Chapter 15
Images of Twilight and Celestia making out flitted through House's mind, both disturbing and disturbingly arousing.
"Oh Twilight, your lips are as soft as velvet." Celestia cooed as she attacked her student's lips with her own.
"And your flanks are so soft and squishable," said Twilight as she poked, squeezed, caressed and squished Celestia's flank.
"Twilight!" Celestia blushed, "You're far too kind."
"And you eat far too many cakes." Said Twilight punctuating her sentence by once again poking Celestia's flank with her hoof. "Not that I mind, of course, not one bit."
House couldn't help but watch as the two continued to make out, compliment each other and blush profusely. It was a sickly sweet display which made House begin to question his humanity. The only thing keeping him sane was the assurance that he must be dreaming. There was no way this could be happening before him. At least, he didn't believe so.
House's suspicion was confirmed, like it usually is, as the scene before him appeared to fade to black, the sound of kisses and squeals being slowly replaced with the sound of bird song and a feeling of weightlessness being replaced with a pressure, like being buried in sand at the beach.
Slowly, House came to. The first sense to return was the sense of sound, the sounds of birdsong gently filling his waking head with a soothing irritation that cleared away his 'dream'. Next the pressure from his dream returned, and he immediately felt his body constricted or confined, almost as if he was buried. A feeling he'd encountered once before underneath a collapsed apartment block.
Testing the waters, House attempted to move his arm only to find it pinned under whatever pressed against him. Instantly, he was worried, this could be very bad. Resisting the urge to open his, just in case, he tried to remember what might have happened. What was the last thing he remembered?
As he struggled through a mild pain that permeated through him, he ran through his jumbled memory. He remembered being bored, reading books far too simple for him. He also remembered a pain in his ear, a violet unicorn appearing in his minds eye as he thought about that. Then he remembered Wilson, remembered the fact his friend had somehow been transformed into a pony. That fact filled him with mirth for a second, until he remembered the hooves kicking into him, knocking him across the room, blacking out before he ended his flight. However, giving the fact he was in a library, and now he was buried in a pile, it was a safe assumption that he collided into a bookshelf and was now underneath a heap of books.
Shaking his head, gently, side to side, House felt something shift as his theory was proved right and books slipped further down the pile easing the pressure on his head.
Opening his eyes, House found the top of his head poking out of the pile of books he was buried in. For a moment he took note of his surroundings and could see he was alone. Wilson had left him, he wondered why. Not that Wilson had never abandoned him before, but the punching usually preceded them becoming friends again, not Wilson walking away. This left House confused as he struggled to free himself from the the pile.
For several minutes, the room was filled with the sound of grunting and curses as House toiled to release himself. Eventually, he stood sweaty, exhausted, bruised and breathing heavily, but also free. He felt proud about that, despite no help from his friend or his 'guide'.
Wiping his forehead, he looked around, considering for a moment to tidy up, when a small slip of paper sitting on the floor entirely too separate from the pile to be a loose book page. Moving over and picking it up, he noticed it was a note addressed to him and began to read.
"House," the letter started. "I'm sure you'll find this when you wake up and untangled yourself from your mess. Regardless, your 'friend' insisted I inform you that we have gone to perform tests on the Princess. You know, I'm pleasantly surprised that your friend is nothing like you. A lot more nice and appears much more professional. I'm certain he will be of much more use than you.
Twilight"
As House finished reading, thought's filtered through his head. Wilson, Twilight, tests. As he put the pieces together, he groaned.
"They think she might have cancer don't they?" He quietly muttered to himself. "Those idiots."
Sighing one last time, House rubbed the sweat from his head with his shirt collar before heading out of the library in pursuit of Wilson and Twilight.
"Are you sure this is all we need?" asked Twilight, wielding a single test tube of blood in the grip of her magic.
"It should be enough for initial tests," replied Wilson who was getting to grips at using a pony made microscope. "You know, this isn't an easy thing to use with my hooves."
"Yeah, sorry about that," said Twilight. "Most pieces of scientific equipment were created by and for Unicorns. With our magic, we didn't need to design things to be hoof friendly all the time. But there is a knack you can use to use it, here let me show you."
Twilight placed the test tube in a nearby holder and placed her hooves ontop of Wilson's. As Twilight guided Wilson through the gentle but precise movements needed to operate the device, Wilson began to blush profusely due to their close proximity. Though, he did have to admit to some small part of himself that the warmth of her hooves on his did feel really nice. After a couple of minutes of guiding him through the motions, Twilight released her grip on him.
"I assume you can do it on your own now?" She asked, a soft smile on her face. Wilson, suddenly finding himself unable to speak as he looked at her, just nodded. "Cool, so what do we do now?"
"Well, if you could put some of that blood onto a slide so I can study it under the microscope, I would be most appreciative." Answered Wilson. "I doubt I'll be much good with these hooves."
"Okay," said Twilight as she set about placing the blood on a slide, a task which took several minutes of concentration.
After two or three minutes, Twilight was done with the slide and was in the process of bringing it over to the microscope when the door to the laboratory slammed open violently, causing her to lose her concentration and drop the slide onto the floor where it smashed.
As Twilight's eyes began twitched violently, she looked up and saw House in the doorway.
"House! What are you doing?" asked Wilson, turning to see his friend in the doorway.
"What am I doing?" said House, "What about you? It almost looks like you're trying to look for cancer."
"So what if we're looking for cancer?!" Spat Twilight. "You're just jealous your friend had a theory before you."
"Why would I be jealous when you're both barking up the wrong tree?" asked House.
"What in Celestia's name do you mean?" asked Twilight.
"I mean it's illogical for your Princess to have cancer." Replied House.
"Would you like to illuminate us to how you came to that conclusion House?" asked Wilson.
"Certainly," said House, a smug smile appearing on his face. "It's quite easy Wilson and Bella. Celestia is over a thousand years old right? Well then, if she could get cancer, I think it would be very likely she would have already had it before."
"And how do you know she hasn't?" questioned Wilson.
"Miss Swan?" asked House pointing at Twilight. "Has your Princess ever been ill like this before?"
"It's Sparkle, and no, not in recorded history." Answered Twilight.
"There you go! Right from the Sparklepire's mouth. She's never been ill like this before. The Princess doesn't have cancer." Said House.
"The Princess might not have cancer," growled Twilight, "But we should check to make sure."
"Okay, waste your time then," said House. "Anyway, when you've found she doesn't have cancer, if you can with this dated technology, come find me in the library. I'll be trying to actually find a cure for her."
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I laughed.
Fantastic chapter!
I love how he keeps goading Twilight with Sparklefest references.
them pents
House mya be more abrasive than a fucking diamond sandsponge, but damn does he analyze stuff well.
But yeah, acquired cancer is very hard to come up after so long. Celestia would have to have stumbled onto a very foreign substance for that to have happened... something like human cell matter?
4373771 If your implying what i think your implying,.. the please go on.
This could be amusing
Resisting the urge to open his, just in case
her hooves ontop of Wilson's
1. Missing a word; Eyes.
2. Forgot your spacing.
Okay, going to say it now.
It's lupus.
4374843
4374843
No, it's never lupus.
Except that one time it totally was.
Boom!
4375453
This is Equestria. It's never lupos. Only Timberwolves get that.
It's official House and Discord working together would distory all of Equis
Win
I think you're missing part of a sentience there. Otherwise fun chapter!
I'd laugh if at the very end of all this House discovered that what the Princess had was impossible... Lupus.
4376413
It's never Lupus... except that one time
BUT IT NEVER IS LUPUS
4375911 lolz
Interesting
img.pandawhale.com/55302-Thor-another-gif-LNWz.gif
4373771 or all the asbestos she's been snacking on as of late.
Best chapter yet
At least they weren't looking for Lupus.
4379424
I am surprised the possibility of Celestia having been poisoned has never been brought up, ingesting something, then very suddenly coming down with an unusual illness? Add in the fact that as a prominent and powerful figure she has with out a doubt made some enemies. Why has house not even brought up the possibility of this being an attempted assassination, even if it turns out not to be?
Be careful with Twilight, Wilson. You don't want to have this conversation with House again, do you?:
25.media.tumblr.com/c41901966e971168816969d5311ac9ea/tumblr_mk7vy2puuj1rckhrto1_400.gif
4381668 shhhhh, spoilers
Pfffft, cancer can never exist in a perfect place like Equestria.
I just got done watching house this was perfect I loved ever minute of this fic. Good Job sir.
Currently on the edge if I want to continue this story. The first...half or so is incredibly well done. Characterization is spot-on, etc etc.
Around the halfway point the story takes a dive from an editor's viewpoint. A hell of a lot more errors make it through, and sometimes I just want to bash my head against a wall.
But the story is excellent, and up to chapter 14 at least, I just love what is going on.
So the question that will satisfy me is: are you currently going to try to have better editor screening or no? The story isn't good enough that I can overlook the errors, but it IS good enough that, if you are planning on fixing this glitchiness then I want to be on board.
Arrrrrgh, chapter so shoooorrrrrrt, want moooooaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
4736812
To ejaculate is an old timey way of saying to exclaim. It is used in Arthur Conan Doyle's original Sherlock Holmes and as such I wanted to use it at least once in this story as a reference to those stories
y no more chapters
gcsmith i am dissapoint
4767913
Sadly, life has so far conspired against me. Had retakes to revise for as well as a period of not quite depression but I was far too upset to write for several weeks due to something personal.
Fuck. Yeah.
I do not think I will get over how well done house is portrayed In this story love it
I love this story, please tell me it isn't dead
5554538 Nope. Life has just put me in awkard spots filled with writers block. Will eventually get next chapter out
I have to watch the show now!
5555162 UPDATES!
So, why can't ponies have cancer? Horses most certainly do get cancer (I'm fairly certain most every living thing can get cancer)
5609245
When it comes to gods like Celestia, I'm pretty sure normal medical theory goes out the window.
5609245
I'm sure that the magic in Equestria prevents that sort of thing from happening. If it didn't, than several ponies would have had cancer before, and the Unicorns of Equestria would have developed a cure for it using their magical abilities...and then Celestia would have suppressed the knowledge of that terrible time, just like she suppressed the knowledge of Princess Luna's existence...It would be hilarious if it was cancer. now that I think about it.
Now that's in my mind as well!