- Member Since 9th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Phoenix Heart 27
"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day."- Vincent Van Gogh
Phoenix Heart 27
Joined 9th Jul, 2014 ·
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- Phoenix Heart 27 · 1.7k words · 314 views
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This is awesome
9379591
Thank you.
9379595
You’re welcome
And what format is Silent in?
9379906
I knew someone was gonna question that at some point! Simply put: Diary/Journal format. Each "entry" is another part of the story told from first-person p.o.v. This story and Silent follow that formatting.
I bet he looks pretty unique
.
I'm guessing that its not a pretty story
.
Me too
!
I bet a lot of people think that with their diaries
.
Well...this is giving off some promising vibes
. Can't wait to see how this goes
! Even if it will be sad...
.
Typical five year old
!!!
Oooooooh, BC has a cruuuush~
!!!
Jakass
.
Well, BC's off to a great start
. Can't wait to see more
.
9406007
Well well well! I'm not totally surprised that you'd comment on this story. Your thought are valid and more will be revealed as the story goes on.
9406034
!!! I can't wait to see more
!
Eeyup, I'm back once again baby
9406012
Firstly, idek how I didn't see this comment (|____>0<____|)! Secondly....yeah this is gonna get into some more explanation soon enough.
9406038
Was wondering what happened to ya! we
9406048
...and dealing with outside life
...but now, I'm back
!
Kinda been checkin' out others' stories here and there...
9406052
No worries! It's cool dude.
Should this be any other story in a non-diary format, it’d be a little annoying in regards of how the characters are introduced. However since this is supposed to be the diary of a twelve-year-old, the introductory page is spot on and you got plus points both for realism and characters. Furthermore, if one compares the two entries, he can find that our protagonist apparently grew a little wiser in the half year, focusing on the more important stuff
I’m curious about the native names presented there. Do they have any special meaning to them?
9461173
Well simply put the native italics are the rather literal translations of the words “bear claw” and “swan” in Ojibwa (Chippewa). I used those because they were the easiest ones I could remember (as I’ve known the language since I was a little one). As far as realism is concerned, despite me being an adult, I can recall being a 12 year old. However the perspective of a 12 year old colt was a bit of a challenge. A welcome challenge I admit though.
9461313
I see, that’s really awesome. As for the challenge, a story that’d be too easy to write is usually not a good one, so I think you did well. Anyway, I’m looking forward to the next chapter!
9461516
Yes. As far as the next chapter that.....might be a few months. Main reason: Kinda trying to update some of my works that are listed as “incomplete” or “on hiatus”. That takes time and creativity.
9461611
So many ideas, so little time, right? I know that very well, so I think I can wait
9462367
Of course. Trust me though, the wait will be worth it.
Oh sweet Faust, that HAD to be painful
!!! I can already feel my own nether regions spiking with pain from jus reading that
. Hope he's okay...
.
Combat training, I'm assuming? Or a final test
?
Ouch...
...still though, nothing ventured nothing gained
.
Oooooh, I sense shipping coming along
.
Now all of these gifts are cool, especially the Shark Tooth necklace
!
9716141
Yeah....his 13th birthday sounds awfully exciting compared to my own 13th birthday.
9716153
. I apologize if I'm stirring up some bad memories
.
I take it didn't go as well as you thought it would
9716162
Naw! Mines was just boring as all get out!
9716164
. But hey, we all need some excitement at some point in our lives
.
So were mines, kind of
9716172
Yeah. Mine just happened to occur 4 years later on my 17th
9716175
? I bet that gave you some real excitement
!
Oh
9716177
Actually no. I was placed in a mental institution barely 24 hours after my birthday.
9716347
..................
....what
?
9716348
For context on that matter, PM me.
9716350
.
Sure thing, I know you really don't wanna discuss it in the comments section
9716351
Hence why I said what I said.
9716352
.
Eeyup
Nice to see a new chapter is up! Enjoyed reading about the ritual, I believe at least certain parts of it are quite widely practiced around the globe, but it was a nice touch nonetheless. (A biological nitpick about the filly side of the rite: Unlike primates, most mammal females go through oestrous cycle instead of the menstrual one. The main difference is that the proliferated inside of the uterus, the endometrium, is reabsorbed instead of being shed. Thus there is no blood discharge.) Also, the list of gifts is a really nice little detail
9721742
Okay, yes I admit that I took a few small liberties on certain aspects! Yet that's the beauty of fiction! Otherwise, I was nearly dead on point.