• Member Since 27th Oct, 2018
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Tranquil Serenity

I am a one-shot writer who loves Slice of Life tales and hearing from readers who enjoy my stories. Click on my blogs for an MLP poem.


Rarity finds herself in the company of a handsome stranger. She doesn't know where she is, and she has... wings?! The world around her seems unlike how it should be as the pair journey out in search of answers.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 14 )

Her lavender mane

I always thought of it as more of a violet color. Lavender tends to be a lot lighter than the color of Rarity's mane and tail.

That said, I look forward to seeing where you go with this. :twilightsmile:

Rarity's mane.
Lavender flowers.

To me, lavender is just a fancy way of saying purple anyways. :derpytongue2: Also, thanks for the words of encouragement. :twilightsmile:

Rarity couldn't see a thing. She turned her head to look around, but all was pitch black. She could tell that the floor beneath her was was earth, but she didn't dare move until she managed to get her bearings.

Oho! We've a multi-parter on the go here. Very good! I was secretly hoping for one. The usual comes first, haha.

... the floor beneath her was was...

Accidentally repeated word.

A silvery diamond tiara sat upon her head, adorned with several deep blue sapphires to match her eyes.

Haha, you know, I really did imagine a silver Diamond Tiara sitting grumpily atop her head. Extra karma for that!

Eventide reached for a chalice on the edge of the fountain and filled it hurriedly, approaching the hyperventilating alicorn, he held it out for her, and she took it into her magical grasp and greedily gulped down the full contents. She dropped the chalice and sat on her haunches.

The participle phrase 'approaching the hyperventilating alicorn' is floating between two sentences. Is it

Eventide reached for a chalice on the edge of the fountain and filled it hurriedly, approaching the hyperventilating alicorn.


... and filled it hurriedly. Approaching the hyperventilating alicorn, he held it out for her...


"Well it appears I'll be able to navigate now," Eventide said with a smirk. He looked up and lifted a forehoof, tracing over the constellations as he tried to work out the direction they should go.

I don't know if it's intentional, but 'with a smirk' sounds a little too smug for this character, who has so far been very polite and considerate. Just my gut feeling on the first read-through.

I enjoyed this! And I'm certainly intrigued. As per usual, T.S., your writing reads very well, and this chapter pulled me in nicely. Looking forward to the next! I'm no sucker for the 'Romance' tag, but 'Adventure' and 'Drama' for sure! Plus, I know this story's in good hands. Your Rarity is simply divine, darling – not overdone, moderate in her mannerisms yet undeniably 'Rarity'. I know you like writing her, haha, based on your other stories. You've done her justice every time. Well done, T.S., and I wish you luck with your first multi-parter!

Oh my! Your 'Diamond Tiara' comment made me laugh! :rainbowlaugh:

Corrected! Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

I was admittedly a bit hesitant about choosing the word 'smirk', but I didn't want to use the word 'smile' too many times in reference to his expression, and in this case it was simply a sort of: 'Well, we had a problem and now we don't anymore! Life's funny isn't it?' :twilightsheepish: I'm also trying not to make him seem too perfect. :rainbowderp:

Thank you so much for the compliments! It's true that I've written more stories about Rarity than the others, which is actually even a bit of a surprise to myself. I guess there's just something about her that makes her a character comfortable to write for. :twilightsmile:

If you chose to for a good reason, that makes it intentional and acceptable in my book, haha! It might have something to do with the fact she's best pony. :raritywink:

You might as well add in the 'Mystery' tag to this story cause i have NO IDEA what the heck is going in here, but I'm really loving it though.

Keep up the good work my good man :raritywink:

Haha! :rainbowlaugh: Thanks so much! :pinkiehappy: I'm so glad you're enjoying it. :twilightsmile:

Definitely interested in what's going on.

My blind guess is alternate world.

Rarity had to admit that there was a certain something romantic to whole concept of a princess and a handsome sea-captain adventuring out into the night in search of answers, all the while surrounded by the beauty of the open water reflecting the moon and the stars above.

My darker side is screaming for a determiner before 'whole concept', haha. 'The' in this case.

I really like the tone so far. I don't know why, but the dark, star-filled sky and gentle water and descriptions remind me of Skyrim, when you're exploring a shipwreck on the coastline. Good job so far when it comes to reeling us in; you've revealed nothing compromising but enough to maintain a reader's interest. I wonder how the Princess of Generosity will go down with her friends... if she meets them.

Thank you for pointing that out. Glad you're enjoying it. :twilightsmile:

With a glint her eye, she took off running and flapped her wings, rising from the ground below.

With a glint in her eye(?).

Haha, there's this nice little tone you've got going here, my man. I'm liking it, that's for sure! Short and sweet, these chapters, and entertaining as well. Nice try, Rarity, but we knew you'd struggle just as all first-time fliers do.

Yep. Flying right takes practice. :raritywink: Thanks for sharing your thoughts again. :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by AdnanAtSapphire deleted Sep 2nd, 2019
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