• Member Since 9th Jul, 2014
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Phoenix Heart 27


"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day."- Vincent Van Gogh

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A colt is taught from foalhood all about what a "good little colt" is supposed to be like and do. Bear Claw is not like every other colt. He's more of a lone wolf...

A stand alone story, in the same format as my story, Silent. Reading that is not required at all.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 33 )

This is awesome

9379595
You’re welcome

And what format is Silent in?

9379906
I knew someone was gonna question that at some point! Simply put: Diary/Journal format. Each "entry" is another part of the story told from first-person p.o.v. This story and Silent follow that formatting.

  • My coat color is Burnt Sienna, but I have a paint patterned coat with Magnolia splashes on my face, back, hind legs and left forehoof.

I bet he looks pretty unique:ajsmug:.

  • I live with my older sister and my 4 year old niece.
  • The reason I don't live with my parents...is a difficult story

I'm guessing that its not a pretty story:fluttershysad:.

  • I LOVE videogames

Me too:yay:!

(I feel like you should have a name...ya know, to make it seem less like I'm writing in a boring old journal and more like I'm...confiding in an old, trusted friend. I will have to think about it some more).

I bet a lot of people think that with their diaries:raritywink:.

Well...this is giving off some promising vibes:ajsmug:. Can't wait to see how this goes:scootangel:! Even if it will be sad...:fluttershysad:.

Love that little filly to pieces (and that proves true in how much I spoil her, much to Swan’s chagrin), yet the filly knows how to party--kindergartener style. Which means a lot of screaming, running, messes, and one birthday girl who is currently passed out in her room curled up with all her birthday presents.

Typical five year old:rainbowlaugh::rainbowkiss::heart:!!!

I suppose it was worth it. Plus….don't tell anypony, but my crush was at the party. One of my niece's friend's is my crush’s little brother. So needless to say things got a little awkward on my end due to me trying to not make a fool of myself. I didn't make a fool of myself if that's what you were worried about, but still...I tried to keep composed. It worked until I almost literally stuck my hoof in my mouth and said something incredibly embarrassing. Oh how I wish there were a device that could erase part of a pony’s memory so that I could make everypony forget what I said and did.

Oooooooh, BC has a cruuuush~:rainbowkiss::heart:!!!

While I was excited at first, some jerk in my class so rudely said to me that there's nothing exciting about and I quote: “dirty, thieving savages living in mud tents who kill innocent ponies over pieces of land”.

Jakass:twilightangry2:.

Well, BC's off to a great start:ajsmug:. Can't wait to see more:twilightsmile:.

9406007
Well well well! I'm not totally surprised that you'd comment on this story. Your thought are valid and more will be revealed as the story goes on.

9406034
Eeyup, I'm back once again baby:yay::derpytongue2:!!! I can't wait to see more:scootangel:!

9406012
Firstly, idek how I didn't see this comment (|____>0<____|)! Secondly....yeah this is gonna get into some more explanation soon enough.
9406038
Was wondering what happened to ya! we

9406048
Kinda been checkin' out others' stories here and there...:twilightsheepish:...and dealing with outside life:twilightblush:...but now, I'm back:scootangel:!

9406052
No worries! It's cool dude.

Should this be any other story in a non-diary format, it’d be a little annoying in regards of how the characters are introduced. However since this is supposed to be the diary of a twelve-year-old, the introductory page is spot on and you got plus points both for realism and characters. Furthermore, if one compares the two entries, he can find that our protagonist apparently grew a little wiser in the half year, focusing on the more important stuff :twilightsmile:

I’m curious about the native names presented there. Do they have any special meaning to them?

9461173
Well simply put the native italics are the rather literal translations of the words “bear claw” and “swan” in Ojibwa (Chippewa). I used those because they were the easiest ones I could remember (as I’ve known the language since I was a little one). As far as realism is concerned, despite me being an adult, I can recall being a 12 year old. However the perspective of a 12 year old colt was a bit of a challenge. A welcome challenge I admit though.

9461313
I see, that’s really awesome. As for the challenge, a story that’d be too easy to write is usually not a good one, so I think you did well. Anyway, I’m looking forward to the next chapter!

9461516
Yes. As far as the next chapter that.....might be a few months. Main reason: Kinda trying to update some of my works that are listed as “incomplete” or “on hiatus”. That takes time and creativity.

9461611
So many ideas, so little time, right? I know that very well, so I think I can wait :raritywink:

9462367
Of course. Trust me though, the wait will be worth it.

See in our tribe, when a colt or filly turns the oddly specific age of 13, both genders have to go through what is called the “first blood”. It sounds gross, I know but stay with me here. It's not as bad as you think….it's somehow worse. See for girls, this just means that they...check to see if the filly has had her first moon blood cycle. I know. Why do I know about such things about fillies? Because I live with 2 of them (and only one of them goes through it every month) whereas it's a different situation for when they first start estrus. Faust’s mane I know too much about girls! Anyways they check by...well going down when she's laying on a padded mat and they...check to make sure her hymen is still intact, her uterus is shedding properly and that her hips are properly aligned. This was all told to me by my best friend, Dagger. She explained that in a few weeks they're gonna take her to the village and perform the first half of the ritual (which is what I explained) there. As it is in 3 weeks time it’ll be Dagger’s 13th birthday too. Now for colts it's….far more painful. Err...at least the first half is.

Oh sweet Faust, that HAD to be painful:fluttershyouch:!!! I can already feel my own nether regions spiking with pain from jus reading that:pinkiesick:. Hope he's okay...:fluttershysad:.

This part is the only part that both colts and fillies have to participate in. The earning of our marks. No not our cutie-marks. Most of us already had that. No, I mean our official ink marks that officially declare us as adults. It was horrible! It didn't help that all the boys were still in pain in our nether regions, but apparently half of the girls were also in pain as well (apparently for three of them, the process of the first half of their ritual was rather uncomfortable and they too felt slight pain in their nethers). So here we were. 12 colts and fillies paired off in what was essentially...a large , non-lethal battle royale.

Combat training, I'm assuming? Or a final test:ajsmug:?

Amazingly, all of us came out alive! Badly bruised and injured, but alive! I still have a black eye and my left back hoof still hurts like Tartarus. Yet, I now sport the mark of the bear in which I was named for on my chest. A large bear’s paw is now permanently etched into my chest (which also burns).

Ouch...:fluttershyouch:...still though, nothing ventured nothing gained:ajsmug:.

Okay, I admit the party part was kinda fun, but I was exhausted from earlier and just wanted to rest! Now of course I was grateful and partied hard (as well as I could for a school night that is). You won't believe this, but my dear, sweet, conniving 26 year old sister managed to invite my crush to my birthday party/congratulatory party. To say I was mortified would be an understatement.

Oooooh, I sense shipping coming along:ajsmug:.

*A new radio
*A Captain Marevel bed sheet set
*A new stationary
*Immortal Combat XI for my ZBox Two
*Some clothes
*A new poncho (courtesy of my nookomis)
*A shark tooth necklace (from my niece)
*Some new records (from my dad and mom)
*A new quiver (from my crush! I was honestly surprised by that one)
*Bits (various ponies gave me a total of about $200 bits)

Now all of these gifts are cool, especially the Shark Tooth necklace:pinkiehappy:!

9716141
Yeah....his 13th birthday sounds awfully exciting compared to my own 13th birthday.

9716153
I take it didn't go as well as you thought it would:fluttershysad:. I apologize if I'm stirring up some bad memories:ajsleepy:.

9716162
Naw! Mines was just boring as all get out!

9716164
So were mines, kind of:twilightblush:. But hey, we all need some excitement at some point in our lives:twilightsmile:.

9716172
Yeah. Mine just happened to occur 4 years later on my 17th

9716175
Oh:unsuresweetie:? I bet that gave you some real excitement:rainbowdetermined2:!

9716177
Actually no. I was placed in a mental institution barely 24 hours after my birthday.

9716348
For context on that matter, PM me.

9716350
Sure thing, I know you really don't wanna discuss it in the comments section:fluttershbad:.

9716351
Hence why I said what I said.

Nice to see a new chapter is up! Enjoyed reading about the ritual, I believe at least certain parts of it are quite widely practiced around the globe, but it was a nice touch nonetheless. (A biological nitpick about the filly side of the rite: Unlike primates, most mammal females go through oestrous cycle instead of the menstrual one. The main difference is that the proliferated inside of the uterus, the endometrium, is reabsorbed instead of being shed. Thus there is no blood discharge.) Also, the list of gifts is a really nice little detail :twilightsmile:

9721742
Okay, yes I admit that I took a few small liberties on certain aspects! Yet that's the beauty of fiction! Otherwise, I was nearly dead on point.

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