic,” I replied. “But whether you or I wish it to be otherwise, what you see is who I am.”

“It is a part of who you are,” Argo corrected, “not the whole, Captain. Here...” Carefully he unbuckled his sword belt and bent forward, laying it on the floor before him. “I am unarmed. Take me as a guarantee of your safety and let us retire to my office where we can talk.”

“Us?” I asked, motioning to the others.

Argo looked past me to the two guards, “Leave us.”

“But Sir!” one protested.

“I will take full responsibility, Sergeant Carpenter.” Argo turned to me, “Captain, if you would be so kind?”

I held up my hoof forestalling him, “Don’t presume I’ll follow you like some meek lamb, Argo.” I glared back at the two guards. “If this is a trick, I can assure you that-”

“I have staked my life and my honour upon my promise to you, Captain.” Argo’s voice was as hard as steel. “What more would you have me do?”

That gave me pause. From the very first time I met him, Argo had struck me as the kind of stallion who took matters of honour, honesty, and good old fashioned common decency very seriously indeed. These two guards however had an intendant pretentious arrogance that made my skin crawl. If they had spoken to me like I was a normal equine being instead of something they’d stepped in then I probably would have gone with them without a second thought. Well… maybe. Still, Argo had a point. Here I was radiating hostility like a furnace with the door left open, and threatening my own colleagues. They had done nothing to harm me, and as much as I hated their attitude towards Shade, was there really any need for me to engage in violence? That would bring me down to the level of the very ponies I was critical of and only serve to mark myself out as the true villain of the piece. I was… ashamed.

I hung my head and turned to Argo, “I’ll come with you, Argo. Not because I am under arrest however,” I turned a blue eye upon the guards. “But because a stallion whom I respect asked me.”

The two guards’ expressions never flickered even once. Damn their eyes. Despite my own reservations I let the magic slip back into that part of me where it dwelt, always ready, always watchful.

“This way, Captain.” The stallion waved a hoof at the others, “You two can report back to your commanding officer that I am taking personal charge of the matter. He may come and speak to me later if he so chooses.”

And with that, they left. Argo walked ahead of me while the two guards did as good little lap dogs do and scurried off back to their master. I’d dealt with ponies like them in the past and have never liked their attitude nor their approach to their ‘colleagues’ as they laughingly referred to fellow watch ponies. Their job was to keep an eye on corruption and criminality within the rank and file. Unfortunately the old adage ‘Who watches the watch ponies?’ was very true, and these characters could essentially act as judge, jury and executioner. Metaphorically speaking of course. It was the way they acted with absolute impunity that I hated, and personally I avoided them like the plague, as did every other ‘colleague’.

Two more more guards flanked Argo’s office door and stood there like hulking furry statues. Statues that I recognised as the enigmatically named Bog and Brush. You had to love pony names! Neither of them so much as glanced at me as we entered the office, but looks could be deceiving, and these two were no exception. I closed the door on them and took a seat at Argo’s invitation.

“Drink?”

I nodded, “Brandy, please.”

“A stallion after my own heart.” Argo walked to the drinks cabinet and took out a decanter and two glasses. “No ice I’m afraid. Some like it, but I think it spoils the floral bouquet of the spirit.”

“I’d have to agree there,” I smiled taking my glass in my magic. “Thanks.”

The Lieutenant took his seat in front of the fireplace and leaned his head back with a sigh, “Gods, what a mess.” He looked down his muzzle at me and gave an ironic smile, “You’ve really done it this time, haven’t you?”

“Can you be a bit more specific?” I asked politely. I took a sip of my brandy and shifted myself in the chair to get more comfortable.

Argo watched me for a moment before reaching into a drawer in his desk. “I can.” He produced a small scroll which he unravelled and weighted down. “You can read it yourself if you like, or-”

“I think you can read it, Argo,” I offered. “I am your guest after all.”

Whether my comment riled him or not, the lieutenant’s expression didn’t waver for even a second. He reached into his drawer and took out a pair of reading spectacles and placed them on his muzzle. “I won’t bore you with the legal definitions,” he said dismissively, “I’m sure you know how they read. So, what we have basically is...”

“Yes?” I pressed, watching Argo adjust his glasses.

“To be frank, you’re in crap up to your eyeballs.” Argo looked up at me pointedly. “Smuggling a contaminant into the herd, smuggling said contaminant into the Darklands, breaking the royal decree of the use of wendigo powers in the afterlife, failure to follow protocol when encountering a Lemur, falsification of official reports, purchasing and consuming unlawful foodstuffs...” The lieutenant rubbed his eyes, “Gods, Fairlight, the list goes on. It’s into more petty territory regarding paperwork, granted, but what it all adds up to is one steaming pile of dung. And you, my wendigo friend, are well up to your knackers in it.”

“Well that’s a relief,” I said smiling. “A moment ago you said I was up to my eyeballs.”

Argo frowned at me, “This isn’t funny, Captain, it’s bloody serious!”

“If a fellow can’t laugh in the face of adversity, Lieutenant, then he’s already lost the fight.” I finished my brandy and put the glass down on the desk. “May as well hang for a for a cow as for a goose.”

“Any more cliché's you’d like to quote at me?” Argo asked sarcastically, “Or can we actually get round to discussing what the bloody hell you’ve been doing out there? Celestia’s backside, Captain, you’ve been here five minutes and you’ve got internal investigations on my back like ticks on a dogs arse.”

I shrugged, “What do you want me to say, Argo?”

The stallion sighed loudly, “You can start by telling me the truth!”

“You want the truth, huh?” I closed my eyes and tried to keep the anger from my voice. “Very well. We can start, Lieutenant Argo, by addressing the issue of the ‘said contaminant’, eh?” I leaned on my hoof and locked eyes with him. “But I tell you what, let’s dispense with the bollocks, shall we? Yeah, let’s use real words that real ponies use instead of hiding the truth behind bullshit legal terminology like you said. So, with that in mind let’s exchange the word ‘contaminant’ for, oh I don’t know, let’s say, um… ‘foal’? Yes, ‘foal’. I think that would do, yes?”

The old stallion’s expression never wavered. “As you wish.”

“I do,” I smiled broadly, but there was no joy in my heart. “I also wish somepony had told me before I joined that the guard sanction murder of said foals, Lieutenant. If so, I think I may have been a little more apprehensive about joining you on your infanticide laden sojourns to the mortal realm. Or has the routine butchering of ‘contaminants’ corrupted your sense of moral outrage and common decency to the point where it has become a course of action that means nothing to you? At what point did you and the rest of the royal guard find themselves so emotionally bankrupt that you all became comfortable with murdering children?”

Argo cocked his head to one side, watching me intently, “Have you finished?”

“Not quite,” I replied, “I haven’t told you the best part yet.” With a flourish I held up my fore hooves for the world to see. “I’m guilty of it all! Every last damned allegation.” I began to laugh. I don’t know why, and I didn’t care either. “So you can go and get your favourite little execution party and bring them all in on the fun, Argo. But why stop there? Let’s go one step further, shall we? How about a public execution in the market square? It can be just like the good old days and make it a real crowd pleaser! ‘Come one, come all. Come and see the evil wendigo hung like a joint of meat in a griffin butcher’s shop as punishment for his heinous crimes against pony kind. Hurry now, we don’t want you to miss a single twitch of his body as he performs the hangpony’s jig on the end of a rope! That’ll teach him not to kill foals and eat a sausage roll!”

The stallion sat and stared at me in silence, assessing the wendigo looking back at him. Argo took a deep cleansing breath before closing his eyes and let it out slowly, “You’re not making this easy for me are you?” He dropped his hooves noisily onto the desk. “Your reputation for sarcasm and cynicism preceded you, and I can see it is well deserved too.”

“So why did you let me join then?” I asked flatly. “A favour to Apple Pop?”

“Partly,” Argo replied honestly, “but more so because I wanted a pony with your skill and experience on my team. I believed you had the intelligence, honesty and skills we need here. You are the kind of pony who cares passionately about what he does, and I could see that within you the moment you walked in through that gate.”

“But not now, right?” I asked.

“You threatened to kill two of my officers, Fairlight.” Argo rubbed his face with his hoof, “You changed into a wendigo for all to see and you were caught smuggling a… a ‘foal’, in direct contravention of royal decree.”

“Oh, the ‘contaminant’ I was supposed to slay in cold blood?” I huffed. “Yes, I did do that. Sorry for not being a heartless automaton, Argo, but I’m sure you can find another emotionless killer around here who would be more than happy to murder kids.”

“Will you stop goading me?!” Argo’s hoof slammed onto the desk making the glasses jump and sending ripples through the brandy in the decanter. “For Celestia’s sake, you stupid, stubborn, dumb cock of a horse, I’m trying to help you! Wind in that damnable attitude of yours for five bloody minutes and we may actually be able to get you out of this, otherwise you really will be for the noose! Or more specifically, enforced forging. Do you understand me, Captain? Or would you rather continue this childish sparring with me right up until the point where those bastards come back here with reinforcements to drag you away? Well? Speak, stallion!”

Argo stripped the wind from my sales as effectively as any dressing down I’d ever had from Meadow. And by the goddess, she was an expert at it too. In my defence I confess I was angry, confused, and wanted to be as far away from here as it was possible to get. I had nothing here now, and no-pony to go home to either. Only Sparrow would care that I’d gone, and all too soon even that would be gone as she grew up with another father. What the hell did it matter what happened to me? Zip Line had salved my pain only for me to have a list read out to me that included information which only she would have been privy to. Ah… So she’d thrown me under the cart had she? Oh, well played, Lieutenant. Well played indeed. She’d had me dancing to her tune with kind words and feminine wiles as the knife sank slowly inch by unseen inch into my back. Now all that was left was one final twist and it would all be over for me. I could try to escape and run of course, but where to? The Darklands? Gods, it was a thought. But to do so would mean cutting my way through the guards, including Argo. I was under no illusions how that would end, but I didn’t want to hurt anypony. Even with the magic of the herd on their side, pain was pain, even if it was short lived. And death here meant reincarnation whether you wanted it or not. It was, in effect, death for the dead. No, whether I liked it or not there was little I could do to make the current situation better other than to listen to what Lieutenant Argo had to say.

Defeated, I stared down into my empty glass, “Say what you need to say, Argo, and let’s get this over with. I won’t offer any resistance.”

The stallion nodded solemnly, “That’s all I wanted to hear.” I heard the drawer open and something wooden placed on the desk. “Smoke?”

I gave a grim smile and accepted one of the rich smelling cigars which, I have to admit, was absolutely superb. At any other time I probably would have appreciated it more than I did. Right then I clung to the damned thing like my life depended on it.

“The foals you spoke of are eliminated as a matter of royal decree,” Argo explained calmly. He stared at the end of his glowing cigar as if it held the answers to the world around us. “I don’t like it, Captain, but it has to be done.”

I took a pull on my cigar. “Why?” I asked. “Why does it have to done, and why would the gods order us to murder their own creations?”

Almost imperceptibly, Argo’s head dropped ever so slightly matching his tone of voice, “Because… Because the thestral race should have died out thousands of years ago, that’s why. I won’t pretend to know their history, the politics of it all, or the minds of the gods who passed the decree, only that the palace ordered that any such beings we encountered were to be destroyed on sight. The thestrals themselves know that we do this, and if any are missed and turn up in their realm they come to the same fate there.” Argo closed his eyes and exhaled, “Fairlight, like you, every part of me tells me this is wrong, that they’re children, foals who have barely come into the world. But even you must know that they’re not natural. Thestrals are born exactly the same way as equines, but you know yourself what their birth rate is like. You spent time amongst them, made friends, even taking one as a lover. But whether we like it or not they’re a dying species, and the palace would prefer that to happen naturally without this… anomaly.”

‘Anomaly’… It would be laughable if it wasn’t so tragic. What Argo hadn’t said in so many words was that the royal family didn’t want to dirty their own hooves by doing the murderous work themselves. It was far better to have their polished armour wearing lackies travel between the realms killing foals rather than risk a potential public relations nightmare. Everything about it stank, and I was seriously beginning to question whether the eternal herd was the ‘heaven’ we had been lead to believe it was. I rubbed my temples with my hoof, trying to get my head around what Argo was telling me. It wasn’t easy.

“The grieving mother took her own life and turned into a thestral foal right in front of me,” I said plainly. “Zip Line told me to kill her, but… I couldn’t. I just couldn’t, Argo. What sort of monster would I have to be to push a blade into the heart of an innocent?”

Argo closed his eyes, his voice dropping an octave, “One who follows orders, Captain. That’s all.”

“The public don’t know about this do they.” I knew the answer already.

Argo shook his head, “Of course not. But then, who would care? For many of our people, thestrals are the stuff of nightmares and ancient legend, if not straight up mythology. Most of them have never even seen one, and those few thestrals that do come here from the Darklands have to cover themselves up and are kept under constant observation by the guard.” He held up a hoof, “And yes, that includes your friend, Glimmer.” Argo waited for my protest. When none came, he continued, “Ask yourself, Captain, how many ponies do you think would be outraged if they learned that the ‘monsters’ who’d had tried to overthrow the country were being eliminated immediately upon discovery? Do you think they would protest? Or rather be relieved that they’d been kept safe? Whatever you may think of the methods, the desire for harmony and peace in the eternal herd is paramount to the royal family. And who could argue with the gods?”

“Is this where I feature then, Argo?” I asked. “Wendigo would be considered ‘monsters’ by your definition. They fought in the war alongside the legion and now, here I am - a walking, talking beast from those self same nightmares and legends.”

“It’s not the same.” Argo took a draw on his cigar, “Wendigo are still ponies. Take away their access to the spirit’s magic and they are just like every other unicorn out there. Other than their tendency to all look the same, they’re as much a part of our world as any other equestrian. Thus, they are welcomed here in the herd. Under certain… conditions.”

“That being the locking away of their wendigo powers,” I clarified.

Argo nodded, making a pointing gesture towards me with his hoof, “Exactly.” He took a sip of his brandy and leaned back in his chair. “You know as well as I do how wendigo flying around would affect pony sensibilities, Captain. You may have gotten used to it, but wendigo in their altered form aren’t exactly the sorts of creatures you’d invite back home to meet your parents. Admittedly there aren’t that many around now who were there during the war, but there’s still enough to cause a ruckus if you suddenly popped up amongst them in all your foggy glory. It would be like a sheep taking a starving wolf home to meet the kids.”

He had a point, and one that wasn’t lost on me either. “So what now then?” I asked. “I can resign from the guard, but I know damned well it won’t be as easy as that, will it? I’m a wendigo too, and that’s something you said yourself won’t be tolerated under any circumstances. Let’s not forget either that I broke the law by bringing Shade here, even though I took her to the Darklands. And then finally, I ate...” I barked out a cynical laugh, “… a bacon bloody sandwich.”

“I can only do so much,” Argo replied in his level tone. “I can petition the royal family and the royal wizard who-”

“-Who is busy bucking my wife,” I clarified helpfully.

“Who...” The Lieutenant covered his eyes with his hooves. “Oh goddesses, Fairlight...”

“Looks like your spy network missed that one, eh?” I quipped bitterly.

Argo ignored the comment. “I’d hoped…” He closed his eyes and sighed loudly, “Damn it all! We’re going to have to think of a strategy we can realistically-” He stood up suddenly and stared at the door. “What’s all that noise? What the bloody hell’s going on out there?”

I leaned back in my chair and smiled softly as I gazed up at the elegantly plastered ceiling while time flowed around me like treacle - thick and cloying. There was nothing I could do now except leave myself to the mercy of Argo. What he meant to do with me, I didn’t honestly know. Frankly I was beyond caring anyway. With the regaining of my power should have come the sense of joy and liberation. Instead the cosmic balancing scales had tipped too far and, once again, that brief light of hope had been plunged into the darkness of despair by what I had found in my bed. In my own home. My mind began to lose focus, hearing but not listening, slipping away into the infinity of nothingness while the clock on the wall slowly and methodically sliced away the seconds. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Each thump, each mechanical turn of the gears, resonated unnaturally within the well appointed office. And the hole where my heart had been. Now, only ice remained. Ice, and the soul destroying emptiness of absolute despair. I was barely aware of the hammering on the door, the shouting and the grabbing of hooves and magic. I think Argo was yelling something, but in all the commotion of jostling ponies, armour, white coats and blue eyes… I surrendered to it all. I didn’t want to be forged – turned into a fresh new life with all my memories erased. I wanted nothing more than to simply fade away from this world, never more to be seen nor heard, as the existence that was Fairlight Loam, Lord of the Four Winds and fool of the gods, was forgotten to history. This now was the final chapter, the final few pages, and then, mercifully, the end of everything. I was tired of it all. I was tired of the fighting, the horror, the pain and suffering of myself and those I’d loved. They’d all gone now anyway. Betrayal, heartache and loss were things I’d thought, hoped, would have been washed away with my death in the mortal world. But even here in the herd I was Fate’s plaything. Star Swirl had called me a ‘child of fate’ once. What he really meant was that I was Fate’s bitch. Well, she’d certainly done a number on me, hadn’t she? I think she could give herself a well deserved pat on the back for that fine piece of work and consider it a job well done.

Very well done indeed.

Comments

[RoboRed]

...Well crikey. THAT certainly wasn't a welcome return to the Herd. Several cases of betrayal, an attempted assassination, plus all but cornered by the law, all within the span of about a day.

Fate's a bitch.