Princess Luna and Princess Celestia rule Equestria ; Luna brings the night and Celestia the day. But what if Celestia turned Daybreaker and was banished, instead of Luna?
Art by TomoCreations
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 2nd Dec, 2018
- offline last seen Sep 29th, 2021
Twilight Star
Twilight and Luna: two mares made for each other
Twilight Star
Joined 2nd Dec, 2018 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Twilight Star · 4.7k words · 42 4 · 2.1k views
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This needs editing, PRONTO.
9332525
Agreed
9332696
Misplaced comm,as, incorrect apostrophe's, where do I start?
9332707
How about getting rid of that misplaced comma in your own sentence first
9332724
tHat wou,ld be a good ide!a
9332731
Your doing it on purpose...
9332742
yEs i aM!
9332753
C,oOl̷̜̩͎̝̟͓̠̬͔̲̮͑͋̿̎)
9332792
oH No!
9332852
Ho, etiAm
9332898
I cna't sepll.
Love it.
9332914
Mir Weder
9332954
.rettam suoires a si sihT
Not bad, I see some potential here
Lunaverse and its sequels already happened, why so sudden?
You can get a free proofreader here
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/]The Proofreader Group
No, they don't own the idea but you should at least see what has already been done
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/760/the-lunaverse
Now, we wait a thousand years for her return
9333829
Not why so sudden?. Why so serious?
Nice job so far, but it needs a bit of editing - don't forget to revise your work (maybe get Grammarly as well - it helps with my stories_ because I really like this story.
Very concise story description; gets the point across. Writing style is hard to understand and stilted.
Wow! Talk about a role reversal. Good work.
So, the Equestrians are nocturnal?
10158062
Yes
10158068
Well, different realities. Different body structures.
Not good.
9333654
!the Capitalizasion and splelling as atroshious, punchuasion is horrabille, we need overthough to auther the (Kidding just!)
Your picture source is marked as this story. Change it to the source of the image. If you don't know the source, remove it instead.
10197413
Backwards is sentence this.
"Celestia? I am..." The alicorn paused before revealing her name. " ...Daybreaker!"
10243989
Fixed it
... This was easy to imagine up, im sure a lot of celestia haters have thought this up
Daybreaker's magic and the magic of the elements of harmony collided and came into a conflict with each other. Daybreaker used all the strength she had to succeed and win, but it was futile. The magic of the elements was stronger than hers. Daybreaker opened her eyes, her pupils dilated in fear as the magic of the elements overpowered her own and picked her up in its grip, causing her to scream loud:
10410015
It's fixed now
Then she took the cushion away from her face as she realized what she just said.
"Hmm. That doesn't sound like a bad idea." Celestia said while she grinned an evil grin while fangs appeared in her mouth as her pupils dilated into the eyes of a dragon.
her sister
Her sister was no longer the sister she knew before: Friendly, kind, happy, calm and generous. Now she was: evil, mad, cruel, and selfish. She knew what she must do to protect her subjects from her now evil sister, and it filled her heart with sorrow.
This story has some mistakes, but I enjoyed it.
I Basically read the same story but 5x longer......... I' feel tricked.