Eating Out and Dining In
It was a Friday like any other in the Sparkle home. Shining Armor was on leave from the Royal Guard for the week of the Summer Sun Celebration. After months of training, drills, and taking orders, he relished time off. It was the sort of lazy summer afternoon that was perfect for doing as little as possible. He loafed onto the couch and began to read a comic book.
In a few hours, his mother, Twilight Velvet, would begin to busy herself in the kitchen, making dinner. No doubt it would be something simple, though filling none the less. Back home, he was never one to complain about a free meal. He was always grateful, and eager to help in the kitchen with both the cooking, and ensuing dishes afterwards.
Quite in fact, Shining Armor was something of a talent in the kitchen himself. In another life he might have been a chef if he hadn't chosen to serve the crown. Though not the vocation of his career, he still dabbled in it when he could. When he could get out of the barracks, he would collect exotic ingredients to make his own meals in the mess hall kitchen.
His father, Night Light, a former Royal Guard himself, was a stallion of simple tastes. Velvet could make him the same five meals over and over again for the rest of his life and he would be very happy. Shining knew that trying to get him to try new things at this point was a lost cause. He was old, and stubbornly set in his ways. And Velvet would always appeal to the lowest common denominator in the house.
Shining suspected that perhaps that desire to escape the mundane was what had triggered his exploration of the culinary arts just as soon as he could get out of the house. It was not a terribly big leap of logic to think so. Although it was a sad fate that his begotten wanderlust did steer him toward the Royal Guard. The recruitment posters had seemed so alluring to him.
Join the Royal Guard! Move out of your home! See the world!
The reality of it was far less romantic. As a cadet, the only parts of the 'world' he saw were the insides of the barracks as he swept and mopped them. And even after that, as a guard, all he saw was the inside of the hallways that he guarded. None of it got him any exposure to foreign, exotic cuisine. But that didn't keep him from reading up on the subject.
"Shining," Twilight Velvet called from the kitchen. He got up from the sofa to go see what it was that she wanted. When he got there, he saw that both his mother and father had their travel bags packed and waiting by the door. "We're on our way out. Just saying goodbye before we head to the train station," she said.
"Wha-?" he replied. The vapid expression on Shining's face told Velvet everything she needed to know.
"You forgot?" Velvet accused. "I told you several times. Your father and I are going away for the weekend. I know that it's during your leave from the Guard, but we scheduled this months ago, and we can't cancel our reservations at the Horseshoe Bay resort."
"We're going to be late for the train," Night Light reminded her.
"So you're on your own for the weekend," Velvet said to Shining, "There's food in the fridge." She gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek and turned to leave.
With his parents gone, he realized he could have his favorite thing to eat. He checked the fridge to see what he could do for dinner. The selection was unsurprisingly bland. There was a decent carrot on the counter that he could work with, but he would need more than that for the sake of variety. It was nothing a quick trip to the marketplace couldn't solve. He made a shopping list, gathered his bits into a pouch and headed out.
He had always enjoyed the marketplace, even as a colt with his mom. It wasn't particularly special in and of itself as far as marketplaces go. But Shining was always mesmerized by all of the different sights and sounds of the busy space. He would look at the various ponies scurrying about getting this thing and that. He would look at what they each had in their baskets and try to guess what it was they might be making that evening.
He looked over his list in his hoof and began to buy items to place into his own basket. A fresh carrot he already had. He kept his eyes peeled as he made his way around the perimeter of the produce area. He picked up a nice cucumber, and an even better zucchini.
Not far from those were the yellow squashes. He looked through them until he found one that appealed to him. He looked at the butternut squashes beside them. He was intrigued, but it wasn't on his list, and he was doubtful that he would be able to get any use out of them and ultimately passed on getting it.
Shining got back home and began to put away the groceries he had bought, only to find that the carrot that had been on the counter was now conspicuously absent. His sister, Twilight Sparkle, was home on summer break from Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. He wondered if perhaps she had taken the carrot as a snack. He walked upstairs and opened the door to Twilight's bedroom. His sister was on her bed, on her back, stuffing herself with his missing carrot, and it was not in her mouth.
"Shining!?" Twilight shrieked in embarrassment.
"Twilight!?" he yelled, in both surprise and irritation. "What is wrong with you!? I was going to eat that later!" He slammed the door and walked back downstairs. "Now it's going to taste like carrots!"
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Be honest, how difficult was it for you to add that word in?
Also, nice "twist". At some point, though, your reputation really precedes you.
9326238
i.imgur.com/hyD2ejk.gif
Oooooohhhhh. (Reads three times) I get it!
9326253
lol, goddamn it Shakes,
Nicely done.
that last paragraph...
Nice.
At first I didn't understand, I thought it was related to a kind of obscure idiom or figure of speech. I eventually came to the conclusion that a Logical Examination of Writing and Diction had to be conducted.
-------
I guess you could say that Twilight really snatched that carrot up!
Misdirection!? Don't carrot all for that kind of tomfoolery.
Edit: yes I do. Bravo.
Oh dear. Also, suggestion, in, not into.
And GODDAMMMIT
9327073
Dammit, all that build up.. for that
I still laughed.
Y'know what? I could make a comment like everyone else, but fuck it. This is more important.
Zucchini is a summer squash. Butternut squash is a winter squash.
9327219
How do you aleays find a way to surprise me? How?
9327531
DBZ Abridged Piccolo would’ve been better.
Sadly, the sex tag kind of gave away that there was a terrible carrot-related punchline coming.
I was amused by the brief, terrible marketplace scene, though.
9327219 Huh.
Upon cursory research I found that I was referring to Yellow Squash, which, up until now I have always just called 'Summer Squash'. So today I learned something.
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/211/984/89c.png
If he is such a culinary master he should just add some more ingredients to make it taste better with carrrot
9327916 Carrot taco, à la mode.
9327555
I find abridged Piccolo's to be a little too short and harsh. It's all in good fun either way though
I'm a giant nerd myself, so as they say it takes one to know one.
Oh god
oh god.....
Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod
oh god
It took me a second to figure it out.
Ugh.
... That's all I can say, really.
What a lame joke.
I love it.
Ugh.
You almost had me fooled.
Almost. But dear lord, that last line...
I see what you did there
I think I'm noticing a pattern
no I'm not, we both know the next story of yours that I read will throw me for a loop at the last sentencehere...You son of a bitch.
Cute.