Round 9
After another ten minute break to give Smolder some time to cool off, the six students once again all reconvened in their dorm room.
“You okay?” Sandbar asked his dragon friend who was sitting across from him.
Smolder let out a sigh before responding. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… I can’t believe that I almost won five times in a row. I mean, what are even the odds of that happening?”
“Well, statistically speaking…”
“Rhetorical, Ocellus,” the dragoness cut off her friend. After letting out another sigh, she sat up straight again, and put on a more confident expression. “Well, I’m not out of this game yet. I’ll just have to buckle down, try harder, and get some really good cards.”
“And a lot of luck,” Gallus added.
Smolder just shrugged her shoulders in response. “Well, luck is random, so it’s not impossible, right?”
“Random humour!” Silverstream suddenly blurted out, which caused a light round of laughter from the rest of the group, getting them all back in the mood for another round of Cards Against Equestria.
“Well, even if you don’t win, you’re still having fun with all of your friends and that’s what matters, right?” Sandbar offered.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Smolder responded, with a light chuckle.
“Alright then, let’s get started,” Sandbar continued, with a smile on his face, drawing the first black card of the round. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and blank.”
The other five students all quickly got to selecting the cards, with all of them showing a lot of enthusiasm for the first prompt of the round.
“So this card is basically going to be Headmare Twilight’s Element, right?” Smolder wondered aloud. She then grinned to herself. “Then this should be a good round.” She was now completely back in the spirit of the game once again.
Everycreature selected their card in no time and passed them to Sandbar, who gave them a quick shuffle before drawing the first one and reading it out. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and going to bed at a reasonable hour.”
There wasn’t much of a reaction, but no one decided to comment on that fact to slow down the momentum or possibly jinx the round, so Sandbar decided to move on quickly. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and Sexy.”
The second card got the opposite reaction, eliciting a lot of laughter from the whole group.
“That good,” Yona commented.
“And true,” Sandbar added.
“Well, there you have it, everycreature” Gallus said, with a clap of his talons. “Sandbar’s straight.”
“Not entirely,” Ocellus cut in. “He could be bi, like me.”
“Well then, I hope the two of you are very happy together,” Smolder cut in herself.
“No, no, that’s not what I…” Ocellus began instinctively, but then she suddenly widened her eyes, looked at Smolder, and then her eyes drooped half-way. “You’re just fucking with me, aren’t you?” She deadpanned.
“And she finally gets it,” the dragoness announced in a faux-excited tone. “It only took her nine rounds.”
“Moving on,” Sandbar continued. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and taking off my glasses and becoming beautiful.”
“Headmare Twilight wear glasses?” Yona wondered aloud.
“No, although it is actually something that I can picture quite easily,” Sandbar answered.
“Because you think she’s sexy?” Gallus teased.
“Maybe,” Sandbar just shrugged his shoulders, giving Gallus a smirk as he did.
“Well, quantum theory states that there are an infinite number of universes,” Encyclopedia Ocellus began. “So I’m sure that there’s at least one universe out there where she wears glasses.”
“Actually, if there infinite universes, then there also infinite universes where Headmare Twilight wear glasses, because infinite infinite and beyond comprehension,” Yona stated. She then noticed everyone staring at her unbelievably. “What?”
“Uhhmm, how do you know such advanced terms like quantum mechanics?” Smolder asked.
“What so hard to understand about this? Yak best at everything.”
“Well, anyway; moving on,” Sandbar continued, drawing another white card. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and discrimination against males.”
“Rounding out the matriarchy, huh?” Gallus commented.
“Hey, I’ll take all Princesses over somepony like Prince Blueblood any day, and I’m pretty sure that I speak for all of Equestria when I say that,” Sandbar responded. “And finally,” he continued as he drew the last white card. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and mind-blowing sex.”
There was more laughter from that card, but not quite as much as the simple ‘sexy’ card.
“Okay that one was good but I think I’ll go with ‘sexy’. Who had that?” Sandbar spoke, holding up the black card for the prompt.
There was suddenly a flash of green, and Ocellus transformed into a perfect copy of Headmare Twilight. “My name is Twilight Sparkle and I represent of the Element of Sexy,” she said in a very alluring voice, giving the rest of the group a seductive look with ‘bedroom eyes’ as she spoke.
The group immediately lost it and broke out into another roar of laughter.
“Okay, I’ll pay you twenty bits right now to downstairs and do that to Starlight,” Gallus said through his laughter, wiping a tear from his eyes.
Transforming back, Ocellus just shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe later.” She then simply used her magic to float the black card for this round from Sandbar to herself.
Next to her, Smolder noticed the changelings’ unusually playful side. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that Cards Against Equestria has had an effect on you.” She then smiled good-naturedly. “I like it.”
On Ocellus’ other side, Silverstream was tapping her claw to her beak as she was thinking about something. “Y’know I was wondering: we used the Tree of Harmony’s power when we fought against Cozy Glow, and since the Elements of Harmony come from the Tree of Harmony, does that mean that now we’re the new Elements of Harmony?”
“That’s actually something that I’ve thought about as well,” Ocellus spoke up. “First Princess Celestia and Princess Luna used the Elements, and then they later passed down to Headmare Twilight and her friends. Then we were able to establish a connection to the Elements and use their power, but Headmare Twilight and her friends are still connected to them. Of course, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are also likely still connected to the Elements, and it’s just that they haven’t had any reason or opportunity to use them lately, but we also don’t know if it’s because they can’t use them anymore because they have passed down to Twilight and her friends. This is a topic that would require a lot of study and research, but of course the Princesses are perhaps the only ponies who would know enough about the history and origins of the Elements of Harmony to be able to discuss them in that manner, and since they’re Princesses, you couldn’t feasibly call them up on a moment’s notice to…”
Smolder suddenly snapping her fingers in front of Ocellus’ face to get her attention. “Whoa, whoa, easy there, Encyclopedia Ocellus. Don’t go wandering off on us in the middle of a game.”
Ocellus suddenly snapped back to reality and realised that she was going off on a long tangent. “Oh, sorry,” she said, with an embarrassing blush on her face.
“There’s the Ocellus we know and love,” Smolder teased.
“It’s okay,” Sandbar replied. “Still though, if that is the case, I wonder which Element we each represent,” he wondered aloud.
The rest of the group then all started thinking to themselves about which Element of Harmony they may possibly represent.
“Well, I at least know that Silverstream here is obviously Laughter,” Smolder said, jerking her claw in the direction of the excitable hippogriff.
“Ooooohhh, because I’m pink like Professor Pinkie Pie?”
Smolder raised her claw, about to respond, but she quickly decided not to. “Yeah, Silver, that’s it; because you’re pink.”
Silverstream then beamed brightly.
“So who the Element of Sexy between us?” Yona suddenly asked.
“Gallus,” Silverstream blurted out. She then immediately realised what she just said and suddenly found everycreature in the group staring at her. “Uhhmm, I mean… Gallus, it’s your turn,” she stuttered. “W-we should really be getting back to the game.”
“Uhhh, yeah,” Gallus said, stuttering a bit as well, nervously scratching at the back of his head as he spoke. He then reached out, drew a black card and read it quickly. “Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like blank.”
Silverstream got to selecting her card quickly, raising her hand up to use it to block the incoming stares from the rest of the group, as well as to hide her blush. Gallus also did his best to look away, as well. The other four merely exchanged knowing looks between themselves before they also started selecting their cards.
Once everycreature had selected their card, they passed them up to Gallus, who shuffled them first, a bit more nervously then usual, and began reading them out in quick succession.
“Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like sitting on my face and telling me I’m garbage.
“Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like everything.
“Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like my red hot pecker.”
The laughter from the group was steadily building with each card, with Gallus and Silverstream also steadily becoming less nervous with each card.
“Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like a bit on a string that keeps getting pulled away.” He then smirked to himself. “Do I even need to say it at this point?”
“Griffonstone. Got it. Next card, please?” Smolder noted.
Gallus just silently shrugged in affirmation and then read out the last card. “Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like grunting for ten minutes and then peeing sand.”
The laughter was now starting to die down, so Gallus made his decision. “I’ll choose ‘a bit on a string that keeps getting pulled away’; that’s one way to always piss off a griffon.”
“Yes! Yona Win!” The young yak then reached over and took the black card from Gallus as her point. She then reached forward and drew another black card from the pile. “Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to blank.”
The other students all got to selecting their cards, with several snickers coming from some of them, indicating that this would be a good round. Once every card had been handed in, Yona quickly shuffled them before drawing the first and reading it out.
“Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to the homosexual agenda.”
First card and the laughter was already high.
“That does seem to be something I’ve noticed that ponies have in high amount,” Smolder noted.
“Well, our population is about 70% mares, so…” Sandbar replied.
Smolder just silently nodded in reply. She then turned towards Yona and nodded at her to continue.
“Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to a unicorn mare who won’t the buck up about humans.” Yona raised her eyebrow in confusion. “What humans?”
“Humans are a little-known-of species, who…”
“Remember to keep the lecture short this time, Encyclopedia Ocellus,” Smolder teased.
Ocellus, however, just rolled her eyes, with a playful smile on her face. “Never mind.”
Yona continued. “Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to being a slave to the capitalist system.”
“Must crush capitalism. Grrr,” Silverstream joked, which earned another wave of laughter from the group.
“Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to anal beads.”
“Sounds like something that would change your life, alright,” Smolder commented.
“What are anal beads?” Silverstream asked.
“They’re beads. That go up your butt.” Smolder clarified.
“Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” she drolled on. Then she blinked. “Who would want that?”
“I… I don’t know, Silver. I just don’t know.” She then turned towards Yona. “Next card, please.”
“Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to being sexually attracted to children.”
There wasn’t much laughter for the last card, so Yona then picked up two of the white cards that she had just read out. “Yona trying to decide between ‘homosexual agenda’ and ‘being slave to capitalist system’.” After a full minute of her trying to decide, moving her head back and forth between them, with the other five students simply waiting in silence for her to decide, she finally had one. “Yona choose ‘homosexual agenda’.”
“That’s me,” Ocellus responded, as Yona passed her the black card for her point.
“And before anycreature asks,” Gallus spoke up. “That other card was mine, not Smolder’s.”
“Eat me,” the dragoness deadpanned.
“You really gotta stop saying that, Smolder. I already told you I’m not interested.”
There was another small round of laughter from the group, while Silverstream instead lifted her cards up to her face to hide her smile and a faint blush again.
“Okay, well now it’s my turn as Card Princess,” Smolder spoke up, with a roll of her eyes, drawing the next black card. “Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with blank.”
The other students quickly selected their cards and passed them to Smolder to read out.
“Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with a fuck-ton of oats.”
The first card was a simple card with simple, crude language, with not much to comment on, but got a lot of laughs.
“Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with thoughts and prayers.”
“Haha, I like the rhyme,” Silverstream giggled adorably.
“Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with hydraulic legs.” Smolder cracked a smile. “Well, that would explain how she does all of those crazy stunts.”
“It’s just a book, Smolder. It’s not real,” Gallus interjected.
“Eat m… Whatever.” She then drew the next card. “Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with an older stallion.”
“You mean like her a Cabolaron?” Silverstream wondered. “Just like in Ocellus’ fanfiction!”
That statement immediately caused the whole room to blank and silently turn towards Ocellus in unison.
“Ocellus’ what?” Yona asked.
“Nothing! It’s nothing! Just move on! Please!” The changeling begged as she waved her hooves about frantically, with her cheeks burning bright red with embarrassment.
“Okay, I’ll file that away for later; although it kind of says a lot about you if that’s what gets you embarrassed after everything else that’s been said. Also, you writing ship-fics does explain a lot.” Smolder said with a smirk, discretely looking between Gallus and Silverstream as she did.
Meanwhile, Ocellus buried her face in her hooves.
“And finally,” Smolder began again, drawing the final white card. However, as soon as she caught a glimpse of what it said, she immediately burst out laughing, bringing her claw to her mouth to try and contain it. She then spent the next few seconds trying to compose herself so that she could read the whole thing out loud in one go. “Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with every man’s ultimate fantasy: a perfectly cylindrical vagina!”
The other students all had the same reaction, breaking out into laughter immediately, even Ocellus, who took just a little bit longer due to her previous embarrassment.
“Okay, this round’s winner is no surprise. Who has a perfectly cylindrical vagina?” Smolder asked, holding up the black card for this prompt.
“I do,” Silverstream replied, with a smile.
“Well then, you’re gonna make some lucky guy very happy one day, but as to the game, here’s your point,” the dragoness responded, passing her the card. While Silverstream simply happily accepted her card, Smolder threw a knowing grin towards Gallus, who just blushed in embarrassment. “Okay, Ocellus, your turn,” she followed up with, elbowing the changeling next to her.
“Alright,” Ocellus began, drawing a black card, her embarrassment having faded by now. “What’s that smell?”
The others got to selecting their cards and passed them to Ocellus rather quickly. She then gave them a quick shuffle using her magic and then raised the first one up to her face to read it out. “What’s that smell? Dead birds everywhere.”
“So we’re back in Griffonstone?” Gallus deadpanned.
The whole group immediately lost it, falling into a cacophony of laughter.
“Oh my gosh!” Ocellus gawked through her laughter.
“I regret nothing!” Gallus exclaimed.
Ocellus quickly drew the next card. “What’s that smell? A lettuce sandwich topped with ketchup, cheese and a beef patty.”
Smolder started licking her lips. “That sounds good. I could really go for a burger right now.”
“Gems, meat and vegetables. So what? You’re an omnivore now?” Ocellus wondered.
“Pretty much?” Smolder responded flatly. She then took another bite of one of her snacking gems. “Coming from the creature who literally eats emotions.”
Ocellus merely responded with an eye roll. “What’s that smell? Onions.” There wasn’t much of a reaction to that card, so Ocellus drew the next one.
“What’s that smell? All manner of horrors.” There again wasn’t much of a reaction, so she drew the final card and she immediately winced when she read it, but after nine rounds of this, it was only a little bit, showing how far she’s come with dealing with things like this, and like Smolder said earlier, where her priorities lie in terms of embarrassment. “What’s that smell? …an asshole that’s had a lot of dicks in it,” she stated flatly, maintaining a straight face throughout.
The rest of the students had the opposite reaction and erupted in laughter.
“Okay, that last card was good and fits well in the spirit of the game,” Ocellus continued. “But purely for Gallus’ comment, I’ll pick ‘dead birds everywhere’,”
“Right here,” Gallus raised his claw as she floated the black card over to him.
On her opposite side, however, Smolder crossed her arms and gave her a look. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” She spoke eerily quietly.
“I swear I didn’t,” Ocellus defended herself. “It’s the cards.”
Smolder just grumbled in response. “Well then the universe is doing on purpose.”
“Yeah, probably,” Gallus answered, with a wave of his talon.
The dragoness turned towards the griffon on her right, and after holding a stare for several seconds, simply said, “I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response this time.”
“You kind of just did,” Silverstream pointed out.
“Ha, good one,” Gallus told her, almost on reflex, as he almost immediately started blushing, though he didn’t seem to notice that he was, himself.
“Thanks,” Silverstream replied, also with a blush on her face from being praised by Gallus. The hippogriff then took her turn and drew the last black card of the round. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of blank.”
Smolder grinned. “Everycreature, take notes; some of these could come in handy for us in the future.”
“Heh heh, you’re right,” Silverstream giggled. “I guess these cards could be used as excuses. In that case, I want each of you to read out your own cards. The card Princess has spoken!” She spoke in her usual ‘decree’ manner.
Everyone then started selecting their card for the final prompt of the round.
“Well, since we won’t have to hand up our cards this time, we’ll just go in the order that we’re ready. I’ll go first,” Sandbar began. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of blue smoke from my anus.”
There was a moderate amount of laughter for Sandbar’s card.
“Well, that probably is something that you could get out of your homework for,” Gallus commented. He then lifted his own card up so that he could read it out. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of being too old for this shit.”
There was, again, a decent amount of laughter for Gallus’ card.
“Yona next!” Yona shouted out excitably, having chosen her card. “Yona sorry, Professor, but she couldn’t complete her homework because of hilarious forgetting disease known as Alzheimer’s.”
Yona’s card got the most laughter yet.
“Yeah, that could also be a good way to get out of homework… if you could prove that you actually had Alzheimer’s, that is,” Smolder commented. “I didn’t really have any good cards for this prompt, so…” She began. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of emotions.”
As the dragoness predicted, there wasn’t much laughter for her card, but she didn’t really mind it.
“It’s actually not bad, exactly,” Ocellus told her. She then read out her own card. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of slowly being poisoned.”
There was again a decent amount of laughter for Ocellus card, though the laughter was mostly starting to die down now with the end of the round.
“I’ll go with the ‘Alzheimer’s’ card…”
“Yes! Yona win again!” The excitable young yak interupted, quickly snatching the black card for her point from the hippogriff’s claw.
“Well, that’s nine out of the ten rounds down now,” Sandbar began. “So should we take one last break before the final round or should we keep going?”
“We’re coming up on the end of the game. Let’s not lose any momentum now,” Gallus replied.
“Yona agree. Let’s keep going.”
The other three also nodded in agreement, to go straight into the next round.
“Well alright then,” Sandbar smiled, drawing the first black card of the final round.
While Sandbar was drawing the black card, Gallus threw a smug look towards Smolder. “Well, for all of your talk at the start of the round, you weren’t able to score. I guess luck wasn’t on your side, afterall.”
“Ea…” She immediately stopped herself, and then just let out a sigh. “I need a new comeback.”
“Yes, you do,” Silverstream told her, completely serious.
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Smolder can at best tie with Ocellus.
I almost feel bad for Smoulder. I don't, because her suffering is funny. Hilarious, actually.
Let's face it, we all know that Gallus and Silverstream are gonna be the winners.
With a possible tie for second between Ocellus and Smolder. :-P
Would you prefer Sandbar doing it?
I don't know who's speaking in the second line.
Requesting permission to
shamelessly stealborrow that Element of Sexy joke9667450
Fixed.
9667489
Go ahead.
Subtlety definitely isn't Silverstream's strong suit.
9667512
Smooth as sandpaper, that one.
9667450
For a brief second, I imagined Ocellus transformed into one to show what they are.
Huh. So how did Smolder know what anal beads are..? The dragon lands aren't exactly known for a thriving sex toy industry.
I remember a very similar card and answered with Nuclear Winter.
It's the final countdown, poor Smolder.
Smolder can just team up with Ocellus and they can take the game together and fall in love
I'm just looking forward to the moment when Ocellus does her Twilight impression in front of Starlight.
Smoulder can't win. At best, she can tie for first with Ocellus.
Gotta love her
Yak is best
For some reason, when I read this, I thought of Daring Do having literal engines on her legs like Iida from BNHA, which explains it even better. She just does a really good job of hiding them.
OMG
I guess I wrote something pretty damn similar. I swear I didn’t steal it 
Meanwhile, at Lyra's Place.
"Did somepony say hoomans?" Lyra grinned.
"No Lyra, now go to sleep, we had a big day ahead tomorrow."
This is rich. I love the interactions.
So, a cheeseburger.
Imma say it gallus needs some therapy to deal with Griffin stone but man some of the punchlines this game have been hilarious for him
Amazing
"What so hard to understand about this? Yak best at everything."
Yona is Cayde-6, confirmed.
Make it a clop story