Jackson a soldier in the UEF is suddenly transported to the magical world of Equestria. As he tries to cope with his current situation he learns that a paradise for some can be hell for others.
Chapters (6)
Puking Coyote
Joined 3rd Aug, 2012 ·
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- Puking Coyote · 39k words · 684 views
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I'm not saying that this story is bad, because I'm in no position to do so considering that I didn't read all of it, but I will say this:
The beginning of your story sounds like a boring lecture. I've done this myself on some occasions. You have to suck in your audience with a hook, and throwing exposition at your audience not only tries their patience, but it discourages them from reading further as well. If you don't introduce your characters beforehand, then people aren't going to give a damn about the backstory. If you really need to get all this information out ASAP, then do so through a character interaction, an actual lecture by a teacher, something, ANYTHING but this.
MLD Spin off.
comicbookmovie.com/images/users/gallerypictures/16857L.jpg
1057787 This was my very first attempt at writing a story so any criticism is appreciated. Thank you I will look into how to improve myself.
its good but i think it would be better if it was its own story and not a spin off of MLD
but regardless it is good and i shall thumb it up and fav it
i really hope the sprites or whatever invade
and then the sprites invade
he can still turn back into a human though right?
wtf celestia why you kill humanity
also 1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg
1218983
I wanted to give this part of the story a good twist at the end I hope that you enjoyed it. Thanks for all the support the next chapter of this story will be in Dream Catcher.
1222614 dude the story is awesome its just well you ever know that really stupid person you want to keep beating the crap out of until the get some ccommon sense well that kinda how i feel about celestia i mean because of her being stupid humanity died mean really celestia knowing something can be mutated if its banished but you decide to do it anyway really and all i get from her is
THIS IS DELICIOUS.
O and is there gona be a sequel when you finish this? (Said the rapist with moustache)