• Member Since 5th Jul, 2016
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Just a guy who found out that a show about talking ponies is a lot better than I expected.



Sunset encounters the Dazzlings in the park. So you'd expect them to immediately start a fight, right? Oddly enough, they don't.

Proofread by the great forbloodysummer.

Note: Story is canon to "From the Ashes" universe, but can be read purely on its own.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 3 )

The leader, Adagio Dazzle, was relaxing quietly on a bench, her attention occupied by some book.

This combined with Aria and Sonata made for an adorable image :rainbowkiss:

This was nice! I quite liked some of Aria's and Sonata's lines, and their general attitude was maybe a bit more relaxed than I would've done, but it worked well here.

Except for this part:

"Maybe not," said Adagio, returning to her book, "Maybe there's something to this 'friendship' thing."

The ending... felt a bit off to me? Adagio, by my reading of things, had spent the whole story being ambivalent at best towards Sunset ("Now, do we have any other business to conduct" really stood out to me in that sense) and while it's not a big change of heart it still felt a bit out of nowhere for me. I think I get why it happened, because if it didn't there wouldn't be much of a conclusion here at all, but it felt like it could've been integrated more seamlessly with the rest of the story to me.

Yeah, I had a lot of trouble coming up with a way to end the story. The idea was basically Adagio being smart enough to realize that revenge would be pointless, and being like "Meh" when they see each other, but I wasn't sure how to end it, besides Sunset offering them an olive branch. Maybe I'll come up with something better later on.

This is a tricky one! I love the idea of the sirens being super "meh" with regards to Sunset, 'cause they can be all, like, "Look, we've stuck together for a thousand years even though we kinda hate each other. Waaay ahead of the curve with this friendship thing." And them being totally self-sufficient is a lovely image too.

Problem is, I'm not sure that idea alone is enough to carry a story? If the ending were to have Adagio still being "meh" towards Sunset, I think it'd feel more like a headcanon dump than an actual story, since not much would've changed by the end of it; if the sirens are perfectly happy being on their own, then meet Sunset and... are still perfectly happy being on their own, then it runs the risk of the whole thing feeling pointless.

Sunset offering them an olive branch is totally fine, I'd say. It'd probably feel odd if she didn't, to be honest. Where this story felt like it stumbled a bit was in how her offer was received.

That being said, the scenario here is, I believe, the first one in Sunset's heroine career where she's offered friendship and gotten a lukewarm "sure, whatever" response. Which could maybe be shifted into less of a change of heart in the sirens and more of an eye-opening moment for Sunset? Moving on from one's villainous past and seeking to make amends is, as far as she's seen, the only path towards happiness, but here are the sirens, totally unrepentant and sequestered, and as content as they could hope to be.

I'm not saying it's perfect, or that it's necessarily the most natural ending for this story, but it feels like Sunset's take on things could honestly be as interesting or more than the sirens', here, if the ambivalence angle were to pushed just a little bit further.

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