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An Intricate Disguise


Selling out has never felt so dirty. (Patreon!)

Comments ( 55 )

So an incubus in Equestria.... You have my curiosity, good sir. The set up is solid, and the character makes sense. After all, I would firmly expect the morals of anyone who has to feed on others in order to survive to get... flexible, pretty quickly. I have a lot of questions I hope you answer about both how he came to equestria and the nature of his curse, and I'm definitely along for the ride!

"I'm Captain Clopper, and I support this clopfic."

Who disliked this comment?

9381608
What 2 assholes disliked that comment?

My curiosity was piqued when I first went over the description. Short, but gives you just enough to make you want to know more, makes you want to figure out just what's going to happen. Of course there's an idea, but until you read it, ya will never know.

Hoping into the first chapter, it didn't play around and came right at you. Almost instilling a feel of need from the main character, he NEEDS to do this to live. Which sometimes is indicative of real relationships. "Love hurts" and all that. Being with someone because you need to, but it's slowly killing you. It's a great way to make you already care about him and her. There's something not normal, and you just gotta keep reading to find out more.

The writing is great to me, flows nicely, but still keeps you interested in it being more than just a "clopfic" which to me it really isn't about that. The pacing, the inner monologue moments of him just trying to figure his situation out and boom. Things go left field and now he's on a dangerous path. Theres hints as to what might happen, questions that have yet to be answered.

Did he happen to Cheerilee?
What will Twilight think?
Will the mare from the beginning show up or be me toned again?

It gives the reader something to think about and theorize on and I really like things like that. All in all, it's a great story, a bit different but that's not a bad thing. I'll be waiting for more to be released for sure.:twilightsmile:

A bunch of idiots who wouldn't know a good story if it walked up and slapped them. Ignore the downvotes, you have my interest.

9381744
Heh, seems like we have a serial downvoter in the comment section. :ajsmug:

Neat, an M rated story where for once I skip the "sexy" party (little as there is here yet if it CAN even be called a sexy part) and more went for the plot.

Tl;DR I can't believe I'm watching it for the plot for real for once.

Heck of a job, AiD

Consider my interest piqued. This is some quality writing. :moustache:

Ponies: *Exists*

Humans: "But can we fuck it?"

Wow! The concept for this story is awesome! I'm excitedly waiting to see how this plays out and how you might pop my prediction bubbles. :twilightblush:

Twilight sighed. "Cheerilee is the teacher for Ponyville's schoolhouse, and hasn't been in the best condition recently..." she cut herself off, shaking her head. "That's an understatement, sorry. Cheerilee is in the hospital. She's been in a coma for the last two weeks, and they don't think she's waking up any time soon..." Twilight propped her head up on her hooves, looking as if she wanted to simply slump . "I've got two days left to get myself caught up on their curriculum and figure out how to break it to the foals that Cheerilee might not be coming back. I'm pretty stressed, and I'm totally unloading it on you, a stranger that helped me with my bag."

Something tells me that Justin has something to do with this...

Though of course I'm equally as sure that it wasn't intentional.

I could tell her the last spell she’d cast easily enough—it was on me.

Smooth, much? :ajsmug:

I thought back to Twilight one last time. Maybe I still hadn't had my fill.

The question is, is there a sequel? Preferably with a resolution for the condition.

Just noticed the incomplete tag. :twilightsheepish:

Looking forward to seeing more, (still) preferably with a cure for Justin…

… Unless you have a better idea, that is. :raritywink:


Also, this is a great 'clop with (significant) plot'. I wouldn't expect anything else from An Intricate Disguise.

9382344
Woe is me, I have been assailed by the serial downvoter! Whatever shall I d-do!? :raritydespair:

Well, this is an interesting HiE story, and it has an interesting intrigue about City Scraper abilities to suck vitality out of ponies, with a romance with Twilight. I wonder if he is something other then a Changelling or is he something else then that, and Celestia seems to be aware of his origins but had managed to hide a part of his abilities from her. I wonder how he managed to get used to bedding ponies, how he apparently overfed on Cheerlee to put her in a coma? Can't wait what the school teacher setting is going to turn out between them?

This is an interesting take on the trop and I can wait to see how it's going to turn out with the shipping between the two.

On the another subject, if you are interested in looking for a personal cover art for your story, I am open for commissions and you can find my gallery in the link bellow; you can PM me if you want to discus it further. Good luck on your story.

https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku

Time to upvote everyone to fight the downvoter 8D

I'm looking forward to reading more this! Excited to see where this is going :heart:

I dont wanna get invested in another fic and have it not be finished :applecry:

9383594
I agree; way too many stories that I once loved just eventually stop getting updates, remaining "Incomplete" for the rest of time, leaving me with no choice but to inherently distrust and dislike the label. "On Hiatus" is hardly any better, save for being able to be filtered out without also filtering out unfinished stories that will be completed - my main problem with the "Incomplete" tag.

For example, I have one story in my "Sex & Romance" bookshelf that's been On Hiatus since September 2016, that had an awesome start ("You Brighten My Day" by JaydexTheShadowKnight), and another (""My Little Corruption" by nohen) that's been Incomplete since January 2018. Or my absolute favourite that I was bitterly disappointed by the On Hiatus tag, "I Belong To You" by Azure Sandora.

It makes me think that those authors shouldn't have even bothered putting up stories they weren't going to finish; sure, the saying is "something's better than nothing", but when that something leaves you wanting more when you know you're never likely going to get more...sigh.

Also any "Incomplete" stories should automatically be transferred to "On Hiatus" or "Cancelled" if they haven't gotten any updates in a year's time.

9383991
Quantum castaways. My top 2story all time. Never finished, an amazing read I don't recommend reading it...it's been so long

9383594
9383991
Well, in my experience, there's little chance of that with An Intricate Disguise. It might take some time, but he's not one to leave things, and us, hanging. :pinkiesmile:

That being said, yes, abandoned stories are just sad. Many of them are actually good, and to see that they haven't been updated in years… :raritydespair:

It might as well be an eternal cliff-hanger, leaving us with an insatiable need for more, never to be fulfilled. :fluttershysad:

Quantum Castaways… so long…

It sounds like to me that he’s an incubus

9383991
Well I’m not sure as to the others, but the author of “My little corruption” has made blog posts detailing their health deterioration and desire to complete the story.

Interesting concept this one is

9384466
The author just blog posted about a (distantly) upcoming new chapter of QC, oddly enough. :rainbowlaugh:

9386119
You don't say?

I hope that's true…

City Scraper really reminds me of Thomas Wraith from The Dresden Files. Also a conflicted character that feeds on lifeforce and is irresistible to the opposite sex when he wants to be.

Nice chapter, it was interesting to see the insight on City's situation and how he apparently can't let himself be attached to anyone because of his 'hunger' and how he risk s overfeeding and put others into a coma, and he is starting to fall into that trap with twilight now. I wonder what is getting him interested in her and how he will explain bedding with other ponies while dating her, or will he actually starve himself for her, or maybe he could risk 'fess up to her about his situation and see where it goes, especially sense Cheerily is in a coma because of him; at the very least he will get an honest response from Twilight of what she thinks of him once the lies are stripped away. Tough call man...

Looking forward to the next chapter.

I left the house, and walked in the opposite direction of where I needed to go. I was a coward. I walked to a nearby park and sat on a bench. I smoked a cigarette. I watched ducks swim in the pond. I watched pegasi fly in the skies overhead, some ferrying snow clouds. Foals watched me with a barely masked curiosity, probably impressed by my suit or curious about my cigarette. Not many ponies smoked in public, so it must have been an oddity to them.

OK, this guy's pretty fucked up if he's that desparate.

I really hope for a happy end for him and Twilight :heart:

9387241
Me too. Maybe she can find a way to either cure him of this curse or prevent mares from falling into the same trap that starlight about felt to.

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9387241
Maybe she'll be able to endure his "needs"
She is an alicorn after all.

i really like this so far

What's up with all the disliked comments?

9389049
People often troll clop for no good reason.

And in she walked with bags under her eyes, hair all frazzled, a grump on her face that lifted into a pleasant smile the moment she saw me. She was the most adorable mess I’d ever seen.

This...this right here...is Twilight to a T. ALL HAIL THE ADORKABLE PRINCESS!!!
:twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Beyond that, this is an intriguing premise that I have seen before, but not quite in this manner. Looking forward to more.

Starlight actually turned back to her pancakes now, took her eyes off me. I noticed the flick of her tail, irritated. I found myself more curious than I should’ve been, and undid my progress with a few words. “Sounds like you’re jealous to me. You want to be out there with her, I’ll bet.”

I was grilling my head the whole time for who Starlight's marefriend could be, when Trixie's existence suddenly popped back into my head.

For some reason, my bravado, my instinct to forgo morality and act as I pleased, it died around her.

Instead, I only felt happy. That and protective. I wanted to keep her safe.

And in she walked with bags under her eyes, hair all frazzled, a grump on her face that lifted into a pleasant smile the moment she saw me. She was the most adorable mess I’d ever seen.

Well, at least we know that he'll try his absolute best to treat her right. :pinkiesmile:

… and that's a good thing, since ― unless there's a good reason not to ― if he hurts her, I'd be obliged to run him through with a sword.

Also, cute Twilight is cute. :rainbowkiss:

Huh, if he had a number of mares in-the-know, he could rotate through them without too much hardship on anypony's part. But he has to hide his nature to keep from getting lynched by the innocents he fucked, so he can't form those strong relationships he'd need to stop harming others.This guy is like the ideal prostitute. Looks awesome, feels awesome, costs a fucking mint so you can only afford him once a year or so. Nobody gets hurt in anywhere but their pocketbook. And yet it's the prostitutes he's having to use, not the other way around. Kind of sucks.

Thanks for not making him a changeling. That would've been waaaaay too cliché.

Oh as for Cheerilee, my hypothesis is she's one of whatever he is, and she stopped secretly having rampant promiscuous sex for too long, so she ran out of energy to keep going. The cure is to have sex with her until she's well fed enough to regain consciousness. Yep, that's exactly what's going on. Anyone who's gazed upon her supernatural beauty should agree with me on this. I think they should test that hypothesis multiple times, with several stallions, just to be sure.

Starlight would have never gone through with having sex with him. It was clear when she had that moment where she flinched and stepped back her heart and love for her marefriend was preventing it from going any further. Any more and it would have been just him forcing her to to it. Basically clouding her mind to a point she would just do his bidding. Her body would have gonf through the motions, but she truly wouldn’t enjoy it. Love is powerful and true love bonds can’t be broken. It nice to see he was surprised that even with all his allure and attractive nature true love still can see through his deception and cause a potential victim to still have the willpower to fight off his advances.

Perhaps too this is him as well seeing something he truly wants, but is afraid to try for. Maybe that is what happened to Cheerilee too. Perhaps she too had this curse placed upon her as well and eventually after countless victims found out that there is love for her too out there and was just simple afraid to chase after it.

Ahhh, absolutely wonderful. Tense, dramatic, and I am dying to see where this is going.

My god I’m so into this story, the pacing and the tensfulness of a character breaking down and struggling to come to grips with what he knows is wrong, this is definitely turning into one of my favourite and it isn’t even finished, I hate waiting for new chapters but when I get them I’m so happy, good job mate keep up the good work

Well he is well and truly ensnared in Twilight blunt hooves, I wonder how he is going to deal with sleeping with other mares while also juggling for sustenance dealing with his need for sustenance for himself. Will she naturally lose interest in him if he deprive himself too much or will it continue any way if he becomes a decrepit old stallion. I wonder how long he had try to deprive himself of ponies essences before? He is a real vampire, and I woneder how he would match with the Changelings? What did he do to research a substitute food source for himself?

just ask her out already

I am loving this story far more than I expected! I really hope City Scraper gets the courage to get into a relationship with Twilight.

I theory about City Scraper's condition that admittedly may be cheesy. Maybe being in a mutual relationship is the key to breaking this "curse", as both parties are giving and taking something out of it. Also, it could be possible that once it's removed, all negatively affected by it (as Cheerilee apparently has been) will become well.

Can't wait for next chapters!

He’s officially been ensnared. Now, what will he do in the gilded cage of Love?

I'm loving this story. I just imagine how Twilight is going to describe this encounter to her friends at a tea-party.

<read in Oliver Twist voice> Please sir, may I have more?

9415057
My personal theory is that twilight has a similar "curse" that somehow counteracts city's. But yours is a good one as well.

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