• Published 25th Nov 2018
  • 3,002 Views, 27 Comments

Rewrite:Ocellus... we need to tell you about something... - damiranc1

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Special Chapter: The Birth

Author's Note:

I published a special chapter, which tells more about Ocellus' birth.

Enjoy :)

The purple mare finally caught a breath, after a few hours of grunting and pushing. The blanket on which she laid was covered with a stain of her blood.

The process through which she passed was very painful, but it was not the most important thing for her.

The most important thing for her was the creature she had brought into the world.

If you could have a look, you would see a small cute organism laying underneath Twilight's tail. So small that it could easily fit into the hoof of a normal pony.

The newborn had a cyan exoskeleton, its wings were pink and head was decorated with a beautiful twisted horn.

Under no circumstances, It was not a pony.

Twilight seeing her newborn pride like that, began to desperately nuzzling it.

It did not help. The infant, without any sign of life, laid rigidly on the blanket.

Twilight's eyes were filled with panic.

"Please…" the purple mare whispered, being close to tearing up. "Do not leave me like that"

The small creature did not answered anything, still lying motionless.

"N-no" the purple mare unable to withstand the pressure, began to sob.

It was too much for her to hold.

She looked at her newborn child with the last scraps of strength, to remember how it started.

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"I SHOULDN'T BE HERE!" Thorax and Twilight both shouted in shock, quickly jumping out of the bed on which they both were laying.

Their eyes quickly covered with pillows, with their cheeks flushing.

They stood like that for a few minutes, until the purple mare looked at him.

"Have we done THIS?" she asked shakingly. "On my bed?"

The changeling king took the pillow off his eyes, and gulped.

"I.. I DON'T KNOW!"

Twilight looked around with beads of sweat falling from her head

She looked at him with in shock.

"Do changelings has any common feature, regarding having offspring?" she asked, but this time, pretending to be calm.

Thorax gently tapped his head, to remember something.

The changeling king thought for a few minutes until he got a sense of revelation.

"I have heard that male changelings emit a purple substance from their bodies, when they're making out with females"

Twilight stepped closer to her bed, Almost without vomiting, she removed the quilt from it.

She quickly stepped back with a look of disgust.

The entire lower half of her bed, or more accurately the cloth was covered with a thick purple smear.

"Princess Twilight… I didn't meant to..." Thorax, also feeling disgusted and ashamed about his weird hormones, tried to explain, but the purple male unexpectely smiled at him.

"No worries" she giggled. "I was supposed to wash this bedding yesterday, but I forgot"

Thorax sighed with a relief, wiping the sweat off his head. "I thought you would hate me"
"I would not have the heart, to be angry at you for that" she sighed. "We all do not control our hormones"
"It looks like I went a little crazy" he laughed about it, but after a while his muzzle returned to a shocked expression. "Do you remember what we did yesterday?"

Twilight, also concerned about her actions, shaked her head.

The purple mare sat on the floor, and caught her head trying to remember what happened previous day. Thorax moved closer, and all he did was sit down next to her.

"Does something appear to you in this multitude of thoughts?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Do you recall anything?"
"Let me think!" Twilight only grumbled angirly.

But she saw something. Sparks of memory were coming back to her.

"Wait… I see something" she grunted in a quieter tone.

The changeling king with a surprised look, raised his right ear. "What is it?"

Twilight squeezed her head harder.

"I remember… that I ate a hay sandwich for breakfast"

Thorax sighed, and covered his lavender eyes with his left hoof.

"I do not think that this memory is very important"
"I think you're right" the purple mare concentrated more on her thoughts.

The changeling king came closer to her, and whispered.

"Focus on what you did later"

Twilight nodded, and investigated more of her memory.

"Tell me what we did yesterday"

For Twilight a more visible picture of her memory began to appear.

"I remember… I invited you for a tea…" The purple mare said, still focusing on the visible image in front of her.

Thorax slowly closed his eyes in recollection "Yes, I do recall that"

"I remember… It was raining and you complained about your brother" Twilight continued.

The tall green changeling uncontrolably blushed, when he started to remember more.

"One could say that"

"I see something else… You decided to stay at my place for the night"

"I remember it" Thorax slowly stepped back, having more parts of memory.

Twilight removed the hooves from her head and looked at the changeling.

"I remember!" she shouted with a shock.
"You remember what?" the changeling king asked.
"E-everything" she said in a trembling voice, still looking with horrified eyes at the tall changeling.

Thorax moved closer to the terrified mare, kneeling close to her.

"I c-could not control m-myself… I.." Twilight began to break down slowly.
"What have you seen" The changeling king felt anxious.

Twilight looked at him, with tears in her eyes.

"We were kissing eachother and..."
"Please do not finish this sentence!" Thorax finally remembered what she meant.

The changeling king hugged the terrified purple alicorn, and tried to cheer her up.

"Shh… Everything is gonna be ok" he smiled. "Just promise, we will keep this secret for ourselves?"
"I promise" she nodded.

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She actually kept the promise.

Twilight still despairing, heard a uneven cough next to her.

The purple mare was not able to move after labor, so she turned her eyes to where she heard it.

The infant, which she gave birth to earlier, tried to get up.

Twilight, despite a weakness, did not hide her shock.

Her baby was actually alive.

The young mother, using her magic, raised the little changeling and stopped it in front of her eyes to get a better look at the little being.

The small creature only looked at her mother, with a dark blue eyes, when she checked the gender of the infant.

"A girl" Twilight whispered. "How beautiful"

The infant only growled with questioning look.

"Your eyes are beautiful" the purple mare smiled. "Just like your father"

The mother's idea came with a name, only looking at the eyes of her child. She knew many languages ​​from her experience, but one specific language remained her favourite.

Latin.

"Welcome in the world…" Twilight smirked. "...My Ocellus…"

Comments ( 8 )

I like this

Why did I hear Oceiros screaming Ocellot in my head?

The story is interesting, It's kind of short and jumps around alot for its length, and while it does generate a decent amount of feels the length makes it pass too quickly to enjoy the moment. I like the premise though.

It's coming along nicely and has a good grip to the situation, there are a few grammatical errors, but an easy fix.

Twilight looked around, with the sweat coming from her head.

this would sound better as Twilight looked around with beads of sweat falling from her head or Twilight looked around the room sweating bullets.

She looked at him with a shock.

this would sound better if he said She looked at him with a shocked expression on her face or She looked at him in shock

"Do changelings has any common feature, if it's about having offspring?" she asked, but this time, pretending to be calm.

this would sound better if it said "Do changelings has any common feature, regarding having offspring?" she asked, but this time, pretending to be calm.

She quickly stepped back with a disgust.

this would sound better if it said She quickly stepped back with a look of disgust or She quickly stepped back in disgust.

The entire lower half of her bed, or more accurately a cloth was covered with a thick purple smear.

this would sound better if it said The entire lower half of her bed, or more accurately the cloth was covered with a thick purple smear.

"Princess Twilight… I didn't meant to..." Thorax, also feeling disgust about his weird hormones, tried to explain, but the purple male unexpectely smiled at him.

this would sound better if it said "Princess Twilight… I didn't meant to..." Thorax, also feeling disgusted and ashamed about his weird hormones that he tried to explain, but the purple male unexpectely smiled at him.

Thorax sighed with a relief, rubbing the sweat off his head. "I thought you would hate me" "I would not have the heart, to be angry at you for that" she sighed. "We all do not control our hormones" "It looks like I went a little crazy" he laughed about it, but after a while his muzzle returned to a shock. "Do you remember what we did yesterday?"

this would sound better if it said
Thorax sighed with relief, wiping the sweat off his head. "I thought you would hate me" "I would not have the heart, to be angry at you for that" she sighed. "We can't always control our hormones" "It looks like I went a little crazy" he laughed about it, but after a while his muzzle returned to a shocked expression. "Do you remember what we did yesterday?" or Thorax sighed with relief, wiping the sweat off his head. "I thought you would hate me" "I would not have the heart, to be angry at you for that" she sighed. "We all do not control our hormones" "It looks like I went a little crazy" he laughed about it, but after a while his muzzle returned to shock. "Do you remember what we did yesterday?"

The purple mare sat on the floor, and catched her head trying to remember what happened previous day. Thorax moved closer, and all he did was sit down next to her.

this would sound better if it said The purple mare sat on the floor, and caught her head trying to remember what happened the previous day. Thorax moved closer, and all he did was sit down next to her or The purple mare sat on the floor, and hung her head trying to remember what happened the previous day. Thorax moved closer, and all he did was sit down next to her.

"I do not think that this memory is such an important" "I think you're right" the purple mare concentrated more on her thoughts.

this would sound better if it said "I do not think that this memory is very important" "I think you're right" the purple mare concentrated more on her thoughts. or "I do not think that this memory is of importance" "I think you're right" the purple mare concentrated more on her thoughts.

"I remember… I invited you for a tea…" The purple mare said, still focusing on the visible image in front of her.

this would sound better if it said "I remember… I invited you for tea…" The purple mare said, still focusing on the visible image in front of her. or "I remember… I invited you for a spot of tea…" The purple mare said, still focusing on the visible image in front of her.

Thorax slowly closed his eyes, feeling Déjà vu "I associate it"

this would sound better if it said Thorax slowly closed his eyes in recollection "yes,I remember " or Thorax slowly closed his eyes in recollection "yes,I do recall that"

"I remember… It was raining and you complained about your brother" Twilight continued.

this would sound better if it said "I remember… It was raining and you complaining about your brother" Twilight continued.

"I see something else… You decided to stay at my place for a night"

this would sound better if it said "I see something else… You decided to stay at my place for the night"

Twilight, despite a weakness, did not hide her shock.

this would sound better if it said Twilight, despite the weakness, did not hide her shock.

The small creature only looked at her mother, with a dark blue eyes, when she checked the gender of a infant.

this would sound better if it said The small creature only looked at her mother, with a dark blue eyes, when she checked the gender of the infant.

Its's a really good story and i love the plot, but also don't for get to begin a new paragraph when a different character is talking. for example.

Thorax sighed with a relief, rubbing the sweat off his head. "I thought you would hate me" "I would not have the heart, to be angry at you for that" she sighed. "We all do not control our hormones" "It looks like I went a little crazy" he laughed about it, but after a while his muzzle returned to a shock. "Do you remember what we did yesterday?"

Thorax sighed with a relief, rubbing the sweat off his head.

"I thought you would hate me" "I would not have the heart, to be angry at you for that" she sighed.

"We all do not control our hormones" "It looks like I went a little crazy" he laughed about it, but after a while his muzzle returned to a shock. "Do you remember what we did yesterday?"

Twilight seeing her newborn pride like that, began to desperately nuzzling it.

You're gonna want to change nuzzling to nuzzle

It did not help. The infant, without any sign of life, laid rigidly on the blanket.

here i think you should add a "s" to sign

She looked at him with in shock.

just take out with

Interesting Head Canon, it makes much Sense, given ocellus is simliar to Twilight in likes.

Wow. This explains some things about Ocellus. Maybe Fluttershy was her godmother as well? :)

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