- Member Since 31st May, 2016
- offline last seen Jun 7th, 2019
Evil Spike
This is a short bio, that's about it.
Evil Spike
Joined 31st May, 2016 ·
Offline
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Not bad at all. Not bad at all. I'm very impressed, you brought this story to life more than I could have.
There were a few typos but overall, this was great.
Another fic about the juvenile dependent of the show somehow being sought after by someone's waifu. The plot is nearly as generic as the dialogue, beginner's English errors included.
A lot of grammar and spelling issues threw me off. If it's fixed up this could be a good read.
So Spike has the power to break powerful ladies?!
This story is so riddled with grammar errors and third-grade plot development I would puke my small intestine from my mouth. God damn this story is too fucked up to even begin to comprehend.
I would recommend a little bit of editing to fix grammar.
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That’s to excepted with this being my first story, yes there are grammar issues and the plot is basic but it’s a start. I don’t expect to be praised from the start with my never thought of writing style as that would would be idiotic. This is a simple clop, with simple characters, with mistakes everywhere but it’s a stepping stone for bigger and hopefully better things to come.
So I thank you for your criticisms and please do keep them coming.
First times.
I gotta say, I really like the story, it was burning hot.
Personally, I would have something love if he did this "Spike kisses her why he is filling her up", I find it that it makes it more romantic and hits one of the breeding kinks in a way (that's my own opinion everyone else would have it different).
While reading this it made me think what if Spike went to an alternative future everytime he slept with an Alicorn/or powerful magical being? For instance, Spike wakes up in the Crystal Empire, where he meets the Dark version of Candance, she lets him know that something happens on her Wedding day and that's how she became like that and now she wants him and so on.
Now I'm kinda interested in seeing a story from you with Dusk Shine (genderswapped Twilight) paired with Villainesses.
There are at least seven grammatical errors in the first three paragraphs alone. This isn't even counting the random interjections that completely break any sort of narrative cohesion, or the incredibly awkward wording.
How the hell is this in the featured box?
What's the source of the image?
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I had spike in my last story, and I got jack shizzle for rizzle.
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A question we're both are asking. I expected this would just fly under the radar getting a number of comments about glammer issues but overall saying it wasn't a bad start. If you were to tell me this would be near the top of the features I wouldn't believe you, hell I still have a hard time believing this.
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Dunno, got about a paragraph in before my OCD kicked in.
Sorry friend, fix the grammar and I'm sure you'll be fine.
Before I read this, who did the Picture for the story?
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am i a good spike writer tho?
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but i can check your quality tho, baby.
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Ho boy.
Real talk though. You're not wrong. Fimfiction lost its quality after 2015 had passed. Most smut, clickbait, fetish induced or liked shipping pair sell the feature box nowadays. Shitty Spike stories sell for the reasons you described. However, it shouldn't be an excuse for the writers, the ones wanting to write quality or to improve, to give up on trying to give depth to their work.
There's a concept that I spun from the tip of my cock called "Superfacitly backed by Depth." Basically, if you have some deep and meaningful work, readers see that as work to read and tend to go for the lighter/clickbait shit. The solution to this writer is not to force themselves to become shallow, but rather, hide as much Art underneath the hood without anyone noticing.
See? So you draw the reader in with a superficial concept, and then, once ya got them hooked, start bringing in the deeper elements and other such concepts or themes you wanted to explore. It will be a pleasant depth to the original idea. Opposed to the overwhelming 'depth' that appeared in the story that marketed it. Once a reader is in the story, if you're decent enough, then they're hooked!
Spike gets a lot of flack because of how easy of a self-insert he is—lord knows I'm one of the bastards that overuse that. But for the passing reader, please don't take this in absolutes. Spike is a wonderful character to write. He is a dragon living among ponies, has to fight against his greed, and overall, despite being an outsider, does his best to keep positive and helpful.
Just like how Twilight can be made into a powerful OW, so too can Spike become a pussy magnet for no good reason. Don't blame the characters; criticize how the writer wrote 'em.
Sorry if this came more so like a ramble. I am very sick at the moment. My mind is in a haze.
Ah well, Keep giddy and pretty everyone.
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That's an incorrect use of the word only, My suggestion was to use superficial/attractive ideas/hooks (which applies to all ideas in general) to draw readers in, get them hooked, then slowly delve them into depth.
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oh boy
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ho boah
Might want to get an editor for this
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thank you.
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Congrats on the feature
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I have no color to my eyes—they drained away while my soul faded.
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Thank you
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Congrats on the feature!
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*sounds of silence playing in the distance*
Where did you get your picture from? I tried to find it on derpibooru, but couldn't.
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You can find it at e621.net. Just type in “suirano” and “daybreaker_(mlp)” in the site’s search engine.
Now there needs to be a part 2 where twilight is looking for Spike and finds him balls deep in daybreaker
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This really needs an editor. A lot of the grammar errors are minor stuff that could be fixed with a quick run through but it still completely break the flow of the sentences and thereby the flow of the story.
I'd be happy to volunteer to edit this if you would like.
Where can I find suirano?
Will there be a sequel where he does it with Nightmare Moon?
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E621.net
I really enjoyed this story. Grammar needs work though.
How many left nipples does she have?
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Better yet, Nightmare Moon appears and she joins in
An idea for the sequel, Spike takes charge of the relationship by getting her addicted to his cock and threatening to withdraw if she doesn’t start serving him.