• Member Since 26th Oct, 2018
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Tranquil Serenity


I am a proud one-shot writer who loves Slice of Life tales and hearing from readers who enjoy my stories. Click on my blogs for an MLP poem.

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Comments ( 27 )

A nice bit of sisterly love, but I'm afraid that this would be much stronger if it was made clearer of what Celestia was so proud of and what these ponies didn't believe. I didn't quite catch it, if it was mentioned.

9310617
The specifics of the situation aren't revealed. It is merely meant as an emotional fic.

9310618
Well then, I think it's still a nice little look at the less-than-shining moments of the two sisters. The emotions and body langaage were nicely done. Have an upvote!

This was good. But it feels incomplete because we don't know what happened to cause this. And that ruins it for me. Emotional fics work better if we have an idea of what the problem was.

9310699
Well, everyone is entitled to their own thoughts on the way emotional fics should be written, I suppose. Thanks for the read.

Wow... For such a short story, you really packed a lot of emotion into it. I'm impressed. And a little envious.

Comment posted by D-dot713 deleted Nov 24th, 2018

Worth the read looking forward to more:trollestia:

Meh. I won't vote either way.

Ha, this was good, and it doesn't even require you to know what happened to get the true story. Well written, congratulations!

For a while I cry. The sound of my weeping now the culprit preventing me from hearing the silence I seek. But is it alright. I feel a portion of the heaviness in my chest draining away, and the warmth of my sister's fur against mine begins to replace it with an emotion resembling a reserved contentment.

Haha, my man, you know how we start these. But only one significant nitpick hit me, so that's something!

But is it alright.

Because you haven't used a question mark, and because the context doesn't completely clarify the situation, it sounds as though you've tried to say 'But it is alright.' In fact, I think that is what you've tried to say, but you mixed up the word order by mistake.

Now, I read lower down in the comments that someone else wondered what, exactly, this story's circumstances are and agree that the story could be stronger were these elaborated. However, I get what you've done here and think that it fulfils your intention – it's about the emotions and not the circumstances. I mean, I can't say they hit me too hard, because it's hard to care when you don't really know why you should. But I do like good writing, haha, and the writing is certainly that. Once again, very good use of language and balanced pacing. That we don't know the circumstances does, at first, help pull the reader in, but I think, when it comes to a story like this (where it's about feeling), if you want the reader to appreciate those of the characters more, you'd have to bulk up the whole thing to build truly that path to his/her heart.

It's nice to see you're trying lots of things! Heck, you're certainly producing a lot right now. I wish I were too. You know how this comment will end:

Good job! Haha! Thanks for the story, T.S., and see you at the next one.

9311639
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :pinkiehappy:

So...gonna be utterly ugly and blunt about this....What the fuck is this wall of words even referring to? We cannot begin to feel any kind of feelings for anyone in this situation without having some kind of background. So...yeah....*waits for reason to be spelled out*

9313020
I'm afraid I'm going to have to politely agree to disagree with you on this one. The story was meant to highlight the more emotional, supportive aspects of the relationship between Luna and Celestia. The specifics of the political situation could be many things, but the point is that Luna is being unfairly blamed for that which was beyond her control, and Celestia comforts her and encourages her when others condemn Luna without the proper understanding.

As for you feeling that you simply can't care about all this without knowing the specifics, you are welcome to feel that way. I on the other hand quite like to see how quiet moments play out between these two, and I don't need to know more because I already find their interactions interesting on their own. I merely wished to try my hand at a more dramatic style with this little one-shot. I wasn't trying to think up a long, complicated, and exact technical explanation as to how it all came to be.

It's unfortunate that the story wasn't to your liking, but I'm actually quite pleased with the way it turned out in regard to my intentions. :pinkiesmile:

Aww. I love the prose in this. I like the way Luna speaks while she's thinking.

Nobody shouts at my Luna

Very sad but hearthwarming for Celestia to comfort her sister.

I take it this is set after the season 1 premiere?

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