Chapter 1
Different Shades
by Sonson21
Chapter 1: Memory One
A purple unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle walked through the halls of Canterlot’s palace with a sense of purpose.
Under normal circumstances the mare believed a letter would have been sufficient, but this was not the case. Having recently paid witness to what she deemed a deplorable act committed by her own kind left her feeling oddly dirty. She felt that something had to be done to rid herself of the metaphorical grime that covered her body.
They were a peace loving species, were they not? One of acceptance and kindness, but perhaps things were never as black and white as she believed, for her kind had shown shades of gray, ugly shades of gray. Shaking her head to rid herself of those thoughts, she stopped in front of two large oak doors that were being guarded by two ponies clad in armor.
“Twilight Sparkle,” one of the ponies said in a gruff tone. “Princess Celestia has been expecting you,” he said in a flat manner, as he made to push open the large door and allow her access.
Twilight sauntered past the guards with no greeting or response to their words. Walking into the large throne room, she made sure to keep her face as devoid of emotion as she could, to convey just how upset she was.
Celestia, in all her radiance, stood waiting for her protégé and greeted her with a warm smile. “My dearest student, Twilight Sparkle.” She spoke in a melodic tone befitting of a goddess, as she walked over and nuzzled Twilight, whom didn’t much return the gesture.
Twilight sighed. “Princess Celestia, there’s much we need to talk about.”
Celestia nodded her head in understanding, as she took a few steps back. “This is pertaining to the incident that took place in Ponyville a week ago, is it not?” Celestia inquired.
“Then you know what happened?” Twilight asked curiously.
“No, I’m merely aware that there was a commotion,” Celestia answered. “I am not privy to what actually took place. Although, I can see that whatever transpired has left you in disarray, my student.”
Twilight was silent for a moment, as she searched her mind for what she needed to say. “Princess,” Twilight began, “you’ve always stressed the importance of friendship and all that comes with it. Learning to love and tolerate your fellow pony. But should that tolerance only extend to our own kind, are we that narrow-minded as a whole?”
Celestia remained stock still, as she listened to what Twilight had to say.
“Even though there’s an entire world beyond the borders of Equestria, we seldom have interactions with the inhabitants of those lands. We have peace, but is total segregation worth that peace?” Twilight asked, as she started to fear that she might have stepped over the line, but she bucked those thoughts to the recesses of her mind and pressed forward anyway. “Just a week ago, Ponyville was visited by something…something different,” Twilight said with an obvious amount of regret laced in her voice. “I can’t describe it, but words won’t be necessary,” Twilight said, as her horn began to glow translucent magenta, and a large sphere formed above her head.
Celestia eyes widened slightly, but her surprise quickly gave way to a smile. “You’ve learned to conjure a time window,” Celestia said with a great deal of pride in her tone.
Twilight merely nodded in response. “If you wouldn’t mind, please, take a look for yourself, Princess,” Twilight offered, and Celestia tentatively stuck her head inside the sphere of magic.
---
A moment later, Celestia felt as though she was being whisked away from her own body, as the world spun around her in a blurry haze. After the spinning ceased, Celestia touched down on solid ground gracefully and observed the area.
She noted that she was in Ponyville, just outside of Twilight’s library. She couldn’t help but admire the perfection in which Twilight had cast the spell. Everything was in perfect order, not the disjointed mess that would often result from less talented ponies attempting to cast a time window.
Celestia was soon dragged from her own musings as a pink pony, that Celestia recognized as the element of laughter, Pinkie Pie, galloped in the direction of the library.
The normally bubbly and energetic pony had an uncharacteristic mask of urgency displayed on her face. Not stopping, she ran clean through Celestia, as though she were a ghost, and burst through the library’s front door.
Celestia raised an eyebrow, but soon followed Pinkie into the library.
-
“Twi-Twilight!” Pinkie stammered out, as she ran in, clumsily slamming into a book shelf, spilling its contents.
“PINKIE!” Twilight shouted from atop the stairs, before she marched down them with irritation plastered on her face. “Look at this mess, cleaning all this up will leave me behind schedule.”
“No time for schedules!” Pinkie said, ignoring the mess as she walked over the pile of books as if they weren’t there. “My ears are itchy, my knees are pinchy, my left eye is twitchy, my snout is runny, and I have a case of the shivers all over!”
“Then maybe you should see a doctor,” Twilight suggested. “None of that sounds very healthy.”
“I’m not sick, it’s my Pinkie sense!” Pinkie argued. “This is the biggest doozy of the dooziest!”
-
‘Pinkie sense?’ Celestia thought with a raised eyebrow, as she continued to watch the memory.
-
Twilight sighed. Pinkie sense never made much sense to her, but she had learnt to simply go with it. “Fine, Pinkie. What does a combo like that mean anyway?”
“That’s just it, I don’t know,” Pinkie said. “I just know that something’s about to happen in Ponyville, and soon, like really soon, I mean right now soon!”
“Alright then,” Twilight said with a resigned sigh before calling out. “Spike! I’m heading out into town, do you mind cleaning this mess?”
A small, purple dragon with green spikes on his body, poked his head out from a corridor. Spotting the mess, he huffed in annoyance. “Yah know, one of these days you’re going to have to clean up your own mess, Pinkie.”
“Sorry, Spike. I’ll make sure to get you some super duper tasty gems from Rarity,” Pinkie said before grabbing Twilight and leading her out the door.
-
Celestia quickly made to follow both Twilight and Pinkie with an ever growing interest in what was to come.
-
Meanwhile, Twilight kept giving quick glances at Pinkie as they ran. She hadn’t thought too much about it until now, but Pinkie had never been a pony to show much apprehension during any situation. The thought that her generally unfazed friend was actually looking worried sent chills along her spine.
A loud scream suddenly pierced the air, and Twilight felt her blood run cold. The evidence pointing to a bad situation was piling up, and she quickly picked up the pace. Having rounded a corner, both Twilight and Pinkie ran directly into the thick of a large crowd that had formed.
“What’s going on? What is everypony doing here?” she asked while pushing her way through the crowd, trying to make her way to the front of it.
-
Celestia continued to follow after Twilight, simply walking through the ponies, completely unhindered.
-
“What is that?” a voice among the crowd called.
“It’s a monster!” another voice responded.
“There are dead animals on it!” a female voice screeched.
“Look, it’s killed a filly!” another voice rang out in pure horror.
-
Now it was Celestia’s turn to feel as if somepony had poured ice water down her back, and she picked up her pace.
-
“Killed?” Twilight repeated fearfully as she and Pinkie finally emerged out of the crowd and got a view of what everypony had crowded around.
Twilight and Pinkie both gasped at what was standing before them.
-
Meanwhile, Celestia also found her mouth unceremoniously agape at what she was seeing. Unlike her subjects, she had seen what lies beyond the borders of Equestira, but this… thing was something entirely different.
She noted that it stood at about her height, not counting her horn, making it fairly tall at about six feet. It was lanky and had little fur, apart from a short matted black mane and strands of fur on its exposed legs. Its flesh was a dark brown, while its eyes were deep brown, bordering on black.
Apart from its general appearance, it was wearing a pair of torn, saffron colored shorts, along with matching ankle bands and wrist bands. A conical straw hat hung on its back, tethered by a thin string. Celestia also noticed its body was covered in strange markings, as well.
If the creature wasn’t strange enough on its own, it actually had three dead squirrels strung together by a rope hanging from its hip. It was barbaric, even for a carnivore, to simply carry around its kills in such a manner. The blood tipped spear held firmly in its left arm was more than likely the tool that had seen to their deaths. Finally, it had a curved steel blade hanging from its opposite hip.
This thing was dangerous, Celestia reasoned, before taking notice of the small, orange filly held in the creature’s right arm, in an almost delicate fashion. Her heart ached for the child, but she noticed the small rhythmic motion of the filly’s chest rising and falling, indicating that she was still alive. Breathing a sigh of relief, Celestia went back to watching how everything was to play out.
-
Twilight watched quietly as the creature surveyed its surroundings with a critical eye. She could clearly see the confusion running through the dark pools that were its eyes and wondered what it was planning.
A moment later its sight fell on the pony nearest to it, which happened to be Twilight herself. She was confused at first, as she was too transfixed to notice that other ponies had slowly backed away.
The creature began to speak in a language that Twilight couldn’t understand.
-
Celestia noted that it somewhat resembled one of the native languages she had heard spoken in the Zebra's territory.
-
Twilight tried her best to comprehend what she was hearing, but inevitably failed in her attempt. “I’m afraid I don’t understand,” she replied hesitantly, doing her best to mask the fear she felt.
The creature stared at Twilight for a moment before creasing its lips into what Twilight assumed was a smile. “English very choppy,” it said as it knelt down and placed its spear on the ground next to it.
“English, what’s English?” Twilight asked, but the creature didn’t answer but looked down at the filly held in his arms before motioning for Twilight to come closer.
Twilight wanted to approach, but her body simply wouldn’t respond.
The creature seemed to sense her fear and sighed. “She hurt, needs help,” it said while stroking the filly’s magenta colored mane affectionately.
-
Celestia found herself confused, as she watched what she had assumed to be a barbaric creature show concern for the filly in its arms.
-
“Don’t do it.” A blue unicorn suddenly spoke from a short distance away from Twilight. “This is an obvious ploy,” she reasoned. “This barbaric brute is trying to use Scootaloo as bait.”
“Yeah, I bet it’s responsible for hurting her in the first place!” A cyan pegasus with a rainbow colored mane and tail spoke up as well. “If it weren’t holding her hostage right now, I’d buck its ugly teeth in!” she said as more ponies voiced their agreement.
The creature narrowed its eyes at the ponies. His English wasn’t the best, but he could understand them well enough. The general consensus being that he wasn’t to be trusted. Looking at the small pony in his arms one last time, he put her down gently, grabbed his spear, and slowly began to back away.
The cyan colored pegasus wasted no time as she took to the air and dive bombed towards the creature. “Eat this!”
“No, Dash!” Twilight shouted.
The creature narrowed his eyes as he stretched out his hand to intercept the pony, only to find his arm being pinned to the side by a green translucent force. Turning his attention to the side, he could see that the blue unicorn’s horn was glowing the same shade of green.
He didn't have much time to digest this, as the pegasus crashed into him with impressive force, sending them both sailing into a nearby wall and tumbling into an alleyway. The creature's head hit the ground with a sickening crunch, and he grasped it in pain.
“Colgate, what are you two doing!?” Twilight demanded of the unicorn. “Couldn’t you see it was about to leave peacefully?”
“We cannot allow it to leave now,” Colgate argued, “a predator is one thing, but an intelligent one that has already shown willingness to enter our town cannot be allowed to roam free.”
Twilight's eyes widened. “What do you plan to do?” she asked quietly, but Colgate didn't respond. “You wouldn’t! Surely you wouldn’t?” Twilight turned to Pinkie for support, only to find her standing rigidly in a catatonic state.
“Twilight Sparkle, putting that creature down is for the safety of the town,” a tan pony with a gray mane said, as she stepped forward.
Twilight gasped in shock. “But Mayor Mare, that’s…that’s murder!”
“That creature has already shown a tendency to kill; did you not see the squirrels?” Mayor Mare asked. “What’s worse is that it doesn't appear to have killed them for consumption, merely to collect them as trophies.”
“But we don’t know that.” Twilight tried to counter, but Mayor Mare tuned her out as she directed some nearby ponies to assist Rainbow Dash in apprehending the creature.
Meanwhile, Dash shook the cobwebs from her head, as she got to her hooves. She could see the creature staggering a bit but slowly regaining its bearings.
“I’m not done with you yet.” Dash declared as she sprung at the creature, once again knocking it to the ground and bit down hard on its shoulder.
The creature yelled in pain as its eyes flashed red in pure rage. He could understand their position and why they were trying to end him, but he’d be damned before he'd let these ponies kill him. Using his arm that wasn’t currently pinned behind his back, he reached out and grabbed Dash by the mane.
She looked surprised, but that quickly turned into a grimace of pain, as he yanked her up by the mane and slammed her face into the dirt ground. He released her mane and rolled onto his hands and knees and stood up, wobbling slightly.
Dash spat out a tooth and stared menacingly at the creature, only to receive a brutal kick to the head for her trouble, knocking her out.
Walking the short distance to his spear, he picked it up, only to find his path now blocked by the blue unicorn, along with an orange pony wearing a hat, an elegant white unicorn and an absurdly large white pegasus standing behind them. It was a juggernaut of a pony.
The creature noticed that the orange pony and the white unicorn looked especially livid when their eyes fell on the downed pegasus at his feet. He could almost feel the anger as their eyes bored into his own, promising him certain pain.
It was his intention to get out of the town without actually killing any of these odd, talking ponies. However, they were determined to make that as hard a feat as possible. He felt that, even though the large one in the back looked imposing, the unicorns were the most dangerous of them.
Shaking those thoughts from his head, he spun his spear around in his hand before chucking it in their direction. He hoped to use it as a distraction, but his spear became shrouded in a veil of green energy and stopped dead in its tracks.
He watched in fascination and fear as his spear turned around, directed its point towards him and shot off in his direction. Dodging to the side, he avoided the brunt of the spear, only taking a small slash across his side.
Gripping the wound in his hand, he grimaced slightly before finding the large pegasus bearing down on him from above. The pegasus landed on top of him, pinning him to the ground.
The creature struggled under the pony's girth, but found it hard considering that the orange pony was attempting to tie his legs together with a rope.
“Off me!” he shouted as he drove his heel into the snout of the pony that was trying to tie his legs together.
She fell back dazed, and he used that moment to bite down on the foreleg of the pegasus that was holding him down. The pegasus stumbled away, and the creature reached for the curved blade strapped to his hip and slashed it across the pegasus’s chest, spraying blood along the walls.
“YEAH!” the pegasus shouted from his downed position, appearing to enjoy the pain, like the meat head he was.
The creature didn’t know what to make of that but as he turned his attention to his next target, the white unicorn stood next to him.
She jumped and spun in the air, kicking his blade out of his hand. Landing on her hind legs, she stuck him in the abdomen with one foreleg and then the other. After striking, she skipped backwards. A moment later she again jumped into the air, aiming for his head. This time he was ready and grabbed her leg with both hands as she swung it towards him. He spun around and released her leg, sending her flying into the blue unicorn.
The white unicorn was dazed as the blue one crawled out from under her.
“Why can you not simply give in, and accept your punishment, you barbaric brute?” Colgate barked.
“I have done no wrong,” the creature responded.
“Killing and wearing dead squirrels isn’t wrong?” she challenged.
“Only for food,” it reasoned.
The unicorn rolled her eyes. “But I suppose hurting fillies is okay in your book then?”
“I save her,” it said while picking up the spear and the blade once again and backing up slightly. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“Yah done ah fine job of showin' that,” the hat wearing pony cut in, having finally regained her bearings.
“You attack first,” it said while jabbing a thumb in Rainbow Dash’s direction. “I defend.”
The orange pony’s eyes widened at the realization. “Yah mean we backed this critter into the corner first?”
“Yes, Applejack, Rainbow Dash did make the first move, however, it did not have any qualms with fighting back,” Colgate said, trying to defend their position.
The white unicorn groaned and said in a weak voice, "What?"
“Any critter is gonna bear its fangs when cornered,”Applejack said with a shake of her head. “This is wrong and ah won’t be havin' anymore part of it.”
“That’s unacceptable,” Colgate replied. “We have to keep the town safe. Think of your sister.”
“Ah am,” Applejack fired back, “and this ain’t what ah wanna teach her. Haven’t we learnt anything from the incident with Zecora?”
“This is nothing like what happened with Zecora.” Colgate snapped back. “This thing is a carnivore, one that doesn’t mind putting its kills on display for anypony to see.”
“I ain’t sayin' ah like that either, but eating meat don’t make its life any less valuable then the next pony,” Applejack said. “Best tah just let it leave peacefully.”
Colgate looked at the creature with contempt, before she lifted her nose into the air. “Fine, leave, go away, be gone with you!”
“Absolutely not!” Mayor Mare shouted as she, along with a large number of ponies came into the alleyway, further blocking off the exit. “You two maybe willing to leave our town at risk, but I am not.”
“All due respect Mayor Mare, but ah think yah might be puttin' more ponies in danger by tryin' to catch this thing,” Applejack said. “It ain’t hard to tell that this feller has been holdin' back.”
Mayor Mare thought hard on the matter before shaking her head. “No, at the very least we need to make sure this thing is sent far away,” she said, signaling for two unicorns to move forward.
“No, we can’t do this,” Twilight said as she squeezed her way past Mayor Mare and stood in front of the crowd. “Everypony listen to me, don’t you think you’re acting too rashly? Shouldn’t everypony be given a chance?”
“It’s not a pony,” a gray stallion called out.
“Yes, but it’s still a living, breathing creature,” Twilight said. “We can’t draw conclusions that it’s evil without undeniable evidence.”
“I won’t hear anymore of this, Twilight Sparkle,” Mayor Mare said. “Now please step aside.”
Twilight turned to Applejack and Colgate with a pleading look, silently asking for help on the matter.
“I’m sorry ,Twilight, I may be choosing not to hinder your cause, but I will not help it either,” Colgate said before turning away from her friend.
Twilight was taken aback at how cold her fellow unicorn was behaving. It was as if she held a personal grudge for the creature. Marking her as a lost cause, Twilight turned her attention back to Applejack. “Surely you of all ponies understand?”
Applejack seemed to be struggling with something inside before she sighed. “Ah wanted to keep ma hooves outha this, but I think it’s best to leave it well alone.” She said as she stood next to Twilight. “Anypony wants to have a go at this critter; yah gotta get by me first tah do it.”
The white unicorn, having recovered, stood on the other side of Twilight and spoke.
"This has simply been the most dreadful display of a lack of hospitality that I have ever had the misfortune of seeing. I may have participated as a result of a misunderstanding, but I shan't let it go on any longer."
"Nice speech Rares, now put yer horn where yer mouth is an' help me delay 'em fer tha big fellers sake."
“Why are you three taking the side of a monster?” Mayor Mare asked, confusion evident on her face. “It doesn’t belong here, and you don’t owe it anything.”
“Because it’s the right thing to do,” Twilight said, holding firm on her stance.
“No, this is the right thing to do!” a blue colored unicorn stallion shouted, as a large trash can was lifted by his magic and sent hurling towards the creature.
Applejack narrowed her eyes, and leapt forward, giving the trash can a mighty buck with her hind legs, sending it back towards the unicorn. “Y'all better scram, we’ll hold 'em off as best we can!” Applejack shouted at Twilight and the creature.
Twilight looked at the creature with unease before running up to it. “Follow me; I’ll get you out of here.”
The creature looked at her for a moment with a ghost of a smile on its face. “Thank you,” it said dryly.
“Don’t thank me just yet. Now let’s go!” she demanded, as she began running down the opposite end of the alleyway, followed by the creature.
-
Celestia, who had been watching from the crowd, quickly followed after the pair, leaving Applejack and Rarity to fend off the crowd. ‘That’s a pair of brave mares.’ Celestia thought as the crowd behind her faded from view.
-
Meanwhile, Twilight and the creature were making their way towards the outskirts of town when she spotted a butter cream yellow pony up ahead, trotting in their direction.
The creature looked apprehensive, and Twilight could see it tightening the grip on its spear as they closed the distance with the pony in front of them.
“Don’t worry, she won’t do anything,” Twilight said, trying to ease the creature's fears.
The pony, upon spotting them, adopted a large grin on its face as it approached. “Twilight, what is that creature with you? I’ve never seen anything like it!” she squealed in an angelic voice.
“No time to explain, Fluttershy!” Twilight said as she and the creature blew past her.
“Oh, wait, I’m coming too. If that’s okay with you, I mean.” Fluttershy said as she fell in stride with the two.
The creature looked down at Fluttershy, and although they were running at full speed, the smile on her face was still present.
“Twilight, where did you find this? Is it male or female? Are there more of them?” Fluttershy asked in rapid succession. “Are you taking it out for exercise? Do you plan on keeping it? If not I’d be happy to…”
“Fluttershy!” Twilight cut the pony off mid sentence. “I don’t know the answer to most of that, but right now we’re trying to make an escape.”
“An escape?” Fluttershy repeated. “An escape from what?”
“From that!” Twilight said while looking over her shoulder towards a mob of ponies that had obviously gotten passed Applejack and Rarity.
Fluttershy’s eyes widened in fear. “Why is everypony chasing after us?” she asked before finally taking notice of the dead squirrels strapped to the creature's hip. Fresh tears formed in her eyes. “It’s a carnivore,” she said in a sad, yet understanding tone. “Everypony must think it’s a monster.”
“And you don’t?” Twilight asked, evidently surprised that Fluttershy hadn’t yet turned tail and started running in the opposite direction.
“Of course not,” Fluttershy said while shaking the tears away from her eyes. “I look after some very dangerous animals, but I don’t believe any of them to be monsters, regardless of what they eat. That's just the way the world works, and we have to be accepting of that.”
“If only everypony was that rational.” Twilight muttered as the edge of the Everfree forest came into view. “Look, we’re almost to the Everfree,” Twilight said. “I doubt anypony will go in after it.”
“It’s almost at the forest!” a random pony in the crowd shouted.
“But they might,” Twilight reasoned, as her horn began to glow. “Hang on,” she said while enveloping the three of them in a sphere of magic, before vanishing in a flash.
-
Celestia found herself being whisked away, following along with them, and soon touched down somewhere in the Everfree forest. Scanning the area, she quickly located Twilight, Fluttershy, and the creature.
-
Twilight was panting from having run such a distance, as well as teleporting the three of them into the forest.
“This is as far as I can take you,” she said to the creature. “Although what I’m doing may be foolish, I believe in my heart that this is the right thing.”
Fluttershy simply remained quiet, as she watched the creature look at them, then into the recesses of the forest.
“I say goodbye now,” it said.
Fluttershy gasped. “You can speak…but how?”
The creature didn’t answer but opted to simply smirk at the two ponies and turn its back to them. “I will miss…Scootaloo.”
Twilight eyes widened. “You know her name?”
The creature chose that moment to take off, leaving a flabbergasted Twilight and a confused Fluttershy behind.
Fluttershy sighed as the creature vanished into the density of the forest. “How could everypony have been so heartless as to chase that poor creature like that? It must have been so scared,” Fluttershy said with tears beginning to pool in her eyes once again.
Twilight remained rooted in her spot, just looking in the direction the creature had run before finally turning to Fluttershy. “Let’s head back,” she said, and Celestia found that she was being pulled from the world around her in the same fashion that she had arrived.
Pulling her head out of the time window just as it dissipated, she looked down at Twilight with a tired expression on her face. “That was…unexpected,” she said calmly.
“It goes without saying that Mayor Mare and a good portion of the town were furious with me over my actions,” Twilight said, “but you aren’t, are you? Do you believe that what I did was wrong?”
“No, Twilight Sparkle, I do not believe you chose the wrong course of action,” Celestia said. “Truthfully, I’m appalled at what I’ve seen, but if anypony is to blame, I’m ashamed to admit that it’s me. For too long I have sheltered the populace from the world around them. They simply were unprepared for something such as this and acted upon their fears and misunderstanding.”
“And that creature, even I have never seen such a being,” Celestia added. “It may be unwise to leave it to its own devices in the Everfree forest, if it does not belong there.”
“I’m afraid it may no longer be in the forest,” Twilight said.
“How can you know that?” Celestia asked curiously.
“Because we’ve been searching for it for five days now,” Twilight replied, “and it has more then likely moved beyond the border of Equestria by this point.”
“I don’t understand, why were you looking for it?” Celestia asked.
Twilight looked away from Celestia’s gaze as she answered. “Because Scootaloo had gone missing a day after the incident, and we believe that she went after it.”
Celestia’s eyes widened. “You mean the injured filly, but why would she search for it?”
“You may want to see this,” Twilight said as her horn began to glow and another time window appeared. “This is a collection of data I recorded from Scootaloo.”
“Twilight Sparkle!” Celestia gasped. “That’s very advanced magic and quite dangerous to perform on another pony. It has the potential to destroy their minds entirely! What were you thinking?”
“I know and I’m sorry,” Twilight squeaked with her head held low, “but Scootaloo was just too angry with everypony to answer any of our questions, after hearing what the town had done. So, I took it upon myself to get those answers.”
Celestia sighed. “Just don’t do it again without the consent of the pony in question first.”
Twilight nodded her understanding, and Celestia turned her attention back to the time window and stepped towards it. Taking a deep breath, Celestia plunged her head into it.
First off a big thank you to DF for editing this chapter, and reworking some scenes that needed it. Anyway, I have a lot of fun planed for this story so strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride.
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It exists!
Is that a......black samurai? Or a tribesman? I can't tell mainly because of the hat that he's wearing, which is primarily featured in Asian cultures, i.e. Raiden from Mortal Kombat, or ninjas from those old gritty Japanese shinobi movies. The weapons seem African -Zulu or something- enough, but it's that damned hat! Any answers? And a thumbs up for something that not people take on, a human from a very past era.
Ok, before I even read this story, I have to say this:
Shades of Gray?!
You really couldn't have called it anything else? Have you not heard of the infamous "Fifty Shades of Gray" that is currently infesting our pop-culture?
Your writing needs serious work. Your capitalization and punctuation are extremely inconsistent, and you seem to have a dreadful allergy to commas. Commas exist for a reason, and while some writers go overboard with them, in your case you absolutely need about three times as many as you actually have. This story also feels somewhat preachy and has a few too many FiM fanfic cliches.
There could be potential here, but this chapter needs a beta reader and a major rewrite before you continue further work on the story as a whole.
1031580
I get what you're saying, but I actually think naming it "Shades of Gray" is actually an incredibly clever move (if it was intended this way). The infamy associated with it will draw readers to investigate. It doesn't appear to have anything to do with the infamous book, so I think it's a perfectly fair name.
1031604
That's a good point. I was only teasing anyway.
1031612>>1031604 There's a story on this site called "Fifty Shades of Neigh".... I think you understand. The cover image is... Borderline SFW...
xande warrior?
this is beautiful
cant wait for more
yep definitly a xande warrior
Dude, that was awesome. I can not wait to see where this story goes!
Jeez... authors coming up with new and original ideas for HiE fics, blows my mind every time. Well...go on.... keep writing...please
Swag
Dayum, that picture is nice. The description was interesting and it's a bit of a different take on HiE. Plot-wise it's looking good.
1031571 Yes he is an African warrior, and I wouldn't think too much on that hat. I know those hats are from Asian culture but I think they look really cool so I gave him one.
1031580 Sorry never heard of it
1031601 I know that, I left it in my author note that I'm looking for an editor for this. It's easier to get an editor if they can actually see what they're getting into.
1031604 Honestly I really don't know what you guys are talking about. Is it a story on this site or something?
1031660 I think it's actually called Zande.
1031697 Thank you
1031781
1032013
If you don't know, you don't need to worry about it.
1032013 well its like the donut or doughnut thing and i prefer xande over zande xande looks more exotic
hmmmm... New take on the HIC concept... Pony moral compass skewed back to rational, if a little dark, reasoning... Celestia (should) be furious with the town... Instant track! PROVIDE MOAR!
Ahh... I like what I see. As others have stated, it needs a bit of work, but your looking for an editor and that should solve that problem. I myself would help you if I wasn't already working with a few others. Anyway, you've got an interesting concept, a good plot, and your story seems to heavily feature Twilight Sparkle. If we see more Fluttershy, then you've got everything a story needs to be great!
... Perfection requires a Twilight/Chrysalis pairing, but somehow, I don't see that one coming.
1032013 '50 shades of Gray' is an adult novel if you know what i mean...
This has got to be my favorite Human intro to pony fic I've seen so far. I like how its a tribal civilization and not a modern day one that is introduced, it makes more sense in my opinion.
Love it, I'm watching you, don't disappoint ^-^
A very well done story. I was hating the town of Ponyville throughout it. One thing I need to mention though is that you need to use more commas in your sentences in dialogue.
Original Dialogue
“I don’t understand why were you looking for it?” Celestia asked.
Edited Dialogue
“I don’t understand, why were you looking for it?” Celestia asked.
The second one sounds better. One trick you can do is to say it out loud. Decide for yourself whichever sounds better.
Love it.
1032013
More now. If not now void will consume you.
Also blatant racism from them ponies. Also even I. The show they're racist. Everypony anypony.... What if there's dragons or Minotaurs that doesn't count them.
I only read this cause of the name, glad I did
I saw the picture and I thought "awww yeeeah"
Then I saw the title and wondered if this had anything to to with that terrible, terrible book.
But I'm glad that this was more Massai than inner goddess.
Am liking this, will track.
When I did see this I read the title as 50 shades of grey, its is really similar.
1031604 You might think that, but I already have a fic called Shades of Grey, I can safely say it didn't draw any attention because of it :P
I'm just glad I published mine first!
-Scott.
P.S. Yes, you should totally all go read it.
Before read this fiction, I'll just put some expectations.
1. I fully expect the human to run into Zecora and for her to be driven to nightmares/tears by the fact that one of the greatest predators of her kind has come to Equestria.
2. Human being able to run for days on end, as opposed to the far less endurable ponies.
3. Omnivory jokes.
1032013
Seriously, DON'T listen to Pascal... The name for the story FITS LIKE A GLOVE! That the world is actually not just black and white, but filled with shades of gray, is a perfect poetic notion.
I do know about 50 shades of grey, and its'...Ahem.. content... but Seriously!
If people looks at your fic, and atumatically think it has somthing to do with that story...It is them there is somthing wrong with...
I mean, it is like saying that Avatar, the movie, is the same as Avatar: the last airbender...
Actually, I just thought of the popular notion that life, or morality, is neither black nor white, but is painted shades of grey.
)
I did not think of that awful, awful excuse for pornography pretending to be a story.
Nice story, please continue, (hope that you find an editor though.
I should also note that I am both horribly jealous and confused that you got featured for one chapter...
1032013 so to translate the mesage
twilight is basically saying is "We some Ingnant Bitches"
1033528 Not surprised you were hating the town, they did come off as jerks.
1035350 Like I said, I don't know anything about this apparent erotic novel. And I like the name, so I'm keeping it. I just hope people aren't coming into this thinking hey where's the clop?
1035400 Yeah this is pretty much what I was going for. And yes an editor has been found.
1035427 Well I must have missed that. But if it did get featured take solace in the fact it didn't last there very long.
1036014 Oh, it did get featured, be sure of it. That's how I found it! And, your story deserves it. This is certainly very original, and even though there are a few grammatical issues, the fact that I was able to enjoy the story in spite of them is a testament to the quality of the premise! I look forward to the next chapter!
1036014 Aww, I wouldn't do that! I'm glad you got featured... I'm just jealous and confused at the same time :)
1032013, the hat is also possible for an African to have.
What's his name?
Well, because of the ponies' racial behavior, I would now find it very enjoyable to go down and give them all a piece of my mind. (Good work, BTW.)
interesting story idea
a great example of what HiE stories can be. Keep writing, I will be watching closely for updates.
In defense of the title, it works for me and people have been using it as chapter titles, book titles, article titles, essay titles, fanfiction titles, and everything long before that book came out. Thats like saying you can't use the word "Mickey" as a name any more because Disney happened to name his mouse after it.
Hahahaha! I like this so far! Keep it up good sir!
Quick question is he the only human in Equestria or can we expect more?
Just letting you know that I created a account just to tell you that you have a excellent story going on. Keep it up!
Next chapter. WHEN ???
1072470 It's with my editor now, so sometime this week.
1073435 well in that case ... *cough* ahem
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