Sisters. Family. Celestia and Luna are supposed to be there for one another before all else. Unfortunately, being the ruling class of a nation is a very stressful lot in life, and they often have conflicting schedules. It’s hard to make time for one another. Hopefully, a family can count on one another for support, even when all else fails. Seriously, Nightmare Moon should not have happened. AU Oneshot.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Bitter, much? But in all honesty this was a nice little story to read before breakfast.
Needs more detail.
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In what way? Are you saying there isn’t enough information about what happened before and after the context of the writing? If that’s what you mean, I left it vague on purpose. I don’t know if I’m going to turn this concept into a full story. I might, but unless I decide to, there’d be no point. Of course, if you’re saying instead that I didn’t cover the subject thoroughly enough it’s different. If that’s the case, could you let me know where in the story you think I could have said more?
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Don’t know how that happened, the spaces were there from when it was one paragraph, so I guess a finger slipped or something, but it’s fixed. Thank you.
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I think what I meant is that I'd like to see it as a full story.
Interesting concept and bits of lore, definitely not bad for just flexing your writing muscles. Grammar-wise, the biggest issue I found was the inconsistency of tense use (you jump between past and present tenses a lot), but I'd say the block-of-text paragraphs were what bothered me a little more--try to split them up into smaller chunks that'll be easier to read. The same applies to some of your longer and rather complex sentences. Both of these issues also affect the pace of the story--it is slow and more or less the same thorough the chapter, resulting in rather flat atmosphere, which is a shame. I can explain in greater detail if needed and also suggest some fixes, if you want, that is.
I'm looking forward to reading more of your works!